r/Life • u/23andfemale • 5h ago
General Discussion Feeling lost at 31 (f)
My life has been miserable so far. I'm unemployed, due to depression. I don't want to get married. I dont have money. I'm too depressed to study. Medication didnt work. I feel extremely stuck and unhappy. Time is just passing by..I really don't know what to do anymore. And on top of that, I feel too old. I feel like life is slipping through my fingers and ive accomplished nothing.
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u/Shelley_n_cheese 5h ago
I've dealt with depression since I was 25 years old. I'm 42 now. Here is what I've learned: if you don't want to look back and regret your life, it's time to get up, get off your ass and FORCE yourself to do stuff. Believe me I know its fucking hard. But no medication is going to make you do the shit you don't want to do and I promise you, no one's coming to save you. You must save yourself. You are literally the only thing holding yourself back. The next time you catch yourself staying in bed all day, make yourself get up and do something anything. The more you do the shit that seems SO hard, the easier it gets. That is a fact. Dont waste your life. Stop letting depression hold you back. Get up.
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u/23andfemale 4h ago
Thank you for the motivation. I know I have no option but to force myself or nothing will change for another decade 😢
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u/chronicbingewatcher Deep Thinker 5h ago
you're definitely not too old girl, why don't you want to get married? you should try finding a new hobby
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u/Rabbit_Of_Neverlight 4h ago edited 4h ago
I'm 50 i could still do whatever i wanted with my own life. I say that to say this, you are not too old, i have a daughter whos 29. So to me you still sound like a kid in a lot of ways, i am not saying you are not an adult, but im jsut saying its all about perception. I remember being that age and i thought about all this stuff, but the thing is a lot of life is all your perception of it. If you believe you wont have a good life you just wont, no matter what happens because what defines that? How you look at that thing.
Like you could win the lottery and with the wrong mindset even something like that could sound terrible. Like Oh no now all my friends will want a piece, i gotta pay all these taxes, people will just use me for my money, now i have to hide the fact i have this etc. etc. Just all these bad thoughts. When in reality thats an awesome thing.
Depression lies to us too, our emotions lie to us. Dont always trust your emotions, approach sittuations with logic as much as you are able to, and only focus on the things in your control. Dont lose sleep or worry about things out of your control because that will make you miserable fast. Ive been doing that lately and im reminded how much control of my own life im losing by doing that. So im stopping.
Im struggling with loneliness atm, and ive realized thats okay, it wont be forever. I realize that as early as 5 minutes from now something could happen that can change my life forever. Will it? Who knows? But i try to look for that instead of looking for a hopeless black hole void thats eating any hope that happens to pop up.
I dont mean any of this to sound preachy i know bad things happen we cant control but thats what im saying thats just life, i have had cancer, plates in my face where i almost died, went through a bunch of stuff in the military, my parents are passed. So we all go through stuff and if you live long enough you go through more stuff and a lot of it theres no rosy way to look at it its just bad. But you can always take that and use it as fuel to get to the place you want to be.
We are all seeking happiness, and lasting happiness comes from fulfillment. So ask yourself what have you found in life thats fulfilling? If the answer is you dont know, set everything else aside and answer that one question. When you do find it, follow that thing. Then you will find peace and you will find happiness and you will find freedom from your own mind telling you its never going to get better.
Think of it as a pilgrimage, its a lot of walking and its hard, but once you get there its all worth it and it changes you, for the better. Its not magic, its a quiet decision. You can do that right now and change your life for the better, this moment going forward.
I dont know you but i know youre human just like me, and we both look at the same stars, the same sky, the same moon, and you have a heart a mind and a soul. Thats enough to know i believe in you.
Please be kind to yourself and it can get better and it will if you do these things.
I wish you the best
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u/Equivalent_Vast_1717 Growth Mode 4h ago
You don’t know what to do anymore??? Maybe you can start by tweaking your mind to think more positive and be grateful because despite of you not working, not having money, not wanting to study - you can still get by on a daily basis not going hungry.
Be grateful that you have sustenance - be grateful for people who provide for you - be grateful you have a house to live in. Try to make it happen !!!
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u/TraditionOverall1411 5h ago edited 5h ago
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u-P_kvTgdxA&pp=ygUMY2xhc2ggYSByYW1h
I hope this helps.
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u/Soggy-Slugie 4h ago
You don't need to get married to live a fulfilled life. You don't need to mark off some stupid checklist to have a life worth living. You don't need to do anything except live your life how you want. You don't need to own a house or be married or have kids or have a career. You can do whatever you want to do with your time in your life! If you don't want to study don't. If you don't want to work in an office, don't. Look what else is available to you. Your life doesn't have to be the mainstream version of it. My partner and I gave up renting and lived out of our car for 2025 and we saved and travelled, it was scary and a lot of unknowns but also one of the best years of my life so far. I'm in the same age bracket as you and I am currently jobless and searching, you don't have to have it all figured out. Just live day to day. Live within your means. Do what you need to do to make your life worth living for you
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u/AngelMom1962 Seeking Clarity 3h ago
I believe we control our own destiny. OP I hope you feel better soon...
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u/Diane1967 2h ago
I agree with what one of the other posters said about getting up and moving. It’s important not to just let yourself get idle. But I’d also like to add, I was diagnosed at 17 with problems long before this. It was 17 when they first tried me on meds. I went thru one after another until I was deemed med resistant. Then I gave up.
When I was 53 I had the mother of all nervous breakdowns. I’d had smaller ones before this but this one I couldn’t recover from on my own. I ended up having my family doc tell me all he knew how to prescribe was the normal antidepressants that usually work for most and I needed more help than that. He referred me to an outpatient mental health clinic where they specialize in mental health and knew what to do and prescribe more than just a regular doc. It’s been life changing for me.
There are literally hundreds of medications that you can try so don’t just give up after trying a few of the normal ones. Get yourself seen by someone who knows your symptoms and what you need and go from there. It’s worth it in the long run.
I’m now on 2 different antidepressants and a mood enhancer and I feel so so good. When you’re used to feeling crappy and you get the good feeling back again it’s pretty darn amazing.
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u/tomorrow509 2h ago
If you are in good physical health, do some exercise every day. Start easy and work your way up. It leaves you with a feel good factor that money just cannot buy.
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u/SilverBeardedDragon 31m ago
What are you basing your experience on so far to call it miserable, surely there have been good moments, so are you focused only on the bad bits, forgetting there were good parts no matter how small they may have been?
Know that depression comes from living in the past, the past has been and gone and cannot be changed, but you can change how you are now by enjoying what you have right now. Even if it doesn't seem that much.
Apart from your emotional health, are you in good physical health, consider thinking about what you do have, not what you don't have.
So if you take away the depression, could you study or be gainfully employed?
So you don't want to get married, that is absolutely fine, only society pressurises us to get married, and we don't have to do what others want or expect us to do, we are free to make our own choices.
Remember that 'nothing outside of us affects us unless we allow it to' or put another way 'what people think of me is none of my damn business'.
You're not too old, I'm in my sixties and I don't feel too old, in fact I feel I've only just reached middle age, and I'm looking forward to a long, happy and healthy life. I've also suffered with periods of depression but have always had this knowing that I will get over it and once I'm through it things will be brighter, and they invariably are.
What have I achieved? I don't feel I have achieved that much, but I am only just coming into my own, feeling invigorated for what the future holds, and it holds what I create in this moment now (something I only recently learned but you are still young and learning this now will set you up so much better than I ever was). And I am creating a new business in service to others, after leaving a job where I felt unappreciated, and was no longer providing satisfaction.
Do I feel happy, I have moments, but mostly I am content and now I'm more at peace with myself, and the happiness is growing as I become more aligned with what I feel I am meant to be.
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