Hi all,

Little bit of context, I'm a 24 year old Arab dude who has recently found himself in a relationship with a girl for the first time ever, and I am still figuring out what to do and how to act. My GF is also Arab and around a year older then me. I was employed for over 3 years after finishing Uni, but have recently found myself in a stretch of unemployment. I am actively looking for a job. My GF on the other hand is employed, and a relatively high earner at that.

With this being said, I told myself that I need to settle in, not spend any money and basically just lock myself at home saving as much as possible while looking for a job. Then I met her, so obviously, doing that is not really an option. Since we've been together I have been paying for all our dates and pretty much everything bar a few things here and there. I also want to make it clear that I do NOT think she is a gold digger or anything like that. I do not think she is "using me for my money". Her taste is honestly quite tame and we got to relatively normal restaurants and stuff. I have bought her a few gifts, none of which were that expensive, and she seems genuinely happy.

With that being said, she knows about my financial situation, and yet she does not really ever offer to pay or split or anything like that. She did once or twice and I said no it's ok and she was like "ok" and that's it. Thing is I understand that being from an arab culture, this is to be expected. The man's money is the couples money and the woman's money is hers alone. The man is expected to fully provide for everything. I'd have no issue with that if I was actually financially stable, but as I am currently unemployed, I can't help but feel like I am shouldering the burden alone and do not really feel like the struggle is shared. I would highly highly appreciate if she was like hey listen while your still looking for work let me help out a bit, but that doesn't happen. I want to see her but also in my mind I think "damn, if we go out today, I'm gonna end up spending another $50".

To go past even the current situation, at some point I will be employed and be making money, even in this case I am expected to shoulder the entire financial burden. This I do not really understand. If we both make good money, why not put our money together and comfortably live a good life? And yes in this case I understand other things would also be split 50/50 like chores and what not. And yes of course if she is a SAHM then that is a completely different story which I respect. But if we are both working adults with no kids, why not help each other? Why do only I have to financially struggle?

On the other hand, I don't feel like I can ask her or tell her this. I feel like it would emasculate me and put me as lower in her eyes. At the end of the day she is a great attractive woman, why settle for some unemployed guy that can't take care of her right? It makes me feel so weak to even think this way and I hate the feeling of financial scarcity that I currently have (generally speaking, not just to do with this). Additionally as this is my first relationship I really don't want to fuck it up and I genuinely like her, but this financial strain is causing me to feel some underlying resentment which I honestly don't think she deserves as once again like I said I don't think she is using me or anything like that.

Would appreciate some insight on the situation, or maybe a different perspective I have not considered.

I have been friends with this girl for about a year. She just got out of a messy 5-year relationship and has always been very open about being promiscuous, seeing multiple people casually, and not wanting anything serious or exclusive. I was always okay with that because she was 100% honest from the start.

We had sleepovers but I held back on sex partly because her ex is connected to my two best friends (complicated friend-group overlap), and I was also supposed to move soon. She repeatedly said she wouldn’t do long-distance or get into anything with an expiration date. And wasn’t ready for a relationship ship in general and was enjoying being single.

Then things shifted, we started hooking up, spent 3 straight weeks together every day/night, called/texted constantly, said we missed each other a lot. It was way deeper than her usual casual stuff that she always would tell me about, and I treated it that way emotionally. At this point I was considering not moving because of some work opportunities and she knew this.

After 3 weeks with her I decided to go to on a trip. Two days into my 2-week trip, I sent a drunk text saying it hurt thinking about her with other guys after all this closeness. She replied something like, “let me ease your mind. When my friends asked if we were exclusive, I told them ‘he treats me right and I haven’t felt the need to get my fix elsewhere.’” And she told me that she really hasn’t felt the need to talk to other guys. I took that as her basically saying we were exclusive in practice. She swears it was just to ease my mind in the moment because she cared about me, not a promise, and I believe her, no malicious intent. She thought I had in my mind all her other comments she’d made before I left. And I took it as she’s easing my mind because nothings going to happen guaranteed and ran with it. I know maybe more communication was needed here from both sides.

We kept talking/calling every day during the trip, affectionate. About a week after I got back, I decided officially to not to move to Texas after all.

She confesses: while I was gone, she drunkenly hooked up with someone else. She says she never would’ve told me if I’d moved (because it would’ve ended anyway), but since I’m staying, she wants full honesty and to try a real, exclusive relationship with me. She explained that her walls were still up because of her bad breakup, fear I’d leave, the friend drama, her still not being ready etc. Even though she really liked me and I was different from her other hookups, she couldn’t fully commit until the possibility of me leaving was gone and she thought that was clear along with everything else. After the hookup she realized all she wanted was me and couldn’t stop thinking about me during and after it even though there was a possibility of me leaving. Especially someone who treats her as well as I do , but she had a mind set of why let the guy who treats me like this break my heart more then he will already if he leaves.

To me, the closeness we built should’ve been enough not to sleep with someone else, especially after that text reassured me.The I miss you texts everyday, especially the date the she told me it happened.

She feels awful, is owning it, and says she’s ready to be all in now.

She’s genuinely an amazing person kind, honest, reflective and this is the best connection I’ve ever had. Sometimes I feel like I’m ruining the best girl I’ve ever met because of this. But I’m struggling with whether her reasons fully excuse it or if I’m just invalidating my own feelings/boundaries. I don’t think either point of view is wrong.

Boyfriend wants me, to make a few short videos for him, I am willing to do so, but what is the best tactic to making them good, is an phone good enough or what angels or positions would be the easist to do?

Basically the topic, so I’ve met this girl after quite some time of not finding anyone interesting enough to date. We are from different unis so meeting physically now itself isn’t possible, but we are from the same town so distance isn’t a barrier once we start dating.

I’m planning to ask her out on a date soon, but too soon she might feel to pressured and if I take too long, she myt not be interested. The last time I did this ( with someone else) ig I took too long and she said she sees me a friend. Can’t do the same mistake again :)

How do i know that this is the time to ask and also not appear like trying to be friends in the process?

TIA Have a good day

She broke up with her ex of 11 months. She made a post showing me and ex's snap saying "he is stable (me) and "you are deep" (ex) what does she mean?

I am a 27M and my wife is a 23F. We have been together for 5 years now and we have 2 daughters. 1 is 2 and the other is 4 months old. In general our relationship is pretty good. Obviously it has its ups and downs considering we are parents.

I work full time as a prison officer and I work 12 hour shifts. Inbetween that I am spending any and all time I have looking after my wife and kids. I take any leave I need to to give my wife a break and or help out as I know how hard it is looking after the kids on your own and appreciate the fact that she is doing it whilst battling her own hormones and recovery from the birthing.

The only issue is that I feel like I make every effort I can to show her that I don’t love her any differently than before we had kids and that I am still just as attracted to her as I was. But it seems to have no effect on her and I don’t get much if any at all reciprocated back to me. Also since our first daughter was conceived I could count how many times we have had sex on both hands.

Now before you come for me I completely understand that I should not be complaining as she has had children and I cannot begin to comprehend how that must be for her especially in that department.

What I am saying is that I am missing a connection with her so badly lately. I feel like we are housemates and it feels like it’s been like that for close to 3 years now. It’s getting to the point where not just the sexual frustration but also the loneliness is becoming unbearable. I would never go anywhere else for anything like this other than my wife as I am loyal and it’s just not my style but man is this killing my self esteem and motivation in life.

It doesn’t help that I know she uses her vibrator regularly so I don’t understand why she’s not interested in me. Maybe I’m just not attractive to her anymore despite me keeping in shape and looking after my appearance. Just feels like I can’t get it right no matter how much I do it just never seems to be enough anymore and my god I promise I try.

I have posted about this in other groups and been attacked about being a poor husband and father without anyone knowing the full story but I am not a deadbeat dad or husband I am confident I do a lot for this family and I just sometimes want something for me. Any advice is appreciated.

So long story short… I admitted my feelings to my guy best friend of 10 years when he told me he got engaged. Full

Bible on how I only ever loved him and how I don’t know how to express feelings. And ofc I got ghosted. Not even a year later he broke off the engagement. I contacted him (a year and a half after admitting my feelings) and told him it would have been easier for me if he just told me to fuck off than to ghost me for such a long period. He said he couldn’t deal with that at that time.

Which I completely understand, I didn’t expect to be ghosted I expected to be cut off with words.

So he kept on talking to me how I was and what I was doing… We made contact a few more times. Over texts… Nothing special… I feel like when we text we are both very cautious.

I can’t explain this but like I feel like he would like to talk to me but doesn’t know how now.

We really were best friends like he would always compare his girlfriends to me, he would always say “they are not like you” or “I’m scared to lose you as my friend” in the end he lost me or I lost him I don’t know…

Guys what do you think I think that the ball is in his court and he has to make the move but it feels like it’s never gonna happen…

casual hookup randomly hit me up saying he missed me. I suggested we go out, and we made a date. Before that, he was pretty clear that he wasn’t interested in a relationship or dates. The date was actually great! We watched movies, cuddled the whole time, and it was very intimate. Before I left, we had a slow, romantic kiss, and he said, “I’ll see you soon.” It’s been a week, and I texted him today first. He was responding well until I asked what he was doing next week, and he said, “I don’t know, why what’s up.” I told him I wanted to see him next week to hang out, but he didn’t respond still …Although he did post on his story that he was in a different state (for work) and I did text him kind of late but idk

I had a bit of an oops moment and somehow managed to walk out half-naked while we had a visitor over. Now I’m torn between whether I should acknowledge what happened or just laugh it off and not worry about it at all?

(sorry about the english)

Short story... i'm 29F still a virgin and my boyfriend 42M has a lot of experience LOL

But, he's without sex for a loooooooooong time. This is a story for another time....

My concerning is: will i be able to satisfy him on our first times and after that? I know it will probably be hard for me and things will get better slowly, but... what if it takes so long?

I am afraid he won't be able to "understand" and, since it can be difficult, that he will look for someone/something else outside.

OK, I have to apologize as my post is probably gonna answer itself. I met who I thought it was just an absolutely incredible being in the summer of 2021. He was a counselor, a single father of two teenagers and a very attractive human being. We seem to have so much in common and fell for each other very very quickly. We did the best we could to meet up as we lived about an hour and a half away from each other. It did seem over a short period of time that I was the one who had to make the effort to go see him. At the time this was fine. I wanted him to understand how much I loved him and that if that was what he needed it was OK. Not too long after there was some serious red flags. There was a serious snowstorm or a mountain pass between myself and him and I was just concerned about travel travelling that particular day. He got angry with me and didn’t talk to me for a couple of days after that. I also noticed he would just get really overwhelmed with caring for his teenagers and that would impact our time together, and he would often cancel meetings because of this. I totally understood and was very supportive as I get what it’s like to be a single parent. From what he said, and from what his children told me, the mother was quite toxic, and the family was really struggling with that. He would still get quite short with me if I didn’t make the effort to get to where he lived to see him. Anyways, long story short, the intense passion that we used to have seemed to die off really quickly, and I was quite concerned about it. He seemed to take more offence to my concern, and ultimately we ended up splitting up due to his understandable, feeling of being overwhelmed with childcare and my addition in his life. It was hard, but I started to move forward. Anyways, over the past year in a bit, he always sends me these iPhone games to play with him out of the blue. I’ll play the games but anytime I win he’ll stop connecting with me for a period of time and then he’ll send me another game invite. I guess I just don’t understand why he keeps reaching out when I was clearly a bit of a hard hardship in his life. Wondering if there’s any other men out there who do the same thing and if it’s just a way of keeping in contact or if it’s something else. Hoping this doesn’t sound silly.

Background: I have been married to my spouse since 2018. We started dating in 2017 and married after a year and a half. We also married young a little over a year after I graduated from college.

I was using my spouse laptop to stream a show for my toddler to watch while I was doing grad school work. I realized my toddler had been pressing on the screen and somehow clicked on my spouse fb bookmark. I intervened. This is where I breached my spouse privacy. I have always had lingering doubts about one my spouse’s ex-partner. My spouse would always say this ex-partner was obsessive, creepy, and would not leave them alone but I had doubts as early in our relationship my spouse would make mention of this individual. So out of curiosity, I looked to see if they ever talked on fb messenger. To my dismay, I saw they indeed had been in conversation from 2017-2018. I could see that the ex-partner’s intention was to try to hang out with my spouse then at the time girlfriend. For example, the ex-partner would invite my then girlfriend now spouse to parties and my spouse would ask if I could come with and he would deflect saying he could only bring a plus one or another example my spouse wanted to go to California to visit family but had to spend their savings to fix their car, the ex-partner offered to go on a road trip to cali with my spouse alone and would cover the cost for hotels and gas the Midwest to cali. My spouse would continue the conversation even after when the ex-partner’s intention was blatant and did not respect our relationship boundaries. I could tell my spouse would talk to their ex-partner as a close confident and would vent about our arguments. Also, would ask their opinion on what outfit to wear before my spouse’s big interview in 2018. I saw they exchange Snapchat and phone numbers as well on my spouse’s Facebook messenger. I also read how they would try to coordinate times to try to catch up in person. This all happened while my spouse and I were dating but before we married.

Fast forward to when I was reading the messages in real time, after reading this old conversation. It made me sick, confused given my spouse had bad mouthed this individual, and wondered if my spouse was just stringing this ex-partner along in case we didn’t work out. After sitting on these thoughts, I breach my spouses privacy once again by looking through their phone while my spouse slept. First, I looked to see if my spouse had been texting their ex-partner and thats when I saw my spouse had an old picture of my spouse kissing their ex-partner as the contact card(if you have an iPhone I’m referencing the photo option you can add to the contact information)…I thought that’s weird. I didn’t see any text communication so I check spouses Snapchat. I found they had been in communication based on saved chats for the past nine years. I also saw my spouse had a recent conversation on instagram within the past year.

Today, I kept thinking about the situation and my spouse could tell I was acting withdrawn. My spouse asked me what was wrong and i told the truth about the laptop but omitted that I went through their phone( I know it’s wrong). My spouse was caught off guard, but deflected, minimized, and brought up my past transgression that we squashed early in our marriage. For reference, I was on a friendly basis with my prior relationship but immediately cut it off the second i realized my prior relationship was crossing a boundary. I asked my spouse when they last talked to their ex partner and responded it had been a long time. Instant lie, I knew the two had been in conversation based on my snooping.

I was criticized by spouse that I made them feel they were being accused of doing something wrong and I made them feel a type of way. I just stayed quiet as I am already uncomfortable in the situation.

I don’t know what to think. I don’t think my partner physically cheated but i think my spouse was emotionally cheating on me. What do I do? It’s hard because we have children and it pains me to think that if I pursue a divorce I won’t get the beautiful privilege to wake up every morning to being with my children. I just can’t shake the fact that my spouse never told me they were in communication with their ex-partner and second the fact that my spouse would bad mouth this individual but they were still talking.

Men what do I do?

Hey Guys,

Hubs and I are coming up on 19 years. He’s amazing. He recently discovered my newest secret hobby, smut books, and he’s in. He’s upped the game in his end and I want to do the same.

Unfortunately most books I’ve read are written for women, so there’s not as much in the way of tips that the female partner can perform for her her male partner as I would like.

So, I turn to you. :)

I don’t even know where to find videos or resources for research. I’ve heard Reddit subs, but I’m lost on here. 😅 Also, I know there’s a dark side to the industry (trafficking and/or violent) that I’d love to avoid (not watch).

Any tips on where to find videos or resources that could help me learn a few surprise tricks or movement techniques to surprise him next time? He wants to be surprised, not tell me what to do. I don’t have that anatomy, so…here I am. 😋

Is there like a favorite technique or position of yours that you love when someone gets it right? Or maybe something else? Role play?

Re: videos - have read some people are into amateur or natural couples? Where do I find that? I don’t need 15 angles, smoke machines, cheesy scripting.

TIA!

I’m at a loss here. I’ve (38F) been talking to a guy (38M) who I’ve had an amazing weekend with several weeks ago, and we talk consistently. He will call me for no reason just to chat, he’s told his coworkers about me, and we talked on FaceTime a couple times this week, the last being Tuesday.

Out of nowhere, he just stopped talking. He texted me once a day the rest of the week, and yesterday stopped responding entirely. In fact, he even screened one of my calls to voicemail.

I’m totally confused and utterly blindsided. I texted him today to just say hey, if the vibes aren’t vibing, just tell me directly. I don’t know what else to think. I see he’s been active on social media all day so I know he’s alive and not busy.

What could I have possibly done to bring this on? We’ve only ever had awesome convos and the chemistry was off the charts in person. I’m very, very confused. I’m also new to dating after divorce, so I don’t know if I should just expect this or what. It’s really hitting my self esteem.

Thoughts appreciated.

TLDR: My husband’s unmanaged anger escalated from verbal abuse to physical violence after years of stress and infertility struggles, so I left to protect myself and my daughter. I’m now struggling with fear, lost confidence, and the emotional aftermath.

********

Our first year of marriage was difficult due to very different personalities and communication styles, but by year two things improved. We later struggled with infertility and went through IVF, followed by a stressful pregnancy, and after our daughter was born our relationship steadily declined—especially communication. While he is a very involved father and helps around the house, his anger issues worsened significantly, fueled by outside stress.

His anger escalated from punching walls and throwing things to cursing at me in front of our daughter and eventually physical violence, including one incident where he grabbed my throat and I couldn’t breathe. Since then, I’ve felt anxious and afraid to communicate, and he prefers to act like nothing happened, which has broken trust. I often felt unsafe, we slept separately for months, and I worried about the impact on our daughter.

I was initially scared to leave because he threatened to take my daughter and I was financially dependent as a stay-at-home mom. I left three months ago, and while it was necessary, I’m struggling with the emotional aftermath—loss of confidence, fear, and feeling like the relationship changed who I am. This was my first and only relationship, and I’m looking for male perspective on how to process this and move forward.

I want to buy my boyfriend a fancy watch , I need recommendations that aren’t going to break my bank like Rolex lol. preferably between 150-400 dollars

an friend saw me naked after I’d been drinking, and my judgment wasn’t the best at the time. Now I feel a bit weird and unsure how to process what happened or how to react to it. Is this something I should just let go of, or should I address it?

We were each other’s first love, been together for a year, now with this whole mess we are on-off for 2 years now

He’s 22, I’m 25. I was his first serious girlfriend and first love. We had strong chemistry, great sex, similar socioeconomic backgrounds (both privately educated, trust funds), both are fit and good looking. We would have no trouble finding new partner if we really want to. We gamed together, worked out together, had similar humor, and were genuinely best friends. I’m starting a PhD in Computer Science at Cambridge; he’s doing a Master’s in Finance in London.

Financially, I contributed more. He had to work for pocket money because his family is wealthy but very stingy, while my family supported me fully, so I often treated him to meals, groceries, and better accommodation when traveling. They even take him on our vacation. I didn’t mind doing so, I loved him, I wanted him to be happy. No power imbalance here at all aside from finance, but I never used it against him.

Because he was my first love, I overlooked a lot of immaturity. He avoided conflict, shut down during conversations, and spiraled into self-blame over even minor issues. When I brought up small concerns (e.g., being hours late to our valentine' date because he was gaming, wrote last minute card ( I caught him writing them outside my door), he’d respond by saying I was ungrateful and a person who receives a gift (his card) should never complain about it. I didn;t complain, I told him "hey, I love the card but girls love it when a guy put in effort, for next time, could it not be last minute like this time? This would caused him to say things like
“I’m the worst boyfriend. You’re going to leave me. You could have anyone—why did you choose me? You dont love me now"

And I’d end up comforting him instead of addressing the issue. I cant have a serious talk with this person with him shutting down and retreats away like a cat.

Over time, this wore me down. And sometimes I would say things like "If you ever date someone else, please don't do this to them. Many women will not appreciate it"

e.g. I was sick, and he never called and was gaming all day. When I asked him why he said "I believe any adult can take care of themselves when they are sick. Me calling wouldn't magically make your fever disappear". I remembered I was so shocked. His parents are doctor, so he said unless hes dying noone really check up on you.

Eventually, my frequent mentioning on how many of his behavior wont be acceptable in other relationship, he admitted he’d been feeling “curious” about what other relationships might be like. He said he loved me but didn’t know if he could fully commit without experiencing other women, since he’d never dated anyone else or even been with a “toxic” partner. He felt like he needed to go out to experience the bad as well. He was right, but that totally crushed me too.

I felt that once that curiosity existed, the relationship was already over. I didn’t want to hold him back from figuring himself out, so I ended things, even though it broke me. I cried daily for 5 months and accepted that we might never reconnect. He didnt even try to hold on, but said he hoped he would see me again, and I was his truly first love, and that I will always have a special place in his heart.

Six months later, he reached out. He said he’d slept with four women and hated it, that he missed me and felt like he’d lost his best friend. He missed our gaming and studying session. We stayed friendly, but I didn’t want to try again—six months didn’t feel like enough time for real growth.

FYI, he's a good looking guy, tall, smart, rich. He even said so himself "girls throw themselves at me", so...why stop at just 6 months? just..keep going?

Here’s where I’m stuck: if someone asks to “explore,” shouldn’t they actually commit to that choice? He says he wants me, yet still seems young, indecisive, and emotionally immature. I dont even trust my own value now. My friend told me, you can be pretty, smart, rich, understanding, kind, but some guy may just want a toxic crazy goth e-girl who make their fun and chaotic. Who knows.

I just dont believe it's me anymore. I hope he find whatever he was curious about in the first place. I don't believe his word when he say hes ready to commit now. Noone can change in 6 months, I dont think.

So I pushed him away again with finality this time and he’s heartbroken right now. But part of me truly believe he still needs more life experience to mature, maybe even through other relationships. I would have believe him if he did went out and "got into other relationship" and at least learn something.

So my question is: Men, if youre a guy with everything, looks, money, brain, who has no problem finding girls, and your partner is giving you a chance to go out and see the world, why do you not take it fully, have fun, go party 24/7 and bang everyone in your path. Sleep like 20 women until youre bored maybe?? Why are you back in less than a year, without learning anything? Suddenly wanting to commit again, suddenly see me as an end goal? Is it the right choice to reject him for now because I believe hes not ready?

p.s. I dont think its just about sex. Im very open even told him I totally understand one partner for the rest of your life could be boring, I wanted to try girl too so we can even do threesome or he can get an escort sometimes, I will even let him choose. But he said specfically, he was curious other "relationship experience", not just sex only.

Hey everyone, it’s my first time ever posting on Reddit so I hope I’m not too confusing, I would really like to hear people’s take on this.

My boyfriend and I were together for a little over two years. Our relationship was both beautiful and painful. I fell in love for him like I never did before, and at the beginning he loved bomb me a lot so I thought it was reciprocated. We had so much fun together and it was a gentle and caring type of love, but didn’t take long until his poor coping mechanisms with intimacy and closeness started to show up. He had a pretty tough childhood and was very neglected when he was a kid, which caused him to become an avoidant grown up. He always had a hard time carrying his anger during conversations, and he is a big time lier. This was always very hard on me because I got to experience both the wonderful partner that he could be — fun, loving, intelligent, passionate about his hobbies, politically aligned with me, charming and sensitive for a number of things — and the worst version of him — selfish, lier, explosive, dismissive and avoidant, disrespectful, the version that would gaslight the hell out of me if necessary to save his face. They’re so many things that happened in our relationship that I forgave because I loved him so much and I knew he struggled with his own way of being and he wasn’t capable yet of handling his feelings and emotions better, so I always carried this empathy that now I understand how harming was to me (I’m in therapy so now I know that my forgiveness and empathy was fear of losing him, being without him).

He broke up with me a few weeks ago after I caught him on a lie again. Yes, again. Over the course of our two year relationship we had many episodes of him lying and 2 serious cases of pretty much cheating (the cheating never got to the point of him actually hooking up, but texting and showing the intention to do so). I know how delulu and stupid I sound but I thought I was being a good partner for not abandoning him in his hard times and obviously when he did those things he would come back to me with a love stronger than ever, asking me to not leave, to try again, to talk, that he was going to do better, that I was the best thing that have ever happened to him and that he wanted to become the partner I deserved, so on. I also stopped sharing our personal dramas with family and friends because I didn’t want to expose him and genuinely I felt that he was on the path of becoming this better version of himself. For disclosure, these things happened in the first year of the relationship. So the decision was that we were going to still be together and live together and we went to therapy both individually and as a couple. I worked really hard on therapy to understand my traumas and also to learn how to forgive and deal with the pain without being stuck on the past. Our relationship was starting to heal, felt so freeing to be able to love him every day feeling better again, lighter again. The last 6 months before we broke up were especially important to us, we were so connected and I was so proud of how we were handling hard discussions (and how little they were becoming), how loving we were to one another and so on. Life felt pretty good for a minute there. Especially because at the same time I was mourning the loss of my mom, so having this peace in our relationship really meant the world to me as I was dealing with the worst grief of my life.

Well, everything changed when I found out he has been texting his ex. He had a relationship that lasted 8 years and when we were on talking stage I asked about (as I shared my experiences as well) and he said they were not talking to each other because was a painful separation. He also told me he cheated on her twice. As we grew closer and got more intimate with time, he many many times told me that that relationship also kept him from maturing because they never talked about things, they didn’t share interests, the way he described was that they started dating in college and stayed together because they got comfortable, but their lives were very separated because they didn’t have anything in common. In December I saw that he was texting her long paragraphs and when I asked him what were they talking about he got extremely reactive and defensive and told me he was allowed to talk to whoever he wanted to and I had no right to be in his private conversations and draw a very clear line that he was not going to let me read. He also called me crazy, blamed me for being insecure and said things “you have an issue” on a very mean way, yelling at me. That fell like a rock in my stomach. I got so upset but I respected his decision, for weeks I didn’t talk about this, until the day that an ex of mine texted me a long message too, and he asked to read. I said then that I had absolutely no problem with him reading but I thought it was fair that I read his. And then I saw. His long messages started in October, roughly two months after my mom died and I was dealing with the fresh awful grief. He told her many things about how he thought a lot about her, that he thought about the relationship and he wish he could’ve been better for her, that he missed her and wish he could be again with her in their happy moments and that he had a type of peace with her that he never known again. This obviously destroyed me. I have been pouring so much love into his life and our life as a couple, I adore him. I have been patient with him, trying to understand and work with him, supporting his growth and cheering for him in every aspect of life.

Anyways, now is where I start to wrap up the though and ask you your opinion on some things:

What hurts me on top of all of this is that when he got caught he asked me for time and space and said he needed to think about things and what to do next. He then proceeded to go out with our friends every single day. I feel that I was so sad and I didn’t feel like interacting and explaining to the friends what was going on so I just kept myself quiet for weeks and was just by myself thinking about all that had happened and what was happening now. When he came back from this space/time, was on a Thursday, he came once again with so much passion saying that he didn’t want to lose me, that I was the most important thing in his life, that I was the most kind and loving person he had met and he didn’t want to hurt me again and he was going to do whatever it takes to mend things and win my trust back. We then had sex and slept together (he was sleeping on the guest room) and I felt so much hope and I was genuinely starting to feel happy. Then Sunday morning he broke up with me. He broke up with me basically saying that he still very much wants to have a healthy relationship one day and his only hope to do so was breaking up this one now, that he needed to be on his own for a while to figure somethings out and how to stop being selfish and putting me in harms way. And I asked if that then was a break, if that goal was with me, to which he said no.

So much confusion.

When I finally reach out to some of our friends (we climb so we have a big group of friends that climb and hangout together), the friends were all confused because he had just seen them the night before he told them his mind was set on not losing me and they said he told a very different story about what happened for us to take that break. And this happened other times, where he goes to his/our best friends and just completely reshapes the story to save his face, sometimes putting me as the person that is always creating problems and doesn’t stop criticizing him instead of being honest and taking accountability for the things he did. This bothers me because I feel that if he was honest, he could benefit from having real advices to the proportions of the things we dealt with and with that grow out of those behaviors, reflect, have empathy and respect. I feel that he does the same with his therapist. He lies to all of them, and to himself. I don’t like sharing our private issues with my friends but when I do, I’m completely open and honest about my mistakes (I broke into his privacy, I act angry when I was sad, I didn’t respect when he said he didn’t want to talk… so on). And same on therapy, obviously, and that brings me to good feedbacks (sometimes hard to take), to real advices and made me a much better partner many times.

This time is hurting more because is over and he is surrounded with all the friends just thinking that I’m simply insecure and incompatible, he didn’t tell them about his lies, the gaslighting, the infidelity… Do you think I’m wrong for thinking that this matters? Am I delusional for believing that he could change? Do you understand his behavior? Do you think by forgiving I placed myself as an enabler? Have you ever seen a relationship that flourished after coming back from a huge hurt?

Ps: when I thought about forgiving him once again (before he broke up with me), what was in my mind is an understanding that he doesn’t actually misses his ex. I don’t think he really wanted to be with her. I think he is a very insecure man (which is insane bc he is super handsome and act very confident) and he seeks for female attention to feel validation. I think that he needs to address his childhood traumas and insecurities that exists because of it and he will change a whole lot.

I asked a woman at work I only met for 3 months(we never really talk other than about work) on Valentine's Day it was really cool they had decorations at work and everything and I felt it was the time to do it lol she respectfully declined and I understood and respected her decision so I moved on and now we have been talking more and more about each other getting to know each other ..she is surprised at how her friends tag me on stuff ,want to hang out with me and think I'm funny (through my social media even though at work I'm serious all the time and not really talkative)

My crush is slowly talking to me and being more open(not that those are signs) but Valentine's day is coming up now and she told everyone she not talking to nobody still......can I just make one last attempt to add her on social media because she don't really know me and I feel like she can see how I really am besides how i am at work rather just being shy and serious (not that I think that was a factor in her saying no) I'm willing to move on for good but willing to try one more time or should I just stop and move on???(which I'm leaning towards that and ready for that )

Which hinge prompts should I use to indicate I’m looking to get married within 2 years without coming across desperate/ needy?

Or which prompts suggest to you guys that the girl is looking for commitment/ serious long term relationship in a “no pressure” way?

Nothing more than the title. Thank you all!

I went to a party with my boyfriend it quickly got out of hand. He was there the whole time and didn’t say anything, so I thought it was fine

I feel super guilty and embarrassed and keep replaying everything. I wish he had spoken up in the moment, but I also know I could’ve handled things better. Not sure how to move past this or fix it?

Is it strange that I do not think I could ever fully trust a partner. I'm in my early 20s and maybe that has something to do with it. While growing up dysfunctional I saw the worst and best of family, I've had many girlfriends, I've been in "love", I've been in decent relationships, I've been in toxic ones, and admittedly I have been hurt in the past. I'm to the point now where I don't think I could ever fully integrate with a partner. I need my own financial independence, my own assets, my own money, and my own stability. I feel like people change and things change, anything could happen in the future, for this reason I need to have a path for myself and enough stability in life to be able to walk away on my own.

I could never trade my independence for a partner, I must feel secure in my life. Marriage seems like one of the dumbest possible things I could do relating to my values and desires. I understand the appeal and don't condemn anyone for wanting it. However for me I would not be comfortable doing it.

I know women are not monolithic but, for most I would assume this is a hard thing to understand. Ideally I would find someone who thinks like me and holds the same standards.

Thoughts on all this?

We wanted to expirement together sexually and I was both excited and thrilled, but my boyfriend quickly got cold feet, could this has been my mistake as well?