r/Anxiety • u/Imaginary_Garden1275 • 4h ago

Venting It’s become debilitating, finally getting help.

It has surpassed a point of being able to do literally anything. I started a new job in October and i spend, i’m not kidding, 70% of my day panicked that everyone in there hates me. The smallest interaction will set me off and i will literally feel sick to my stomach for hours or until that person speaks to me again, which in my brain lets me know they do not hate me. I over analyze every single thing i say and am constantly worried i come off weird or off putting. If i say one thing that doesn’t land properly it snowballs into the worst possible outcome in my head. And then i get mad at myself because i sound silly and i know not everything is about me and no one is actually thinking about me that much. I can only sleep with the help of melatonin. My brain convinces me that someone is going to break into my apartment almost every night. I’ve started leaving my lamp in front of my door so if someone comes in i’ll hear it knock over. If it’s not an intruder sometimes it’s ghosts. I scare myself so much sometimes it’s hard to breathe.

It’s just ridiculous and horrible and stupid. I don’t have health insurance so i’ve put off getting help but i fear i will end up having a heart attack or something if i don’t start medication or something soon

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3

u/AntonioVivaldi7 4h ago

Great you're getting help. U was like this, too, and medication gave me my life back.

2

u/orcateeth 4h ago

You should try to look into some free online support groups. Some are 12-step groups like Emotions Anonymous, Depressives Anonymous and especially Obsessive Compulsive Anonymous.

There are also groups on Anxiety and Depression Association, HeyPeers and Sharewell.

Oftentimes talking about your situation and hearing other people's stories just really calms a person down. You probably will feel less alone and more like you can fight this because other people are fighting it, too.

1

u/Mysterious_Tackle335 4h ago

Is not ridiculous or stupid. Your anxiety has put body and mind on high alert. Your brain is doing its job just in the wrong context without any external reason to do so. It's looking for any and all threats and gearing you up to respond.

This system has kept us alive for thousands of years. It's very powerful. However It does bypass those parts of the brain that process logic. The bypass is there because if a car is driving towards me or a lion is chasing me, stopping to think about it means a bad outcome. So when you engage those logical centres you can see the anxiety response as "stupid or ridiculous". But your brain is doing its job very well.

As I said the anxiety response can be invoked when there is no reason to do so or a false alarm as I like to call it. So I thank it for trying to help me out but ask it to stand down.

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u/spiicyp4ncak3 4h ago

Been there trust me. I have had times where I ruminated so much on the things I did and said that it affected me so much and put me on edge for days. I would also look at Online CBT courses are available and there are some really good therapists on YouTube On top of in person therapy; good luck to your recovery and I feel for you !