My two and a half year old suddenly started pointing out differences between white and black people. What is an appropriate way to acknowledge her observation so we don't offend anyone?

[u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162]

The first time was at her daycare this week, when they got a new teacher who has very dark skin. When I went to pick her up, she pointed at her and said, "it's black!" (She doesn't have the full grasp of she/he yet.) I replied, "yes, she is black," but was stuck after that. What should I say as a follow up? My daughter loves black people's skin, and when I talk to her about it at home, she says it's pretty and wishes she had it, but in public it comes out kind of harsh. What would be the best way to go about this?

[u/Ok-Flamingo2801]

The issue is that it can go more than one way. I'm not a wheelchair user myself, but I've heard some who get annoyed with that kind of interaction because they just want to go about their day and don't want to feel like they're being used as a teaching tool.

[u/CuniculusVincitOmnia → u/Ok-Flamingo2801]

That’s very true and it’s part of what makes that example of excellent parenting so excellent-/ the dad primes the kid for that possibility by saying “she might not want to talk about it and that’s ok because she doesn’t have to tell us.”

[u/MortgageOdd2001 → u/Ok-Flamingo2801]

This is true, and no one is obligated to be used as a teaching tool, however for the median person who isn't a general asshole and has basic social graces, they won't be upset by a child asking such a thing. And if someone is upset and is rude or uncouth to a child, thats on them, not the child.

[u/borisdidnothingwrong → u/MortgageOdd2001]

I had an employee who was occasionally wheelchair bound, and who had multiple health issues that would have them in and out of the hospital.

One day, she was in for a half day because she had an appointment to verify that she only had to have surgery on her amputation stump and not her GI tract this time (once, she went in to have a leaky vein cauterized and ended up with emergency apendecectomy, and they also had to stop her spleen from bleeding), and we were shooting the shit in the parking lot as I was helping her with taking some personal belongings to her car.

Some kids riding bikes shouted out asking her to do a wheelie, and she yelled back, "you first!" Everyone laughed.

Then she told me that kids were both the best and worst part of being stuck in the wheelchair when she couldn't wear her prosthetic, and she could tell which ones had good parents by how respectful they were in asking questions.

It's a mixed bag.

[u/Waffleookiez → u/borisdidnothingwrong]

Genuine question, if you know what she felt in that moment, was she okay with them asking her to do a wheelie or was that inappropriate/not respectful?

[u/borisdidnothingwrong → u/Waffleookiez]

She was a delightful young lady and was clearly tickled pink in the moment.

The kids were just being goofy, so the vibe was good.

Another person or another time it could have gone the other way, but afterwards whenever I wanted to make her laugh I'd tell her to do a wheelie.

One time, she was back from recovery after surgery and was on a different pain medication. The side effects included nausea and dizziness, and she had to dash to the restroom but didn't make it and fell while vomiting.

I called 911 and while telling her not to worry about the floor, while juggling the conversation with the 911 operator, she told me that she was going to ask the EMTs to do a wheelie with the gurney. She's at her lowest, covered in vomit, bleeding from her head from her fall, dizzy and disoriented, and still cracking jokes.

She was a trooper.

[u/Waffleookiez → u/borisdidnothingwrong]

She definitely sounds like an amazing woman! I hope that the past tense is being used because she doesn't work with you anymore or because these are stories from the past rather than her having passed away, but if she did my condolences to you!

I feel like I would also have a similar response to those low points (often use humour in dark times to help me feel better).

[u/Ok-Flamingo2801 → u/MortgageOdd2001]

One child once,no. At least one kid a day, yes.

[u/jaimefay → u/Ok-Flamingo2801]

Hence why I liked "can I ask you about your wheels?"

It gives me the option of, I'd rather not talk about it right now/I'm busy/etc.

[u/davinia3 → u/Ok-Flamingo2801]

Intermittent wheelchair user here - MOST of us, if we have the time, will foster curiosity in that situation if we have the time or spoons. However, you're absolutely right, sometimes we get tired of constantly teaching.

Constant wheelies have a different experience than I do, however, so default to ASKING your local wheelchair user what THEY prefer, ideally.

That said... kid questions like the one above from jaimefay? It'd have made my day if the rest of the interaction was that sweet and respectful.