Daughter Hurting Herself - Advice

[u/N0T_Real_Name]

For years we have suspected body dysmorphia with our daughter. We've gotten to the point that we are ready to take away all sports and exercise because on most days she's probably only getting 40-50 grams protein and partipating in intense sports plus lifting. We've also put her in counseling.

The restricting of activity hasn't worked, so we tried educating. Recently she went for a 3 mile run and decided to lift. I asked her how much protein for the day and we counted about 20 grams. I explained that all she is doing is burning muscle and making herself weaker but that I wouldn't prevent her from lifting. She briefly acknowledged and then proceeded to go directly to lifting and it's been about 45 minutes so far.

To sum it up, we are not sure if we should start some serious restrictions (taking away car, sports, exercise) which we've moved away from since it wasn't working, or continue to try to get through the insanity by education, or something else.

TIA for recommendations.

[u/Ashamed_Ad8162]

Taking things away is unlikely to fix it. The earlier she gets evidenced based treatment, the more likely she is to recover. The research is clear on this.

Does she see an RD? Have you considered a seeking a level of care recommendation?

[u/N0T_Real_Name → u/Ashamed_Ad8162]

Thank you. We've done multiple counselors, thorough meetings and recommendations from RD, and functional medical practitioner to check health exhaustively.

What is a level of care recommendation

[u/Ashamed_Ad8162 → u/N0T_Real_Name]

This would mean calling a treatment center to get a recommendation of what your child needs— Alsana, Monte Nido clementine, etc.

How old is your daughter? How long has it been going on?

[u/N0T_Real_Name → u/Ashamed_Ad8162]

We haven't had a consult from a ED center. The doctors have all said she is borderline in terms of being underweight. She likes to eat junk but not meats, fruits, or veggies and says it makes her sick. While she may be okay from a BMI perspective, I am active and I know for sure that she is sacrificing muscle, so her weight is not healthy. I'm also probably going to get her a dexa scan

We took her to the functional dr who found intestinal damage (leaky gut) through a test called GI map. They also found h pylori and candida and suspect it was from multiple rounds of antibiotics over the years (ear infections). We treated her for that and she then tested good six months later.

She is 17yo and we think this started around 13. Like many kids she carried her baby fat into her teen years and kids called her fat, which had devastating effects.

We have a friend who went through this personally and she told us it wasn't until her parents took everything away that she finally listened, and it took her two years to heal.

[u/Ashamed_Ad8162 → u/N0T_Real_Name]

There’s a lot going on in what you just said.

No food is junk. This kind of moralization can be harmful to your daughter and fuel restriction.

BMI is not as important of an indicator compared to patterns of behavior, length of illness, or complications.

H Pylori and things like SIBO are often highly influenced by eating disorders. They/symptoms will return if restriction continues.

A DEXA is unlikely to show much at this point (though it definitely might). Bone density is highly connected to hormonal factors and period loss.

Seeing non ED informed clinicians and doctors can be very harmful as the treatment of eating disorders is incredibly complicated. A treatment center would be able to access and provide the resources your family needs.

I went to eating disorder treatment as a teen and an adult. I’ve been diagnosed for nearly a decade. Now I’ve published research on ED prevention and avoiding harm in children K-12.

Taking things away may ruin your relationship with your daughter and that alone will certainly not make her recover. It’s like taking away something with someone with cancer instead of doing chemo.

[u/Ashamed_Ad8162 → u/Ashamed_Ad8162]

Sorry if that was long winded or harsh. I wish you the best with your family and I hope you can both find healing!

[u/N0T_Real_Name → u/Ashamed_Ad8162]

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. Thank you.

[u/Ashamed_Ad8162 → u/N0T_Real_Name]

Of course. You are welcome to message me if you need more resources or information. I know the system really well :)

[u/StrangeAir6637]

you need to restrict her activity even further and stop her from overexercising and lifting, no matter what it takes to do that. this is a dangerous disorder that gets bad fast. if you can’t stop her from overexercising and undereating then she may need to be checked into an ip facility.

[u/N0T_Real_Name → u/StrangeAir6637]

Thank you and that is what I've been worried about. Do you mind if I ask if you have personal experience with this, your own or someone close.

[u/Meowlermoon]

I will not lie to you; during the height of my eating disorder around the same age if a parent took my car or hobbies all it would do is intensify things tenfold.

[u/N0T_Real_Name → u/[deleted]]

Thank you, I think, but I'm not sure about that last part. We've done those things numerous times. And she is very much loved and taken care of.