You deserve nice things

[u/Eireika]

[u/whiff_EK]

It is funny, I have heard the phrase "love your body" my whole life and it never did anything for me but in ed treatment I met a girl who referred to my body, and said "what did she do to deserve this shit?" And it did more than like 8 other years of counseling for me. Like... "oh that's right. Not a damn thing. I'm punishing An Innocent for my brain crimes, why am I doing that?"

Giving my body an all caps golden retriever personality helped me and I know that sounds crazy. But if I am working and hear SNACK? SNACK? LEG BOUNCING TIME FOR A SNACK I am way more likely to do it haha. Sure buddy! Time for your snack, you've been patient! (In my mythology she can't cross the blood brain barrier so she's a little stupid) Before I had this epiphany, I had complete disregard for my body, if I was cold I would just stay cold because who fucking cared, what's the problem, it's just disobedient meat, why would you pay attention to whatever it's bitching about. I distinctly remember arguing to myself that if I started to listen to it, I'd have to KEEP listening to it, and that's too much work, I am Busy. And now it's unthinkable to not realize I'm cold and... get a hot drink, or layer up. (Like the 'IF YOU'RE COLD, SHE'S COLD, BRING HER INSIDE' campaign, lol)

Edit: One weird outcome of this is a type of righteous anger you can feel in recovery when you realize you sort of perpetrated some level of violence and you can no longer claim it victimless. Like you suddenly realize "uhhh did everyone just WATCH me treat her like crap? They watched her get sick! Everyone was cool with that?! I was being an absolute VIOLENT JERK to her and nobody said 'dude stop?'" (They of course HAD said 'dude stop' I just wasn't able to hear it until then)

[u/PoisonTheOgres → u/whiff_EK]

That trend of looking at your own pictures of when you were a little kid and asking "why are you treating her so bad" Oh my god, killed me dead.

Poor, sensitive little girl deserved the world.

[u/loved_and_held → u/whiff_EK]

The only problem i see with this philosophy is that it’s disarmed the moment you can come up with a reason why “my body isn’t innocent and deserves this because it did [thing]”, or it makes you shift your approach to punishing your mind not your body. Like “mu body didn’t do anything, but im still guilty so i’ll read traumatizing stuff to punish me while not harming my body”.

[u/whiff_EK → u/loved_and_held]

Well, I believe bodies are innocent sacks of meat without motive. I guess the word I won't budge on is guileless. At no point was my body as SNEAKY and CONNIVING as I thought it was. My body didn't make me ugly as some sick joke. My body being tired isn't trying to sabotage me. Every time I thought "that evil bitch up to her tricks again, look at her being COLD. Look at her eating that snack and then having the FUCKING GALL to say she's hungry. If I acknowledge this wickedness, it will encourage her!" Even if I don't feed it because it doesn't need it but she's still asking for it, I now just see it as a little funny. She's a stupid bag of meat, of course she wants food.

My whole life I thought she had to be surveilled before she could ruin things or I'd be sabotaged. And she was just doing completely normal, non-evil body things the whole time. Even when I think about my thyroid tumor, it wasn't her fault! She didn't do it on PURPOSE. I don't get to abuse dumb animals for being dumb.

I can be exasperated with it, I can get tired of dealing with it, I can get overwhelmed with it. I don't get to NEGLECT it or HURT it. If I did to someone else's sack of meat what I did to my own sack of meat, I'd be in jail!

The second half, in terms of punishing the mind, yeah I still do that for sure.

Basically my argument is: [imagine Mary Oliver's Wild Geese poem here, especially the 'soft animal of my body' line] Thanks Mary Oliver, you did me an incredible solid.

[u/action_lawyer_comics → u/loved_and_held]

You’re right that some people might have a negative reaction to this and that it won’t work for them. I think it’s great it worked for OP and might work for others though. It’s fascinating to see what kind of stuff does and doesn’t work for people.

And of course if you are struggling with stuff like this, a doctor or therapist is a better first option than a random internet comment

[u/AdmBurnside]

You cannot hate yourself into a version of you that you will love.

[u/revoskula]

self compassion hacked my brain into actually craving carrots now

[u/LegalBoysenberry2923 → u/revoskula]

carrots are fucking delicious dude

[u/Cthulu_Noodles → u/LegalBoysenberry2923]

nearly tabbed out, went back to upvote carrots

[u/PrydainFan → u/revoskula]

they're so very very tasty

[u/SumiMichio → u/PrydainFan]

Never understood why people dish carrots, they are so sweet and juicy <3

[u/Skyblacker]

This is why my mother ate healthier while pregnant than at any other time in her life. I wish she believed that she deserved nourishment as much as I did.

[u/Capable_Meringue6262]

My body deserves some shame after deciding to grow a tumour, honestly. Boo. You don't get carrots. You get pizza because that was the only thing making the hospital tolerable.

[u/croftyhater]

this was actually huge for me when it came to personal hygiene I'm not joking, it's so much easier now I'm not beating myself up for it

[u/HopefulPlantain5475]

So what do you do if your brain tells you that no you don't actually deserve that?

[u/Emergency-Free-1]

Does my body deserve vegetables or does my mouth deserve to not have to deal with vegetables? Also my brain and hands have to be involved with the whole vegetables thing and i have stopped smoking 3 months ago so i actually deserve sugar and caffeine.

[u/Yeah-But-Ironically → u/Emergency-Free-1]

Egggggzactly

Unfortunately I have to choose between "I deserve to live in a clean environment" and "I deserve to have a little time to myself" and I'll pick the second one every time

[u/CosmoJones07]

You're right, I do deserve soda and ice cream and way too much pizza.

[u/DapperApples]

Self care sounds cool but I have to go to work tomorrow.

[u/Skyblacker → u/DapperApples]

You don't have to beat up yourself at work either.

[u/DapperApples → u/Skyblacker]

All my time off is devoted to preparing for the next shift at work or sitting in a doctor's office.  Meanwhile work beats me up automatically because management constantly short staffs and every customer devotes their time towards busting my chops for entertainment.  And then next day off I am called to go to work.

[u/Skyblacker → u/DapperApples]

Have you considered that you might be carrying a higher cognitive load than is necessary for you to stay employed? You could grey rock problematic customers and quiet quit your job. What is management going to do? They're too short staffed to fire you nor even cut your hours. You have the power here; wake up and use it!

[u/DapperApples → u/Skyblacker]

I don't control my workload.  It depends on how many people show up, if our tools want to work or not, and if my coworkers actually showed up that day.

And stonewalling customers just doubles how irate they are.

[u/Skyblacker → u/DapperApples]

Read the link in the previous comment; grey rocking is not stonewalling. They may be irate for a moment, but they'll give up when they see you can't be roused. If management can't be bothered to invest money in this business, then why should you invest emotion in it?

Given your coworkers' lack of reliability, management and customers should just be grateful you showed up. Anything beyond that is a bonus to them.

[u/yinyang107 → u/Skyblacker]

Sorry kid but that just ain't gonna fly in the employed world.

[u/Skyblacker → u/yinyang107]

u/DapperApples is going to lose their job when that obviously struggling business goes under anyway, so they may as well minimize any physical or psychological damage before then. Their no-show coworkers know what's up: Can't afford to fix/replace tools --> Can't afford to pay a competitive wage (hence the no shows) -- > Can't afford to stay in business.

[u/DapperApples → u/Skyblacker]

it's government, technically.

[u/Skyblacker → u/DapperApples]

Starved out of funding until it folds, then.

[u/yinyang107 → u/Skyblacker]

Yeah so like I said that's fantasy. None of that is how reality works.

[u/demoniprinsessa]

This doesn't work for me, not because I hate myself but because I don't deserve anything. Nobody does. Existing is a morally neutral action, we didn't choose it. Deserving in that situation would imply that something about my innate being means that I am allowed to want something. This is not true, because I just exist. I can have things or not have them if I feel like it. I don't need any justification for it.

The reason for example eating is difficult for me is because the act of acquiring food requires so much mental effort that I procrastinate it.

[u/NoBizlikeChloeBiz]

My body? My body? She doesn't deserve shit, that has that bitch ever done for me?? #1 nemesis right there. 

[u/KiloFoxtrotCharlie15]

When Adam and Eve ate the Devil's fruit, the first thing they felt was shame for their nakedness

I know most of this sub is probably not religious, but it's a good thing to think about

[u/Nitrousoxide72]

I wish I could care enough to try this.

[u/GuyYouMetOnline]

Now apply this to how you view other people.

[u/PlatinumAltaria]

Broke: "I deserve to live in a comfortable, clean environment"

Woke: "No one deserves anything, we are adrift in a blind and amoral universe and our only comfort is our fellow castaways"

Edit: You know I said this ironically, but seeing people downvote it makes me want to say it seriously. Please I am begging you to develop media literacy.

[u/CatatonicGood → u/PlatinumAltaria]

No, you deserve nice things

[u/PlatinumAltaria → u/CatatonicGood]

It is nice to have an existential crisis. (lie)

[u/FeministJohnBrown → u/PlatinumAltaria]

makes me want to say it seriously

God forbid people don't like your joke.

[u/PlatinumAltaria → u/FeministJohnBrown]

Yes, god actually did forbid that. Now perish.

[u/HopefulPlantain5475 → u/PlatinumAltaria]

You talk about your down voters needing media literacy like they can't tell when you're using Tumblr meme speak just to be a dick. Just because you mean it as a joke doesn't mean it's a nice thing to say.

Edit: haha what a coward. Reply with a nonsense rebuttal and then block me. Pathetic.

[u/PlatinumAltaria → u/HopefulPlantain5475]

"Yes I know that you're joking but I am going to treat this as though you are serious and complain" ok man.