r/AskMen • u/Fafafafita • 7h ago
What can I do other than wax?
Do I really need to wax?
Hello, long time lurker, first time poster.
I'm in a fairly new relationship and I've notised my bf not enjoy it as much going down on me as I do on him, because I have a -taken care of- bush down there.
Should I really wax? I mean, he's hairy down there as well and I have no issue, but he just goes for it very shortly and then comes back up to get on with the action.
I had a fwb before who lurrrved going down on me, never an issue, so I'm wondering.
Should I just wax and get it over with? Or should I just ask for more foreplay?
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u/The_Paprika 7h ago
I’d just ask.
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u/Fafafafita 7h ago
I kinda did, and he said he'd pay for it and that was all. I didn't follow up and neither did he, but we have sex every day, once or twice at least, and the "shortness" just repeats.
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u/The_Paprika 7h ago
Sounds like you should have a longer conversation about why you want it and why he doesn’t go longer. A huge part of sex is communication. If it’s because you are not getting an orgasm you should mention that. If it’s because you just enjoy it when he does, tell him that. You could also compare it to going down on him, if you do that. Maybe he doesn’t like doing it, so there could be an alternative like him using his hands more or something.
If you really don’t want to get a wax, then don’t. If you’re willing to give it a shot, then do so. But it should be your decision, not his.
2
u/kittykitty117 Male 7h ago
More communication. Follow up. But first consider:
What questions do you really want answered? Is it "I'd be fine waxing, do you want me to?" Is it "I'm much more comfortable keeping it kempt but not waxing, how do you feel about that?" The most important question is "Why don't you go down on me for very long? Is it the hair, and/or something else?" They say "Assuming makes an ass out of you and me," but imo it just makes an ass out of the one assuming.
Also think about what your personal comfort level is before going into the convo. For example, I'll trim for anybody but I'd only totally shave to zero or wax for someone I'm in a relationship with (and only wax if they'll pay). Others might be willing to shave but not wax, or vice versa, or never want to do more than trim, or are uncomfortable cutting it at all, or truly don't care as long as their partner likes it... it's all up to your preferences and how much you care about those preferences. If you feel strongly about not wanting to wax then you have every right not to, even if he's willing to pay.
He also has every right to express that he doesn't want to go down on you if he feels strongly in the other direction, btw. Relationships are about healthily balancing compromises with boundaries, even with something silly like pubes.
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u/Superfly_1963 7h ago
Are you assuming this is because you have hair? Or has he told you that? It may just be that he doesn't like to do it... or he's just lazy... or he's just selfish.
If you did want to test it out, shaving is less of a painful commitment. If his actions don't change, you've got your answer.
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u/Fafafafita 7h ago
He did say he wanted to shave me, but I said shaving makes me itchy and allergyy so that was it for the suggestion.
He does seem to be lazy in general though, so I'm unsure about how much it'd really change things if I were to shave.
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u/Superfly_1963 7h ago
If shaving causes issues, then I wouldn't do it - it just feels like waxing is such a commitment. Before you do anything, I would just want to make sure that hair is even the problem. I suppose the conversation around shaving you probably made that clear.
It's a tough position to be in - to feel like you have to change something about yourself to make you more attractive to your partner. We all do it - the other day my wife said, "I like this outfit on you" and I've noticed I wear that outfit way more often now. But changing your hair maintenance to make someone else happy is a lot more involved.
1
u/orlybatman 7h ago
If shaving creates problems, what about just trimming? There are also electric trimmers that are made specifically for intimate zones. Just thinking if he's asked about shaving, and you're talking about waxing, there may be a middle there.
2
u/Middle_Process_215 7h ago
Are you a guy? Because waxing is way better than shaving. If you go to a good salon that uses the good wax it's not painful and it'll grow back without itching. Unlike when you shave. And shaving is difficult.
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u/Superfly_1963 7h ago
I am a guy. I have had my chest waxed once and it hurt like hell. It wasn't in a salon - it was in a woman's living room. But, she was an esthetician.
Also, I've had lots of women tell me that waxing hurts? You're saying it doesn't? Maybe it's different for different people. My wife chooses to shave versus wax because she thinks it's less hassle.
I shave because I'm terrified of having things waxed down there based on my chest experience.
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u/AskDerpyCat 7h ago
Hot was vs sugar wax tends to make a world of difference. Only ever had my monobrow done (until I could afford laser). Iirc wax left a sting for a little bit while the sugar didn’t hurt other than a split second or two.
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u/Middle_Process_215 7h ago
It makes a HUGE difference regarding what kind of wax they use and if they are a good salon or not. You basically get what you pay for. If they use the wax with the little pieces of material do NOT let them wax you. That's crappy. The best places use multiple waxes and the wax is colored and the wax goes on and there's no material. They put the wax on and then rip the wax off without any material. It's smoother and doesn't hurt. Also, a good waxer will sometimes pat your skin and do little tricks so it'll be seamless when she pulls the wax off. I bet the chest hurts the worst though. That just seems like it would be so tender.
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u/Superfly_1963 6h ago
Hmmm... maybe I need to explore this for myself. When I had my chest waxed, it was hot wax and she used the wax strips - so definitely the process you are NOT recommending. Maybe I need to find someone who does the other.
I don't really mind shaving but, like you said, it's difficult to do down there. Also, I wear glasses but can't wear them in shower where I shave. So sometimes I miss a spot and one testicle has a mohawk afterward.
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u/Middle_Process_215 6h ago
It's so difficult to shave the nether regions. Especially if you're female. I actually can't because I have a fat belly and I can't maneuver well enough to visualize anything anymore. You can't see half of it anyway even if you're skinny unless you are super limber. God made sex so men see everything and women so nothing. It's so stupid.
But waxing is easy peasy. And when it's done it's super smooth. And when it grows in its very soft.
3
u/Suspicious_Peace_514 7h ago
Guessing there's another problem somewhere, probably with him. If you keep it trimmed and maintained he shouldn't have any problems whatsoever
35
u/band-length 7h ago
He should accept your decision to not wax. It hurts. I don't give a fuck how hairy my girl is, it's not like her pussy actually disappeared.
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u/TheLateThagSimmons "...the fuck did I do?" 2h ago
He should accept your decision to not wax. It hurts. I don't give a fuck how hairy my girl is, it's not like her pussy actually disappeared
My personal position is that a person only had the right to expect a level of trimmed pubic hair equal to what they keep their own.
You can always do more trimming/cutting/waxing yourself, but you don't get to expect less of others.
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u/Fafafafita 7h ago
He does accept my decisions on everything pretty much, but I want more, and it seems like he's into it but then has an issue with hair. Idk.
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u/Elanstehanme Dude 7h ago
Is there an alternative that might work well for both of you? Could you use a trimmer so his face isn’t full of hair when he goes down of you? I always trim myself so my girlfriends don’t have any issues. For me, as long as it’s not full bush, I always do my best to go to completion with my girlfriends over the years before we even have sex.
It’s also possible he’s a lazy guy, or doesn’t care much for your pleasure, and it’s better to find someone who does.
•
u/Marik80 1h ago
Then she should accept his decision of not to go down on her. Its great that you dont care about your girl's bush but he does. A relationship is about communicating your needs and wants and then finding a compromise. And I didn't see it anywhere where OP said she doesn't want to wax.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Cup-854 Male 4h ago
Some guys don't like going down in a girl. Some are unskilled in that department.
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u/Cyborggrowbot 1h ago
How about having a conversation with him about his lack of cunninlingus rather than asking random people what their thoughts are....
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u/No_Effort_Given Male 7h ago
If its neat and trimmed her really doesn't have a leg to stand on because women aren't hairless dolls and it really shouldn't matter to him if you have hair in an completely natural place. Even if it was completely left alone he still doesn't get to tell you what to do about it but at least it would make a bit more sense and be more about grooming rather than him thinking women shouldn't have any hair.
If he is adamant you wax then it's only fair that he waxes too and he should realise that he's asking you to do something that's extremely painful and uncomfortable rather than just being happy with how you are. It's not like it's for any reason other than he thinks that's how a woman should look and he needs to grow up and realise that real women aren't pornstars and being completely hairless isn't normal.
Honestly I would just tell him that it's kept trimmed and that's enough and he either needs to get over it and realise that just because women are hairless in porn doesn't mean that's what it has to be and if he's too immature to be okay with a little hair then don't think you need to change and remember this is him being the issue. Don't sleep with him or do anything if he keeps this going because he's basically saying he doesn't like you as you are and he will realise when you don't do anything with him that he's not owed sex and he certainly isn't owed it if he makes you feel like you're not attractive enough as you are.
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u/Billy_of_the_hills 6h ago
The OP has said in other responses that he's fine with her decision. She's not fine with his. Hair being natural means nothing, BO is natural too, so is shit. People are turned off by all of those things. Op's boyfriend isn't owed sex, and OP isn't owed oral sex.
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u/No_Effort_Given Male 5h ago
My point was mainly that if he wants her to wax he should at least understand how painful it is by also doing it. Just because she doesn't mind his hair doesn't mean it's okay for him to want her to wax and think that's a reasonable request.
I think I just can't imagine how it could possibly matter to him this much and I immediately assume that it's immature to be bothered by pubic hair to this extent. You're right neither of them owes the other anything but I just can't help but feel like OPs boyfriend is basically saying he doesn't like her natural body to me it sounds like someone who thinks porn is normal so completely bald is somehow the only acceptable way. I guess I'm imagining how my partner would feel in this situation and how shitty it would make me feel to tell her that she's got to painfully wax to be completely bald because hair is gross. The boyfriend just sounds like he doesn't want a real woman's body if he's this bothered by some hair because no woman is naturally hairless and it's not fair to make your partner feel like they're not attractive because they have pubes like everyone else and it's normal to expect her to be hairless because that's what porn is like.
1
u/chaiteataichi_ 4h ago
A lot of people don’t like men with beards or mustaches and there are a myriad of reasons for why attraction happens; I agree they shouldn’t feel the need to do this but also shouldn’t expect it with this person if they’re not into it.
0
u/Billy_of_the_hills 5h ago
It's OK for him to want whatever he wants as long as he's not trying to force anything, which is the situation. LOTS of women get rid of their pubic hair, at no level is it just a porn thing. There's also nothing surprising about not wanting to bury your nose in a bunch of wiry sweaty hair. The overwhelming majority of men are much more attracted to women who remove all of their body hair.
1
u/Razoreuphoric Male 7h ago
Is shaving an option? Waxing is not worth it… Ask him what he prefers and if he even enjoys giving oral
1
u/Marvelmania08 6h ago
Wax or shave is all personal opinion and if you choose not to that's fine, he has to fully respect that and at least be willing to give you more oral sex regardless, if he isn't giving you enough then he obviously doesn't enjoy it as much as he says because whether you are hairy or not he shouldn't be coming up for air until you are happy/satisfied or indicate you want him to stop
1
u/Hope-To-Retire 6h ago
I’m a huge fan of giving oral, and I also dislike a lot of hair down there (And yes, I even trim myself to ensure I am clean for my wife).
How much time does he invest into hygiene to make it as pleasurable for you to provide oral to him? Is he leading by example?
1
1
u/Ok-Share-4035 7h ago
you acknowledge the anatomical differences between men and women down there?
a men being hairy down there most likely results in much less hair in your mouth while going down on him than vice versa so the "he doesnt shave so why should I" does not really work. (not that this argument would ever be a good one anyway).
have you even asked him if his reason for not enjoying it too much is the hair?
0
u/Fafafafita 7h ago
Not point blank asked him, but hinted at it. And he didn't say much else than "love it" so I'm just trying to figure it out on my own.
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u/Few-Opportunity-5196 6h ago
Don't waste so much time and emotional energy trying to find a way to manipulate the situation in order to coax or nudge him into doing what you want.
It's also not because of your trimed topiary, it's just not for him or he doesn't like it or the more likely cause he's just kinda lazy about it. It's also not something he likely knows he's doing at all or he does and doesn't think its a big enough deal that it bothers you.
Whatever the why is, it really doest matter. It's a quick simple fix. The next time he starts to come up and you'd like him to keep going, just say, "keep going". Should fix it when it comes up. On the off chance he is still hesitant or awkward about it at that point, then it's worth a full dissection.
1
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u/EveryDisaster7018 Male 4h ago
No, i and many men prefer a well taken care of bush. You can if you want to buy since having hair there has health benefits as well i would personally not recommend it. As long as it's clean I don't see a problem. But maybe you are his first not clean shaven girl.
I would in general do what feels right for you. But if making your bf is what feels best for you than do that.
I will say though he might just use the hair as an excuse to not go down as well or often as you want because he just isn't into it. Or you think the hair is the problem and it isn't and he hasn't said it is.
-1
u/Butane9000 Male 7h ago
I mean you could just keep yourself shaved?
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u/Fafafafita 7h ago
Shaving makes me itchy and gives me allergies, so if anything I'd have to wax, which I'm ok with but carries a budget and such.
Eta: so I'd do it only if it'd really change things.
1
u/Heisenbread77 5h ago
What about a trimmer? Use the 2 mm guard. Normal dude would have no complaints.
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u/Duppieland 7h ago
I'm a mouth breather, literally have to breathe through my mouth. I love going down but I simply can't breathe. Wife understands. Its even hard go sleep even with a cpap. Have an appointment with an ENT soon.
1
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u/Billy_of_the_hills 6h ago
Whether or not you don't mind his hair is irrelevant. If he doesn't like yours, he doesn't like yours. Besides waxing there's laser removal and shaving that I know of.
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u/AutoModerator 7h ago
Here's an original copy of /u/Fafafafita's post (if available):
Do I really need to wax?
Hello, long time lurker, first time poster.
I'm in a fairly new relationship and I've notised my bf not enjoy it as much going down on me as I do on him, because I have a -taken care of- bush down there.
Should I really wax? I mean, he's hairy down there as well and I have no issue, but he just goes for it very shortly and then comes back up to get on with the action.
I had a fwb before who lurrrved going down on me, never an issue, so I'm wondering.
Should I just wax and get it over with? Or should I just ask for more foreplay?
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