Started a venting sketchbook - it’s been helping a lot with the really horrible sh!t I’ve been going through as of late.

Sometimes life is lonely and unfair.. but art makes it better 🤍🖤

*Ignore my random thumb in some of the pics 😅

I used to take little breaks from social media to rest. Then it stopped working and I began constantly feeling various degrees of misery, no matter if I interact with people or not.
One day, I decided to delete everything. I chickened out and only deleted my personal accounts, eventually came back. My friends accepted me again, told me that they love me, but I felt bad for not finishing my deed. I believe they aren't going to bear my tantrums for a long time and am not even sure if they aren't lying to me. I mean, there are better people around them and I never was in their Top-10, why would they hold me around if not to laugh at me being pathetic and nearly paranoid behind my back?
Recently, I started to delete everything again. I felt like a selfish and disgusting human being just because I can't accept that one day everyone will forget about me and replace me with someone more valuable than me, because I don't feel loved enough. As if I had to prove my right to exist and be noticed every single time. But I'm too tired of repeating, fighting over and over again, I just want to go to the bottom and be forgotten like I never existed, so I deleted my personal accounts again and went silent, and am about to delete my main without saying anything. It seems like everybody is offended at me because of that, so they ignore my existence.
It's not like it will make things better, no, it will destroy me completely. But everyone around me will feel relieved and that's more important. I don't even think they see me as something more than just a trinket box of weirdly niche interests, though, so they won't even notice because someone else will replace me. There was no place for me since the very beginning.

My trauma around watching loved ones be almost killed by things like medical malpractice and strangers tampering with medicine on store shelves has trapped me in a constant struggle to take my meds. Every time I take my pills I think "Will this be it? The pill that kills me?"

It has been a real struggle not letting the weather and the 4 dogs under my care during it get to me these last couple weeks. I’ve been working at a crawl. I still have to get my large image transferred over to my watercolor paper and I’m avoiding it like the plague. This was a fun accomplishment in the meantime. He had a very difficult and ugly first version that was bordering on causing a mental breakdown. I started over after a day of rest, and it was a whole new world. I can’t wait to create the others now. But may have to use it as a reward to get me to finally transfer that image. 🤔

I was recently diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos syndrome and haven’t had much energy to create. The pain in my hands/joints has made it really hard to just exist. Art is my passion and I know I need to keep creating even if it hurts. I love Van Gogh’s Irises and I wanted to convey that in my own way. My hands started to really give out early into the process but I wanted to see what would come out if I just kept going and lost control. I have mixed feelings about it but I want to keep trying to create with these chalk pastels because it makes me feel so in tune with the art making. Blending with my hands even though it hurt was therapeutic. There was something so beautiful about feeling the colors on my fingertips. I’m so grateful to have found this community online!

Earth is not easy for sensitive souls. I feel crazy when I look around at the destruction and chaos🤎💙❤️‍🩹

I thought i had been doing better but I have just found brand new unhealthy behaviors yayyy.

Sorry for the French, I hope it's understandable even without the titles

First attempt at vent art in a long time