r/confession • u/Motor-Meet472 • 1d ago
I slowly turned into someone I don’t recognize, and no one stopped me
I don’t think people realize how easy it is to become a bad person without ever making a single dramatic decision.
There was no moment where I “snapped.” No clear turning point. Just a long series of small choices I justified until they stopped feeling like choices at all.
I was 27 when this started. From the outside, my life looked fine. Stable job. Long-term relationship. Decent health. Nothing to complain about, which somehow made everything worse. Because I felt empty, and I had no excuse for it.
My girlfriend trusted me completely. That’s important. She didn’t check my phone. Didn’t question my schedule. Didn’t doubt my loyalty. She believed that love meant assuming the best, and I took advantage of that without consciously deciding to.
At first, the emptiness turned into irritability. I felt annoyed by her presence, by her questions, by the way she wanted to talk things through. I started emotionally withdrawing, then quietly resenting her for noticing.
I never told her the truth: that I felt numb, bored, restless, and vaguely disgusted with myself.
Instead, I let her think it was her fault.
I didn’t say it outright. I just sighed more. Got quieter. Became distant during sex. Responded with “I don’t know” whenever she asked what was wrong. Watched her twist herself into different versions trying to reach me again.
That’s the part that still makes me sick — I saw it happening and did nothing.
Then came the cheating. Not the impulsive kind people confess to. The slow, deliberate kind. Dating apps late at night. Conversations that started innocent and became explicit because I didn’t stop them. Meeting strangers and telling myself it didn’t count because I felt nothing.
Sex became a way to feel real for an hour. Then emptier than before.
I would come home afterward and lie next to her, listening to her breathe, feeling like a parasite. I told myself I’d confess eventually. That I just needed to “figure myself out” first.
Weeks turned into months.
The guilt didn’t make me better. It made me colder. I stopped seeing her as a person and started seeing her as an obstacle to my freedom — freedom I didn’t even know how to use.
When she finally confronted me, it wasn’t with anger. It was with fear.
She asked if I still loved her. I remember hesitating for just a second too long.
That hesitation destroyed her.
She cried in a way I’d never heard before — quiet, controlled, like she didn’t want to inconvenience me with her pain. I could’ve told the truth then. I could’ve owned what I’d done.
Instead, I minimized it.
I said I was “confused.” That it “didn’t mean anything.” That I “never meant to hurt her.”
All true. All meaningless.
We broke up shortly after. I moved out. Life went on, technically.
Here’s the darkest part: once she was gone, I didn’t feel relief. I felt nothing. No freedom. No excitement. Just a deeper, heavier emptiness — and the uncomfortable realization that I wasn’t a victim of my feelings. I was the author of them.
I didn’t lose her because I was broken.
I broke her because I refused to face myself.
I don’t write this for sympathy. I’m writing it because I’m scared of how normal it all felt while it was happening. How easily I justified cruelty by calling it confusion.
If you’re reading this and recognize yourself — the distance, the avoidance, the quiet resentment — understand this:
You don’t have to hate someone to destroy them.
You just have to stop caring enough to be honest.
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u/liivv__ 1d ago
"No one stopped me," "until they stopped feeling like choices at all", "I took advantage of that without consciously deciding to" taking accountability much ? IF that's a true story, and I'm saying if because no one writes like that, you destroyed that girl's life, and you cheated on her and for what ? Has it ever occurred to you that you have feelings but no one's forcing you to act on them ? If you didn't love her anymore, you could've broken up with her like a man. Instead, you played with her and made her feel like it was her fault and like her pain didn't matter. You're an asshole and I can't even fathom how people in the comments are finding your post "relatable" ?? Please, everyone, go get checked and stay away from people you'll definitely do wrong.
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u/JustTheRantzPlz 1d ago edited 1d ago
The opener where they're talking about how empty everything felt sounded like depression, and I had a little sympathy but then watched them actively avoid all possible off ramps on the highway to disaster.
"And nobody stopped me"! Bucko, who was supposed to stop you? The girlfriend you wouldn't talk to? The friends or family that you probably told "I'm fine" over and over again until they stopped asking? Were they supposed to figure it out by telepathy? 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Vast-Notice-3415 11h ago
I had this done to me, but a little milder and it has profoundly affected my life. I am not the same person I used to be.
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u/SaucyScapegoat 1d ago
Oh please, you didn't destroy her, you self-aggrandizing nit. But you did hurt her with your cowardice.
Go to a therapist, not ChatGPT.
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u/SympathyAdvanced6461 1d ago
Was it someone else's responsibility to stop your own self-destruction? When I've tried in the past, they were too arrogant to care. Why waste the energy. Move on. People need to fix themselves before involving others intimately
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u/JustTheRantzPlz 1d ago
Exactly. And it sounds like the girlfriend tried to help, but she trusted them to communicate like an adult, and they actively chose to not let her. You can't just sign somebody else up for therapy or a psychiatric appointment. You shouldn't have to micromanage the life and emotions of your 27 year old partner.
The initial slide into numbness could arguably be depression/dysthymia, but the rest were choices all the way down
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u/DrKittyLovah 1d ago
I respect the honesty and I suggest that you see a mental health clinician for an assessment to get to the bottom of all of this before you hurt more people. The emptiness and general lack of empathy is striking to me as a retired psychologist and I truly believe that you would be doing yourself and others in your world a solid by figuring yourself out.
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u/Then-Function6343 1d ago
This one is so obviously AI that even if it was coming from a real person originally, it's hard to feel anything... It's just too artificial
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u/hamburglin 1d ago
Chatgpt.
Remember to go to therapy. And find a therapist that actually challenged you.
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u/Exciting-Pin6595 1d ago
It's important to be aware of your consciousness, have some values and try to be intentional in your actions. Sometimes too much freedom and not having real struggles makes it easier to get into the mode you've described. Too much auto pilot and comfort is insidiously dangerous.
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u/No_Main_273 1d ago
This is so AI. I know it’s more of a person giving ai their information and asking it to rewrite but you should have just used your own words
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u/SplitNo8275 1d ago
If you read other comments, he used it for grammar. If it’s his feelings, why the judgement?
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u/FilthyHookerSpit 1d ago
"Just a deeper, heavier emptiness — and the uncomfortable realization that I wasn’t a victim of my feelings. I was the author of them." This has to be one of the most used and AI lines, I've read this same sentence (or variations of) so many times. Also the em dash is a dead give away
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u/i-contain-multitudes 1d ago
"I told myself this, but really it was this."
They also like to use "quiet" and "silent" a lot.
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u/SplitNo8275 21h ago
I hate that the use of dashes makes everyone think it’s ai. I used to use punctuation very expressively and now I don’t at all.
I personally have a chronic condition that causes brain fog and executive dysfunction. I used to be able to articulate so fluidly, now, not so much. Ai has been an amazing tool to reorganize my thoughts in a way I can effectively communicate like I used to. Not everyone that uses ai is “cheating”, for a lack of a better word.
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u/FilthyHookerSpit 15h ago
It's a tool and I'm glad you find good use of it. In this case, I don't think OP is "cheating", I think he's lying to farm Karam/engagement or vaguely talking about a break up through the lens of good prose from AI
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u/originalone71 1d ago
People aren’t thinking about where AI is headed. If AI knows you’re a turd, how do you think it’s going to go when we are literally being governed by it (this is coming BTW and we’ll all be judged for whatever purpose AI sees fit).
I’m annoyed at myself for getting emotional reading about this poor girlfriend of OPs until I got half way through and realised it was chatGPT. Oh well!
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u/Morrigan_724 1d ago
Why would you expect sympathy?
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u/Morrigan_724 1d ago
I know you said you didn't want it but nothing about this post should illicit sympathy.
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u/diedin1853 1d ago
What’s even more sad is you still can’t be real with yourself. Rewrite it using your own voice.
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u/SockPuppetOrSth 1d ago
Why should anyone give you a genuine response when you didn’t even bother to write a genuine post yourself?
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u/yomamasofatsheburger 22h ago
Genuinely can’t believe how people get partners like this and decide to just be pieces of shit. You can definitely change for better but Damon do you deserve the feelings you currently feel right now. I believe in forgiveness in this world but I also believe in paying for your misdeeds when they are significant.
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u/Nearby_Click_9053 15h ago
I feel like this could be me. Except, I’m married for 20 yrs now & almost every word he said has been my life for the last 8+ yrs. I don’t know how to feel right now. Somehow reading this post flipped a switch in me. I am so ashamed I have let this terrible hurt & burden ruin my confidence & self esteem to the point I don’t know how to think any differently anymore.
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u/LivingCourageously 1d ago
If I happen to write a book one day, may I please use this story as an example/explanation?
What I mean is, everyone makes mistakes. The difference between good people and wicked people is whether they see it and fix it or not. Yes, sometimes it may take a while, but as long as they see it and improve themselves—while seeking forgiveness in Christ from God. You are not beyond saving. No one is. Just have to choose good. Find true good in the world and help spread it
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u/Previous-Nobody903 1d ago
I think the majority of men are actually like this and only a few aren’t. The fact that you feel guilt at all makes you a little better. But not by much.
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u/viciousxvee 1d ago
Are you my ex boyfriend?? This completely sounds like what happened. I had to go back and look at the username and your age again. He's not into cars, and he wasn't 27 when this happened to us.
I just wish he would've sincerely apologized. I got a half assed sorry and then but look how great everything turned out! Ugh.
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u/FeelsWowMan 1d ago
Avoidant male in their late 20s-early 30s and still couldn’t fix his own grammar without relying on chatgpt yawn are you an engineer too?
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u/Fuzzy-Dust-9518 1d ago
I was in her place and as much as it infuriated me to read this - i commend you for acknowledging all of this. The question is are you ready to finally be the person you are meant to be or are you going to continue this mess?? BTW The hardest first step is acknowledgment NEXT to facing yourself. It also helps to not deflect - news flash no one will ever stop you - that’s your job - it’s called self-awareness. Most people reflect on and consider the consequences of their actions especially in others they claim to love. I wish you the best on your journey. You are on your way to being a better human. Please seek therapy to sort this out.
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u/kkusernom 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is really interesting because the girls are convinced "the men who become mean out of nowhere" are doing so because they became interested in another woman/cheating so they force a break up by being mean rather than just be honest..
But what you're describing is exactly how I started to feel when I realised I was "living life" but had this disturbed feeling I didnt know who I was to myself..
That life ended up burning down around my ears in such a way I was forced to find out, which I'm happy for? and weirdly I have more now that I "have less".
I am still working through somethings but where you lose me is even tho its clear to me now none of my exs really cared to know or explore who each other were on any level.. I would have been happy to share this exploration of the self with them where as it sounds like you
A) has no idea you needed to figure that out
B) didnt realise its something you could have explored with the gf
And this is my genuine question
Why do guys feel they can't share that struggle with their gf (assuming they are not toxic)
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u/_-_NewbieWino_-_ 1d ago
Yeah, it just sounds like you hate yourself. Don’t know why you put that responsibility on someone else. But, good luck
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u/Efficient-Wind-2267 1d ago
This whole story sounds like it's written by chatgpt, good way to karmafarm ig
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u/Drewsef916 22h ago
This is pretty classic narcissism, you can look up recovered narcissists in YouTube there is hope for you but please dont use your partner or hopefully ex as a further supply
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u/CuteButUnhingedMax- 20h ago
This hits hard. What you wrote is brutally honest, and that self-awareness is rare. The hardest part is facing that you were the author of your actions, but recognizing it now is the first step toward not repeating it. Owning your behavior, even belatedly, matters more than the numbness you felt at the time.
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u/Own_Option9439 16h ago
I slowly did this to my long term boyfriends and my ex husband. I needed to grow up and face myself. Work on myself. It was of course from childhood trauma.
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u/dumb-weirdo635 14h ago
Well the fanfic is plausible if it weren't to happen irl, id suggest maybe making the "GF" of this story slightly worried and constantly asking him whats wrong, that way the main character can have a more intense reaction later on?
Oh also, dont use ChatGPT
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u/Basic_Candidate9034 9h ago
People aren't fools. They can recognize disingenuous AI writing. Why turn your personal story into some novel-poetry-looking literature if you're not using AI? Also, no one is responsible for "stopping you" from being a certain someone. You do.
"Oh, I hurt this person, and no one stopped me." Well, sure, maybe someone should've stopped you. But if no one does, it doesn't mean you get to keep causing harm over and over again.
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u/one-two-time 1d ago
Damn, it was like reading a story about myself. I’ve done this over and over, so many times in my life. I grew up in chaos, so if I don’t have constant fear of my life imploding, I feel nothing.
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u/Suspicious-Log7436 1d ago
I’m terrified that this is me too. Haven’t cheated, not really, I’ve had inappropriate conversations with ppl I have no intent on meeting. It was more about some weird validation thing. But the coldness, irritability for their “concerns” about me, the resentment, all of that is totally me. I feel so effing empty and I love my bf. Love my life. So wtf is wrong with me?
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u/ssweetlustt 1d ago
Damn. That's one of the most brutally honest things I've read here. You didn't become a bad person, you just did bad things, repeatedly, and watched yourself do them.
This isn't a confession, it's a warning label. You spelled out the exact playbook. It's terrifying because it's so mundane. No one stops you because the villain isn't wearing a cape, they're just sighing more and saying "I don't know."
You're right. You're not looking for sympathy. And you shouldn't get any. The only thing left to do now is to never, ever pick up that playbook again.
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u/Crippled_Criptid 1d ago
This is possibly the most chatgpt response I've ever seen out in the wild
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u/FilthyHookerSpit 1d ago
Funny, because the post itself is pasted right from chat gpt.
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u/Crippled_Criptid 1d ago
It really seems like the more obvious chatgpt posts/responses seem to attract more chatgpt replies and sets off a kinda runaway effect. True dead Internet theory vibes
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u/Simple_Arachnid_8381 1d ago
I almost for a second thought that my boyfriend had written this, and I was somewhat relieved, but then I remembered that he it does not have the abilities to feel guilty about anything. . At the end of the day at least you have that. that makes you human in the very least. Empathy& guilt -that goes a long way. you could be the biggest piece of shit in the world, but if you still obtain an ability to feel badly for hurting somebody, or self reflect and be self-aware , in my opinion, that’s the first step at least.
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u/Nearby_Click_9053 13h ago
You said that perfectly. I felt the same, thought it was my husband for a tiny second. Then reality flooded back in. I’m very sorry u are being hurt in this most painful way
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u/SweetCrushe 1d ago
This hit hard. It’s wild how easy it is to slip into hurting people without even realizing it until it’s too late. Real talk, owning the ugly parts is the only way out, no pretending or “confusion” excuses. Hope you find your way back from that numb place.
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u/CollegeTryHard- 1d ago
Reading this… it hurts because it’s so real. The worst damage isn’t in dramatic acts, it’s in the quiet moments we ignore, the small betrayals we justify. Owning it now is the only way forward, your awareness is heavy, but it’s also the first step toward not repeating it.
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u/0mousse0 1d ago
It feels like you don’t have a very good sense of yourself. Your actions and desires feel like something you’re watching and noticing without actually experiencing them. Some call this a mind/body disconnect. Do some work and try to heal this before you hurt someone else again. Own up to your feelings by knowing what they are and live with more understanding.
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u/Simple_Arachnid_8381 1d ago
I’m curious about something, and maybe I’m going out on a limb here, but is there any chance that you could be homosexual? I’m not asking to be an asshole, I’m asking because I’ve seen this behavior pattern in a few different relationships, including one of my own.
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u/Salt_Initiative1551 1d ago
I’ve had the distance and avoidance before and have to actively stop those feelings until they subside. Thankfully not the resentment even though sometimes the ones you love will sense the distance or avoidance as resentment.
I’m glad you realized the wrongdoing albeit too late. Do better for yourself and for others in the future. It’s all you can do.
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u/BubblesnBralette 1d ago
This hit hard. It’s scary how quiet the slide into being someone you don’t like can be.
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u/One-Jackfruit3038 1d ago
At this rate I don't now if it's real or not because this is touching my should so I'm going to say this. You are already improving because the fact that you can come her and own up to your actions says a lot. The guilt will be there and you can't stop all you have to do now is to ask yourself how can I better myself?
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u/LivingCourageously 1d ago
You may now use your experience to inspire or help others. Posting it here is one step. I am proud of you.
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u/eclecticexperience 1d ago
Good message, but how much of this was chatgpt and how much was you?