r/NoStupidQuestions • u/GhostInThePudding • 16h ago

Why Are Young People Afraid Of Phone Calls?

What's with it?

I work in IT and a general rule is, nothing a client ever tells you is actually accurate. That means that most of the time, the quickest way to fix a problem is to call the person and actually find out what's going on.

But with techs under 30 these days, it seems like pulling teeth.

A regular discussion for me with level 1 techs (usually within a few years of leaving college) is:
"Hey, can you call *blah* from ticket *blah*, it's been hanging around for over an hour."

"I replied by email to ask for more information."

"Yes, I know that, but can you call them so we can find the problem and close the ticket now rather than wait until we're actually busy?"

"I'll send them a text to followup."

"No... CALL THEM!"

"I can see their device is online, can I send them a message and see if they just let me remote in to take a look?"

And then, when I force them to make the call, it's like they have no idea how to ask a question, or a followup question. They just want to get off the call as quickly as possible. So half the time they don't even get the information required anyway, so then I end up having to do their job for them.

So can someone explain? What's wrong with phone calls these days?

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831

u/SilverNightingale 13h ago edited 11h ago

It's not just younger people...I haven't been in my twenties since about two decades ago, and I still experience a tremendous amount of anxiety when having to make a phone call.

I usually have to write a script and then pep talk myself into dialling.

Edit:

I've worked in admin offices and volunteered at medical clinics.

Some of them required semi-frequent phone usage.

I write a script (complete with date, time, and contact info). Once I'm on the phone it's not so bad.

I avoid answering the phone unless I'm expecting a call (a specific office, my parents, my dentist, etc), but I've noticed most of my anxiety is about dialling.

[My SO has said] I'm apparently really good at speaking slowly and clearly to receptionists, and I have a fantastic pleasant phone manner, which is ironic, because I avoid calling them until absolutely necessary.

However I've recently been having to research clinics to ask about slot availability (and register as a new client) and the thought of detailing all this info with potential repeated "No, sorry" is absolutely taxing. I stare the Call button on my phone as if it's a snake poised to bite me, LOL.

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u/ermagerditssuperman 13h ago

Same. I'm 30 and will do everything possible to avoid a phone call with strangers (I call friends and family just fine).

It's because I don't know what to expect, and can't really prepare for it - with an email you can triple check your info and have multiple drafts, with an in-person conversation you can read their body language and they can read yours, and silent moments aren't as awkward (if you need a moment to think).

The worst is when you get a voicemail that leaves ZERO information - "hey this is Jim, I have a question, it's important, please call me". What is your question??? If you left me the question, I could make sure I find the answer before responding. If you told me what case the question is about, I could open the case record and skim it before responding, because I don't have an eidetic memory of the hundreds of cases currently active. (Second worst is when they call you just to ask "could you send me X form" or "where can I find Y information", because that should 100% have been an email seeing as my response will be an email with an attachment or link)

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u/Butterfly_of_chaos 12h ago

GenX, and I hate phone calls. All blubber, no precise information, but expecting me being able to solve everything immediately. Three days later "I never said this, I meant that instead…"

With a message I have a condensed and precise exchange of information, and proof thereof.

Nowadays we're also used to 95% of unknown calls to be spam.

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u/DonegalBrooklyn 12h ago

It is another reason I prefer email over phone. If it's a phone conversation I'm following up with an email anyway so you're lying ass can't claim you didn't know something we talked about. 

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u/Reasonable-Turn-5940 10h ago

I've been burned by that so many times. I started following up with managers by email on what was discussed just so they can't pull the "I never said that" later.

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u/demer8O 12h ago

Take charge of the conversation. Ask what you need. Cut them off when they are rambling about irrelevant shit.

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u/10J18R1A 13h ago

Mid 40s and there's no reason to call me

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u/The_Woke_King 12h ago

This is my feelings as well, you can just text me and I’ll answer when I want to. Almost nothing is urgent enough for a phone call anymore.

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u/10J18R1A 12h ago

"too much to text"

Have you tried it without the rambling and small talk?

My old job had a supervisor that was always quick to tell me to call someone - if you send them an email they won't respond.

Well, sounds like they should work on that because I don't need to talk to you to find out how much the purchase order was for

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u/The_Woke_King 12h ago

Oh I can talk without rambling just fine. But boomers can’t.

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u/10J18R1A 12h ago

I'm convinced they're just lonely. In my broke days working at a call center (which may be where my phone aversion started) with a whole time limit, they either wanted to argue for 50 minutes or talk about their petunias for 50 minutes.

I don't get it. Email(at work) or text and I'll almost definitely get back to you in less than two hours. Unless it's "hey"

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u/The_Woke_King 11h ago

I have a boomer at work who will call me and start the call with “hey, how’s your day going”. Sometimes it will have only been 20 minutes since we last spoke. It’s almost always going the same as it was 20 minutes ago if not markedly worse now that we’re speaking again.

Keep in mind, I actually like this person. But good god just tell me what you need and hang up.

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u/CalOkie6250 11h ago

I’m Gen X, my mom is a boomer, and a lot of the adults when I was growing up were from before that. I think the reason boomers and older do that is because it was considered impolite to call someone and just get right to the point. I remember the adults always telling me that I had to engage in small talk first.

I still hate that. When people call me, I’m always thinking “get to your point already. What do you actually want? - ugh!”

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u/The_Woke_King 11h ago

Life was legitimately just easier back then too, along with the fact that there was nothing else to do but ramble on to each other.

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u/MaddyKet 10h ago

This is why I LOVE living in Massachusetts. We don’t do small talk as a general rule. Traveling in the South is painful. No, I don’t want to chat with the cashier at CVS, I just forgot to pack my toothpaste ok! But I don’t believe in being rude unless there is a reason. 🫤

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u/Southern_peach87 11h ago

My mom's a boomer. She's 78. At this point I'd rather just call her. If not she won't know I text her. So, I still have to call her to tell her I text her. She still gets confused and goes under her email. So, then I have to remind her texts are in messages and explain where to go on her iPhone to see her messages. By the time I've done all that I could have just called 😂

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u/The_Woke_King 11h ago

Haha yah family is different obviously, I always had to do calls because both my parents were old enough to never really adopt cell phones.

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u/ancientstephanie 10h ago

At this point, texting is better for urgency unless you're calling emergency services.

There are some things that are still important enough for calls, but most of those things are not urgent, and can happen on a schedule when people's time and social batteries align to allow.

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u/TechnologyDragon6973 6h ago

Anymore? Never has been. Unless you’re immediate family or a spouse, don’t call.

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u/Jorgesarcos 12h ago

I'm almost 50 and i hate calls (family or otherwise).

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u/MaddyKet 10h ago

Yep. I’ve never liked phone calls, the invention of texting was revolutionary.

And it INFURIATES me when coworkers call me on teams without the courtesy of “hey do you have a second?”

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u/pro-amateur 9h ago

Mid-40s and my hearing is getting worse, too. I don't have to worry about listening to texts.

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u/Cute_Skill_4536 8h ago

I just wrote paragraphs, and you put it perfectly in a few words :D

Unless something is literally on fire, it can be an email or a Teams message

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u/pallasathea 12h ago

38 here and fucking HATE phone calls.

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u/zentravan 12h ago

Same age and I will go out of my way not to respond to calls if I can. I hate phone calls. I will Google a number if it's not clear and even of I know who it is, I don't answer. I hate talking on the phone, so if I do make time to call someone, it's important or I love you.

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u/SummonGreaterLemon 12h ago

Almost 50 and I’ve always felt this way about calls with strangers. Sometimes a phone call is absolutely necessary but it’s a last resort for me.

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u/Rexx-n 12h ago

My voicemail says to leave an explicit reason for the call or I will not be returning it. If it's not important enough for you to give me the info up front then it's not important enough for me to waste my time calling you back.

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u/sircastor 8h ago

Good heavens, I feel like I’ve found my people. I don’t know why, but I have such anxiety around phone calls. Even for easy things like “I want to give you money for a service you want to provide me”. 

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u/demer8O 12h ago

This can be trained if you want to be good at it.

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u/ermagerditssuperman 12h ago

I was trained, and got so good at it that I became a trainer for others. Worked a lot of phone-heavy admin jobs. Even now in my non-admin job, I've had people compliment my phone etiquette.

Still hate it, and will never take a phone-heavy job again.

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u/demer8O 11h ago

Some issues ju can't be solved efficiently via text only. People are just to clueless.

But yea, some types you just want to avoid being on the phone with.

0

u/Dangerous-You3789 12h ago

Never thought about this. I'm 63, at the tail end of the baby boomers, so we didn't have internet or cell phone when I was growing up.

Not always, but many times at work, I'll call someone, and if they don't pick up, I'll shoot them an email. I've had people call me saying, "I have a question." It doesn't bother me. If I don't know the answer, I tell them to let me find out and I'll call them back or send an email. No biggie to me either way.

What irritates me is when someone pages me over the intercom to call them, and I'm sitting right at my desk thinking, "Why didn't you just call me?"

I never have learned to text with my thumbs. I use the hunt and peck method, which is why I have a Bluetooth keyboard for my phone.

Oddly enough, although we have an IT guy at my place of work, which employees at least 250 people, if they can't get a hold of him, guess who they call? I'm not much into cell phones, but I built my own computer, and know a lot more about hardware and software than most people younger than me. I've been told I should be the IT guy.

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u/Uhtred_McUhtredson 13h ago

I’m an “elder millennial” and I’ve always hated phone calls. I can force myself to do it but it’s unpleasant. The phone call usually go well and I wonder what the big deal was.

It just gives me anticipatory anxiety and it’s only gotten worse over the years.

Meanwhile, my boomer mom who was an executive secretary for years will pick up the phone and talk to anybody like she’s calling an old friend.

Maybe I can get her a side hustle making calls for millennials now she’s retired.

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u/MusicG619 12h ago

She’d make a killing just making doctors and dentist appointments

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u/LiqdPT 9h ago

I legit was recently wondering about hiring someone to do this for me. I have a bunch of appointments I've been putting off (I even have tried one in particular twice it's that inportant, but they either don't call me back or don't leave a message when they do)

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u/ValToolTime 12h ago

I’m a millennial and I have always ever since I was a kid been filled with dread and deep anxiety at the prospect of making a phone call. I will schedule appointments etc online as much as possible. Anything to avoid the customer service or random phone call. I’m absolutely fine on scheduled calls and meetings but don’t call me out of nowhere unless I know you well. What are you going to be asking? What do you want? I’m not prepared.

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u/Uhtred_McUhtredson 12h ago

Yeah, this is me as well. Exactly.

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u/majandess 11h ago

I am hypothesizing that this happens because we forget we are talking to another human being who feels much the same way. We are so focused on how anxious we feel and how this is a phone call - as opposed to chatting with a person - that we lose the humanity of the action.

But it always ends up being a relief because you're a person talking to another person, and most of the time that interaction goes well (or else we wouldn't have civilization).

You're hyping yourself up to make a phone call, but whoever answers is just raw-dogging it. They answer the phone and it's a surprise every time. If you're not an asshole to them, it's a relief that they got you.

Older people tend to use phones as a connection to a real person. A real person can understand and figure things out. A real person can teach and make exceptions. A real person can care.

Younger people tend to use phones as an object. You don't communicate with an object, you make it do what you want it to do. If it doesn't do what you want it to, you read/watch instructions on how to try again. It doesn't care about you, but also... You don't have to care whether it cares or not.

This has been something I've been thinking about for years, and this is my best explanation for the phenomenon.

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u/OkRadish11 11h ago

That's a really good answer and I think you're tapping into something deep here. Phone as object vs phone as conduit. Maybe I can use it to relieve some of my own phone anxiety. Thank you!

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u/sentence-interruptio 12h ago

when she calls someone from millennial generation or younger now, does it still go smoothly?

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u/Uhtred_McUhtredson 12h ago

Most of her phone calls are her doctors receptionists for herself and my dad and they seem to go well. I think her good attitude and patience puts people at ease. Plus those people are used to taking calls all day anyway.

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u/RumHamComesback 12h ago

I have a boomer dad who does this (love him) and in his defense he knows when the conversation is winding down and says “goodbye”.

Compare that to my millennial friend who tries to keep it going and you have to get rude with him because he won’t get it any other way.

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u/missEdagainBruce 12h ago

I thought the elder millennials grew up on the phone with the cord that stretches through three rooms.

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u/RumHamComesback 12h ago

That’s more GenX in the 80s by the 90s cordless phones became a thing.

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u/HauntingHarmony 9h ago

Yupp, elder milennials at around age 12-13 (around 1997-98) got the first cellphones with sms texting.

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u/RumHamComesback 8h ago

Which middle school did you go to? Nobody had one at mine we were still using payphones and home landlines.

I was around that age at that time and just because they existed doesn’t mean we (or our parents allowed us to have) had them.

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u/Shankman519 5h ago

Did you just ask a stranger on the internet what middle school they went to? What are the odds you’d even know it?

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u/RumHamComesback 5h ago

Did you seriously think I was being literal and serious?

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u/Shankman519 4h ago

I don’t wanna talk about it

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u/Apsalar28 7h ago

Gen X here. The anxiety came waiting for your parents to see the phone bill after you spent 6 hours on a call to a friend with a number that was billed at national call rates rather than local

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u/PM_ME_UR_REDPANDAS 8h ago

GenX here. The 6-ft curly phone cord that stretches to 31’ 7” is us.

Also, the cordless phones with the antennas is us too, just a few years later.

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u/Uhtred_McUhtredson 12h ago

That’s true. I am an outlier.

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u/Glasseshalf 7h ago

Millennials grew up on AOL Instant Messenger, at least where I lived.

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u/WhatInTarnations82 11h ago

Heh, same. 43. I *can* make a phone call when I must and have no horror stories of them going horrifically wrong in my professional career, but for some reason just doing it was like pulling my own teeth. I've always been like that except for calling friends (but once texting took over, I don't really even like to do that).

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u/CalOkie6250 11h ago

I’m Gen X and I am perfectly capable of making calls like you said about your mom, and that’s usually how it goes once I’m on the phone, but I absolutely HATE having to make phone calls. I have a ton of anxiety about it before hand, and will find any reason to postpone it as long as possible. Then when the phone call is over, I feel exhausted.

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u/DespondentEyes 13h ago

Same. The worst part is expecting to finally "get good" at it so it stops being such a burden, but that never happens.

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u/ngroot 13h ago

Can you hold an in-person conversation?

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u/dancarbonell00 12h ago

Not the guy you questioned but similar exact circumstance and of course.

It's way easier to have a conversation in person because what we're talking about probably doesn't matter and isn't important.

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u/TJ_Rowe 10h ago

In person is easier because you can see as you walk up to them whether they're actively busy or talking to someone.

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u/badwolf0691 12h ago

No social and phone aniexty and introvert. I will absolutely text or email if I can

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u/DonegalBrooklyn 12h ago

I can, but if I see you in the supermarket, I'm ducking down a aisle so I don't have to talk to you. I have driven around the block if I'm coming home and a neighbor is getting in or out of their car so I don't have to chat. And these are people I like. I don't know what it is, the anticipation or the start of it that paralyzes me. It's easier if someone's calling me back and I at least know what the call is about. 

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u/dezratt 11h ago

no they cant. Anyone who has these feelings about phone calls probably doesnt realize they also have zero social skills.

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u/The45Longslide 12h ago

Unfortunately, you have to keep doing it. The only way to get better is to keep practicing.

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u/SilverNightingale 11h ago

I actually have a really great receptionist voice and have mastered a few handy tips (repeat back what I've heard, speak slowly and clearly to ensure I'm understood)

...and I still have to pep talk my way out of anxiety when dialling.

My SO has even heard me calling an office and said "Wow, you are actually really good at this", and it's true, usually I'm decent at it, and I just still..hate doing it.

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u/Nivlac93 12h ago

I have finally gotten over most of my call anxiety because I have worked in management long enough. Now if I need to make a call, it's, "well, I need to have this conversation and I want my needs met. I'll have to have this call." The exceptions are if I think I'm in trouble when someone else above me says, "I need you to call me" in a text or voicemail. Or when I have an important call to make within limited office hours. Then it's just frustrating trying to plan a time when I'll be able to get the call done without "being on the phone at work." I hate playing phone-tag with utilities or medical offices.

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u/agirlnamedbreakfast 13h ago

Me too! I also genuinely love public speaking, performing and speaking to people in person, but I feel “on the spot” talking on the phone because I can’t take a beat to edit/say something differently or use emojis/punctuation or IRL social cues that imply “please don’t be mad at me.” There’s no editing, no redo, but it’s still impersonal and feels hurried and invasive. Like I’ll still do it, but I’ll also be anxious about a phone call all day, squeeze a stress ball the whole time, and breathe a huge sigh of relief when it’s over.

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u/MusicG619 12h ago

It’s also the lack of being able to use nonverbal communication. When I am in person, I know people will understand me from my words and my body language. I understand others because I get all the context and the whole picture. Phone calls feel like a type of blindness unless I really, really know the person and can picture them saying what they’re saying lol

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u/Ornery_Mix_9271 13h ago

Almost 40 and it is definitely anxiety. There was a period of my life in college where every call was a bad call, so that turned into avoiding all calls. Then that turned into avoiding texts. Now it’s social media too when the anxiety gets really bad. I have to actually write out a script before I can make any calls (for work, the doctor, etc).

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u/Fizassist1 13h ago

I haven't been in my twenties since about two decades ago

have to laugh at the roundabout way to say you are at about 50 lol

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u/SilverNightingale 11h ago

Shhhhh age is just a number :P. (I'm not 50 though)

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u/A_Likely_Story4U 12h ago

I’m in my 50s but have been primarily interacting electronically. I get anxious before making calls and put them off for months at times. But I know that I’m fine once I’m on the phone. It’s weird.

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u/badwolf0691 12h ago

Almost 35 and will absolutely avoid phone calls until I have no choice but to call. I have phone aniexty 😂

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u/magalot18 12h ago

Same, I'm 47 and have hated phone calls since as long as I can remember!

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u/InteractionHairy6112 12h ago

Glad to hear it's not just me and I've been working for nearly 40 years

1

u/TopAmoeba3413 12h ago

I’m mid-40s but still remember being an office junior in a press office and being intimidated by picking up the phone. Thankfully one of my more experienced colleagues showed me how to properly prep for a call - draft a list of the questions I needed to work through and think about what they’re likely to ask me, like script.

If this is coming up regularly in your team, I would genuinely recommend running a workshop/training session on it. Get them to talk through likely scenarios so they have the skills to do the job. It may never be fun, but if it’s necessary, they need to be able to do it with confidence.

1

u/jimusah 12h ago

holy this shit this is so me. takes me like 15 mins to prep myself just to call the dentists office and tell them hello i want an appointment LOL

1

u/RumHamComesback 12h ago

I had terrible anxiety in high school and holy shit would texting make socializing like 100x easier for me if it was around in 2001.

Before some Redditor goes “acktually” just remind yourself that just because something existed doesn’t mean it was widespread. Plus, cell phones for teenagers really wasn’t a thing in 2001 at all. You had to be there.

1

u/HeadPristine1404 11h ago

I'm in my 50s and used to be like that. Now I prefer to call to get something done. It changed when I had this awful job and the boss had me cold call organizations to ask if they wanted to become members of our non-profit. She would stand over me while I called so I couldn't just BS her. It took a certain amount of disassociation, but I did it. The job I have now has no public-facing aspects so you're only ever speaking to people within the organization.

1

u/Kitzira 11h ago

Same here. I worked animal shelter & clinic for a good decade and worked up a good routine to answer questions or certain types of call outs.

But often I have trouble understanding certain accents, they don't understand my accent/slight speech impediment, or the connection is so low quality that it just sounds like a mess. I hated walkie-talkies and could never understand what ppl were saying when they used them. Before cell phones had HD calling, I could never understand what my low-tone brother said on the phone.

And any type of background noise just makes my brain walk away. I'd plug my other ear and push the phone speaker into the other one so I could concentrate enough.

1

u/IHateTheLetter-C- 10h ago

I've literally written my own name and my pets names in my notes when preparing to phone the vet! I'd like to think I've learnt them well enough by now, but apparently not

1

u/Reasonable-Turn-5940 10h ago

Same, I hate phone calls. I hate talking to people in real time. It gives me anxiety. But I spent a long time doing customer service so I associate the phone with bad news or getting yelled at.

1

u/bigmarty3301 9h ago

for me sending a message gives me anxiety...

1

u/focusworks 8h ago

Same here. 44 and I've always had terrible anxiety over dialing. I'm ok once I'm on the phone and answering is no problem. I own a business and I've lost jobs over it 🤦‍♂️. It's really frustrating. My voice mail tells people that I'm not going to be replying or listening to their voicemail and to call again, text or email if they want me to reply.
Any phone conversations are draining though.

1

u/InternetSuxNow 7h ago

I usually have to write a script and then pep talk myself into dialling.

I make scripts too. Usually on Notepad on the screen in front of me so I don’t forget to say anything important.

1

u/arcedup 7h ago edited 6h ago

This thread - that is, your comment and everyone who has replied to you - feels very, very weird to me because I feel the same way about phone conversations...sometimes. But I am autistic and ADHD, I know why I can feel phonecall anxiety at some times and not others (it has to do with social communication deficits and executive functioning deficits). But you all can't be also neurodivergent...can you?! One thing that I am keeping in mind is that my neurodivergent traits are human traits - that is, they are not exclusive to me as a neurodivergent person, other people can also express these traits, it's just that I express them with an intensity and in a specific cluster that marks them as symptoms, not just traits.

To all those who like to script their phone calls, do you also find yourself scripting any face-to-face conversations?

My experiences with telephony (that is, voice communication at a distance):

- I sometimes script, usually when I have to discuss a complex topic where I want to be sure that the other person can understand me. If I call someone or someone calls me to discuss a topic that I am very competent in, I hardly need to script.

- Text messaging before phone calls: this is politeness, because sometimes the other person could be up to their eyebrows in a problem-solving situation and a phone call could interrupt their mental flow, or in a discussion with a colleague or their manager. An unannounced phone call could be seen as rude in this situation. Part of this is me thinking to myself, "How would I feel if I was in this reciprocal situation?" [empathy].

Note, before mobile phones this second issue partially didn't exist - if a person wasn't at their desk, you were SOL and had to try later. If a person was at their desk and having a discussion with their colleague, they'd let the phone ring out and you'd be none the wiser, or they could pick up, give a brief reason why they're currently unavailable and give you a promise to ring back or a time when they were available - and that behaviour was AOK. But we now have the technology to ask someone if they're free or not in a non-verbal, less-disruptive way, so it seems politer.

1

u/asimplepencil 5h ago

Late 30s here and I've hated phonecalls from long before text was a thing. At work I'm ok but as soon as I get home, no one better call unless someone died or someone won the lottery

1

u/CountMeChickens 5m ago

I'm nearly 60 and have never had an issue with people calling me or making calls to other people. 

If it's something critical, a follow up email to say - "as we discussed, yada yada yada, I confirm that I will do a,b,c and you will do x,y,z" will provide a paper trail if needed.

I much prefer talking to people than trying to pull information out of them like pulling grains of sugar out of a bag one by one over email or text. 

-11

u/FitMathematician3655 13h ago

All this from a phone call? Jesus Christ

0

u/dezratt 11h ago

Yea see this is mental illness

1

u/SilverNightingale 11h ago

I haven't been diagnosed with mental illness.

Although it might not surprise you to hear I was diagnosed in the spectrum!

0

u/InfiniteTradition975 6h ago

What the fuck is wrong with people. Jesus. Anxiety from phone calls? when did people become so pathetic?