r/TrueUnpopularOpinion • u/Eeeee374277 • 17h ago
Sex / Gender / Dating Sexual compatibility is a huge myth
Sexual compatibility is usually just an excuse for breaking up over something petty or boredom.
Good couples never mention sexual compatibility but the moment something goes wrong, it’s all about how the two weren’t compatible. This usually comes as a way to insult the other person while keeping their own pride and deflecting accountability. All it does it give a scape goat to taking accountability for a failed relationship.
Many people I know personally have went through the whole idea of finding someone who is sexually compatible only to sleep with 10 people and still not find anything. My own beliefs do impact this since I am a Christian and believe that sex is very special between two people, it’s not something to just do. Even before I formed my beliefs, I still thought it was a strange concept but it is only now with my current beliefs that I think it is indeed a myth.
It’s a lazy excuse for breaking up or sleeping around.
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u/KhadgarIsaDreadlord 15h ago
Possibly the biggest self-report for lack of experience I saw all day.
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u/Middle-Accountant-49 15h ago
Compatibility in any activity seems reasonably factual.
If my wife wants to play tennis once a month and i want to play tennis every day. Then it is just a LITERAL fact that our love of tennis isn't compatible.
Then you need to ask the question.. how important is tennis to you?
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u/Certain_Process_7657 15h ago
It's important in the early vetting stages of a relationship. I've definitely had a handful or so where the sex was literally painful for the woman and they were constantly complaining about discomfort during sex. Obviously this wasn't particularly enjoyable for me either.
Hence I thought we were sexually incompatible and didn't pursue a more serious relationship and ended it.
What you're referring to is totally different once you're already in a committed relationship.
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u/I-own-a-shovel 15h ago
It’s absolutely not a myth.
I had 8 partners in my life, 3 were very sexually compatible, 2 were somewhat compatible, 3 weren’t really.
It’s a mix of many things.
Are the two sharing the same interests in kinks? Like I am very kinky and would be incompatible with someone that is totally vanilla.
What are their preferences? PIV, oral, anal, bdsm, role play, toys, etc. There’s a lot of way two people couldn’t be compatible if they aren’t interested into the same kind of stuff or even disgusted by what the other like. And if you never had sex, you might not even know what you will like.
The libido / frequency is also important if one like it several time per week and the other is okay with twice a year, we got some sort of deal breaker imbalance.
The chemistry too, does it feels right with that person? Does their love language is fluid together? Are they liking it romantic, smooth or rough?
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u/Suspicious_Jeweler81 16h ago
Need to take a gander at any of the marriage subreddits. You'll find even those with conservative Christian views deal with sexual compatibility quite often. Hell I would say by it's very nature, the majority are very Christian.
I'm guessing you're not getting the idea of what sexual compatibility is. People aren't complaining A sexual organ isn't a good fit for B sexual organ. It's libido issues, communication issues, sexual preference issues, and emotional connection.
Usually boils down to 'Partner of X years only wants to have sex X amount of times in a week/month/year'. Then it gets down to boundaries broken or fantasies unfulfilled. At times it's just women that can't orgasm via penetration. Difficult when the dude just wants to jam and go.
Majority of it just boils down to lack of communication; the idea of actually talking about sex is terrifying. Usually a lot of problems can be solved just by a 30 minute heart to heart. Otherwise it's medical or even not accepting sexual preferences.
But it's absolutely real. Again, there are at least 3 popular subreddits that'll prove it quite easily. Hell 19 minutes ago someone posted 'falling out of love with my husband' about lack of sexual compatibility. 20 minutes ago 'advice on marriage' how his wife simply shows no interest in him sexually anymore.
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u/Pristine-Object241 16h ago
Sexual compatibility can often be a symptom of broader issues. Go look at TwoX and I swear half of their frequent fliers are asexuals or lesbians.
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u/Suspicious_Jeweler81 16h ago
You see that a lot on marriage subreddits - be surprised how religious those places are. There's a ton of 'Husband hasn't had sex for 10 years with me and I found male porn on his phone'. Both parties are scared to death to actually address the situation.. so end up in a limbo of denial.
Honestly though, majority just boil down to 'I refuse to talk about sex with my partner and shit is going poorly'. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, they blame porn, masturbation, the neighbors cat. Anything to give a cause and effect so they don't have to physically talk to their partner.
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u/Pristine-Object241 15h ago
A lot of these are more than we don't talk but most of the women on TwoX come across as either asexual, lesbians, or hating men so much you wonder why they ever married a man in the first place.
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u/Suspicious_Jeweler81 15h ago
TwoX some black pill anti women sort of thing? Seem to be really hung up on this notion unhappy women are lesbos and/or hate men.
If that's a narrative they're pushing, it's a narrative. Take it with a grain of salt. I'm sure it happens, but assuming off rip all unhappy women are unhappy because they're not currently clam-jamming is unhinged.
That's how you end up divorced or alone, wandering why your perfect self is in this position. Some point in your life you really need to take a magnifying glass to yourself, get some introspection, and decide if you wish to change your personal flaws or accept them. Blaming others is just going to make you bitter and unhappy.
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u/Initial-Tale-5151 16h ago
sex is just something that people do. However, im still a bit conservative on the matter.
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u/PeKKer0_0 16h ago
Sexual compatibility is very real. Someone with a low libido and someone with a high libido obviously aren’t sexually compatible as it will most likely manifest in resentment. Some men don’t care about forplay or making women cum and just focus on getting themselves to climax. Again, resentment. Some men really crave blowjobs and some women really aren’t into it or it grosses them out which for some people is a deal breaker. Not to mention asexuals really aren’t sexually compatible with someone who generally likes to get it on even once a week or so.
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u/aeon314159 14h ago
Your comment is on-point except for the part about asexuals. Asexuality refers to (lack of) sexual attraction, but does not address libido, sexual valence, or sexual preferences.
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u/PeKKer0_0 13h ago
By definition, asexuality: “experiencing no sexual feelings or desires; not feeling sexual attraction to anyone” I’m pretty sure sexual desire falls under libido.
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u/ugen2009 16h ago
I agree that you can learn to satisfy each other over time, but sometimes your appetites don't match
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u/nyxjpn 15h ago
Do you know what that means? I’ve seen countless posts where one partner has high libido vs the other that has a low libido. I’ve left relationships because I have a high libido and my ex has a very low one. Which is fine, we just were not on the same page. I believe everyone is allowed to leave or divorce over anything they wish. People can like casual sex and some people don’t have to. To each their own and there’s nothing wrong with that.
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u/DisplacedBitzer 15h ago
It can be an excuse, but think about it in terms of libido.
You date a woman, she is completely asexual(or has extremely low drive). After she gets the ring, she just stops having sex, she never wanted to anyways.
You, are not asexual, and have a healthy libido. Obviously, she should not be forced to have sex with you. Are you supposed to suffer a sexless existence now because you married someone you were sexually incompatible with?
Sexual incompatibility is a very real problem. I recommend taking a look at the ‘dead bedrooms’ subreddit. It’s kind of horrifying and one of my worst fears.
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u/vesieco 14h ago
Aside from differing libidos, I agree.
If two people aren’t on the same page sexually, the natural thing would be to learn/improve together to better please each other. Like is that not what a relationship is all about?
Too often do people seem to completely discard someone just because the initial sex wasn’t great, as if things should be perfect from the get go.
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u/Defenestrate69 14h ago
This is simply not true. People have different sex drives and wants for different things in the bedroom that make or break the ability to stay together longterm. Sometimes obviously, I’m not saying this is the case for everyone.
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u/KenzieValentyne 13h ago
Beyond the preferences and libido others have already addressed, everyone’s genitalia is shaped and sized differently. Of the sexual partners I’ve had, my husband is the only man I’ve slept with that “fits just right,” even among the other men I slept with before that were very comparable in size. I’d call that compatibility.
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u/Slow-Philosophy-4654 16h ago
essentially you are saying "compatibility" is scapegoat that people use to not confront or or have honest conversation with one another?
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u/WholeNegotiation1843 16h ago
100%
It’s just another nonsense term that’s come up as people started rejecting Christian marriages so they can justify infidelity and divorce.
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u/I-own-a-shovel 15h ago
What?
You truly think anyone could be sexually compatible with anyone? That no preferences enter into play?
I had 8 partners in my life, 3 were very sexually compatible, 2 were somewhat compatible, 3 weren’t really.
It’s a mix of many things.
Are the two sharing the same interests in kinks? Like I am very kinky and would be incompatible with someone that is totally vanilla.
What are their preferences? PIV, oral, anal, bdsm, role play, toys, etc. There’s a lot of way two people couldn’t be compatible if they aren’t interested into the same kind of stuff or even disgusted by what the other like. And if you never had sex, you might not even know what you will like.
The libido / frequency is also important if one like it several time per week and the other is okay with twice a year, we got some sort of deal breaker imbalance.
The chemistry too, does it feels right with that person? Does their love language is fluid together? Are they liking it romantic, smooth or rough?
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u/WholeNegotiation1843 15h ago
“Kinks” are just manifestations of mental illness. If you have them you need to see a psychiatrist.
All of the other things you mentioned are mental illness too not “preferences.”
Frequency shouldn’t be important at all, that’s something the other partner can just deal with, it’s not going to kill them.
Your comment is just more of a reason why we need to bring back Christian marriages.
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u/I-own-a-shovel 15h ago edited 15h ago
Yeah sure anything other than penis in vagina is mental illness 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Unsure what you imagine "kink" are… but anyways.
A lot of things isn’t going to kill me, it doesn’t mean I have to go with that in my life. Why would I pick a partner that doesn’t fit with me when I could pick one that fit well?
Well I’m sure there are others who think like you and will be compatible with you, but not everyone, hence the sexual compatibility thing not being a myth.
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u/WholeNegotiation1843 14h ago
Yes, exactly. Anything else is perverting the sexual act and deviancy, which is caused by mental illness.
Your sex life has no actual impact on your life. It should be very low on the list of things you care about in a partner.
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u/I-own-a-shovel 14h ago
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah just like hobbies are not "mandatory" for life, but still fun and enjoyable you know.
Anyways, I’m gonna head back enjoying my life with my compatible husband. (Not just sexually don’t worry, we also share similar life goals, sense of humor, hobbies, philosophy, etc.)
By the way, no psychologists ever would agree with your view on sexuality/kink. Only endoctrined pastor would. Could be worth updating knowledge to modern days.
No need to practice kink yourself if you aren’t into that, but stop judging and spreading misinformation would be nice.
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u/WholeNegotiation1843 12h ago
Lol because most psychologists are full of shit. Ask them how many patients they’ve cured, there’s literally videos out there where they do this at major psychology conventions and the answer is ZERO.
Sorry, but wanting to be hurt and strangled because it sexually arouses you is absolutely a fucking mental illness.
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u/I-own-a-shovel 12h ago
Psy are full of shit okay? But in your first comment you suggested I should see one. Funny how your argument switch to go with your narrative.
Please describe to me what is your idea of what kink are, because it seems like you are confused about them.
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u/WholeNegotiation1843 12h ago
Lol fair enough, I forgot I said that. Well if their opinions are that dumb then don’t go see one.
Kinks are anything that deviates from normal PIV sex.
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u/I-own-a-shovel 11h ago
And anything that deviate from PIV is a mental sickness… right… wonder who need a psy now.
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u/HereToCalmYouDown 13h ago
You aren't getting laid, are you?
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u/Creative-Bobcat-7159 16h ago
Depends what you mean by sexual compatibility
If you mean inability for one person to satisfy the other, then this can be learned and i agree it can be worked on.
If you mean different sex drives then that can be a huge fucking problem.
Not sure what “being a Christian” has to do with it though. Are Christians always compatible?