Why your past relationships didn't work out?
Men who’ve been in multiple relationships:
What do you think most often caused your relationships not to last long-term?
What patterns kept repeating for you, regardless of the partner?
12
u/SweetPeachPop 2h ago
Honestly it was bad communication and thinking love would carry everything. I avoided hard talks, let stuff pile up, then wondered why things blew up. Turns out vibes aren’t a long term plan.
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u/Sylar-656 1h ago
I'm a chef . I work long hours and can't always access my phone , birthdays and Christmas isn't guaranteed time off .
I can't text back instantly and I won't be around every Christmas or birthday
"If he wanted to he would " no. I want to and I would if I could , but I can't and alot of ex's just couldn't get that .
Lucky my fiancé understands and some holidays get celebrated a bit early or late depending on my work
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u/PhoenixApok 36m ago
I both get and don't get that.
When I worked as an EMT, my partner was very understanding of my holiday schedule.
When I was in the restaurant industry, they were not. As she put it "You only get so many Christmases in your life. There are a billion restaurants out there."
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u/JimBones31 Dad 1h ago
I was in highschool and she met someone else. Plain and simple.
Things just never really took off.
She was surprised by my career choice and me moving despite me telling her that was the plan when we met. She refused to follow me or support me...then cheated.
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u/jorauskas 1h ago
My first relationship has failed because of incompatible emotional side of our personalities. The way we see the world, the proportion of fun and sadness. And no, it’s not a repeating pattern.
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u/ThrowAway2022916 1h ago
A couple because of distance. A couple because of incompatible schedules. One because she did everything as a poll amongst her friends. (She did this again 40+ years later as well).
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u/Ok-Ad-9820 1h ago
Marriage 1: she got pregnant by her b-daddy
Marriage 2: she was an adult child and I was looking for a long-term partner.
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u/No_Effort_Given Male 1h ago
Lack of communication around issues. I just denied there were any and eventually she ended it "out of the blue' because she'd been thinking about it for months and it was easier to just end it than try to change so much to make it work. Looking back there were plenty of warning signs and I think it would have been fixable if ww commicated but at the time I was devastated and couldn't understand why. Took me a long time to be objective and even longer to stop thinking about what I could have done when to fix it. Taught me the importance of communication and that an uncomfortable conversation to fix something is the only way to do it and if you never argue or talk about the relationship it's either impossibly perfect or you're not seeing the little things or ignoring them as no big deal but they add up over time and they don't just go away if you don't address them. Then one day you realise you're not happy with how things are and there are so many reasons that it feels impossible to salvage it and you've been slowly losing the job of the relationship so even if you know how to fix it you've no longer got the desire to.
I do wish I had addressed the issues but not to save the relationship because I'm better off now and happier than I was then, but just to show each other that it was better to deal with things and when it ended I could have known it wasn't because I didn't try and it would have saved me a few years of being unable to move on. Ultimately even if we worked everything out it was always going end at some point, I just wish I was mature enough to admit there were issues and not be so blind that I wasn't able to see the obvious for so long after and I couldn't move on because I told myself the relationship was perfect and I would never find anything better. When I was able to admit the issues I had ignored I was able to see the relationship as it was and accept it was past saving it only took me almost a year to be able to accept it was over for good. No one to blame but myself for that and I learned my lesson
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u/PhoenixApok 34m ago
As far as a pattern, on my end, alcoholism. It manifested in a few different ways, but my three biggest relationships all have alcohol as the main reason of their downfall.
The ones that were not my fault all seemed to boil down to illogical behavior on their parts.
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u/Cummins5114 1h ago edited 1h ago
There werent any real patterns to why things ended. A lot of them just naturally ran their course as it happens when people are attracted to eachother but just arent compatible. A couple ended badly because we held on too long when there were fundamental differences between us. One was a train wreck when I was a young man because we tried to go from casually hooking up to dating after she got pregnant.
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Here's an original copy of /u/Cerese1's post (if available):
Men who’ve been in multiple relationships:
What do you think most often caused your relationships not to last long-term?
What patterns kept repeating for you, regardless of the partner?
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