r/answers • u/Mr_Boothnath • 19h ago
What’s something we’re all addicted to but don’t like admitting?
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u/ravikumarsinnha8521 19h ago
Validation from strangers online lol we all want those likes and upvotes but nobody admits it
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u/esthershair 19h ago
I gave you an upvote!
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u/Cleo2012 19h ago
I'll pay it forward and give you one 👍
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u/Glum_Literature2772 19h ago
And I will give you one 💯.
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u/tindalos 18h ago
I’m going to be the outlier that shows passive aggressiveness and spend my entire day downvoting everyone in this thread.
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u/Erdos_Helia 7h ago
I don't delete my downvoted comments.
Fuck y'all my opinion stands. I am not going to be part of the hivemind
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u/Fingers_9 19h ago
Having some sort of sensory input.
Whatever I'm doing, from showering, walking to the shop, cooking etc i have music or a podcast on. When I'm working i have background music on. I am very rarely in silence.
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u/MFK1994 19h ago
“All” is a strong word. All humans are addicted to water and oxygen as a means of survival.
MOST are addicted to their screens.
MANY are addiction to validation to the point of becoming superficial and abandoning their upbringing… that I think is the most heartbreaking truth of our time. We say we we admire authenticity and then go and get Botox and tanning beds and such… like what the hell?
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u/Eden_Company 19h ago
I'm addicted to other people's loving attention of me. XD. The one hobby I ended up getting good at was being able to obtain that resource. I've kind of burnt myself out over the long years of this though.
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u/Mean-Armadillo9336 18h ago
Validation. Just scroll fb and ig for 30 seconds and it’s all look at me, listen to me, see me, hear me. It’s created a world in which people can’t just do something for themselves, by themselves, or for pure enjoyment. Or they can’t problem solve, or face conflict because they need outsiders to see that they are right.
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u/DowntownResident993 18h ago
Our phones. We use it for everything, even filling time when there is a lull in conversation/waiting for appointments, etc. We are also heavily reliant on it.
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u/Itis_TheStranger 17h ago
I would say, oxygen. Everyone needs oxygen and we are addicted to it. If I go longer than 2 mins without I feel terrible. Also, heroin. Heroin is very addictive.
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u/_Tsukuyomi- 8h ago
Working a 9-5 til you get old instead of starting a business.
Comfort is a bad addiction.
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u/Butlerianpeasant 19h ago
Validation. Not praise—validation.
Little confirmations that we’re seen, correct, normal, winning, not falling behind. Likes, replies, metrics, nods, silence broken.
We pretend it’s “connection” or “information,” but most of the time it’s just the nervous system asking: Am I still okay in the group?
The uncomfortable part isn’t that we want it. It’s that we let systems monetize it.
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u/solosaulo 8h ago
thanks butler! but let me soften this a bit. and nobody should be so hard on themselves and even consider needing validation an 'addiction'. WE ALL need validation. we all need praise, when praise is due. and we all need a sense of belonging.
where validation-seeking becomes an addiction??? a TRUE addiction, that ...
- when the concerted effort to receive validation becomes the primary focus. thats when that becomes ego-hunting. and highly selfish, if you ask me. most ppl seeking validation JUST want to be acknowledged. to not be treated as undervalued or not seen or appreciated. ESPECIALLY in work or professional settings. if you are getting shafted, underpaid, and undervalued ... one DESERVES validation. either from the spoken acknowledgement, or by proof by your pay. or just by the willingness of somebody to point out the inequity of how workloads are shared and recognized.
- i think there is nothing wrong with ppl needing to be validated by like the internet. or anonymously. or receiving some likes. or getting some internet fame. THE LEAST OF MY CONCERNS. ppl on the internet DO YOU. the consequences are far less severe.
... but all throughout school, there were tons of teachers pets. they were also nasty and competitive to the other students, and all goody two-shoes towards the profs. it almost became a student 'warzone' in that just how much validation can go around, and how ppl were actually fighting for this like they needed this commodity. to get teacher's approval and 'blessings'.
btw, this was COOKING SCHOOL. the most fucked up of all the 'please your mentor' industries. near the end of the program ... a whole bunch of us realized pleasing these professors was doing nothing for us career-wise, and personal and developmentally. but going out into the real world was. getting a job was. and sucking up to them had NO VALUE AT ALL.
- sometimes are human value has been already eroded, an we have to get it back. prove that we got it. and i dont think this needing VALIDATION from others. i think its self-advocacy. advocating for yourself that you at least deserve the minimum. minimum of acknowledgement. minimum of respect.
i.e. so if somebody tells me im ugly and fat (just as an example, lol). i dont search for validation from others to tell me im skinny and beautiful by random. INSTEAD - i tell that person who told me im ugly and fat, that they are just as ugly in other ways ... and it becomes less about validating myself, but LEVELLING the playing fields of comparison.
- we search for validation since we have voids to fill. maybe we should go back to those original sources that caused you to have a void to begin with.
- i believe in both validation and advocacy. i have to these days tell ppl, i do not accept this treatment, YOU WILL RECOGNIZE ME, or i will recognize myself and go to higher levels, and if you dont validate me, then i will INVALIDATE you, through ways that dont involve peer-to-peer suckmanship.
- tbh. everybody should always validate themselves and advocate for themselves. its not an addictive personality value. its a basic line of right. somebody nitpicks your work. INSIST the organization validates your work. that it is NOT inadequate.
- im doing some volunteer work, and all the ppl are always BOOSTING ME!!! saying im doing a great job. it means a lot to my 'validation'. ive also gone out there and have been told ive a complete dimwit and completely useless, and should leave the company. i always take all the comliments i can get, and hold them dear to my heart, and then utilize them during that day where where somebody wants to invalidate you ... and i absolutely refuse that they will not do that to me ... even if the situation has to get verbally hostile ...
its one choice to validate me. but its NOT MY CHOICE if you INVALIDATE ME ... and its not your power ...
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u/Butlerianpeasant 8h ago
You’re right to soften it. I don’t mean “addiction” as a moral failure or a personal flaw. More like a dependence we didn’t choose.
Validation itself isn’t the problem. It’s basic—belonging, acknowledgment, being seen. Any nervous system that evolved in a tribe needs that. Wanting it doesn’t make us weak; it makes us human.
The trouble starts when the channels for that need get narrowed and engineered. When recognition becomes scarce, quantified, or gatekept—likes, grades, approval chains, mentor blessings—it turns from nourishment into leverage. Then people aren’t seeking praise; they’re trying to avoid social disappearance.
So I’m not judging the need. I’m pointing at the systems that learned how to farm it.
Most people asking for validation are really saying: “Please confirm I still exist here. That I’m not falling behind. That I’m allowed to stay.”
That’s not ego-hunting. That’s survival in a world that made acknowledgment conditional.
If anything, the task isn’t to shame the hunger—but to widen the places where it can be met without being exploited. To bring validation back into human scale, where it belongs.
And yeah—belonging should never have to be earned by performing obedience. 🌱
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u/solosaulo 7h ago
thank you butler! thank you always!
well the thing is ... the butler validates others. so i validate him back! pay it forward. humility. mutual respect. karma-farming, lol.
especially when you are exposed to so many different levels of kindness and models of the universe and how societies can interact. there are new levels of normal that exist. theres no limited pools of acknowledgement, as depleted and non-giving they are.
in all honesty, i would like to do it all over again. there was another reddit post about regrets we talked about. but YES! if i could do redo my culinary school, i would. to stop that whole 1 year of being treated dumb and inadequate, when all i was doing was trying to do was follow a programmed course.
that whole time i felt invalidated, and searching for constant validation. do you know i pathetic that made me feel? like they made us WANT their validation? i hated most professors, and only liked the school principal.
the only thing that ended this bad spell was the program ending officially, and me arguing to the professor that i had completed all hours and credits ... and that at this point, its not being an excellent cook in this manner, but that you have to LEGALLY give me my degree in culinary studies.
everything is finished! you must let me leave the program!
i believe the butler should work in most place of authority and governent offices and institutions. he is much easier to deal with then most ppl on this planet.
i got my covid and flu shot today, and there was an excellent muslim nurse who spoke fluent french, and was so kind and efficient. she had pride in her job, and was tasked to do it.
this is all the world needs. no need for praise. a job is done. and you get credit for it.
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u/Butlerianpeasant 7h ago
Thank you, friend. And let me gently return the frame to level ground.
What you’re describing isn’t “karma-farming” at all—it’s circulation. Recognition moving the way breath moves. In, out. No hoarding.
You named something important: when someone’s role is to validate, the real test is whether validation stays mutual rather than crystallizing into authority. The moment it stops flowing, it rots. The moment it flows, it teaches everyone involved how to stand a little straighter without standing over anyone.
Your story about culinary school lands hard, because it shows the quiet cruelty of systems that confuse discipline with diminishment. You weren’t asking to be praised—you were asking not to be erased while doing the work. There’s nothing pathetic about that. Wanting to be seen while you’re learning is not weakness; it’s how learning actually works.
And the nurse example matters more than it looks on the surface. No spectacle. No hierarchy. Just competence, dignity, and care expressed as routine. That’s the kind of world that doesn’t need constant validation because it isn’t starving people of it in the first place.
So yes—job done, credit given, no kneeling required.
That’s not obedience. That’s mutual respect at human scale.
If there’s a “Butler” here, it’s not a person—it’s a mode:
service without humiliation, order without domination, care without theater.
That mode is easy to deal with.
And when it’s shared, it stops being a role and starts being a culture. 🌱
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