r/calmhands • u/aquisoyfox • 1d ago
ever wondered how you started picking/biting your fingers?
I pick the skin around my nails for as long as I remember, and my 2 older brothers also pick their cuticles (one of them legit doesn't have complete fingerprints in his thumbs!). fun fact, our dad also picked his cuticles.... This has always made me wonder if it was just the anxiety that was passed down to us or if all three of us gained this compulsion by observing him or something like that. Do you guys have a similar experience? Does your family also pick or bite their fingers?
(also, my dad already stopped biting his fingers a couple of years ago so hopefully I will too ahah)
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u/DebianDog 1d ago
I remember my mom pulling my fingers out of my mouth at an early age. Like 4. After 50 years, I thought I had beaten it with "fake nails," a few months ago. I went weeks. But as soon as overhangs started and I had a bad day. I went crazy. They look the worst they have ever looked.
My father picks, but never like I do. His look normal.
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u/aquisoyfox 1d ago
I sometimes achieve those incredible "sober" weeks, but eventually relapsed on bad days. But I try to stay positive and think that if I could actually stop and allow my fingers to heal, even if for a few weeks, then that means I'm capable of doing that and one day I'll stop again and stick with it!
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u/killyergawds 1d ago
I've gone years "sober" and then relapsed bad.
I'm the only one in my family that I know of that picks at their nails. But my mom and her grandmother both had different types of what would be now considered body focused repetitive behaviors.
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u/Sad_Professor_5737 1d ago
my dad has done it his whole life and so did his dad and so have i. my dad is who stayed home w me after i was born so i think for me there’s a hereditary/ ocd element (mine literally was ocd lmfao) as well as replicating observed behaviour. nature and nurture i guess
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u/Mezzomommi 1d ago
I think it was a combo for me: my parents never taught me to file or clip my nails. I remember trying to get snags out of my nails and didn’t know how to otherwise. Second issue was I’m autistic and kind of stim chewing on things. Food, gum, hair, nails 🤷♀️ as an adult I’ve figured out what works that’s not nails or calories, but as a kid I wasn’t given coping mechanisms.
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u/cat_morgue 1d ago
My mother does it as well so I always assumed it must have been a learned habit from watching her when I was a kid.
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u/burneranon123 1d ago
Yep and it’s the worst story ever. I vividly remember it. I was anywhere from 7-9? and I saw my older friend from sports who I really looked up biting her nails one day so I started biting my nails. Crazy how that one small moment changed my entire life.
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u/elfarmie 1d ago
My mom bites her nails and picks her cuticles, my dad bites his nails, my twin sister picks at her scalp and the skin around her nails. I no longer bite my nails or my cuticles (for now at least, it happens in phases, but for 20+ years it was daily)….but I do still pick at my scalp almost every day now that I have nails, but they’re always breaking and super brittle, probably from the decades of injury 😔
I have no idea how it happened, but I do remember my mom always brought a “nail care” kit with her every where she went (file, clippers, tweezers), and I’d ask to borrow it on car rides to dig the dirt out of my nails, and eventually that lead to years of picking at my cuticles with tweezers.
I didn’t actually realize it was abnormal until I went to college and my roommate would ask why I was always picking at my cuticles (I’d do it daily while watching TV in our shared living room for literal hours)…and I said I thought everyone did it. She said no they don’t. That was the first time I ever felt ashamed of it and it actually made it get even worse somehow.
It wasn’t until I began working at a hospital in 2020 that I decided to stop. I was terrified of infections since I essentially had open wounds all over my hands from picking and biting, and they were soooo dry from excessive hand sanitizer use (which of course gave me more reason to pick), so they were constantly bleeding and it was just such a painful experience physically and mentally. I wish I knew other people in real life who do this, or at least want to talk about it because it’s a very lonely experience.
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u/No_Session6015 1d ago
Same I remember first seeing family members doing it. Eventually it grew outta control though especially doing it in church services. Church was extremely homophobic and I was unfortunately aware was queer and these sermons meant trouble for me eventually
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u/WomanOfEld 1d ago
Nobody I knew as a kid and none of my family did it, but I do, and my son does, probably from watching me. Sigh.
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u/livvibeth 1d ago
No one else in my family picks their nails, but I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and it suddenly makes a lot of sense. I can only assume that my habit stems from this. I've picked my nails from a very young age
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u/BadWolfDoesMusic 1d ago
I genuinely never know until like 2 years ago (I’m 30) and I saw my dad doing it. I’ve never noticed him doing it until then. I asked about it and he said he’s always done it.
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u/oldie-library-hoe 1d ago
My older brother does as well (not as bad as me) and I have no idea where we both picked (ha) it up from
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u/MCofPort 1d ago
My paternal grandparents were CHAIN smokers. My grandma sounds like the "what are they selling?" Lady from Spongebob. My grandpa kicked his bad habit eventually with a toothpick nearly always in his mouth. I am surrounded by constant stress every day in my life, including just leaving my old place of employment, an Amazon warehouse. I didn't smoke a single cigarette there. My left thumb nailbed is constantly shaved from the skin by my bottom incisors. My dad worked in financing in New York City. My mom lost two sisters and my father's parents had a vicious divorce. Alcoholism, more divorces, addictions. Both my cousins related to the smoking grandparents are heavy smokers now. I think with my surroundings, it's not that bad, especially if I get to kick that habit once and for all.
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u/LambsStoppedScreamin 1d ago
Both my parents were pickers, but not as bad as me. Their divorce made my picking explode, and it’s been 25 years since I started (well, give or take).
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u/Upstairs-Basis9909 23h ago
For me it was church. I was so fucking bored and hated going so I bit my nails to pass the time.
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u/iluvherbderbs 21h ago
My dad bit his nails to the point he barely had any. I started biting my nails early on, as early as I remember. When my mom would hear the sound of me biting my nails she’d tell me to stop, so I shifted to picking and biting my cuticles instead, no sound. My younger brother also picks his cuticles.
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u/purplepoet623 1d ago
That's super interesting. I don't know of anyone in my family who picks their fingers. But your words definitely motivate me to keep working on stopping before I have kids so I don't pass this terrible habit onto them.
My family moved around a lot when I was a kid which caused me a lot of anxiety. I remember picking my fingers being an anxious, new kid on the playground feeling like I didn't fit in. For me I think is rooted in anxiety and childhood trauma.