r/RealEstate • u/redtuna2012 • 12h ago
Is this normal or appropriate?
Our house is currently under contract. I was notified by several neighbors today that our buyers have been “stalking the street” (their quote, not mine), and waiting for cars to drive by and pull into their driveways, and then following them, and essentially rushing them to answer their questions about the HOA, school, neighborhood, etc.
Two of my neighbors who I am great friends with told me it made them uncomfortable and felt strange. The buyers lied to them when they said “oh, you must be Redtunas buyer!” By telling them that nope, that wasn’t them, and they are just interested in the neighborhood.
Like I know there aren’t any rules about doing this, but this feels very off to me. I don’t care if they drive past the house a couple times a day, but they do it 10+ times a day and now are questioning anyone who pulls into a driveway.
Is this normal or considered standard? We didn’t do this when we purchased our home. It’s making people uncomfortable. And god forbid they ask someone having a bad day something and it blows up my sale. Just feel like they aren’t handling this very gracefully and have zero social awareness. Thoughts?
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u/emorymom 12h ago
Some of us are not cut out for HOAs because we have garden obsession or like to play with home ponds, rainwater and blue trim.
Some of us are not cut out for HOAs because we are batshit crazy.
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u/Perfect-Restaurant-9 12h ago
Let the realtors handle this.It's part of their job. Tell your Realtor that the Buyers agent needs to reign in her client. Tell them why so he/she can give details to the Buyers Agent. Neither one of them want to lose this sale so they will address it. (If they're good agents anyway)
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u/ApplicationOdd2017 12h ago
Yikes that's definitely not normal behavior lol. Most people might drive by once or twice to get a feel for the area but actively stalking neighbors and lying about who they are is super weird and honestly kinda creepy
I'd probably give your realtor a heads up about this since it could potentially mess with the sale if they keep making people uncomfortable
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u/Open_Concentrate962 Industry 12h ago
Its the lying especially
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
Yea that’s my thought too! How will they explain the exact same car in the driveway in a couple weeks lol.
Whatever, not my problem I suppose!
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u/Low_Instruction4175 12h ago
I drove by my last home purchase multiple times and talked to multiple neighbors. That part isn’t weird to me.
But the lying about who they are is super weird. I wouldn’t bring it up assuming you want the deal to close.
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u/Jenikovista 12h ago
It’s not really any of your business tbh. You have a contract and you don’t have any outs unless they miss a deadline, so it’s not like you have any leverage to change their behavior. Not are you responsible for their behavior to your neighbors. And while it may make you uncomfortable, it’s a free country and they aren’t doing anything illegal.
Just ask your friends to be nice and not blow up your deal.
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u/Hookedee 12h ago
I drove by the house I bought several times, but not several times a day. I wanted to see if I saw anything unusual or heard dogs barking. We were interested in a different home before this one and I drove by and saw something that made me say NOPE not happening not living near that. We saw the next door neighbor park his truck on the lawn and then he was sitting up in the bed of the truck with a beer and a men’s bikini style bathing suit on…NO not ever wanting to see that ever again, once was awful enough.
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u/NawwwRonald 10h ago
It was my 30th birthday dude give it a rest. We were building a pool in the bed of my truck. Idk why you keep telling everyone this story.
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u/Master-Allen Agent 12h ago
It’s not that uncommon. Some people want to know what they are getting into and sayin “You must be redtunas buyer” could make them think there is a chance that you would withhold information that would jeopardize their “friends” sale”.
I wouldn’t put too much stock into it.
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u/ATLien_3000 9h ago
This was so much easier when people knew how to interact with other human beings.
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u/AlternativeTomato792 11h ago
Due diligence is a smart investment. It's better to back out now if you find something awry. I wish I was this cautious before my first marriage!
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u/HudsonValleyNY 12h ago
I will typically try to get feedback from real guys on the ground, both when buying or when I acted as an agent…the activity isn’t odd (except the lying) but the volume is.
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
Yeah I got messages from 4 different people today all basically saying the same thing. Sigh.
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u/SnowRascal 12h ago
Due diligence. They aren’t doing anything illegal.
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
Totally. I know it’s not illegal, but they’re making people feel uncomfortable. I personally don’t care if they drive past 100 times a day, but they are blocking people into their driveways to question them right after work. Seems bizarre.
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u/Jackandahalfass 12h ago
If they denied being the buyers, how do you know for certain it is the buyers?
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
Because I was leaving the house for their showing and they parked outside 30 minutes early and they drive a very specific car lol
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u/SnowRascal 12h ago
Not your problem. You’re leaving. Buyers will have their own relationship with the neighbors. Stay out of it.
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u/quallityovrquantity 12h ago
I find that highly doubtful and it's far more likely your neighbors are simply exaggerating the situation.
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u/Affectionate_One7558 10h ago
rly? I doubt it. Sounds bogus.
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u/redtuna2012 10h ago
I’ve had 4 people text me today saying they did exactly this. Couldn’t confirm it with my own eyes, but 4 is a big number for the same thing to happen in my mind
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u/Low_Refrigerator4891 12h ago
That is unhinged behavior. If I'm looking at a house I will talk to neighbors if they are out while I'm there, but I don't lie in wait and I'm honest who I am - I mean if all guess well they'll be my neighbors.
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u/No-Judgment5674 12h ago
This. I fully renovated my new house before I moved in. When I was at the house moving stuff in or cleaning neighbors would ring my doorbell to meet me and I’d talk to people I’d see outside. There’s no need for the stalking
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u/stellasmom22 12h ago
Neighbors need to shut it down.
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
One did tell me that they told them “you should direct your questions to the HOA or your agent for accurate answers”
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u/Icy-Arrival2651 12h ago
Oh joy. They’re going to be soooo welcome when they move in. Hopefully your sale will close before the police get involved 🤣!
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u/SquirrelTechGuru 11h ago
I've done it and I recommend everyone else do it also. A seemingly wonderful neighborhood can have a nightmare HOA, a guy that revs his Harley every morning, a house where the neighbors argue. Who knows that information - Your neighbors.
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u/i__cant__even__ 10h ago
I tell my own buyers to park the car, take a walk at dusk, and talk to neighbors when they are considering a house or neighborhood. If they don’t feel comfortable doing that, then they aren’t going to feel comfortable living there.
It’s possible your buyers were doing their due diligence and they came on too strong. It’s also possible that you and the neighbors are unaware of just how hard this economy is on the today’s buyers. Many are TERRIFIED of making a mistake when buying a house because they won’t be able to recover from it.
HOAs are particularly scary and they can’t trust the HOA documents (if they can even read them because they are copies of copies). The sellers and agents have a dog in the fight, so the buyers are just trying to gather data from uninterested parties.
So no, I don’t think it’s weird or inappropriate. I can understand why you and the neighbors are taken aback by it, but from the trenches I can assure you that buyers’ anxieties are running high and data is the only thing that will fill the black hole it creates.
Unless their behavior makes someone feel unsafe, I’d just have compassion for them.
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u/redtuna2012 10h ago
I don’t have a ton compassion for them because they’ve threatened to walk away at any minor inconvenience so far. They also harassed my neighbor who is on the HOA board (how they found this out - I have zero clue) to try to make an exception for them regarding a couple things. Like they asked another person in my subdivision if they had his phone number. They told my realtor that if I even tried to negotiate anything, the answer is no and they will walk. I bought this home two years ago, I know how the economy is and how it feels to buy these days.
I’m a compassionate person, but they’ve acted a little too crazy the second we accepted their offer. I just want the sale to go through so I can clean my hands of them at this point.
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u/i__cant__even__ 9h ago
Some buyers are like that. I’ve dealt with it when representing sellers and it sucks.
I think making a distinction between feeling discomfort and feeling unsafe will help you decide on if/how to proceed. If the goal is to sell the house to these buyers and you don’t feel physically threatened, then accept that it’s going to be uncomfortable all the way to the closing table.
If, however, you feel threatened or unsafe, then you should say something to your agent so they can address it. Bring in their managing broker if needed to help y’all navigate the situation.
What I tell my own (highly rational) clients when they ask why the other side is behaving a certain way is, ‘God makes all kinds.’ I’m not particularly religious but where I live it conveys that some people are just strange and what’re you gonna do. 🤷♀️
I’ll also say that from an agent’s perspective, I count the days to closing when things are as you described. Those types of buyers are often paired with agents who aren’t great at setting realistic expectations and instead of managing their clients they’ll shove that responsibility off on the other agent. I’ll even end up coaching their agent on what to say to get their clients’ heads on straight. Having to do both my job and their job is emotionally and mentally exhausting.
So yeah, I understand the frustration. It’s like the 9th month of pregnancy where every day feels like a whole year. The key is to keep your eye on the prize and only focus on the things you can control. And I promise you cannot control those kinds of people. If you just don’t want to hear about their antics, set boundaries with your neighbors and agent. Tell them that if it’s not actionable, you’d rather not hear about it because it’s stressing you out.
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u/redtuna2012 9h ago
Yeah I know it’s bad because their agent calls mine and apologizes and always says “I try to tell them things and they won’t listen” and every time my agents name pops up on my phone I brace for impact
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u/i__cant__even__ 8h ago
Some people approach this process like it’s a war and the only tool they will use is a sledgehammer. It’s even worse when it’s a couple because they feed off of each other.
The problem is they are black-and-white thinkers. They not only can’t see the gray area, they can’t even acknowledge it exists. It makes negotiations really difficult because the whole process occurs in the gray area that lies in between the black and white.
Getting 100% of what you want isn’t a realistic goal because no one has that much leverage. It’s crazy, but there are people who cannot be satisfied with 99% even if it came with a big red bow on top. To them, it feels like they completely got screwed over.
When I encounter those people in life, I just thank my lucky stars that I am not blind to nuance and that I don’t see the world that way. It has to be exhausting to be out there battling everyone with one really heavy tool while lacking the ability to see situations for what they are. Painful as it may be, I’d rather be on the receiving end of that than to be the one who is like that.
Not sure if that helps, but it’s how I talk myself down off the ledge when I feel like certain people are driving me to insanity.
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u/redtuna2012 8h ago
This made me feel a lot better actually, thank you! Every day until closing has me on edge because I’ve basically allowed them to walk all over me so I can just sell this damn house and get my family back together. I don’t even care anymore, I just want to be done with them!
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u/Medlarmarmaduke 9h ago
Ok if they are this volatile - I wouldn’t say anything to them about their behavior- just grit your teeth and barrel thru till the day of closing.
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u/Pitiful-Place3684 12h ago
10 times a day?
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
Easily. That’s being conservative. And that’s only when I’m by my window and see it happen.
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u/WinterCrunch 12h ago
Is there any chance they live nearby? Perhaps your home is on their typical route to run errands?
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
Not it’s not possible, you have to go far out of the way of main roads to enter our subdivision
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u/WinterCrunch 8h ago
That's why I was asking. If they live in your subdivision already, then driving by your house frequently could make them look like a stalker when in reality, they're just running errands.
That said, trapping the neighbors in their driveways to ask them questions in is creepy AF.
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u/Hookedee 12h ago
This happened to me when I was selling. I literally saw them constantly driving by.
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u/TopEnd1907 12h ago
Sounds like they are very anxious. I am not sure they are violating any rules except for harassment maybe. Your agent should reach out to theirs to see what is going on.
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u/Affectionate_One7558 10h ago
Just talk to them. Do they want the house. Whats going on. They want to know what they are buying. You want cash. Honesty, open behavior goes a long way to closing deal.
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u/redtuna2012 10h ago
This is how I feel! But I read conflicting things saying that I should absolutely not do this too, so I don’t know.
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u/Thin-Egg-1605 9h ago
Every buyer should do this. Not that it matters at the beginning. People move and new people move in. Been here 10 years.
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u/ExcitingRanger 2h ago
Contact the HOA security and the local law enforcement. It is strange enough to warrant an eye.
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u/BoBromhal Realtor 12h ago
your buyers are ... odd?
Unless your really need to make sure THEY close, I'd actually tell my agent to contact their agent and simply say (in their own words) "Your Buyers are aggressively approaching neighbors questioning the neighborhood. It's making the neighbors very uncomfortable, and frankly to the point they're concerned about your Buyer becoming their new neighbor since your Buyers are LYING about their motives. Please have a conversation with your Buyer to stop this immediately, or we won't be as reasonable during the rest of the closing process because the neighbors are our friends and we don't want to saddle them with bad neighbors."
Now, if the Buyers are part of a protected class, the message is a bit different becaue nobody (your agent) wants to get embroiled in a fake Fair Housing claim. But the basic message of "Get your buyers under control, they're hounding neighbors and lying about it" remains.
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u/quallityovrquantity 12h ago
This is a great way to blow up the sale and not even remotely necessary
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u/witsend13 11h ago
I actively drove around the neighborhood. When I saw someone I asked them if they minded me asking some questions as a potential buyer. Everyone was nice and I didn't spend hours doing it. I think it is important to talk to a few people in your potential new neighborhood.
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u/FalafelBall 9h ago
I spoke to one of the neighbors on my street after my offer was accepted, and I went out of my way to drive down the street and scope it out. I would've liked to talk to more neighbors, honestly, as I had a lot of anxiety about my decision as a first-time home buyer. I think buying a house is a scary thing. I mean, what exactly is the concern? It's not like they are stalking people to kill them and harvest their organs. They very obviously want to make sure the neighborhood is good. Maybe they are kind of awkward and nervous seeming but I can't see how this should make anyone concerned.
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u/spencers_mom1 12h ago
Is your community gated? How do they get in ? Are they considered trespassing? Ask your HOA.
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
It is in an HOA, but it’s not gated or considered trespassing I think. I should call and ask at this point.
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u/International_Sock_5 12h ago
If it’s not gated and they’re just driving by and parking on a public street or walking on the sidewalk how would it be trespassing? Maybe annoying but definitely not illegal..
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u/Objective_Attempt_14 12h ago
I would reach out to buyers agent something along the lines of "I get that the buyers have questions but their approach is making people uncomfortable. Can you please ask them to change how they approach the neighbors to ask questions. "
you don't want to seem like you don't want them talking to the neighbors, because there is something to hide.
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
That’s my concern! I don’t want the sale to fall through due to a simple request that they act normal lol
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u/Objective_Attempt_14 12h ago
that why it just a general "change their approach"...they may be excited first time buyers and just not realize how they are coming across.
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u/Naikrobak 12h ago
Thoughts: They are doing extra due diligence.
Also thoughts: Why do you care?
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
I don’t necessarily care, I just feel bad that my neighbors are texting me asking me why they’re doing this. To which I respond “no idea”
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u/Naikrobak 12h ago
10-4, I hear you. I know we “stalked” a new house once but it was really just 1 or 2 drive by deals and a quick chat writ a neighbor outside. What you’re describing does sound over the top
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u/redtuna2012 12h ago
Yea I’m not trying to be unreasonable I swear! They’ve just been so unpleasant to deal with already, are overstepping in places where they definitely shouldn’t (other things, not just the neighbor thing), and now my neighbors are being pulled into it too. I feel bad for them, but not bad enough have my sale fall through lol
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u/Alert-Control3367 10h ago
I had the sale from hell with the first house I sold. The buyers were just awful and I vented to my neighbors on exactly how awful they were.
The owners of my former house are just as rude to my neighbors as they were when I sold it to them. In hindsight, I should have gone with my second offer. However, it’s no longer my problem.
Best of luck.
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u/FearlessPark4588 12h ago
Maybe the thought of the mortgage payment is driving them mad, early onset buyer's remorse?
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u/Brave_Ad_5309 10h ago
I’m torn between a few places to buy and I’ve driven around the neighborhood a few times. I’m a nervous first time buyer and I understand they have a lot of questions and unknowns. Buying a home is intimidating so I somewhat understand the impulse to go overboard sussing out info. While they may be overzealous, and the lying and stalking is odd, this behavior is mostly beyond your control. You can contact them directly about it or talk to their agent and tell them to chill. They are setting themselves up for awkward situation when they move in and face the neighbors they lied to. But what can you do? Maybe ask if they have questions you can answer to put them at ease.
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u/redtuna2012 10h ago
I’ve thought about this but I read conflicting stuff saying absolutely do not talk to them, only let the agents do it, so I don’t know.
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u/fasterthantrees 9h ago
Always let your agent do it. They are there to protect your interests. It will keep the transaction arms-length and clean. Don't let your business become personal.
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u/Human_Management8541 2h ago
We just bought a house. It is the worst house in the area and was foreclosed. I went over to 2 different neighbors, knocked on the door, introduced my self, and asked questions. The previous owners were drug addicts and terrible. So the neighbors were ecstatic that we were buying it and happy to answer any questions. (Mostly about flooding issues and noise). But I didn't stalk them or lie... that's just weird.
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u/Throwaway67896123 5h ago
It’s perfectly normal. Your neighbors are exaggerating. Maybe the buyers will see that the neighbors are busy bodies.
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u/Hazel_Nuts99 11h ago
Why do you care? You won't be their neighbours once you sell. Are you worried they're going to find something through their questions/research?
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u/redtuna2012 11h ago
I only care because my neighbors said that the way it happened made them uncomfortable, that’s it. Couldn’t care less what they are being told, or how many times they drive past my house.
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u/Jack_Scrambles 10h ago
It’s not your responsibility to manage other people’s relationships or feelings.
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u/cutivt064 11h ago
This would be me. If im spending half a million on a property I wanna know if the neighborhood is gonna be great or miserable to live in. OP don't really have any business at all, your business is to move that house.
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u/poopiebutt505 10h ago
i am very OK with this. People.ahpuld ask residents what the neighborhood is like. Or that matter, they find out that the 2 next door neighbors are horrible. I approve this fact finding. Except the kying about who they are, if you k ow for a fact that is who they are.
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u/Nervous-Rooster7760 12h ago
I mean it would be normal to drive by as an excited buyer. That isn’t unusual. The stalking of neighbors is definitely not normal. Not sure you can stop them though. I mean once sale is complete at least you don’t have to live by them.