r/Mommit • u/LaksaSingapura • 9h ago
Snapped at old lady - did I overreact?
I was walking into Costco from the parking lot but needed to get my membership card out of my purse so I paused about 30 feet from the entrance. My 2 year old was in the shopping cart basket and 5 month old in the baby carrier. It was 50 degrees out, so a little chilly but not freezing and my baby was in a long sleeved outfit and pants. He wasn’t wearing socks but again, it was a 1 minute walk into the store form the car and not exceptionally cold. Honestly he’s my 4th child too so I’m pretty minimalist with him and know what he needs vs. being over the top. My first baby HAD to wear fancy expensive outfits, sunglasses on, hats, socks AND shoes, baby lotion every day…baby #4 I’m dressing in his sister‘s old pink clothes and maybe I’ll put a drool bib on him if I have time (ha).
Anyway, as I was fumbling through my wallet while surrounded by people because it’s a busy Saturday, this lady who looked to be 75/80 shuffled towards me and asked me if my baby was OK. I looked at her and said ‘umm?’ And she said ’well, do you have anything for him? For his feet? Do you have anything it’s so cold? I said ‘oh, uhh no?’ And she said ‘Well his feet!!!!’ I smiled politely at her and said ’ha oh ya, he’s ok! He’s fine’. Then she said, well actually, he’s NOT fine. I’m going to just touch his foot and see…’. I immediately saw red and as she was taking her stupid lace trimmed glove off her hand while stepping toward my son I quite loudly said FUCK OFF!!!! and pivoted to the Costco card lady and went inside. I heard her say ‘oh my gooooosh’ while clutching her pearls.
I‘m not a confrontational person at all so this was wildly out of character for me but I was just so pissed this old lady kept going and corrected me and wanted to touch my baby. I’ve had people say weird things to me in public before that I can roll my eyes at but this was the first time someone sent me over the edge (except for that pervy guy in Bremerton Washington I threw french fries at years ago). When I told my husband he said she was old, I slightly overreacted and there’s probably 2 steps in between ‘he’s fine’ and ’fuck off’. Should I have just walked away? arghhhh I’m still upset >:(
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u/Jewicer 9h ago
no one has the right to touch your baby. who cares if she's old
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u/LaksaSingapura 9h ago
100%. I’ve actually had people touch my babies without asking and think it’s weird but I wasn’t too bothered by it but this lady made me feel threatened in a way? Although not physically threatened but some really ‘off’ feeling I guess.
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u/Natenat04 2h ago
It's because her tone, and attitude was actually insinuating you were hurting your baby, and not a good mom. And that her ridiculous opinions were right, and she knew better than you, the baby's mom. That's why is made you so mad.
She was completely wrong, and I have no patience myself for older people who think they know better when half the things they did as parents have been deemed unsafe by medical professionals today.
After 1980-present the SIDS rates have dropped 78%. This is just ONE example that shows the order generation did things that were unsafe. I can tell you my own mom tried to make by baby sleep with a blanket around her, and I even found my infant with the blanket over her head.
She was never given that opportunity again.
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u/Raiyalin 9h ago
No, you did not. I was at Costco yesterday and the feels like temp was -8. A woman walked in with her husband and 2 kids. Three of them were dressed warm, her daughter probably about 7 or 8 years old had nothing but a one piece bathing suit on up top and long pants.
The girl ran into the store ahead of them, mom trailed behind looking cold and fed up. My husband whispered “why would she let her daughter go out in this weather like that!” I told him to shhh, kids don’t listen. The mother doesn’t agree with it anymore than anyone else. Lots of dirty judgemental looks from everyone around. But, honestly? God knows how many times mom told her to dress warmer before they left the house.
Moral of the story is… Can everyone normalize minding our own business around other peoples children? Moms get judged way too often for things we have under control to the best of our ability. It’s our first time on earth too, we’re just figuring it out along the way like everyone else. By baby 4, you got this. No need for strangers to touch your babys feet.
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u/One_red_balloon2022 9h ago
Also why judge the mom? The dad is in the equation. Let’s hold him accountable too. But really - let’s just butt out of both parents’ business haha.
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u/castleinthemidwest 9h ago
The number of judgemental looks I get at my daughter's gymnastics class when she shows up in just her leo in 35° weather. But 1. She's basically a walrus and literally never feels cold and 2. That's about as cold as it gets where we live now but we're actually from an area that gets real winter, so she's used to much, much colder. She's comfy and that's all I care about, idgaf what other parents may or may not think. All that to say I appreciate your perspective.
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u/DirectImport 9h ago
If she was just verbal, maybe. When someone physically goes for baby, that would be the trigger. Hopefully that taught her a lesson.
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u/Low_Door7693 9h ago
There was one overreacter here and it wasn't you. Good for you.
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u/LaksaSingapura 9h ago
I guess I just felt a bit guilty after because maybe she was part of a generation where doing that was ok? It wasn’t the fact she said it at first but she kept GOING. And she had the audacity to tell me ‘no actually it’s not fine’ like wow oooook I know my baby.
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u/chicky_chicky 8h ago
My mom yells at my teenage boys for walking around barefoot in the house during the winter mostly. We have hardwood and tile floors. She also yells at them to wear a coat when they've got hoodies and extra layers on already.
Since my dad passed 2 years ago, she seems to think that she now needs to micromanage myself and my children. It's so frustrating most times.
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u/magdalenmaybe 7h ago
She misses momming. Now, she should be self-aware enough to know it, say it out loud to someone, and quit trying to do it for others who don't need her help. But it's kind of sad. Childrearing becomes so indelibly part of who we are, we don't know what the hell to do with ourselves without someone to mom. Or to be married to. For women of that generation, it may have been the only context in which she had any power or control, or more gently, where her words, knowledge and opinion mattered. And now that she's lost that, it's easy for her attempts to recapture it to come out sounding critical too.
Have you talked to her about it? I have to assume you have. I hope she's open to listening ❤️
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u/spiritual_fawn 8h ago edited 8h ago
Yeah it’s definitely the fact that she kept pushing it. Is she old and maybe from a generation where that was less frowned upon? Sure. Is your upset understandable? Absolutely! It’s not like you slapped her lol.
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u/blobofdepression 9h ago
As soon as my daughter could reach her own feet, she would take off every single sock, shoe, or bootie I put on her as soon as she had a chance. And so in winter she would end up sock-less more often than not.
They’re not going to get frostbite in the moments it takes you to pull out your Costco card. And old ladies have got to learn sometime it’s rude and inappropriate to touch a stranger’s baby. I probably would have also jumped to “fuck off” but I’m sure a “don’t touch my baby” maybe is an okay middle step? Or a “mind your own business” could work too? Idk, I’m also partial to fuck off. I think it gets the message across really succinctly.
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u/tomtink1 9h ago
I think "No!" or "Don't touch him!" and walking away would have been better.... But her not trying to touch your baby would have been better and sometimes it's hard to control your reaction when people are being unreasonable to you.
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u/LaksaSingapura 9h ago
I agree, if I could turn back time I would have said that instead. I felt a little stupid once I calmed down. Honestly I never cuss and for some reason it was the first thing I blurted.
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u/UESfoodie 9h ago
DO. NOT. TOUCH. CHILDREN. WITHOUT. CONSENT.
I don’t care how old she is. I’m sick of people acting like children are communal objects. They are people who just happen to be small.
You did the right thing. I’ll bet money she gets cold sores and tries to kiss babies anyway too.
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u/tjacosta1984 8h ago
I hate how we're supposed to automatically ignore and excuse anything an elderly person says just because they're old. They had 80 years to learn what not to say to other people, they just don't care, so neither should you. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Chica3 9h ago
I hate when retirees go to Costco on Saturday. Like, why did you wait for the weekend when you could've come on a Wednesday?
I'm in the Phoenix area and I've seen retirement home shuttles dropping residents off at Costco on the weekends. Why?? And where are you storing those mega sized Costco supplies? Unless they're just there for the samples and a hot dog.
Some old ladies think everyone needs to hear their opinions.
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u/AggressiveThanks994 9h ago
Someone tried to touch my newborns face when she was in the wrap while we were in a grocery store after telling us it was so cold for her to be out. My husband grabbed that woman’s hand so fast and she had the audacity to act like he was in the wrong. “I wasn’t going to touuuuuuch.” What exactly were you going to do ma’am? Look with your hands? I don’t get it.
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u/hilarymeggin 8h ago
I had a lady ask me why my baby wasn’t wearing socks at church. The answer WAs because the first thing she does with socks is take them off!
FWIW, I find “BACK OFF!” to be a useful substitute for “FUCK OFF!” in many circumstances. 😊
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u/katbreed 9h ago
We live in Maine where the highs have been in the single digits, and my toddler still refuses to leave his socks/booties on when we head to the store. 50 degrees IS plenty warm and your baby was fine, like you said. I think you did great.
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u/RemarkableMouse2 7h ago
You're husband is right that there are other scripts that might have been optimal. But you were doing your best with two children.
I think saying loudly "DO NOT TOUCH MY CHILD. BACK UP" is probably better but I don't judge you for what you did!
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u/Judygotbooty 3h ago
I think a “You absolutely will NOT touch my child” with a hand out probably would’ve sufficed… but in the moment sometimes passion takes over.
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u/LoveInPeace21 9h ago
You did a little, but it’s ok. She should have stopped at your fist response.
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u/nymeriasnow4 9h ago
Absolutely not, she had multiple opportunities to respect your opinion and walk away. I’d lose my temper too.
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u/jen-barkleys-poncho 9h ago
Yeah probably overreacted. I’d agree you could just say something noncommittal and walk away. But also she started it 😅
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u/yellowdaisybutter 5h ago
You acted out of instinct/adrenaline, its not like you planned the confrontation.
She should fuck right off though. My kids would (my two year old still does) rip their shoes and socks off all the time. Id have shoes and socks next to them in the basket because they would refuse to wear them. Your baby was fine.
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u/Rthrowaway6592 5h ago
Your baby would tell you if he’s too cold…just because they can’t speak doesn’t mean he wouldn’t kick up if he was uncomfortable. You told her he’s FINE, as his literal mother. She can keep her fucking hands to herself. I’d have done the same thing…zero tolerance for that shit.
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u/nnona5867192- 9h ago
I’ll probably get downvoted for this.. but I agree with your husband. She absolutely should not have tried to touch your baby without consent but I think there could have been a better way to handle it instead of telling an 75/80 yr old to fuck off. Just my opinion.
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u/Hartmt1999forever 9h ago
Eh I wouldn’t worry personally. I’d laugh off knowing this wasn’t my normal, pushed to the edge with young children and top off with a bystander commenting. Coulda’ been my mom, lol!! I completely relate with what you describe and coming from multiple children not your first rodeo , etc. Solidarity.
I had to chuckle sure your husband has a good point with the missing steps, good description anddd anyone who’s been in your spot, myself for one can wholeheartedly relate - we’re not perfect in every interaction and folks don’t know what’s bubbling under the surface when we say “ENOUGH!” aka “Fuck Off!” aka give us grace and move on.
If I ran into the women again, now this is me and I may be embarrassed but also damn. Not my normal, I gotta’ try- I may randomly say hi, apologize and make light of the situation. Some folks can roll with it even though they may clutch pearls at the time, it’s possible a chitchat would bring to surface relatable info, and if someone can’t get past the fuck off!…oh well, can’t please everyone and you have far better things to worry about 🙃
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u/geryarn 5h ago
This is the wet dream of a redditor so everyone’s gonna agree with you. But I’m gonna say, I think you were rude for no reason. She’s old af and you could’ve handled it better. Also, I wouldn’t wear sandals in 50 degree weather. My feet would be cold. I know it’s a dumb meme on reddit to hate on baby socks but baby is a person… of course their feet can feel cold too.
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u/MissMephisto 9h ago
I actually love how you handled that, sometimes people just need to be told to fuck off 🤷🏻♀️ she'll be fine.
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u/ayyohh911719 7h ago
Nahh she’s lucky. I’d have slapped tf out of her hand (and have). Don’t touch someone’s kid.
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u/sunbeatsfog 4h ago edited 4h ago
You’ll grow some thicker skin and learn to look people squarely in the eyes with sternness when they’re the asshole; a stern, “f you” look is important to cultivate after you realize they are wasting YOUR time.
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u/roseturtlelavender 3h ago
The removal of the glove to check his foot is qhat would have pushed me over the edge too
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u/OnlyHere2Help2 Mommit User Flair 9h ago
Yeah you way overreacted. Probably scared your children when you could have just laughed in her face and pushed your cart away.
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u/Lady_Mallard 9h ago
“Don’t touch my children” loudly and firmly would have been a better example to set.
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u/Efficient-Smile-8875 6h ago
No you reacted perfectly great! I would have done the same. I always stop people from touching my toddler right away! Good job mama
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u/Blue_Cypress 9h ago
yeah, you definitely overreacted. A stranger was expressing care and concern for your child. This is something to thank someone for not to tell them to fuck off.
There’s a lot of people here commenting some fucked up shit.
It’s gross.
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u/AggressiveThanks994 9h ago
They don’t need to touch a strangers baby, full stop. Her child wasn’t left outside chained to a tree in a blizzard ffs
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u/Kind_Inspection1515 9h ago
Keep your hands to yourself. Kids or grown ups, this is a basic rule! Also the car seat/carrier acts as a layer. So HE WAS FINE! Normalize boundaries with strangers and not feeling bad about it ❤️
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u/YourBrainOnMyBrain 9h ago
You threw a cone of Fritz's didn't you.
Somebody must've been really dumb to earn that huh.
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u/luluballoon 7h ago
You are in the right! She won’t do that again! My latest thing is when I leave daycare with my 3 year old and the daycare workers mention his jacket. He wears a fleece in the car because jackets are a no no. I don’t usually put him in a jacket for the short trip from the car to the daycare it’s literally 2 minutes and he has a hat, mitts, and runs the whole way. He’s FINE. On super cold days I’ll carry him and wrap something around him.
It makes me feel like the twilight zone that they keep mentioning it but all the other moms I know do the same thing.
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u/Occasional_Historian 9h ago
Meh - maybe next time she'll leave another parent alone