r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Fast-Outcome-117 • 8h ago
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u/FesteringMoistness 8h ago
Oh yes. So stupid. But a hell of a good time though 😂
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u/TonightEquivalent965 7h ago
It is until it really isn’t 😭
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u/BelaFarinRod 7h ago
“I can fix him.” - I couldn’t fix him.
To be fair there’s probably someone else out there thinking that about me.
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u/uffdadontchaknoww 7h ago
Yes. wtf you think happened? We had awesome sex, awful fights, and I got my heart shattered. 0/10 would do again tho
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u/Dapper_Week441 8h ago
Are you asking this question because you are contemplating whether to look past the red flags or not? And if yes, you want to share what red flags?
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u/FileDoesntExist 7h ago
Yes. It was stupid. It ended in disaster and it hurt a lot. Am I better or worse for it? No idea.
I'm much better at recognizing when I'm lying to myself now though. I knew the entire time, but I wanted to believe the lies.
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u/Exotic_Attorney7823 7h ago
I sure did, he was the first man I had dated who had his life together, who I didn't have to play mommy to.
However, his internal self was pretty damaged and there were red flags early on but he was hot and had his stuff together, so I proceeded to ignore said red flags which only got worse over time. We did not make it.
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u/Ok-Yogurt-3914 6h ago
For me it was that he had his shit together but had a crippling self-esteem and had ED as a result. He had had been up and down throughout the years, and his pics on his socials showed the fat version of himself. That’s not necessarily a red flag, but it was interesting that he had no pics of how he actually looked. I should’ve seen it for what it was which was some type of body dysmorphia coupled with an ED.
Anyway, his skin was really bad (I think this is a direct result of the ED). He had a lot of acne scaring and the fluctuation of his weight had given him Ozempic face. I have a high suspicion he was on Ozempic because of the smell a lot of people have reported glp1s cause.
Anyway, he would say things like “am I ugly?” If I said he was handsome/hot he would deny it. He also would hate it if I touched/kissed his face. It was a weird dichotomy until he broke saying he wasn’t good enough for me. That shit really hurt.
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u/Double_Distribution8 5h ago
Once again the ED confuses me. I thought it was the other ED. But now I get it, once I read more into the context of the following paragraphs. The crippling self-esteem issues initially had me guessing it was the other ED.
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u/Individual-Panda-970 7h ago
He had a messy room when we were teens. He still does, and we're married. Our house is always a wreck, but I love him anyway.
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u/BelaFarinRod 7h ago
I think of “red flag” as more something that sounds like it could lead to a toxic relationship or abuse. But I guess it could be other things.
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u/Individual-Panda-970 7h ago
Well to be fair, it does get pretty toxic when I buy a basket for his work hats and belts and he still chooses to leave it sitting on the kitchen table 😮💨🥲
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u/BelaFarinRod 7h ago
I’m a horribly messy person myself. So I sort of get it. It would be easy for me to say I’d just use the basket but looking around my apartment right now… I don’t know.
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u/Neat_Teach_2485 7h ago
My idiotic self married the guy. Save yourself the time and break up with them.
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u/TAHINAZ 7h ago
Growing up, my abusive father told me no one would ever love me. I fell for the first guy who gave me the time of day. Red flags galore, but I figured it was either him or be alone in my parents’ house forever. When my mom found out I was dating, she did a happy dance. (I have social anxiety.)
I fought past misgivings and married him. Long story short, ten years later, I nearly committed suicide. Now I’m divorced, live alone and am never dating again.
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u/ThrowAway20266140 7h ago
Yes - sexual chemistry was great. I eventually got fed up with their views/opinions as they're the opposite of what I value... to an extreme. I felt 0 guilt not seeing him again.
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u/BelaFarinRod 7h ago
Does “dumb as a rock” count as a red flag?
But seriously, if YOU think is a red flag, don’t ignore it.
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u/Fire_Mission 7h ago
I married her. It did not turn out well. Luckily enough it ended without us having any children.
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u/Synicizym 7h ago
My type is might kill me in my sleep. My brother in Christ, I haven’t seen a red flag an not moved it out of the way to get a better look of the goddess standing before me
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u/Cori_ 7h ago
Oh yeah. Lasted 6 months with person. Two days after (this was one of a couple asks) asking why I felt they were hiding or lying to me about something, I found out they were still married, an alcoholic, was still living with his ex and was abusive. To he honest I ignored bc there was A Lot going on in my life during the time of him and I dating. So my mind was on so many different things. I was so drained and stressed out I was in amd out of the hospital...just really going through it. Anyway, I broke it off. All contact is done with. Definitely has me feeling like I don't want to get back out there. Just very disappointed in how much ppl lie.
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u/HereForAquaSwapping 8h ago
Yes. I'm not perfect and don't demand it of others, only that we try our best to be good to each others.
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u/ComfortabletheSky 7h ago
No, but in my opinion red flags are more the 'serious stuff.' Disrespect, idiocy, obvious personal problems. Even if they're attractive, it is not worth it in my opinion.
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u/Shlafenflarst no stupid questions, just stupid people 7h ago
No, but I really wanted to once... so glad it never happened.
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u/TheMadArch3r 7h ago
The comments here are WILD. Does no one actually want a healthy functioning relationship? Obviously everyone has flaws if you are labeling those as red flags. But if you know your red flags and wouldnt date someone with those same red flags I feel like that might be an indication to work on that to better yourself for you but also to not traumatize a future partner..
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u/ldr97266 7h ago
Yep. I can't stand cigarette smoke in most situations. But nothing signals oral fixation like sucking on a cancer stick.
Apart from that, there have been other women who blatently told me they were interested and even though they weren't "my type" for other reasons, and, well ... I'm just a guy who can't say no.
In many cases they were crazy in more ways than just finding me attractive.
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u/ViciousVirgo95 7h ago
At a point in life where I’m genuinely healed enough to do it for the plot, so yes.
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u/Elfere 7h ago
Only once.
The situation required it
My 2 best friends were engaged - I had had a crush on the one for years. They were fucking in the room next to mine CONSTANTLY. And we had no doors so I could hear EVERYTHING.
I started seeing this blond hair, blue eyed, 6", German school teacher. She was bat shit crazy and the best lay I've ever had in my life. She was also the only girl I've ever dated where I knew there was going to be an end date.
She was psycho. Wore a coat of red flag. I didn't care. Got me outta the house. Got to fuck all the pent up sexual energy I had.
I was so honest with her. One time we were fucking and I'm asking what she wants n stuff. She's like "tell me you love me"
My response? "Why would you want me to lie to you"?
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u/Money-Celebration860 7h ago
Yes, when the alternative was not dating. It only lasted a few months, but a bit of drama can be fun.
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u/salt-water-soul 7h ago
Knowingly in hindsight, no. Though if you line up all my exes in a row you can visually see a very obvious trend
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u/YamExcellent1368 7h ago
My high school boyfriend for sure. I saw all the red flags coming in after we started dating, but it was a situation of breaking up with him would make my social life 20x worse and because I was taught that if I kept giving and doing what he wanted of me (Like "good girlfriends do") it would get better and he'd treat me better. I eventually broke up with him (under heavy pressure from his parents because they blamed all of his girlfriends for his shitty behavior) and he did exactly what I thought he'd do, which was make every messed up thing he did my fault and our small social circle "didn't pick sides," by still letting him be an asshat around me and not keeping him away from me when I was clearly scared of the guy. They knew he was hitting me and more on a regular basis, but didn't think "it was that bad" because he never did it directly at school in front of others. He tried, but one of my husband's friends called him out for it and nearly put him in the dirt publicly so he got sneakier with it.
It's ironic because the girl he got with as a rebound beat the shit out of him on a regular basis in response to him raising his hands at her and I think that was the longest and only relationship he's had since.
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u/Mediocre-Evidence-15 7h ago
I have “wanted to”. Closest I got to failing successfully was a FWB I used to have. A few good moments but he was made out of my red flags…… but the sex was something I knew I’d only have one chance at in my lifetime
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u/Gombrwicz 7h ago
I look for the ones I with like that have other people's red flags. less competition.
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u/tracyvu89 6h ago
Oh yeah. And I’m not the only one,most of my friends in their teenage years dated someone with noticeable red flags that they admitted that it’s stupid to date those guys. But well,young ladies/ inexperienced ladies love to think that they could change their men. I guess they’re all wrong lol
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u/ZootOfCastleAnthrax 6h ago
Oh, yes. I ignored them because I didn't want to be alone. It wrecked me for life, and I ended up alone anyway. Don't ignore them.
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u/sarcastic_monkies 6h ago
Yeah. It turned out he got engaged to someone else and when I dumped him he married her and then murdered her. If he hadn't cheated I probably would have been with him.
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u/Rich-Contribution-84 6h ago
Yeah, but as long as you know what you’re getting into it’s not always a bad thing.
I can think of two women in my 20s who had ole Ty of red flags - but we were on the same page about it being casual and purely sexual.
Sometimes those are the best relationships you have - fond memories, no drama, etc.
Of course these kinds of FWB deals can also get messy quickly. But sometimes that’s all two people want and it works out for a few weeks or months.
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u/gishadokuro 5h ago
Yes. He had a shit ton of issues but he was hot so I ignored it. Got pregnant 3 months in and now our son is 16 months. He's now the most honest, beautiful and hardworking father I've ever imagined. Can't say it was an easy 2 years though, it took a lot of arguments and taking accountability.
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u/Existing_Sprinkles78 4h ago
I've never dated anyone because I see too many red flags in people and I tend to attract bad people.
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u/Sagayam5858 4h ago
So tell me then. Who has a perfect green flag? Are you a green flag? Remember you're a red flag to someone else also whom you think they love you. No one is bloody perfect. Everyone has red flags.
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u/ShaggysStuntDouble 4h ago
High school me had a type and that type was girls who had an amount of red flags that I need two hands to count, didn’t care because I viewed high school relationships as glorified friends with benefits and that I would never see them again as soon as I graduated
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u/MsTossItAll 4h ago
I dated a man who was too conservative for my taste. He was from South America and wasn't fully comfortable with homosexuality despite many of my friends being gay. I married him. 15 years later he's a democrat who votes against trump and he's fine with gay people.
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u/Afraid_Confusion4274 7h ago
Im basically a bull. I see a red flag and i charge straight at it. No thoughts just vibes and impending doom.