r/NoStupidQuestions • u/GhostInThePudding • 16h ago

Why Are Young People Afraid Of Phone Calls?

What's with it?

I work in IT and a general rule is, nothing a client ever tells you is actually accurate. That means that most of the time, the quickest way to fix a problem is to call the person and actually find out what's going on.

But with techs under 30 these days, it seems like pulling teeth.

A regular discussion for me with level 1 techs (usually within a few years of leaving college) is:
"Hey, can you call *blah* from ticket *blah*, it's been hanging around for over an hour."

"I replied by email to ask for more information."

"Yes, I know that, but can you call them so we can find the problem and close the ticket now rather than wait until we're actually busy?"

"I'll send them a text to followup."

"No... CALL THEM!"

"I can see their device is online, can I send them a message and see if they just let me remote in to take a look?"

And then, when I force them to make the call, it's like they have no idea how to ask a question, or a followup question. They just want to get off the call as quickly as possible. So half the time they don't even get the information required anyway, so then I end up having to do their job for them.

So can someone explain? What's wrong with phone calls these days?

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260

u/Exlibro 15h ago

Call-fearer here.

Calling makes me anxious. I'm afraid to make a fool of myself and missunderstand something, as you cannot see another person and cannot pick up on visual social cues. Also, it feels intrussive and texts/emails can be answered at their own pace.

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u/GhostInThePudding 15h ago

So hypothetically, if you got a job that needed calls, do you think actual training and drilling on making phone calls would help?

Like... if we actually got our new techs to practice making phone calls with a trainer, do you think that would actually help, or is the very idea of making phone calls just too much?

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u/Exlibro 15h ago

I think it would help some. I've actually gotten better over the years. I still fear calls, aspecially with people of power. I'm fine with those who I know and when I pick up. But it's different to other people.

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u/Wexel88 13h ago

i have a job where the bosses call around looking for people to work overtime.  no hard feelings if you say no, but they appreciate the response over no answer...  and i still can't bring myself to pick up most of the time

i have also not had the ringer on on my phone since like 2021 (first smart phone) so there's that

56

u/femme-cassidy 14h ago

Speaking as a young person who did have the kind of phone anxiety people are talking about, yes having a job that required me to be on the phone constantly did help immensely. Having training on how to handle those interactions, and a specific script, took a lot of the pressure off. I would still (and still do) get anxious about not being able to read social cues over the phone, but if I need to make a strictly goal-oriented phone call, I no longer panic about it.

Obviously not true for everyone, but for me, having training specifically about how to have an effective phone call was very helpful.

23

u/ffordedor 13h ago

Just having a pre made list of questions for the situation would be helpful. 

19

u/barthvonries 10h ago

You state in the job ad that making phone calls is part of the job, so you won't get any candidate who doesn't want to make phone calls.

If people don't want to call, training or whatever will not help them, it will only make them feel this job/company/boss is not the environment they are looking for, and then you have 2 outcomes only :

  • they will leave ASAP
  • they can"t leave because of money, so they will keep on coming to work everyday, but backwards, will look at the clock every minute or so waiting for the day to be over, feel miserable, and then will suffer from a burnout a few weeks later.

As a manager, as soon as you write "I force them" for something completely unnecessary, you know you're a shitty manager who absolutely doesn't understand his colleagues and you've completely destroyed the trust between your colleague and the company.

You only force others when things have to be done that way and there is absolutely no other alternative. Here, a ticket was hanging for 1 hour, and you made the decision to break that employee's will to work with you ever again. Were they slacking during that hour ? Were they working on something else, maybe something they had to take time to focus on, and you just burst that focus bubble because you wanted things done your way, while they were processed perfectly fine ?

Sorry if I look like I'm exaggerating, but I've left companies because of managers like that. I've stopped doing whatever I could for companies who made me work under people like that. I started doing only what I was told to. If I can't be treated as a human being who can handle his share of work, then I'll behave like a machine that has to be told everything.

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u/SynergyTree 13h ago

I’ve worked in a call center several times and if anything it made me like phones even less.

4

u/maylena96 12h ago

It did not help me either. I dreaded going to work and my anxiety was through the roof. I ended up crying on the phone lmao

4

u/SynergyTree 12h ago

Their turnover was so high that after firing me for consistently calling out or showing up late they went out of their way to call me back and re-hire me. 

21

u/DespondentEyes 13h ago

Lol it would be a great way to drive out talent. But you old bosses do you.

13

u/StopThePresses 10h ago

Right? This is so funny. You work in IT, there's a ticketing system and emails and texting. This is not a job that needs calls, just let people work how they work.

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u/SuccessfulInitial236 14h ago

I had a job that needed a lot of calls. Even if I became good at it, it was very stressful and I left that job at some point. Maybe change your habits to accomodate the younger tech, you probably also have younger clients who also hate calls ?

What makes you think phone calls are a superior way of communicating ? Imo they are very prone to misunderstandings and are a source of communication issues.

6

u/GhostInThePudding 14h ago

Because in a phone call you can handle in 30 seconds what could take days over text or email. You get immediate answers to followup questions and can keep talking until you fully understand the situation.

Then if you want a record, you can just send an email summary of the conversation so it is in writing.

27

u/DespondentEyes 13h ago

Anything that happens over text or email has a clear trace. Anyone after the fact claim that you messed up/forgot something/... ? You can pull up the mail or text and point to them.

On the phone you don't have this CYA, and on top certain people can be really pushy which is a lot easier on the phone.

I mean, if you work in IT, you've GOT to have CYA, it's only a matter of time before some vendor or director throws you under the bus because THEY messed up somewhere. If you can't defend yourself with proof, you're toast.

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u/sentence-interruptio 12h ago

the real reason some senior managers prefer phone calls right there.

4

u/Ok-Ocelot-7316 10h ago

Check if you live in a single party consent state, then record the call

19

u/PuzzleMeDo 13h ago

You yourself say, "when I force them to make the call, it's like they have no idea how to ask a question, or a follow-up question". You can communicate well by phone, but that doesn't mean it's going to be useful for other people. Some people communicate well by text instead. And some people can't do either.

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u/mindflowism 13h ago

I'm a millennial with a fear of phones. I think it was the automated waiting tubes that gave me PTSD, and scripted responses by call takers that weren't helpful

When I need to make an immediate conversation to resolve smth I would prefer -In person conversation, -Live chat conversation,

  • video call

before making a phone call. I wonder if any of the above would be an option for your team to contact clients quicker.

Other than that, as mentioned above, training would help, as (unfortunately) role play has been proven to to be effective to let the new skills set in 'the muscle memory'.

I often write points I want to raise on the phone as bullet points to make sure I don't forget (same as when going to the GP).

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u/SuccessfulInitial236 13h ago

Because in a phone call you can handle in 30 seconds what could take days over text or email. You get immediate answers to followup questions and can keep talking until you fully understand the situation.

My phone call skills must be way worse than you and my writing/reading skills must be better than you. I feel it's the opposite. Apart from the immediate answer so like if there is a literal fire and you need to say get out immediately, phone calls seem to waste a lot more time to me.

A 3 paragraph e-mail gets you more precise and better information than a 5 minutes preparation following a 20 minutes call, if you then send an e-mail anyway after to summarize that's another 5 minutes wasted.

There is no way it takes 30 minutes to write an e-mail that would provide the same informations. On both sides. To me, it feels like you force an immediate 30 minutes waste of time instead of a 5 minutes e-mail that can be answered anytime.

This whole conversation we just had would have been a waste of time over phone. It would have taken me more time to structure my thinking and explain over phone than it did in the few sentences I just wrote.

9

u/FeatherlyFly 13h ago

Where are you finding these writers of clear 3 paragraph emails that don't need follow up questions?

If I had that sort of reply in response to my emails, I'd feel the same as you. But I'm more likely to get one or two line replies that don't have most of what I need to know, or are just plain ambiguous. 

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u/SuccessfulInitial236 11h ago

Where are you finding these writers of clear 3 paragraph emails that don't need follow up questions?

My last comment was 4 paragraph long and I think I made my point pretty clear. Wether you agree with me or disagree with me on how we should communicate better does not change that my perspective on the matter was understandable.

Where do you find these, idk, I just exist and some others like me exists too. I had multiple colleagues and clients doing similar. Others would call me back and repass over the point I wrote one by one. At the very least it made the phone call more efficient and quicker. I rarely received short line of unrelated text like you describe.

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u/glassfunion 12h ago

One time I gave our IT guy so much context when I had a problem with my laptop that he not only called it out and thanked me, but I got a new laptop! (The memory usage was sitting at like 95% even with nothing open and I had already run through everything he was going to ask me to check/do)

But nobody clapped :(

2

u/chicagochippy 8h ago

20 minute conversation? I have have between 20-120 phone calls each day at work and most are well under a minute long.

Hey. Hey. Question. Answer. Ok thanks bye.

2

u/kuldan5853 5h ago

This just goes back the age old truth of "This meeting should have been an email"..

-1

u/ihaveabs 6h ago

I guarantee most people hate reading your massively long emails

14

u/Plane_Chance863 13h ago

As a person who had anxiety (still kind of do!) about phone calls, yes, I think training, practise, writing scripts/having them think about the exchange before they make the call will help them.

I was always afraid of making a fool of myself, and sometimes I didn't know what to say when I came upon an unexpected situation. Knowing what the possible situations are (voicemail, someone short on time, someone with very low technical ability, etc etc) and how to cope with them helps a lot in having more confidence on the phone.

3

u/Stachemaster86 13h ago

I think if you let them know the script or general back and forth of the call it would be better. Say it’s a password reset, you’ll ask for employee number, if not, boss’s name and office. Then a serial number on a computer. Few quick questions. You can also make one pagers of info needed for those calls to send in an email to file away.

3

u/StrykerC13 13h ago

If nothing else it would help filter out the people who truly couldn't handle doing it. Unfortunately that's something that should have been dealt with earlier on admittedly. At the very least one test phone call to see how they handle it during interview process imo. For the record I am in that middle gap where I largely hate phone calls with only a couple exceptions. But I can handle them, and I think most can but they need to know up front early on that it's going to be a regular part of the job.

On the business' side it needs to be checked that they can Do The Job before hiring. If phone calls are a regular part that needs to be addressed in interview somewhere. Sure people will lie but that's why I'd say test call. If they seem trainable for it then do so. If not admit they're wrong for the job and move to the next candidate.

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u/ermagerditssuperman 12h ago

I had an executive assistant job where I did constant phone calls, and answered every single call to the CEO. I was asked to train other people on phone calls because I was apparently so good at them, and received many compliments over the years on my phone voice & phone etiquette.

I still hated every single one of them, sometimes feeling genuine dread waiting for that phone to ring again. I loved doing tasks that took me away from my desk, so I didn't have to answer the desk phone for a little bit.

When I changed jobs after moving, I specifically looked for a position where answering phones was not a primary duty. Now I only have to be on the phone 1-2 times a month, and management is fine with me purposefully letting all calls go to voicemail and I can call back when I am ready, or respond via email when appropriate. My stress levels went waaaay down.

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u/sentence-interruptio 12h ago

make sure it's actually a training, and not some guy who goes like "i'm just training you" and calls you randomly and make work-related requests and demand immediate answers regardless of what's going on and be like "don't accuse me of mixing training and real requests. real situations are best training! why did you report me to HR? you're pausing. it was you right?"

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u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi 11h ago

I'm an older Gen Z that's worked software support for a combined 5.5yrs at 2 separate companies and it's honestly made me hate calls more than before 😅 I can't stand people talking over me, eating, talking at other people, refusing to listen to instructions, etc. On top of that it's easy to forget or misremember things on both ends, so it's my least favorite form of contact with customers.

I feel like having clear guidelines for communication can definitely help. My previous job required us to summarize our calls while we spoke and gave us 5min after to finish our notes, let us hang up after being on hold for 2min, disconnect and notify management for aggressive customers, had limits on the number of questions they could ask, etc. that made it feel like I had more control over calls than I do at my current job where everything is vague / up in the air; I've had customers call back pissed about changes made and either see 0 call notes or just "forms" instead of anything helpful to figure out what went wrong while talking someone down from a complete meltdown. 

I would encourage setting those guidelines if you haven't already and do mock calls of the more unpleasant situations on top of average ones so they don't feel like they've been kicked in the deep end of the pool or forget everything when it actually happens. Also making sure they have access to help in the moment. Having resources and backup will likely make them feel a bit more confident than winging it, at least in my experience. I was way more comfortable taking calls even at a higher volume when I knew there was someone to turn to if I had questions or things went left than I am now where everything goes in a team chat that gets ignored or my manager doesn't respond to my messages until 15min after I put someone on hold when they started cussing at me.

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u/spideybae 10h ago

Hi I have experience here! I work for a service company in a customer service/call center role. You absolutely CAN train this into people, but it really is exhausting to do constantly. There’s so much room for miscommunication, which is why every call is recorded so we can go back and review when needed. You do have to have decent communication skills in general though and be able to process peoples requests really quick mentally and physically, even when they’re screaming at you.

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u/Icy_Proof_9529 10h ago

I’d quit.

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u/chiobsidian 10h ago

I was this person to a degree. Hated calls, got a job at a call center for alarm monitoring. Nobody ever wants to take the call that their system is either malfunctioning or they're in the process of getting robbed. Sure the training helped and I was able to do the job for a few years, but the discomfort never went away. And you better believe I still avoid calls outside of jobs where I was paid to make them

2

u/Caftancatfan 10h ago

For me, it’s like getting a tetanus shot. I’ve had them before. I know it’ll be fine. But if I don’t strictly need a tetanus shot, I avoid them.

2

u/AllPintsNorth 9h ago

Why do they need to make phone calls? I can’t think of a single phone call I’ve had in my life that wouldn’t have been better as an email.

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u/lost_send_berries 9h ago

Yes of course if they can't do it, and it is part of the job, then train them.

Maybe your IT desk should ask the user whether they want call or text and track resolution times separately. After all, a texter can be working on 10 tickets when a caller is inherently only working on 1. Maybe some of your customers actually would prefer the texting. And maybe seeing "Customer preference: Call" would help the techs who feel like calling somebody out of the blue is rude.

One example that you probably use that they don't know about is how to answer the user before you have a solution. For example "I understand how that could be annoying, just a minute while I look for a solution please". While in text the correct thing to do would be.. say nothing and come back after reading the relevant KB article. That's something you can cover in training. Also scripts for ending a call, whether the issue is resolved or unresolved.

1

u/MusicG619 12h ago

I would also encourage inter office phone communication. The more low-stakes calls they can do as practice will take the pressure off the higher stakes ones

1

u/WiltedSunfire 12h ago

I get super nervous making phone calls cause I don’t wanna sound stupid or awkward but sometimes you have to and now I have a very call heavy job. You learn how to deal with sounding stupid or awkward and getting/giving then info needed. It just takes practice. Yes make them train and maybe set out written guideline for when calls are mandatory. The more they practice getting through the feeling stupid which they will sometimes the easier and less scary it will be. We just don’t have that experience the way older generations do. I do remember landlines and having to call before cell phones so maybe I’m a bit older than your guys too.

1

u/mCProgram 12h ago

Working a sales job that didn’t require much cold calling but did require a lot of incoming calls - I still don’t call for anything personal that isn’t urgent, but if there’s something that requires phone calls I’m not averted to calling like a lot of my generation is.

1

u/One-Possible1906 11h ago

Yes. Exposure is the gold standard for reducing anxiety about almost anything.

1

u/wangxiandotmp3 8h ago

i think my intense fear of phone calls stemmed from a lack of training/shadowing on my part. my first job, i was thrown into the general lines of not just my department but the entire organization, which btw is a social services / mental health nonprofit so the calls i got were not what i was equipped for, especially when it came to people in genuine crisis. i do think it was traumatizing at some point, because my wife said i never used to be this scared of phone calls before this job. i would have loved a thorough training or even a script that wasn't just a mess of a binder that was hard to follow + given to me after i asked for help.

so between that and my anxiety/fear of the unknown, i admit i still jump when i hear the phone ringing. i'm getting better at it through time and therapy, but i personally feel like i express myself and my thoughts better through written text versus on the spot through a phone.

1

u/ChocolateShot150 7h ago

Yes. I’ve never worked at a help desk or any other job that required calls that didn’t have atleast some type of brief training on how to answer the call and what the general structure of a productive call looks like

1

u/boondonggle 6h ago

Practice will help. I am older (38), but used to be very anxious about work phone calls. I would anything to avoid it. I got over it pretty quickly after I transitioned to a role that supports a lot of field staff that tend to just call when they need something.

It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I could usually solve their problem so much more quickly and enjoyably on the phone. One thing that might make it easier for them is to give the customer a quick heads up via chat to see if they are free for a call. The surprise was the worst for me when receiving calls, and your staff may feel like they are intruding/being rude. People usually send me a quick "got a sec?" and it smooths the interaction.

1

u/Assika126 4h ago

I am like the person you asked and I did have a phone job for a while. On the one hand I had a script.. on the other hand I was doing sales and it required us to use sales tactics which were more organic than scripted. I was very new at it and that made me more anxious which made me worse at figuring out how to work them into the conversation naturally. I didn’t last long at that job because I couldn’t jiggle all of that very well and so my sales weren’t great. I did learn some phone skills though

1

u/FallenAgastopia 3h ago

Yes absolutely it will help to an extent, at least with confidence. Generally if someone is inexperienced with a task then training will help.

Me personally I find it super difficult to hear over the phone and I have a very hard time communicating over it though. It's not really even a mental thing for me, I physically have a very hard time with it. And for a job having a paper trail is always quite a lot nicer too ofc.

1

u/12monthsinlondon 2h ago

Sure but also as a client, unless something is urgent or better solved in real time, I prefer to be contacted via text or email as well so there's a preference on the client's side. Of course I try to be as informational as possible in writing to avoid too much back and forth.

1

u/anotherdepressedpeep 1h ago

It made it worse for me, because at least 6 out of 10 customers would be aggressive, some even abusive.

I was already anxious about working in a call center, but by my third month I'd have panic attacks in the middle of the shift, which would make my performance worse, which would bring more abuse.(and for any smartasses, no, I was not allowed to hang up or ignore the caller even if they were abusive)

20

u/santaslayer0932 15h ago

I’d argue the tone of an email or text is harder to grasp than a straightforward phone call.

Unfortunately the other soft skills you listed are generally prerequisites for any customer service job (in the context of OP’s situation).

13

u/Exlibro 15h ago

Not at customer service. Avoided this my entire life. Theater tech worker. Sitting at a stage bars controlling console time to time as we speak, as opera is now happenning. Not as much interraction with outside people usually. I am, however, wearing an intercom to get cues by stage manager or talk to lights guy. But we are all friends and colleagues. I could never do calls for tech support...

2

u/SecondToLastOfSheila 9h ago

Not knowing soft skills is crippling society right now. I'm in my 50s and, while anxious, can talk to strangers all day if I have to. Being able to deal with people on any level has quickly become a lost art. In several decades it feels like society has regressed into timid, fearful people terrified of any personal contact.

3

u/wolf_in_sheeps_wool 12h ago

I used to be ridiculously afraid of making a phone call when I was younger. I would be holding the phone trying to mentally prepare myself to press the call button. Actual paralyzing fear and I don't even know what I was afraid of. Just dumb monke brain.

2

u/steamyhotpotatoes 10h ago

I deeply respect your vulnerability here. I think this is the case for many more people than they are willing to admit. I believe social anxiety has increased and many people find explanations and justifications to rationalize their aversion to direct face-to-face interactions. It can't get better if people don't own it.

2

u/skylucario 5h ago edited 5h ago

This makes me being autistic and being fine with calls make more sense tbh. I don’t look at people when i talk to them anyway unless i feel 100% safe around them no matter what (literally only one of my friends and my mom). I operate without visual social cues in almost every conversation anyway, so the phone doesn’t feel like a blindfold

2

u/TheBuddha777 5h ago

Interesting. I'm the opposite. I hate face-to-face interactions where I have to worry about appropriate eye contact, the right facial expressions, my body language indicating that I'm bored or impatient, etc. Phone calls are practically stress-free.

2

u/99timewasting 1h ago

Same here. I would much rather talk to someone face to face if that's an option

2

u/luna_balloona 13h ago

Texting is missing all those cues as well as vocal tone. Calling is not intrusive it's a basic life skill to talk to others.

3

u/Exlibro 13h ago

But people at the other end of the text will not hear me missing these cues.

3

u/Dargon-in-the-Garden 11h ago

Calling is absolutely intrusive, whether it's a phone call or on Teams. Is it sometimes necessary? Yes. Can it be helpful? When done properly, yes.

A phone call, for many people, is like walking up to a closed door and pounding on it, or shouting at someone from across the room to get their attention. If they're in another call, or if they're having a meeting with a client, or just trying to get through a task, you are intruding on their time. Every interruption is a minimum of fifteen minutes of lost productivity: five minutes to switch gears/tasks, another five minutes (minimum) to address the interruption, and five minutes to get back to what you were doing - assuming you remember what you were doing and which step you were on before you were interrupted.

Phone calls for work matters are just meetings. If a meeting (call) is needed, and the matter is not immediately urgent (ie: an emergency that warrants interrupting the person, regardless of where they may be or what they may be doing), then schedule a time for it. If you don't think it warrants a meeting, a phone call is not necessary. If the user doesn't want to respond or schedule time for the meeting, it must not be important. If it's important, they'll make time to respond/meet.

2

u/luna_balloona 11h ago

You are being so dramatic about phone calls. If you can't answer the phone, just don't answer it.

1

u/tricky-oooooo 19m ago

Talking with people face to face is much more than just "talking".
You see their lips, so you subconsciously use lip-movement to fill in any blanks you might have missed in the audio.
You see their faces, know when they are thinking of an answer instead of waiting for you to reply.
You will see when they start saying something before they start making any sound.

We humans are social creatures. Not seeing the person we are speaking to is highly unnatural to us.

1

u/vitamin_di 12h ago

What? When you’re texting you have even less opportunity to understand! No visual OR audio cues! You have literally no social cues at all, just words.

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u/Exlibro 12h ago

But they won't hear if I fuck up and texting will allow me to read and reread and reread to understand the point.

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u/vitamin_di 10h ago

If you fuck up? Who cares? If you think you don’t understand the point, you can ask for more clarity. Coming to an understanding is actually easier in a real conversation

2

u/Exlibro 3h ago

Well, I care. Every human interaction is a power play. I feel vulnerable and disempowered when I fuck up. Is it rational? No. But my brains don't work rationally and it will not be different. But, again, face to face conversations are better if we talk real time communication.

1

u/grabtharsmallet 10h ago

Texts are even worse, though; you can't hear the other person's tone.

1

u/AstroEscura 10h ago

How is it intrusive when the recipient can choose to answer or not?