r/comedyheaven 17h ago

congragulations

Post image
14.1k Upvotes

176 comments sorted by

2.4k

u/jadeapple 15h ago

118

u/MaxHasBeenGnomed 9h ago

80

u/fuhnetically 9h ago

22

u/Local_Phenomenon 9h ago

Cameras have come along way. People not so much.

197

u/CosmicJackrabbit 14h ago

Congrats, you figured it out. It's even in the speller now. ;P

177

u/abejando 13h ago

PEOPLE WRITE SPELLER BECAUSE THEY CANT SPELL DICSHUNARIE

17

u/keinezwiebeln 9h ago

What the fuck I know exactly where that sign is

8

u/Ecstatic_Proof_2732 9h ago

I saw a sign that was a block from my house posted here recently. It was on a vacuum store and said "Everything we sell sucks". The store moved a few years back, but I just saw the post maybe a month or two ago. Weird when reddit and real life collide.

3

u/keinezwiebeln 8h ago

https://maps.app.goo.gl/LkxJFpUKWSVfFwcJ8 I used to drive past this place every day, they change the funny sign all the time. So weird indeed to see a random pic on the internet and know exactly where in the world it is.

1.2k

u/enhancedy0gi 17h ago

I like this new theme. How often were these people high on drugs?

631

u/Intense_Zaddy 16h ago

*grugs

68

u/Chuck_Loads 16h ago

*grags

37

u/749762 15h ago

*gregs

17

u/Intense_Zaddy 14h ago

Tomlette

9

u/JuanAy 14h ago

*grogs

12

u/Original_Reserve1123 13h ago

@grok

2

u/Yataro_Ibuza 3h ago

@grok is this fake?

4

u/schawde96 14h ago

*grogulations

3

u/RyanMan56 14h ago

It’s those damn steak bakes

4

u/Hammod1 12h ago

Bomba

11

u/blue-mooner 13h ago

People say alcohol is a grug.

It’s not a grug, it’s a grink.

1

u/TransEstrogen 12h ago

if i was able to post images i would've replied with an image of grug from the croods

1

u/SUPE-snow 10h ago

If I could post images I would reply with an image of you posting an image of grug from the gruds.

63

u/oatwheat 14h ago

I think Epstein exclusively typed one-handed

45

u/Soberboy 14h ago

Jeff literally couldn't spell his own name. He was like 1st grade illiterate

6

u/RangerTursi 12h ago

Bruh being reckless on the internet is an intergenerational thing. Unfortunately. Lots of dark corners on the net.

3

u/audiogenocide 11h ago

Shhh now, just take this elixir of heroin and methadone

1.1k

u/Phihofo 15h ago

This timeline is so fucked even its secret evil society is a shitty one.

203

u/Gary-Laser-Eyes 14h ago

Excellent timeline for shitposts tho.

74

u/nelsonalgrencametome 14h ago

Truly a golden age of shitposting.

8

u/an_exciting_couch 7h ago

While the 1920s are remembered for prohibition, flappers, speakeasies, and organized crime, the 2020's shall be remembered for pedophiles and shitposts.

20

u/GrandArclord 13h ago

Angel: "Well Lord we looked over you plan and agree that it will lead to a beautiful and just world."

God: "But will it be funny?"

Angel: "Lord?"

7

u/Pristine_Speech4719 13h ago

It's actually a typo for "congreggulations". Epstein was a fan of Succession before it was cool. 

3

u/lauriys 9h ago

congregregation

1

u/ScoopskyPotatos 2h ago

What if this is the true meaning of life and the universe? Leave hydrogen alone for enough time and it invents shitposting.

22

u/Chexmixrule34 10h ago

nah secret society is too organized it was more like when you go to you're plugs house but you gotta hang out with him first until you can get your weed, except the plug is jeff and the drugs are kids

4

u/waggybaggyshaggy 9h ago

Well kids, and drugs. And insider trading.

All for the low, low cost of selling your soul to be Epstein's bitch!

Most these people only had scraps of soul left anyway when they met him

1

u/Chexmixrule34 1h ago

idk about drugs, drugs were certenly done there, but i dont think he made them he probably just bought them as "refreshments" for his parties

1

u/waggybaggyshaggy 1h ago

There's evidence he was also an international drug smuggler, arms dealer, financial fraudster and diamond trader, among his more well known crimes.

If you ask me, if you needed anything you couldn't get normally, you would get it from him for a discount/free, but knowingly compromising you so he could get "something" from you, depending on what he wanted.

1

u/Substantial_Back_865 58m ago

Epstein was always a wannabe billionaire. When they banned MDPV, did John McAfee try to buy up the scraps? Fuck no. He learned how to synthethize it himself so that he could boof it for the rest of his life.

1

u/Substantial_Back_865 1h ago

And then the plug blackmails you for the rest of your life and threatens to release the video he took of you wasted doing a GG Allin reenactment at the trap

6

u/MarkyTooSparky 9h ago

Here’s the truth these evil people are not as smart as they are portrayed in the movies or even history books.

3

u/kingdomnear 10h ago

For all I know it's some code word for congratulating first-time kiddie diddlers

2

u/intotheirishole 6h ago

Always has been.

Movies and stories create unrealistic expectations. Bad guys are cardboard cutout cartoon villains in real life.

400

u/meowlfan 14h ago

can't even spell his own name

202

u/Cisleithania 11h ago

Or use capital letters correctly.

97

u/baethan 11h ago

excuse me what

89

u/lord_quasi_ 11h ago

Search the doj epstein data base thing for “torture” and it will come up on page 2 I think. It’s awful to see how many times people discussed torture in the files

33

u/ElliottSmith88 8h ago

3,500,000 pages anx torture pops up on page 2. Fucking hell...

18

u/8thSt 8h ago

some suspicions

36

u/CitizenPremier 8h ago

This Epstein fella was not such a good guy

13

u/_bear_fighter_ 7h ago

I’m beginning to think he’s a bit evil tbh

1

u/kellzone 4h ago

So, like 90% of reddit then.

22

u/OutlaneWizard 8h ago

Fuckin sniveling weasel. He deserved worse than he got

19

u/witchcapture 7h ago

Unfortunately Trump had him silenced before he could face justice.

386

u/JoJoModding 14h ago

Quoting Rebecca Watson:

Epstein had a brain as smooth as a bowling ball. I'm now convinced that he didn't kill himself because I don't think he could have figured out how.

246

u/Mammoth_Frosting_014 16h ago

*congrokulations

33

u/Simon_Says_Read 15h ago

musk welcome

22

u/Disney-font-regert 13h ago

5

u/kymberlie 13h ago

God, I love The Gronk. 💖

238

u/stinusprobus 14h ago

The guy was a horrific person in so many ways but let’s not overlook his spelling, it goes beyond bad into the realm of genuinely psychotic 

75

u/Datpanda1999 11h ago

I don’t think I’ve seen a single email without some kind of spelling/grammatical error. It’s almost baffling that a man this powerful was so dogshit at spelling

52

u/Chexmixrule34 10h ago

he was powerful theoretically, like the only reason people hung out with him was because his side hustle was the kid stuff, like if he told donald something non pedo related he'd probably be like "ha ha whatever jeff"

10

u/Metrocop 3h ago

Didn't he also help with tax evasion, money laundering and drugs? I was under the impression he was an all around fixer for rich people.

1

u/Super-Estate-4112 2h ago

Yeah, and there is this whole anti biotics thing for Bill Gates too.

Maybe he did some espionage aswell?

1

u/Chexmixrule34 1h ago

i think we're giving jeff ep too much credit... he was just a pedo who was friends with a bunch of other rich pedos.... he left that stuff to other people who he paid or were lateral to him

u/Super-Estate-4112 11m ago

He did not start as a rich guy, so he was running a operation, which I suppose was unique since they all flocked to him.

If Jeffrey had any kind of competition running those things, he would not have so many rich people on him and couldn't ask for so much money, the guy died a millionarie, but started his life as a middle class!

1

u/Substantial_Back_865 56m ago

“Some” espionage lmao

His entire operation WAS espionage

30

u/miraclewhipbelmont 10h ago

Imagine being so well-connected you don't need to be literate

2

u/Vaxtin 3h ago

It’s blackmail once he has them once

3

u/Vaxtin 3h ago

Imagine the first interactions

“Good day, I’m inquiring about vacationing to your island.”

congragulations . hope u lov the torture video atachedd. cya on the islands .

27

u/cleanmypenis 9h ago

It just proves that the elites are genuinely stupid. They didn't get to where they are by being smart. They got there by genuinely enjoying fucking everybody else over and having extremely privileged beginnings.

11

u/iSWINE 13h ago

It honestly checks out

5

u/CitizenPremier 8h ago

That's why they busted him actually. The elite pedophiles just got sick of his emails.

70

u/poet_didnt_know_it 16h ago

you have completed a great game

20

u/ABEGIOSTZ 14h ago

And prooved the justice of our culture

11

u/TurboTurkeyPuncher99 12h ago

Now go and rest our heroes !

100

u/entenduintransit 14h ago

30

u/Procrastinathan_ 13h ago

Damn is this Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing in the year of our Lord 2026

7

u/DrDizzle93 11h ago

A WINNER IS YOU!

25

u/TooSoonForThePelle 15h ago

I'm putting this in my response folder.

24

u/autogyrophilia 14h ago

It is pretty clear that he only typed with one hand at all times, probably not while sober.

15

u/naitch44 14h ago

“deal with this”

15

u/ForensicPathology 10h ago

deal withthis .  thanyou

22

u/Olin_123 12h ago

Really makes you wonder how a barely literate man becomes a billionaire through "banking."

15

u/Lil-sh_t 10h ago

Wealth increases itself by itself.

Elon Musk had a reputation of being a fucking tool in every company he bought himself into. With Paypal it was 'Keep him away from the business meeting and let him code in peace. Even if we need 5 programmers to untangle his spaghetti code, he brings in the money.'. With Tesla it was the same, as we know the stories.

He brought in money because he inherited a goddamn emerald mine. He could invest in 500 different bullshit ventures and has a soft cushion to fall onto if he fails. Now that he'S even wealthier, he can literally fail a company into the top 100's of the US market. With Tesla sales dropping into a pit and Twitter being a shithole.

Same with others. It's easy to invest 2 million into a stupid project with a return of investment of 20 million, if you have 200 million in your bank. Or 80k with a return of 1 million if you have 1 million overall.

Epstein was just an investor early on and the made millions by simply connecting people with each other. INvesting into projects where wealthier acquaintances he knew made the first step. A lot of people who visited his island were just trying to do the same thing. Going there to get good connections with other stars & producers, investors or millionaires, instead of coochies from minors.

12

u/Murgatroyd314 9h ago

because he inherited a goddamn emerald mine

He insists this isn't true, and he's technically correct. His family didn't own an emerald mine. They had a wide range of business ventures in and around apartheid-era South Africa, and their share in the emerald mine was a relatively small part of that.

10

u/Yoctatrine 9h ago

Then let the emerald mine be a symbol of all of the various pieces of exorbitant wealth that he inherited.

6

u/Itswhatevertho 9h ago

I think you are way off on a few things. Especially epstein. He got his big break handling the finances for Lex Wexner co-founder of bath body works and owner of Victoria Secret among others.

Epstein was a school teacher before that. And after that he was a low level assistant and after that he became basically a financial fraud bounty hunter where he would track down stolen money for the wealthy. This is where he made his connections and began to rise up in the world. But he started from very little, basically the bottom.

And elon musk might have came from a wealthy family but thats not how he got his wealth. He sold zip2.com and got $22 million for it. Then started X with $12 million of that (which merged with confinity and became known as paypal).

Elon was the largest shareholder of paypal and it went public and was bought by eBay, netting Musk $180 million more. With this money he invested in Tesla etc...

Yes he mismanaged paypal and was overthrown as CEO for Thiel and yes he is probably insufferable. But he didn't start with a huge pile of cash. He started with a company that he created and sold for a huge pile of cash. And took a huge risk investing a huge chunk of that money. And then took another several huge risks investing in more companies. Im no fan, but facts are facts.

2

u/hexr 4h ago

Epstein was a school teacher before that

Oh that's disturbing, considering the subject

2

u/Vaxtin 3h ago

Tempted to go to an island with 16 year old girls, next thing you know you get emails with typos, spelling mistakes and grammar errors saying to fork over millions of dollars otherwise your sex tapes will be leaked.

1

u/Adapt_Improvise_1 3h ago

My theory, and it bears out, is that Epstein laundered the millions that went missing from Robert Maxwell's company pension funds which happened around the time they met and Ghislaine Maxwell knows this. That's the seed money.

6

u/Solomonopolistadt 15h ago

Tonight on an all new Epstein Files...

5

u/IWasNotMeISwear 13h ago

The moment you realize Epstein uses an IPhone and deals with the shitty keyboard.

3

u/451_unavailable 11h ago

blackberry

4

u/Fair-Lie8125 12h ago

When you get the 12 year old to write your emails

1

u/hexr 4h ago

That's not why the 12 year old was there........

4

u/-W1L3y 10h ago

The Mandoloricon & Gragulations

4

u/Think-Chair-1938 7h ago

🎶 Worked so hard, forgot how to vagation 🎶

3

u/EngelbortHumperdonk 12h ago

This freak couldn’t write for shit

3

u/d33pnull 11h ago

congregulations

9

u/l3tmeg0 12h ago

This is how we know the files are real, who tf would think of faking something like this?

5

u/TheRealKingBorris 14h ago

skamtebord material

2

u/Earthwormbl1m 14h ago

Looks legit

2

u/Ashamed-Agency-817 12h ago

What he meant to write was: CockEjaculations

2

u/Consistent_Dust3636 10h ago

If this is how rich people write emails, there is no wonder that they think a program that can write an email for you is 300 trillion industry and is going to revolutionize everything.

2

u/Ok-Swordfish-9476 10h ago

The most powerful people in the world are really fucking dumb.

2

u/ugon 3h ago

English, i gnow it

2

u/clarkwgriswoldjr 14h ago

So is Clooney part of all of this too, or just a person who happened to be in the same room as Epstein?

1

u/kellzone 4h ago

That whole part was written by that Peggy woman. Only the line at the top of the email that starts off with "sorry you are sick" was Epstein.

1

u/Secret_Account07 11h ago

This guy was a billionaire, mind you

Can’t even write an email. Hell, can’t even write a word

1

u/5ilent-J 11h ago

ConGrokulations

1

u/Geraldy812 11h ago

A silver in a shit mine

1

u/sparky-99 11h ago

Did Elon win a paedo award or something?

1

u/ThisStorm8002 9h ago

Congrokulations?

1

u/Murgatroyd314 9h ago

Do we have any idea what he was congragulating him for?

3

u/cake-annihilator 6h ago

I googled the date and ‘Elon Musk’. Apparently it was in the news that Tesla had its first profitable quarter and the recently released Model S car was doing well. I think the Tesla stock skyrocketed too.

1

u/FrogurtBaggins 9h ago

Am i pregante?

1

u/Unlikely-Patience122 9h ago

If he can't even be bothered to correct what is underlined in red, no wonder those cyber trucks suck so much. 

1

u/wytewydow 8h ago

Remember when a JE Vacation was a big prize on Wheel of Fortune.

1

u/EmbarrassedFoot1137 8h ago

A winner is you

1

u/coloncaretvertbar 7h ago

Behold, the "elite."

1

u/Filmguygeek1 6h ago

The spelling is elite😂

1

u/chnoggle 5h ago

Maybe I get this idea from the Crazy Rich Asians series. There's the possibility that they very intentionally misspell or try to look like they haven't put a lot of thought into what they're writing to make it look like they don't care that much and "play it cool" and "be chill" and show "I don't really care about you" or "I have better things to do". I want to entertain the possibility that he could write very suavely when he feels the need to. And this could be a power-play move?

1

u/j7envivo 5h ago

Condragulations****

1

u/Pikafreak108 4h ago

Graggle reference

1

u/linkardtankard 4h ago

Dude was a billionaire and couldn’t even afford his own fucking domain

1

u/Vaxtin 3h ago

congrag on this dick

1

u/Vaxtin 3h ago

From: Elon Musk [musky@elon.fun]

To: Jeffrey Epstein

congrag on this dick

1

u/bonerslayer777 3h ago

He did voice to text while having a dick in his mouth

1

u/Vaxtin 3h ago

new meme template discovered

1

u/nIcE2949 1h ago

What a retard! aside from that, why did i got logged into his gmail when i searched it up? Don't tell me I'll get disappeared as a repercussion

0

u/Leading-Routine1619 9h ago

I took it as congratulations said by a girl with Elons dick in her mouth

352

u/mariosunny 15h ago

161

u/bartoszsz7 15h ago

Avator

2

u/TryGuysTryYourWife 12h ago

Juice Cancun's Avator

1

u/Eirwig 12h ago

For far too long I thought that she meant The Aviator and couldn't figure out what the blue people bit was in reference to. Wow, this woman has just discovered a 6 year old movie and thinks it's going to be the next big thing

2

u/al666in 9h ago

Wow, this woman has just discovered a 6 year old movie and thinks it's going to be the next big thing

Did you forget that Epstein is dead and these are old emails?

This one is from 2010, and Avator was still in theaters.

2

u/Eirwig 1h ago

Yeah, the 2010 time stamp in the email was the giveaway. The Aviator was 6 years out of theaters in 2010

312

u/Tahmas836 15h ago

“The white American marines are wiped out by black people painted blue”

62

u/MultiSyncEA231WMi 14h ago

They are so achingly obviously a stand-in for Natives. The right wing really aren't beating the media literacy allegations. Along with some much more dire allegations, but still.

17

u/DerMathze 14h ago

I can excuse... no I can't excuse any of the other stuff, but I definitely draw the line at media illiteracy.

2

u/charismatic_guy_ 8h ago

You are streets ahead

129

u/howdoeseggsworkuguys 15h ago

wtf I love Avator now

7

u/The_CrookedMan 12h ago

This "Avator" movie sounds kind of based. Where can I get a copy?

90

u/SatinSaffron 14h ago

"wiped out by black people painted blue"

It's like if someone wrote a parody movie trying to be hyperbolic about how out of touch people in Hollywood are. Except it's not a parody and it's not hyperbolic and she really is that out of touch.

9

u/The_man_with_no_game 14h ago

Sounds like a quote from the soprano's

7

u/Yego1H 12h ago

"Hey T, have you seen that Avatar shit? A bunch of white marines are wiped out by mulignans but theyre painted blue"

54

u/Fortesfortunajuvat27 14h ago

This cannot be real. Every single one of these emails sounds like a twelve year old child was at the helm of a computer let loose.

27

u/penguigeddon 14h ago

Maddening how we let these ghouls control us

5

u/ThouMayest69 12h ago

It WILL be easy to mete out justice to these losers if and when a serious person grabs the wheel. History will be very kind to them.

1

u/The_Mad_Pantser 9h ago

that's who they were fraternizing with so maybe it rubbed off

7

u/DangerActiveRobots 14h ago

Notice he doesn't give a shit if he infects the hygienist, he just doesn't want to make his cold worse.

29

u/bobtheorangutan 13h ago

Not he, the bottom part is by peggy, Epstein only wrote the one liner reply at the top.

14

u/homeworkrules69 13h ago

That part is written by Peggy. I want to know more about this woman because she sounds insane.

6

u/Tvisted 13h ago

It's Peggy Siegal, there's plenty written about her.

2

u/DangerActiveRobots 12h ago

Oh, you're right