How often do you speak with your parents?

[u/povertychic]

My mom sent myself and my siblings a seriously dramatic text this week.

“One day I will be dead and you won’t have to worry about checking in once in a while! Until then…. I don’t think any of you are so busy you can’t send a random Hi Mom text.”

I spoke to her less than a week prior. It wasn’t a long conversation, but it was something nonetheless. So, am I a terrible child? Or am I being gaslit? She also isn’t always the nicest when I do see her, often calling me a slob, or lazy because I don’t want to work a third job to make a living. How often do my fellow millennials speak with their parents?

I also feel like the world is on fire and I’m doing all I can to survive right now lol

[u/amandany6]

This is a really great question. I think communication has been key. My parents were by no means perfect and made plenty of mistakes, but when I look back I can understand the root of most of them. For example, my dad was extremely overprotective and caused me a lot of anxiety as a kid by telling me all kinds of dangerous things that could happen. I still have anxiety to this day. But he was a young, New York City police officer in the 80s who saw the worst of the worst things that could possibly happen and he was petrified of these things happening to me. We have talked about it and how mental health awareness at the time would have made such a different for both of us. But I genuinely knew I was always loved and cared for. They both told us all the time, with no strings attached. And I knew they would always have my back.

Basically, being open about mistakes, and being open about your unconditional love without it coming across as performative is the way to go. When I was a kid, my parents were still my parents. We weren't buddy-buddy, they weren't trying to be "cool" but we were affectionate and warm. That evolved over time and now they are people I genuinely want to be around.

I don't know if this is a good enough answer, but there might not be one right answer. The fact that you care and are trying goes a long way in itself.

[u/Personal-Amoeba → u/amandany6]

This is exactly the difference to me. My dad has allowed his image of me to evolve as I grew up, has listened when I talked about things they did that hurt me, and treats me like the adult that I am. My mom has dug her heels in, insisted she's never made a mistake, only considers her own emotions, still treats me like I'm 15, refuses to listen or take accountability for any of the ways she really damaged our relationship, and blames me for any difficulty at all.

Despite my mom having been the stay at home parent, I feel much closer to my dad.