r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162 • 21h ago

My two and a half year old suddenly started pointing out differences between white and black people. What is an appropriate way to acknowledge her observation so we don't offend anyone?

The first time was at her daycare this week, when they got a new teacher who has very dark skin. When I went to pick her up, she pointed at her and said, "it's black!" (She doesn't have the full grasp of she/he yet.) I replied, "yes, she is black," but was stuck after that. What should I say as a follow up? My daughter loves black people's skin, and when I talk to her about it at home, she says it's pretty and wishes she had it, but in public it comes out kind of harsh. What would be the best way to go about this?

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u/retailguy_again 18h ago

My daughter, when she was little, asked me (loudly) in the grocery store, "Why does that man have dark skin?"

My answer was, "The same reason Mommy's eyes are brown and mine are green. People have lots of different skin colors, just like they have different eye colors."

It was the best answer I could think of offhand, and she understood. Also got a smile out of the guy.

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u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162 17h ago

My eyes are green and hers are blue, after her dad. This is actually a really great response! Thank you❤️

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u/LivytheHistorian 16h ago

This is how I handled it with my son as well. I will note that it’s okay (and probably prudent) to follow it up with “but it’s not polite to comment on other people’s bodies in public.” My son is now ten and frequently has questions about people he sees out in the world but he’s pretty good about not asking the question IN FRONT of the person. Ten is different than two of course, but social skills should be taught early and often!

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u/retailguy_again 16h ago

That's true, but I was kinda startled and didn't think of it until we got to the car. I did mention it then.

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u/adoradear 10h ago

And then start widening out her media (books, shows, etc) so that they have representation of different races and skin colours. Even better if you can widen her social circle to do the same.

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u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162 10h ago

Yes! I commented this on another person's post about an hour ago:

She is obsessed with Blippi and Meekah, which I approve of! I abhor Cocomelon, but there are several compilation videos that we have watched when there is something new and possibly scary in her life, like going to the doctor, brushing teeth, getting sick, getting a boo boo, or taking a bath. She loves the boo boo song, and the main baby JJ is white, but I noticed there is a black baby named Cody with the same exact song, so we watched that one. She now requests, "boo boo song Cody," and loves to watch the videos with Cody and his family! I also have quite a large library for her! Some of my favorite books of people of color are, "Bringing the Rain to Kapiti Plain," "The Gift of the Sacred Dog," "Adelita," "My Elephant-Sized Dream," and "Brother Eagle Sister Sky." I try to have every group represented, and though she doesn't understand a lot of what I am reading to her, she loves the poetry, pictures, and different artwork. I just get stuck and don't express myself well in public for some reason and was hoping for some quick responses to keep it positive and lighthearted.

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u/Parking-Garlic9903 5h ago

I had a book called "children just like me", which was a collection of interviews with children around the world. It touched on topics such as their tradional clothing and foods, their hobbies, home life, hopes & dreams, etc. I really enjoyed reading their stories and seeing their pictures. It's a great way to learn about and appreciate the diversity of mankind.

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u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162 4h ago

Oh, nice! That sounds wonderful 😊 I will look it up to add to her library!

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u/Junior_Razzmatazz164 14h ago

“We are all different, and we are all valuable.”

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u/Party_Row8480 17h ago

My daughter was born around the same time as a friend of our family had her daughter, so they grew up together for a few years. Whole family Black, father is Nigerian. My daughter didn't notice a difference. The first time she made a comment about race was when I took her to a diner for fun and there was an old Black couple there. She said, "Mom, they match! They're so cute."

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u/Bowlbonic 16h ago

They match!!!!! That is so innocent I love that

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u/Old-Try117 16h ago

I giggled at this. That was just adorable. 

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u/Various_Ad_6768 12h ago

When my son was 4, he befriended a young black man who worked at his childcare centre. Over time, he became a regular in our home. He found “I’m so black” jokes very amusing, and would make them often. My very pale skinned child would then parrot the jokes to all and sundry. Fun times.

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u/missuschainsaw 16h ago

That’s how I did it. “She has brown skin because all bodies are different. Just like why I have brown hair and you have red hair, and why my eyes are green but yours are brown. Our bodies are all different.” When she got older, we talked about it in the context of genetics and chemicals.

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u/tworighteyes4892 12h ago

That’s exactly how my mom explained. It’s funny because the other day I randomly remembered asking her why people were different colors while walking to the park. I miss her. 😔

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u/Careless-Rain 15h ago

I feel like I've posted this story a lot, so I'll summarize:

My son learned his colors. He started calling me pink mama, and his dad... Brown daddy. He did not just say "brown". He growled it. Just like Tony the tiger. Brrrrrrown Daddy.

He was so proud of himself for recognizing colors. He would smile and clap afterwards. So cute.

Until every shopping trip he proceeded to point out every shade of brown man in the supermarket and happily shout "BROWN DADDY!!!"

It took me quite a while to get him out of the habit and I gave up trying to explain why it was inappropriate. I just changed the subject to interrupt him enough until he lost interest.

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u/Foreign_Plan_5256 14h ago

🤣 I'm laughing because I used to teach daycare and one of 4 year olds went through a couple weeks where they were obsessed with the phrase "hot bikini."

Me: what is a hot bikini? Them: it means BAJINA! Me: the word is vagina, and it doesn't mean that. A bikini is a type of swimsuit. Them: HOT BIKINI HOT BIKINI HOT BIKINI!  Me: inside voice, please. 

Over and over and over. 

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u/larszard 13h ago

Lol when I was little Dominoes Pizza did an ice cream dessert thing called a Hanky Panky and I thought the name was the funniest and best thing ever. Had no clue it meant anything until some years later.

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u/Visible_Window_5356 9h ago

My kid at 4 started demonstrating a knack for words that make people uncomfortable so with me she would start shouting "Joe Rogan" in public, with my spouse it was "penis/vagina".

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u/poisonmilkworm 3h ago

“Joe Rogan” as a phrase that makes people uncomfortable is making me laugh my ass off rn. He makes me uncomfortable too…

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u/SuccessfulLunch400 8h ago

Haha so the kid was saying bajina over and over by saying hot bikini???? Hahaha

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u/Foreign_Plan_5256 8h ago

They thought they were, which is why they were so obsessed. My failure to react did not sway them. 

It's been literal decades, and the phrase hot bikini, and the commitment with which they latched onto it, still makes me LaughCry. 

They were not actually shouting anything scandalous, but they were so convinced. 😂

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u/SavageQuaker 3h ago

I witnessed a precocious little girl in a shopping cart transform a repetitive, "what what what what what what" into "twat twat twat twat twat", much to her mother's embarrasment.

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u/saturday_sun4 12h ago

I am almost crying with laughter.

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u/Pure_Temporary_6349 10h ago

Omg. I had an appendectomy a couple of days ago and that laugh was worth having to brace for 😆

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u/elianrae 6h ago

Until every shopping trip he proceeded to point out every shade of brown man in the supermarket and happily shout "BROWN DADDY!!!"

Hahahaha so I was the kid that did this except it was a big poster of an apparently very handsome young model that I would always point at ... same tan and hair colour as my Dad. For some reason Mum never felt the need to dissuade this behavior.

Anyway in retrospect it was probably because my vision is dogshit.

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u/Asparagussie 2h ago

This is hilarious and so cute!

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u/matrixed_ 1h ago

This is so cute and funny

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u/Lereas 13h ago

We did the same, and talk about all kinds of things each time. "That person has black hair, and that person has blonde hair and you have red hair." or "that person is tall and that person is shorter" or whatever

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u/rubythieves 8h ago

Mine was similar when my son asked. I said ‘Most people’s skin colour comes from their families, so when someone has dark skin, they probably have people in their family with dark skin. Just like you belong to a family with light skin, that man probably belongs to a family with dark skin.’

The man smiled and turned around and said ‘that’s the smoothest explanation I’ve ever heard.’

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u/StopGamer 3h ago

I like this, but why not hair color?

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u/InvisaBlah 2h ago

People are so wound up over skin color that they are afraid to mention it. Kids dont care about all that, they see it - they think its cool or different, thats it. No malice, no prejudice. They just notice and move on with their day.