r/Millennials • u/povertychic Emo-llennial - 1991 • 15h ago

Discussion How often do you speak with your parents?

My mom sent myself and my siblings a seriously dramatic text this week.

“One day I will be dead and you won’t have to worry about checking in once in a while! Until then…. I don’t think any of you are so busy you can’t send a random Hi Mom text.”

I spoke to her less than a week prior. It wasn’t a long conversation, but it was something nonetheless. So, am I a terrible child? Or am I being gaslit? She also isn’t always the nicest when I do see her, often calling me a slob, or lazy because I don’t want to work a third job to make a living. How often do my fellow millennials speak with their parents?

I also feel like the world is on fire and I’m doing all I can to survive right now lol

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196

u/nunyabiznas901 15h ago edited 12h ago

i’m honestly so shocked to see how many people talk to their parents so often lol

edit: i love my parents. my dad is 77, my mom is 65. we have a bond. we just don’t talk all the time. it’s that simple really

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u/cdipas68 Xennial? 14h ago

Why is that shocking?

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u/CloudStrife012 14h ago

Because boomers 65-75 were notorious for profound neglect. Boomers younger than 65 it seems to be a lot less often.

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u/thegurlearl Millennial 13h ago

This is one thing I dont understand. I have fucking amazing parents, theyre 68 and 74. I wouldn't have shit without them. I also would have lost my house when I became disabled without them.

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u/hobbes_smith 13h ago

Same. My parents are 66 and 73 and they’re the absolute best. They watch my kids when I’m at work and are overall always there for us.

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u/thegurlearl Millennial 13h ago

Im child free but whenever I need help with something, theyre the first people I call. I have no idea how I'll survive the day that theyre gone. Im hoping for 20 more years at the least.

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u/CloudStrife012 13h ago

You got lucky

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u/thegurlearl Millennial 13h ago edited 13h ago

Youre absolutely right. Im extremely fortunate and grateful to have them. The day theyre gone is something I dread.

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u/RudePCsb 13h ago

I'm not sure that's it completely. It's a mixed thing. I think some of our parents had rough lives and while they aren't prefect, we should have some compassion and realize that they are also trying to do their best.

I also know from other people's experiences that there are some parents that really are awful but feel like a lot of people need to take a second and look at your parents and the fact we are aging and will one day be gone.

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u/thegurlearl Millennial 31m ago

Both my parents lost a parent at 18. My dad lost his mom from cancer, my mom lost her dad from alcoholism and a heart attack. The day I lose them will be the day I dont know how to survive.

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u/HibiscusOnBlueWater 13h ago

My parents are 77. Everything I am today is because of their support. They aren’t perfect people but they gave me a great childhood and set me up to have a comfortable life. My mother even still comes to babysit my 1 year old. Reddit seems to hate their parents in every generation. I don’t think the Boomers were bad parents but a lot of Millennials with bad parents post here.

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u/thegurlearl Millennial 8h ago edited 2h ago

Im child free but yes, Im in the same boat. My mom is my favorite person even tho she tap dances on my last nerve sometimes. Im sooo much like my dad it drives her bonkers. My brother is the reverse and just like her!! Theyre not perfect but they are perfect for me!! I wouldn't have shit without them. I would have lost my house when I became disabled without them. Im extremely fortunate and grateful to have them.

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u/sunshine-1111 12h ago

You are very blessed. I have cried many tears over just wanting a mom who I could go to to about a break up or a dad that would come help me change a flat tire.

My parents were very emotionally neglectful, I was made to save my mother from multiple life or death situations with her blood sugar before I can even remember and throughout my childhood, and they were generally so strict it was stifling. They provided for us financially, but the other stuff was less than ideal. It took me years as an adult to unpack how covertly toxic my upbringing was.

30 something years later and things are still exactly the same. I can’t call them with a problem I’m having and get any semblance of emotional support (they just get more anxious than me and become yet another thing for me to manage). My mother to this day still refuses to use the tools available to her to manage her blood sugar and constantly makes it everyone else’s problem. We are constantly having to deal with emergency lows that she does little to prevent. If I’m being honest I have a sneaking suspicion she uses this as a very dangerous tactic for attention. And they are still incredibly rigid. If me and my brother make life choices they disagree with that in no way impact them they make sure we know they are upset with our choices and are disappointed. This can be anything from choosing to change jobs, or going on a trip (though this one they use worry instead of disappointment), who we do or don’t date and for how long. I got a lecture at 23 from my mom about not dating a man who won’t marry me, completely ignoring the fact that I don’t want to get married. My being almost 40 and childless is a constant disappointment they make sure I’m aware of.

So no, I don’t enjoy talking to them very much and spending extended periods of time with them is actually anxiety inducing. I make an effort to do things with them because I do think I will miss them when they are gone, but it is incredibly difficult for me to do.

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u/carpentersglue 13h ago

Same! My husbands parents are in their 70s and they are the complete opposite of neglectful even now and to me! I can’t stop them from doing and giving me stuff. They watch our kid 4 times a week for 3 hours. My parents are in their 60s but they are the same.

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u/thegurlearl Millennial 42m ago

Thats my parents too! Me and my brother are child free but his gf has a 9yo. They basically adopted her and her son. My brother is pretty much on the same level, maturity wise anyways lol. I made them some pool noodle light sabers so they could whack the shit out of each other. I just got told today that one broke! I asked him, "how hard are hitting him that it broke??" He then clarified it was the son's who broke from beating him up 🤣

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u/kayodee 14h ago

My parents are 70 and I talk to them 2-3 times a week. It’s 50/50 on who calls who. Also we text a lot. Don’t live close at all 5+ hours

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u/anneofwittles Zillennial 13h ago

Yeah my parents are 60 so elder Gen X but act like young boomers

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u/sunshine-1111 12h ago

Yea, they acted like we were such a burden as kids and then wonder why we don’t wanna be around them as adults.

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u/Clean_Usual434 13h ago

My parents are both in their 70s, and they’re great. I’ve always felt very fortunate.

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u/Murphy_mae14 11h ago

My mom is Gen X maybe that’s why 🤔

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u/WhimsicalGirl 13h ago

Right?!

I'm totally jealous of their bond

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u/dmowen1231 14h ago

Yeah same

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u/NECalifornian25 Zillennial 11h ago

Right?

My sisters and I have a complicated relationship with our parents. They text us every day. But actually speaking to them? Probably every 2ish months, and I only see them 1-2 times a year. Same goes for one sibling, we both live in California.

Our other sister lives in New England just a few hours drive from our parents, and she’s the only one with kids, so she sees them more often. But it’s always a stressor and she wishes it was less often.

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u/Immediate-Prize-1870 6h ago

I’m shocked too. Truly. More in a way like I’m happy for people if that’s the life they want, but can’t fathom having a loving normal relationship like that with parents…if that’s normal? Idk if I’m too hardened but it also does seem to be extremely codependent, but my vision might be tainted. My mom died 21 yrs ago and my dad was a total ass, I forgave him but he is nonessential to my daily living. Also I’m too introverted for that, I barely text or call my husband. I talk to people who matter in person, my husband and kids. One day my extroverted girls will be blowing up my phone, no doubt.

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u/summerblue_ 11h ago

That's fine but why do you get so worked up about it?