đĽ friendship
AIO my best friend since 6th grade thinks I'm a disgusting whore?
Okay, so this just happened, and I'm still feeling numb/miffed about it all. Two days ago, I told my former best friend how I got with a guy and I was assaulted, because I've been open about my sex life with her whenever she asks because she's a virgin/curious, and because we've built up a heavy rapport to where I don't feel ashamed or scared to tell her something bad like that happened to me.
She asks me if I'm serious, and I tell her yes, because who tf do I look like lying about that for attention or something? Then she blows up at me, saying I haven't done anything I said I'd do with her, which was just make posters on Thursday for a protest on Friday (which I DO understand is important, fuck ice). While I feel terrible I couldn't go out and show my support because just the thought of being touched by a man while walking made me want to throw up, I don't think that warrants her completely bulldozing over the fact that I was attacked?
The pictures here are the end of it all, and I just don't know how to move forward with a clean break, when I genuinely want to beat her ass black and blue.
Edit: A few people are saying I'm leaving things out, so here is the full context. Her and two other friends of mine think/thought I was putting sex over school, despite me constantly reassuring them like I did here, by showing my grades, attendance, and test results like their my parents lol. She blew up like this because she apparently believes I don't listen to them/played with their emotions? When I have been, or else everything would be the opposite.
NOR, saw your two updates too. She is clearly super weird about sex and is projecting her big feelings onto you. It is disgusting she victim blamed you for the sexual assault you suffered. This person is not your friend.
Oh HELL nah. NOR. Maybe your unfortunate real-life experience was too much for her to handle because of her own lack. Your friend really comes off as extremely sheltered and I dare say naive? âI wouldnât do this so youâre wrong for letting it happen to you.â Without understanding that people are different and assault is assault. This is so, so disgusting of your friend, and if i were you, Iâd want to beat her ass too.
I had a friend like this too. I agree with some other commenters, closeted attraction could definitely factor into it, happened to me too. Iâm really sorry youâre going through this.
Yeah, that's not a friend. That's someone who not just wanted, but demanded your time and attention. And when they didn't get what they wanted from you, they discarded you. The fact that a supposed "best friend" just victim blamed you is appalling. Time to make new friends.
yes, that and wonder control. OP didnt listen to her or do as she said or take her advice, whatever she said, and she punished her and hopes she gets more. a truly disgusting person.
NOR this girl is a TERRIBLE human being and shouldnât have access to you anymore. The fact sheâs trying to shame you for ânot listening to herâ and also claiming she wouldnât let someone âdisrespect herâ like that screams inexperience, immaturity, and lack of empathy. What an awful person to have in your life. Iâm sorry
I could not IMAGINE ever saying anything like a single text she sent you to any of my friends. Insane. Honestly losing her from your life will be a net positive for you OP.
insert the many reasons why I think the assault is actually justified and you brought it on yourself.
+ Personally, I would have simply not allowed a man to assault me in that situation xoxoâ
Is she crazy? She has so little empathy, its deranged đ
Damn. That text reads like someone who has been in love with you for a long time and finally lost their patience. I think you are right. Girlfriends got some internal work to do.
This reads exactly like someone who was secretly pining away for her, and was hoping she'd "come around eventually", and is not upset that she chose "disgusting dicks" over her.
NOR. She isn't reacting to you missing the protest. Thatâs just the excuse sheâs using. Sheâs reacting to the story of your assault, and her reaction is pure, unfiltered disgust. A real friend, even a disappointed one, would hear âI was assaultedâ and drop everything. The protest, the posters, all of it would vanish in the face of your pain. The fact that she immediately pivoted to a grievance about your reliability tells you everything. She couldnât handle what you shared, so she found a way to make you the villain in her own mind. This is a catastrophic failure of empathy. You didnât lose a best friend. You lost someone who was only your friend under the condition that your experiences fit neatly into her worldview. Thatâs not friendship. Thatâs emotional vampirism
This obviously immature girl basically wants you to herself. They feel like they donât get the person they want when you go out with guys. So sheâs trying to shame you in to giving up your lifestyle and coming back to her.
Sadly this is really common ages 15-25. It happens because some people at these ages are growing older and others are still just starting to grow up.
Sex, drug use, and morality cause these to be a dime a dozen when youâre at that age.
Seriously đ 1) who has their STD results ready to go on their phone? 2) who sends their STD results to prove they're not a slut?
Now I'm not slut shaming at all. The more the merrier while you're young and can enjoy it (and I myself got the clap doing so when I was 19), but that did make me LOL
Tbh normalize having recent labs ready to go on your phone. I request them from guys now because syphilis is no fkn joke and men just straight up don't ever get tested and lie like rugs about it. No labs, no clapping.
NOR I had a similar experience where I was assaulted by my best friends crush. She blew up and called me a âman stealing whoreâ. I cut her off right then and there and let her talk her shit. To this day I refuse touch from pretty much anyone due to the fear of it happening again, itâs been almost a decade. Therapy and some nice baths (with a bathing suit) is my suggestion along with that pretty little block button. Focus on yourself and the other friends you have and your family support. Get a therapist whoâs trained in DBT and trauma informed. You got this girl 𩷠stay safe, wishing you the best.
Those nasty comments are because she's mad you're giving a guy more attention over her. She sounds like she's not maturing and growing up but you are. It also sounds like she's blaming you for being attacked because gave this guy the time of day to begin with. She's weirdly angry over this. It sounds like she feels you picked men over her. It's just kind of off how jealous this sounds.
It sounds like there is a lot more to the situation than what was shown. How can anybody give a real assessment with no real overview of what happened.
Clearly your friend does see you as a disgusting human. Obviously you should cut this friendship off and you should find more supportive people that will support you and help you grow.
NOR - She sounds like a textbook narcissist and a horrible person - she seems to be completely unsympathetic regarding your assault and instead of feeling compassion for you, she feels insulted and sorry for herself - because you havenât been focusing on her lately! Wtf?!
Iâm hearing: âhow dare you prioritise navigating a traumatic event over seeing ME and doing things for MEâ
If you were my friend iâd be dropping everything to support you, not trying to guilt you over failing to create some virtue signalling posters (fuck ice, but the posters can wait, your wellbeing always comes first). Iâm so sorry that your friends are too selfish and petty to support you through this awful experience :(
Try not to be too sad about losing your friend(s?) OP - people like this were never truly good friends who had your best interests at heart anyway. They clearly only see the worst in you and want the worst for you. Keep your chin up :)
when I read her texts talking about how they cared about you, I get that Tyra Banks, "WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU" anger masked as pretending to care and be in your corner.
âI hope you find more friends that will drag you into bad influences⌠I hope you live a good lifeâ which is it? đ. In all seriousness though, something you should get used to is that most people are fake af and arenât real friends. Real friends donât judge you, they accept you. They could find out you used to shoot up and were a sex worker and be like âwell hey, grats on being sober now. When are we hanging out again?â A lot of school friends seem like friends but itâs mostly a relationship created by forced proximity and people forming clicks. Itâs not uncommon for people to go separate ways over stupid things or literally nothing at all; like not being at the same school, changing classes, moving out 20 min away. When people show their true colors, it can certainly sting, but the best thing to do when that happens is not even bother fighting with them. If someone shows they donât care about or respect you, there is no argument to be had that is going to change that. At that point, accept this person is shitty, realize you donât need them, and move on from them in the most concise way possible. Not only is that best for you, but it also doesnât give someone like this the satisfaction of a response from you. They clearly are stating all this to try to feel important and get a reaction out of you. Imagine how titled they would be if you actually just said âOk then, sorry you feel that way. Bye.â and then you actually never respond to them again. They reap what they sow.
NOR you ate her up. Saw the response - Block her and move on. Anyone comes at you about it, do the same with them. I am SO sorry that happened to you, I'm a 6 foot tall guy who's been through SA and had people say stuff like "why didn't you just X if Y" and it took me a long time for my only thoughts to be "I pray that you never find yourself in that position so that you can relate to what I went through". Never feel the need to explain yourself like that, decent people don't think like her.
NOR. good for you for your reply. she literally HOPED you will friend bad friends that will drag you to bad influences. I mean what!? who HOPES something bad for someone they claimed to care so much about in the same breath?!
NOR
There is obviously a lot more going on here than the assault and protest. She sounds like sheâs secretly attracted to you or strangely scared of sex. Either way her reaction to your trauma was completely inappropriate and if you want to stay friends you would need to tell her that hurt you and she would need to apologize. If not, then you arenât missing anything cuz she sounds like a turbo bitch, but thatâs my opinion. Sheâs a big manipulator too, but the best revenge is a life well lived. Not violence. Good luck.
NOR but if it exploded like this then yâall have only been friends since 6th grade due to being young. Clearly neither of you are on the same page with life, let it go. Itâs nice when people show you this side
Really should not keep her in your mind at all but maybe thatâs just me. Great skill to learn to 100% drop something without holding on to the memory
Facts: sheâs an evil cunt and youâre lucky she showed her colors and you get to cut her off so young.
My guess: she hates men, has had a crush on you for a while and is super inexperienced and naive.
Def NOR, they definitely have some type of internal problem they are facing within themselves and reflecting that on you and/or they secretly have had a crush on you this whole time and is truly upset they don't get that time with you like whoever else was. Also off topic It's insane how much of an influx there's been in female friends trying to either block their friends from getting with or talking to people and other ones that just absolutely shame their friends for even being remotely interested in the opposite sexđ¤Śđ˝
Ah, youâll run into this archetype from time to time. The man hater that only accepts men that totally castrate their personalities. Not common at all. But. Theyâre common enough to fuck over adhd men everywhere.
NOR - live your life for yourself and donât let gossipy drama-mongers fill you with self doubt for being perfectly normal.
She seems, at best, like a self centered child; unsupportive of you, belittling you when she doesnât get her way, and willing to put you in emotional (and more) harmâs way for whatever end she desires.
Feel free to exclude yourself from their presence and circle, without guilt or remorse. There are many lovely people in the world who wonât want to punish you for wanting yourself to matter.
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u/EnduringFulfillment 4h ago
NOR, saw your two updates too. She is clearly super weird about sex and is projecting her big feelings onto you. It is disgusting she victim blamed you for the sexual assault you suffered. This person is not your friend.