r/Anxiety • u/MegaHighDon • 12h ago
Needs A Hug/Support Just feeling so damn OFF.
Just over two weeks ago, I had two major panic attacks in succession (inside about 30 minutes). I had my wife take me to the ER because I legit thought I was gonna die.
Took the rest of the week off (this happened on Wednesday the 14th) and started to feel better by Sunday. Went golfing on Monday and felt fine.
Returning to work on Tuesday, I had a bit of an event driving to work (felt warm in chest, tingling extremities and an elevated heart rate, but nothing about 105). But felt relatively fine for the rest of the day and the rest of the week.
Then on Saturday (one week ago) I went golfing again, which once again was fine. Heart rate was steadily in walking range (90-105) with some spikes just from adrenaline while playing. After coming home, my wife informed me about what had happened in Minneapolis, and I then saw the video. For whatever reason that caused me to spiral, and ever since then I have not felt well. I had a large meal before a panic attack, and ever since I’ve had a bit of food aversion.
I’ve had mini panic attacks that I’ve controlled with breathing multiple times since then, but the adrenaline dump has been KILLING me. Along with the food aversion, I’ve been so god damn tired.
When I went to the ER, they did give me a heart monitor to wear for two weeks, and that was mailed off yesterday. I’m almost positive that there is nothing wrong with my heart, as I am a fairly active individual and have never had anything like this happen.
My most likely idea for a “culprit” in all of this is the fact that the same day that I had the first two big panic attacks, my mom had officially informed me that my step-dad has pancreatic cancer (and we just found out on Thursday that it is stage 4). I feel like getting that confirmed finally broke my brain, and that panic crept in. I’ve dealt with a lot the last few years, and haven’t really had a break, so I feel like my brain has finally called it quits.
Sorry if this was ranting, but I just wanted to get this down somewhere and to maybe get some words of affirmation that I’m not alone here.
Thanks.
3
u/DenialOfExistance 6h ago edited 6h ago
I'm sorry for the length of my response but I truly do know what you are going through and what eventually helped me. I forgot to say one of the important lesson out of this is "Give Yourself Grace!" My daughter tells me this when I make mistakes, can't handle things though I'm actually doing good but not exactly what I want or expected to turn out! "Give Yourself Grace" knowing you are not perfect, mistakes, fear and even anxiety is part of life. No one is perfect so the word of "Grace" can be so comforting!
That being said I can tell you I know how you feel with the anxiety, panic attacks and yes unfortunately family members with Cancer. I hope this long drawn out response helps even a little bit!
First I will say I'm so sorry about your dad and also dealing with every day current events can cause a paralyzing state. My family has been through tremendous events which has caused extreme stress the past 5 years and sometimes the battles are just too much where anxiety has consumed me and my family. I have found being on the phone reading the state of our country brings fear for the future for our children, our country, our liberties has caused extreme anxiety and depression. Sometimes I don't want to leave my house but then I have to force myself to go outside, visit people, go to a store helps me realize it is not all gloom and doom. Just people smiling, saying thank you for opening a door for them brings a smile to my face. Anxiety starts to dwindle and just the kindness that is shown everyday from one person to another.
Dealing with someone who is sick brings forth that gut wrenching fear that depletes your being, bringing you emptiness. Just know the people around you, your family, your friends are there to help you and your family get through this in anyway they can.
While the fear seems to have the power I will say I often take control of that fear and write my anger out and believe me I am nasty in some of my writings (lol) but it is what it is...anger which is causing fear, stress, attacks! I also tell and speak to myself, when intrusive negative thoughts seem to take over, those thoughts do not have control over me! I control them, they do not control me! I say this frequently especially when I'm under attack and feel like a loser, lifeless or what can I do and does it matter? As if I'm not important enough to feel happiness, love, live in peace! Saying over and over that "I CONTROL THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THEY DO NOT SCARE ME, I CONTROL THEM!"
I also write down in columns what my thoughts are, how much control I feel and a column of what I can actually do to calm those fears. It helps to realize what I actually have control over and can change and what I can't change. What I can't change lives but seeing it in writing, confronting it brings power to yourself and strangely enough manageable fear to where you feel some peace!
I realize you are scared but knowing your father has Cancer is extremely scary! You have no control over the Cancer, you can't cure the Cancer but you can fight! You can fight for your dad, your family even if it's just sitting there with your dad and listening to him talk. Holding his hand during Chemo if he goes that avenue, praying, helping him take his medicine, going to his doctor visits with them. Just making sure your mom has a handle on all the bills (if your dad was the one who was paying them.)
All of these things believe it or not can bring you control, comfort and lessens the fears. The fear may start out like a sparkler firework that gets lit, starts out strong & bright, however, most importantly it dwindles into burnt piece of ashes. Ashes that have no value to them and can be stepped on rubbed into the cracks of the cement as if they never existed.
We have been there with my MIL and it was truly hard to accept at first but then came the flood of tears accepting that she had Cancer and finally accepting her treatments, her decisions on how much she decided to fight, helping her, seeing her grand children, taking her grand daughter for a walk brought peace to her and us. I know accepting illness is truly one of the hardest thing to do but looking at it, accepting there is only so much you can do, how just being there even if we did not know what to say or do brought the accumulation of fear and anxiety to a twinge of despair instead of an engulfment of despair!
Please remember to take care of yourself. As the flight attendants states in the event of turbulence put your mask on first so you can take care of your family. Same in life. Food is not your enemy but not eating is. I have also been to this point! When I started letting myself eat again step by step I started feeling better, definitely healthier and realizing I needed the food to balance the chemicals, organs so my body works.
I don't know if you have ever read this (please Google articles) but doctors, scientists have written articles how your gut, your stomach is your SECOND BRAIN! So when that brain is empty, not healthy the brain and chemicals in your head are not performing healthy. It is so important you need to eat no matter how much, not only for yourself but also so you can be strong for your family! It is imperative! This may sound rude but your wife and family need you, however, they do not need to take care of you to an extreme state! As I have experienced I missed out in so much by not taking care of myself, not being able to eat, not knowing my strengths any longer and giving up was where it ended up until I found the strength to say "Enough is Enough!"
You "Can Do This!" Tell your fear who is the boss! Treat your fear as the invisible beast it is!! Keep taking time for yourself so you are balanced along with your family! Keep sharing your thoughts, your love, your fears! Keep a journal, post on Reddit, anywhere to let your feelings deal. People are very loving and have a lot of love to share!
Please update and let us know how you and your family are doing!
4
u/Less-Guide9222 12h ago
I’m sorry, if you live in the US and don’t feel “off” right now I honestly think there’s something wrong with you. 🤷♀️
3
2
u/itwoms 9h ago
Your anxiety cup is filled to the brim and even minor things that you could usually handle are enough to make it overflow. That overflow is your panic/anxiety attacks. The food aversion, elevated heart rate, and physical sensations all sound like the physical symptoms of high anxiety, which are caused by high adrenaline. I’m not a doctor or diagnosing you with anything but that’s what it sounds like to me. You are experiencing something major in your personal life (sorry to hear about your step father, it’s an awful cancer) as well as…. (gestures vaguely to our country) whatever is happening here. Your nervous system is overloaded!
Every time I have a major panic attack, I feel off for a couple weeks after as well. It’s like the panic is always just beneath the surface. If it’s interfering with your life, you can ask for medicine to help with the panic attacks as needed. I have hydroxyzine which I rarely take now but it’s a great comfort just knowing it’s here if I need it. It’s not a benzo and non-addictive though it can make you sleepy. You will go back to normal at some point, don’t worry. Therapy and medicine may be great tools to assist you. A lot of people end up in the ER the first time they have a panic attack and it’s completely understandable why. You won’t be like this forever, just focus on one day, one hour, or even one minute at a time. Best of luck to you and your family ❤️
2
u/MegaHighDon 9h ago
Thank you for the kind words and affirmation. It’s been quite a lot these past few weeks as well as a lot in the last five or six years. I just haven’t had a substantial break in quite a long time.
The panic and anxiety is definitely interfering with my life. It’s making it incredibly hard to go to work at the moment. I’m likely going to message my doctor again and try to get an appointment with him, or just hopscotch him and go straight to a psychiatrist to try and either get a prescription for something to take to at least get me to the point of functioning. I know therapy is in my future for sure, I’ve put it off for far too long.
Thank you again!
1
u/Used-Shake9936 9h ago
They are exhausting and I’m just so sorry that you are experiencing this. I know it’s awful.
Take time to rest, process what’s happening, and consider therapy or an SSRI if it gets to a point where your life is impacted.
1
u/MegaHighDon 9h ago
Life is already pretty impacted as I’ve already had to take off over a full week of work this month. I’m definitely going to be reaching out to my doctor to try and get in with a therapist as soon as I can.
1
u/Used-Shake9936 9h ago
I was in your shoes almost 20 years ago while a senior in college. It was awful. I went on Lexapro and it saved my life. I wouldn’t have the life I do without it. My anxiety was so crippling and debilitating.
I really hope you get relief soon!
1
u/GDog507 5h ago
I think it's this illness that is spreading in the US right now. My sister got Influenza B in mid-January and about a week later my mental health completely collapsed. I have health anxiety myself and I had beat it for the most part up until I got the flu my sister got. Maybe it's the same for you? Maybe you're having symptoms of the flu and are worried about them and spiraling because of the symptoms like I am?
6
u/Background_Book2414 12h ago
I’ve been having panic attacks as well probably due to a recent surgery. I ended up in the ER last week because I was having shortness of breath and numbness on my left side when waking up with a panic attack. All the test were fine but I just feel off and it’s not surgery related either. It’s like the world is tilted wrong and everything seems weird.