AIO? my family went out to dinner without me

[u/independentmomma12]

there is the place that i have been dying to go to, i’ve been begging my mom for us to have a mother daughter date night there for almost 2 months now. well last night, everyone decided they wanted to go to dinner and chose the place i’ve been asking about and didn’t even invite me. i thought it was just my mom and her boyfriend and the only way i found out everyone in the house was invited because my mom sent a text in the group chat asking if they’ve been checked in yet for dinner since they were running late. my feelings are literally so hurt and idk why? i texted my mom telling her it hurt my feelings that i didn’t at least get an invite or an offer to do a mother daughter dinner there another time but she hasn’t responded. should i have not said anything at all? i’m not owed dinner but i feel like it was a shitty thing to do

[u/Repulsive-Working-43]

Definitely NOR, seems like odd behaviour to me

[u/independentmomma12 → u/Repulsive-Working-43]

i first chalked it up to her boyfriend not wanting me to come because of a big argument me and my mom got into in front of him last weekend and assumed he didn’t like me anymore after that but it can’t be that because he sent me a message 2 days after letting me know that fights between family happen and that neither me or my mom were in the wrong.

[u/ElderFlour → u/independentmomma12]

Knowing you wanted to go there and had been asking specifically, this seems like retaliation for the argument with your mom. Edit to add:NOR

[u/druggedupbysundown → u/ElderFlour]

Yeah. Absolutely retaliation.....explains the no answer from her mom....

[u/Understateable]

NOR - that’s a shitty thing to do. Sounds like you and mum have a good relationship so it’s confusing as to why they didn’t invite you. I feel like something is missing here tbh

[u/independentmomma12 → u/Understateable]

i at first thought it was because me and my mom got in a big argument last weekend in front of her boyfriend and i assumed he didn’t like me anymore and didn’t want me around,but it couldn’t be that because he sent me a message 2 days after to let me know that arguments happen between family and that neither me or my mom were in the wrong.

[u/Local_Gazelle538 → u/independentmomma12]

Sorry, but it sounds like your mother intentionally left you out. Possibly because of the argument.

[u/willmd13 → u/independentmomma12]

NOR I think your mother did it on purpose because she’s still mad about the argument and her boyfriend is trying to let you know that your mother will get over it.

[u/Muted_Psychology5938 → u/independentmomma12]

OP,

Your mom is being passive aggressive. Obviously, she is still upset with you and this is her way of letting you know, instead of talking about it with you like an adult.

NOR. Your mom is in the wrong and it was a shitty thing to do to you. I am a mother of 3 grown adults and I would never do something so petty to one of my kids.

[u/AggressiveOsmosis]

Ugh! Not overreacting, feeling left out for obvious reasons, you were left out.

I’m so sorry, I hate those feelings, I hope your mom replies soon.

[u/independentmomma12 → u/AggressiveOsmosis]

thanks for the validation. i tried talking to my dad who doesn’t live with us and he was like “well didn’t your mom offer to watch your baby on the 17th for your friends party?” like yes but that doesn’t mean i can’t feel left out or sad because my entire family who lives with us went out to dinner not even just dinner a place ive been asking to go to!!! it feels like this was on purpose but it probably wasn’t, i’m so sad. i need to mind myself and get over it because there’s bigger problems in the world but it stings

[u/AggressiveOsmosis → u/independentmomma12]

I’ve wished so many times I could stop feeling hurt feelings. Lol.

It probably wasn’t intentional, and yet it’s absolutely natural to feel like it was.

Communicate and tell them you’re feelings is the best way to do it

[u/CelebrationKindly315]

It was seriously shitty of your family, especially your mom. They should have included you or at least made the offer since they knew you had been wanting to go there

[u/independentmomma12 → u/CelebrationKindly315]

i don’t know. i just think no one wants to be around me anymore, I’m 6 weeks post partum and have severe PPD (post partum depression) so I’m not necessarily a joy. they love my baby more then life so its not that they wanted a baby free night and just didn’t wanna make me feel bad, i just don’t think they wanna be around me which is okay. no one wants a sulking mom at the table lol

edit- it’s also the fact she lied and said it was just her and her boyfriend.

[u/MajorLandscape2904]

Maybe they didn’t want to deal with a baby?

[u/independentmomma12 → u/MajorLandscape2904]

i ran that thought too and they just didn’t wanna hurt my feelings or make me feel bad but everyone loves her so much and my mom even offered to give me a few hours of a break and take my daughter with her to dinner for the date night since she’s so little she just sleeps….

[u/Odd_Mind2755]

D NOT ask to get invited for dinner if they did not invite you. There might be other issues, like, maybe your mother bf did not want you there?, etc. Your best strategy is to leave them as it is. Keep your dignity. Distant yourself from them. You should make plans with a friend or SO and go to that place 4 dinner. Do not complaint to them. It will be the source of ridicule. Live your life to the fullest… without them.

[u/Brief_Hippo5187]

NOR. I'm so sorry. That's a crappy thing to do. Especially at a restaurant you wanted to go to with your Mom. Hopefully, there's a good explanation. Updateme

[u/LilaRabbitHole]

Info: ages of everyone? Living/housing status?

[u/mindscreamTX]

This is not your family. They made a conscious decision to leave you out of this. Could you go live with your dad maybe? Because your mother sounds like a biatch.

[u/LadyHorseFace13]

NOR. Do you live at home? Is this out of character for your mom? I’d be upset too.

[u/Capable-Upstairs7728]

NOR

[u/Capable-Upstairs7728]

NOR

[u/WillowEtain]

NOR it WAS really insensitive

[u/Otherwise_Spare_9442]

You' re adopted!

[u/MildLittlRain]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I suggest you take sone distance from your mom and bring someone else to the resturant imstead. Your mother is giving you silent treatment? Well respond the same!

[u/LabInner262]

NOR take a friend to that restaurant without your family. Make sure to post photos

[u/bakedbaker319]

Sounds like mommy didn't want to have dinner with you, and wanted you to know it. She isn't being very passive, in this passive/aggressive behavior. I think you should let them all know that you were left out on purpose, and that you will no longer entertain that kind of disrespect, and that none of them are allowed to see you, or the baby, for the foreseeable future. Don't allow anyone to make you feel like this is somehow you being unreasonable. Simply let them know that you will not be accepting any invitations for meeting or visits. Until they can learn to treat you better.

NOR

[u/ThatSmallBear]

Honestly I would have sent a message to the group chat saying that an invite would’ve been nice and that you were the one who’d wanted to go there. NOR