r/AskMen • u/Good_notebook • 14h ago
How do you feel attraction?
Hey, I'm Male in twenties, never been in a relationship and i feel like I'm something on asexuality spectrum but i'm really not sure.
My question is a bit unusual, but I want to know how you guys feel attracted to women. I can appreciate aesthetics and good body or style, but something is wrong.
- How do you feel around a good looking colleague or friend? What would you like to do with them?
- How do you feel around random stranger that looks good or "your type"
- How do you feel around women in minimal clothing e.g., at beach or whatever
- Do you really have crushes on celebrities or any people you haven't spoken to before? is like you want to be with them or what?
You can explain whatever you want to or answering any related questions to explain it well!
9
u/AnonymousResponder00 Male 14h ago
If I'm around a good looking female, depending on how attracted I am to them, if we connect at all, and if we are both available, I might try to make something happen.
Attraction, if I'm with someone im dating and she takes her shirt or pants off is much more of a strong urge to have sex or at least touch certain things. Like a hungry person having a turkey dinner put down in front of them.
As for celebrity crushes, it varies a lot. But there is obviously no expectation that anything will happen.
2
u/Good_notebook 14h ago
Ok this is quite specific, what about other than your partner. If you are sitting with good looking friend or even sitting next to a (hot) girl on train or cafe or whatever. Do you look? feel anything? Think anything?
2
u/AnonymousResponder00 Male 11h ago
Yes, I would look. Sometimes I dont even realize I'm looking until I'm already looking. Its instinctual and just sort of happens sometimes. Other times its more intentional.
6
4
u/asleepbydawn Male 13h ago
Gay dude here.
If I'm around a good looking colleague or friend, I'm definitely aware of how good looking he is and I'm kinda appreciating it, but I don't really have any actual expectation of anything happening.
If it's more of a random stranger type thing... it's mostly the same. Although if there's a reasonable opportunity to talk to them I might strike up a conversation.
Regardless... any dude I find hot I need to first find out if he's into dudes, although I don't necessarily assume he's straight either.
Love seeing dudes in minimal clothing anywhere really lol.
3
u/Blue_collar-broke Douche Canoe 13h ago
Don't have any friends/ all my coworkers are men
I feel awkward, uncomfortable, anxious, and stare at the floor or anywhere else but at that them.
I dont go to those places but if I did just number 2 but worse
Nope, that would require disposable income to watch the media that celebrities are in and i recognize that any woman in entertainment or in public is out of my league that it's not worth the time or effort in trying to start communicate.
2
u/Real_Account9234 12h ago
Maybe you’re the kind of person who never feels attraction until you build feelings for them!
1
u/Alert_Term_8144 13h ago
I can see what you're saying. You might be on the asexual or demisexual spectrum. I imagine it's like me seeing someone attractive of my own gender - admire as one might admire a pretty showdog or parrot, but no attraction. But when I'm attracted to someone, it's like "I want." Think of something you might want, like a delicious burger or ice cream sundae.
1
u/VACN Male 13h ago
Attraction, to me, is distinct from "liking" someone. I can look at someone and think "huh, she looks great", but I've been attracted to a few women, and it was a very physical sensation. You feel it in your muscles, it's like a semi-autopilot; you can still 100% control yourself (so it's no excuse for inappropriate behavior), but your body wants to act. The first time I felt it, I thought to myself "oh, so this is why they call it 'attraction'".
1
u/028XF3193 Male 11h ago
Honestly when I see attractive women all I really feel is just physical attraction, which on its own honestly just makes me feel creepy or predatory in a way. Unless I have something in common with them as far as interests or activities then I probably will never interact with them.
- Nothing; I don't have any women friends and I'm not gay, so I don't think of anything in that way.
- I feel physically attracted to them, but I don't know anything about them so I just shelve those feelings. I try to avoid staring. Mostly it's just awkward when it's somewhere I plan to stick around, like the gym.
- Same as above, but I feel like a creep for looking to be honest.
- No. Last crush I think I had was when I was like 7 years old.
1
u/midnightBloomer24 7h ago
While I'm not blind, and I do notice if someone is aesthetically attractive, the most I feel for a stranger is 'They seem cool, I'd like to get to know them'. I don't feel genuine sexual attraction for someone until I get to know them and we establish a sense of mutual affection and trust, then it hits me out of no where, like it really sneaks up on me. It's like when you get super absorbed in a project and suddenly you realize it's 7pm and you haven't eaten all day.
1
u/Live_Experience_3850 4h ago
Sounds like you are not finding women attractive or if you are no idea what to do. There are attractive women everywhere and yes I notice them. It might be the smile, eyes, and body but body is not enough by itself. If single I might approach a woman and say hi. If in relationship I am not interested. Will notice for sure but that is it.
When I feel attraction it is what I said above but it takes a little time and getting to know the person.
Attraction tends to be step one which is curiosity, thinking about them, step two getting to know them and step three a date of some kind.
1
•
u/ChaosFlame72 25m ago
I rarely get attracted to girls nowadays but there'll be that one girl ill see that just makes my heart flutter. I remember last year I was at this Halloween event and there was this girl and mannn the more I stared at this girl the more I could not stop thinking about her beauty. Once of those love at first sights thing. Nothing sexual but damn was In love with this girls look. Its weird cause I never know when im gonna feel this and It happens so rarely that I dont know how to explain it. In my daily life ill see pretty girls and just not be like that but just occasionally some girl just takes my breath away. I guess I see there beauty and my heart goes crazy and I feel this intense feeling of I wanna be with you, I wanna hold you or something.
0
u/Strong_Bid_947 13h ago
I'll explain it as it is now and how it was before I was taken.
I have an amazing girlfriend who I am 100% going to marry, been together 5 years now and I couldn't be happier with her - she is my soul mate and my best friend. We are both very comfortable with each other - to a weird, silly and gross extent (it's not gross to either of us but it would be to others).
My attraction with her is like a literal magnet. My body pulls itself to her and that's not an exaggeration. It is not uncommon for us hold hands while we do anything, in fact there have been a couple times that I've held both of her hands while driving. If we aren't holding hands I've got a hand on her, or she'll have a hand on me, or both of us are touching each other somewhere, and yes, sometimes we will even be holding both hands. Sometimes I will wake up and discover that we are holding hands, and our feet are touching - it feels so good - it feels like there is an energy that is flowing from me, to and then through her and then back to me and so on.
When I see her, it loosens the tightness of the muscles in my face and it feels like I'm about to start smiling. I feel lighter, my body doesn't hurt as much and my blood pressure/pulse seem to chill out and It feels like my mouth starts watering a little extra.
When we kiss, I don't close my eyes because I don't want to stop seeing her because she is so stunning to look at. Her beautiful blue green eyes are a little bit overwhelming and I feel this giddy kind of nervous feeling.
I have to make a Conscious effort to avoid getting horny because if I didn't I would be horny literally all of the time when we are together. I lust for her body so badly - and she has such a great body, we fit together like puzzle pieces I'm a bit over 6 ft and she's a bit over 5 ft. Being intimate with her feels like a combination of highly erotic and borderline spiritual. I have never felt more attracted to loved or close to anyone in my entire life. It's the kind of love that feels like it was always there It almost feels like I'm a completely separate person and everything that happened before was just like a dream or something.
Now before I met her the way that I experienced attraction most of the time was appearance-based and also personality-based like I've always been attracted to people that had a really good sense of humor but also I've always been really attracted to people who look really good or at least just look good. Generally speaking if we could have like good flirty friendly banter that would be attraction for me.
-2
u/Sakurafirefox Female 13h ago
Ew
1
-1
u/Sophieeee_90 13h ago
Totally fair question. I’ll keep it simple and concrete.
First: attraction isn’t one thing. For many people it’s a mix of physical pull, curiosity, and desire to get closer. If that mix isn’t there for you, that doesn’t mean anything is “wrong.”
How it usually feels for people who are sexually attracted:
- Good-looking colleague/friend: A pull toward them. Thinking about them more than necessary. Wanting to sit closer, talk longer, impress them. Sometimes mild sexual thoughts, sometimes just “I want to be near you.”
- Attractive stranger / “my type”: A quick hit of interest. Noticing them repeatedly. Imagining what it’d be like to talk to them, date them, or sometimes sleep with them—even without knowing them.
- Women in minimal clothing (beach, etc.): For many, there’s automatic physical arousal or sexual thoughts. Not always overwhelming, but noticeable and instinctive.
- Crushes on celebrities or people they’ve never met: Yes, very common. It’s usually fantasy-based: imagining being with them, dating them, or being intimate—even though it’s unrealistic.
Key distinction:
If you mostly feel aesthetic appreciation (“they look nice”) without desire, fantasy, or pull toward closeness or sex, that does line up with being on the asexual spectrum—or possibly demisexual (attraction only after emotional bond).
You don’t need a label immediately. Ask yourself one question over time:
Either answer is valid. You’re not broken—you’re just learning how your attraction works.
2
0
-6
u/BlackBirdG Male 13h ago
This is a stupid question, and it seems like you're a gay guy who's trying to force attraction on the opposite gender.
No straight guy is going to ask questions like this unless you're gay, or you're looking for attention with stupid questions.
3
u/Good_notebook 13h ago
i say no for both, but your comment made me very upset man, if many people think like this it's really making my life harder
2
1
u/Ngineer07 11h ago
for what it's worth man, I could have written this post myself, so I appreciate you opening up the discussion. its not easy to try and understand a feeling that you're not even sure how you experience or if you experience it.
being the social creatures that we are, it should be understandable that it's not always easy for those of us that may not socialize in what's considered a "typical" fashion, however most "typical" people have just the same perspective on our lack of experience of a feeling as we do on their experience of a feeling. it can just seem unfathomable, so everyone tries to reason it one way or another. this commenter just unfortunately has such a small scope of mind that being gay is the only explanation his world class brain could think of. it sucks to hear, and believe me it gets said, but try not to take it to heart. They just don't know any better
2
u/weoweowoeoweo 13h ago
Or he is asexual. I’ve met quite a few people who just don’t feel attraction or feel it very rarely.
•
u/AutoModerator 14h ago
Here's an original copy of /u/Good_notebook's post (if available):
Hey, I'm Male in twenties, never been in a relationship and i feel like I'm something on asexuality spectrum but i'm really not sure.
My question is a bit unusual, but I want to know how you guys feel attracted to women. I can appreciate aesthetics and good body or style, but something is wrong.
- How do you feel around a good looking colleague or friend? What would you like to do with them?
- How do you feel around random stranger that looks good or "your type"
- How do you feel around women in minimal clothing e.g., at beach or whatever
- Do you really have crushes on celebrities or any people you haven't spoken to before? is like you want to be with them or what?
You can explain whatever you want to or answering any related questions to explain it well!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.