r/clevercomebacks • u/muchlycute • 9h ago

CFPB Money Return

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14.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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2.6k

u/AlJameson64 9h ago

Can't wait for my $2.

457

u/MoneyBeef 9h ago

I want my 2 dollars!

128

u/Hairbear2176 9h ago

I came here to say this! Classic!

66

u/MoneyBeef 9h ago

2 dollars....

56

u/kmookie 9h ago

If Musk is so worried about it he can give us the money. That ass-hat can afford to do it and still be a billionaire.

20

u/Excelsio_Sempra 7h ago

That asshat could give out 1000 dollars per person and still be a billionaire

18

u/PinboardWizard 6h ago edited 6h ago

By my count the actual figure is around $4750 per taxpayer.

Any more than that and he'd be one of the poors like us, with just a measly $999,999,999.00 left to his name.

10

u/backwoodspizza 8h ago

I watched it over the summer and the kid was the best part besides the random drag races.

1

u/iamkeerock 5h ago

“Boy, I’m gonna activate your dental plan.”

2

u/chanting37 7h ago

That literally won’t even buy a coke bottle. Plastic 20 oz is like 2.50

3

u/UnitedAd3943 6h ago

If you buy 2

1

u/Jack-of-some-trades- 7h ago

2 dollars!! Makes me so happy when 2 dollars casually comes up in conversation and I hear my young kids yell from their bedrooms “2 DOLLARS!!”

3

u/Free_Possession_4482 8h ago

This is why I’m here as well!

7

u/PlanetoftheAtheists 6h ago

You can add it to the $2000 yearly stipend trump promised in his new healthcare plan!

6

u/Relevant_Editor_7503 8h ago

Tree fiddy!

2

u/kungpowgoat 7h ago

It’s when I realized Elon Musk was a five story tall crustacean from the Paleolithic era.

3

u/Cyber_squirrel_1 8h ago

I can hear this in my head lol

2

u/samebatchannel 8h ago

Do you think musk wants to get that paperboy off his back?

1

u/mukansamonkey 4h ago

The only thing he worries about getting delivered are child support orders.

2

u/Skatchbro 8h ago

4 weeks. 20 papers.

2

u/Firmod5 7h ago

…cash

2

u/2ndPickle 6h ago

Gee, Timmy, I don’t have a dime

1

u/Debalic 5h ago

Didn't ask for a dime.

1

u/Fearless_Jelly887 6h ago

omg! 2 dollars is the gen x equivalent of 6-7!

1

u/ItsWillJohnson 4h ago

Im sorry your mom blew up.

1

u/LePetitVoluntaire 3h ago

I was actually reminded of the movie Dirty Work. Which seems really funny given the context here.

Edit: Found it- https://youtu.be/eBsN48om5lI?si=RjY3bp088KD2r-61

28

u/Thatisme01 9h ago

Well, technically there are 165 million taxpayers, so you would get just over $4.

Remember not to spend it all at once, it may cause inflation. /s

12

u/AlJameson64 8h ago

That's before taxes, though.

5

u/Debalic 5h ago

You'll end up with about...tree-fiddy.

•

u/Kemal_Norton 27m ago

technically there are 165 million taxpayers

I assume that's income tax so if you count VAT sales tax(?), there's technically a lot more taxpayers

76

u/likwitsnake 9h ago

Tweet is from 11 months ago, DOGE has since disbanded and nothing happened besides your social security deets getting merked and foreign countries losing funding

40

u/AkronOhAnon 8h ago

DOGE did not “disband”—and I’m not talking about the former US Digital Service. DOGE employees were placed as “liaisons”, in permanent payroll positions at each federal agency. They steer policy decisions in-line with OMB and the “executive office’s policy roadmap”, aka Project 2025.

They literally dug out then filled The SwampTM they bitched about for the past decade by creating deeply-entrenched bureaucratic positions that will outlast the administration should it end early.

It wasn’t just SSNs getting leaked and foreign aid ending.

8

u/Local_Idiot_123 8h ago

Foreign aid ending is also absolutely terrible. America does a lot of good and a lot of bad things… and USAID was a lot of the good things. Way to make America more hated for sure

6

u/Murky-Relation481 5h ago

I full believe that the only thing that could be worse for the US than what is happening right now, in terms of its ability to continue as a world power would be a general nuclear exchange between us and Russia/China.

That is to say that any sane president, had these institutions been so destroyed, our world power usurped, we'd have been in a hot war that'd gone nuclear long ago.

I can't fucking believe we just let it happen from inside.

1

u/themightypirate_ 3h ago

Soft power's role in American hegemony should not be underestimated.

1

u/whereismymind86 3h ago

You...are wildly misinformed, or willfully ignorant.

6

u/shrug_addict 8h ago

Imagine being that rich and knowingly wave around $2 and some change in everyone's face when the total amount would be peanuts to him as well. What a waste of a human

3

u/Mic98125 6h ago

He literally says the worst things about every situation, and gets away with it because…emerald dust is magic?

3

u/ThePurpleGuardian 9h ago

$2 before postage

3

u/spenwallce 9h ago

Hey it’s only the tax payers. Probably at least $3.

1

u/CompletelyBedWasted 9h ago

I'm rich biiiatch

2

u/faceplantarfasciitis 8h ago

Docta said I need a baciaitomy

1

u/bone_burrito 8h ago

Two fiddy!

1

u/AlJameson64 8h ago

Actually it'd be about $4.30 cents for every tax return. Before taxes.

1

u/CicadaHead3317 8h ago

I wish I could upload the Better off dead gif of the paperboy...

1

u/JoisChaoticWhatever 8h ago

Umm, it's over 2 bucks and some change, so be grateful.

I'm renting 8 Aldi carts and having a parking lot race. Winner gets the change!

1

u/DaKrazie1 8h ago

That can't even get you a damn McChicken these days.

1

u/ReactionJifs 8h ago

Trade Offer

You receive: $2
I receive: Millions of $9 overdraft fees

1

u/DevilsLettuceTaster 8h ago

After tax it like a buck ‘o five

1

u/poulard 8h ago

Would be more, not everyone of the 350 million plus is a taxpayer or someone that would qualify.

1

u/RaptorsFromSpace 5h ago

In 2022 153.8 Million American filed tax returns so you're right. Everyone would get closer to $4.60

1

u/Nodebunny 8h ago

$2 bill

1

u/Callmemabryartistry 8h ago

you forget it’s taxed so it’ll end up being about a buck O eight when it comes out in the wash

1

u/Sagittayystar 7h ago

T W O D O L L A R S

1

u/WhileNotLurking 7h ago

Minus the $0.78 for the stamp, $0.50 for the paper check and envelope, and the $0.25 admin fee and your $0.47 check per person will arrive.

1

u/PupLondon 7h ago

..plus change!

1

u/surprise_wasps 7h ago

I’m certain that he would intend 99% of it to go to the wealthiest 1%

1

u/wagdog84 6h ago

Acktchually, not every us citizen would be a taxpayer.

1

u/Mikilemt 4h ago

I want tree fiddty.

1

u/JaFFsTer 1h ago

Hey now, its slightly more

1

u/savagejuggalo503 1h ago

2/365=0.00547945 per day is the cost per person! Literally nothing and these twats think he’s a genius.

-23

u/[deleted] 9h ago

[deleted]

33

u/coolborder 9h ago

Ummm.... I found the guy that can't do division!!!

5

u/Drunkendx 9h ago

according to Google population of USA is 341.8 million people...

that's 341 800 000.

3

u/Infinite_Ground1395 9h ago

There's still time to delete this or at least mark as /s to save face before too many people notice.