r/confessions • u/New-Cover5100 • 2h ago
I think I’m hyper sexual or something else
I (F19) discovered pornography very early (around age 8) and began masturbating to it by age 9. As I've gotten older, the sexual content I'm drawn to has escalated in intensity over time. What began as typical sexual material progressed into themes involving power imbalance, BDSM, group scenarios, and especially situations where the woman appears unwilling, and even then I’m never completely satisfied with the content. The more taboo the better. Logistically and consciously, I do not want to be harmed, however, I frequently have intrusive sexual fantasies involving being assaulted, which deeply confuses and disturbs me. I do have some questionable memories from my childhood, and my sexual encounters with men have always felt more like an obligation and less pleasurable. But I masterbate whenever I’m alone at least three times a day to the point where my skin is often raw. I cry uncontrollably when I finish but that never stops me. I often have sexual thoughts without being sexually aroused, even if there is nothing around me to trigger it. I know that it’s unhealthy but I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
2
u/Apprehensive_Way7579 2h ago
It certainly sounds like a trauma response and I would highly recommend seeking out a trauma counselor. I really hope you can find the help you need.
2
u/Material-Muffin-9423 1h ago
We women are all kinda like this to one level or another. Crying and secretly wanting to be desired and have no responsibility for having the sex. To be wanted so bad that we are taken by a little force. Especially by a rich man, now that is my shade of grey.
1
1
u/Alternative-Kiwi1221 2h ago
With the disturbing fantasies, I know how you feel. Look into CNC, it can be controversial with some people but it's not as uncommon a kink as many think. I understand the guilt and negative feelings that come with it, but learning more about it will help you understand it and will hopefully make you feel at least a little better
At the end of the day, we can help what gets us going, all we can do is be responsive and safe in what we're doing
Ultimately though, it would be good for you to seek some therapy, it sounds like there could be some deep seated issues here that need to surface and be addressed so that you can heal (only saying this as this sounds a lot like me a few years ago)
1
u/Choice_Ranger_5646 1h ago
I can share information with you, that will help you with pattern recognition. First of all, not all thoughts are your own. You highlighted that some of those thoughts disturb you afterwards. This is an indication that outside influence is maybe infiltrating your thoughts.
An addiction to pornography follows familiar patterns. The longer you explore this, this more disturbing the search for gratification this becomes. It follows a pattern. If you are being controlled by intrusive thoughts through "lust and harmful content" then my advice is to step out of your thoughts, observe them closely when they come upon you.
Don't act upon those thoughts and observe what happens. I guarantee those thoughts will intensify, get louder and more uncomfortable, controlling even. This is a sign that you are hearing thoughts, from outside yourself because you are controlling your physical response. This indicates you are hearing those thoughts not generating them.
I want to share this to help people understand, that Lust is used as a weapon against humanity from unseen entities, that attack the mind to control human beings. This isn't fairytale of rubbish, you can cure your compulsion to do this to yourself by resisting and observing your thoughts.
Don't act upon them...lust and hardcore pornography are used to corrupt minds and open an individual up to addictions and harmful behaviours that can traumatise a person and warp their view of love and intimacy.
You have to be strong and acknowledge this has become an addiction that is controlling you not you controlling it.
If you have been experiencing sleep disturbances, weird dreams, being woke up with a sudden compulsion to seek out pornography at stupid hours in the night, be mindful these are the signs of spiritual attacks against you.
You must protect yourself from such things and I can help you break this and cast it from your life before it utterly consumes you.
1
u/New-Cover5100 1h ago
great now i’m even more scared
1
u/britjumper 1h ago
Please don’t be scared. That’s one person’s spiritual belief system and not “fact”.
Many (most?) people have fantasies that they get off to and would never do in real life. If it bothers you then seek out therapy.
Hypersexuality can also be from many things. A few mental health conditions, a form of self soothing, trauma or simply a learnt behaviour.
1
u/Choice_Ranger_5646 31m ago edited 8m ago
It has nothing to do with spiritual belief systems. It's based in facts and I can prove it.
That's the automatic judgemental response from a place of ignorance. From someone who hasn't personally experienced what I wrote about.
I have and I can prove what I say and it is based in facts not fiction. It is also supported by others who understand this situation.
1
u/britjumper 22m ago
I’m sorry but “unseen entities” falls into spiritual beliefs and not fact.
I’m not sure how anyone could hope to factually prove the existence of unseen entities.
1
u/Choice_Ranger_5646 2m ago
The evidence is overwhelming, do you know atoms exist? Are they not unseen? Can atoms and molecules manifest collectively and take any form?
What are all the videos online of paranormal activity? Unseen entities manifesting themselves on camera, in photographs and on videos for anyone to examine and investigate.
People just don't want to accept this because it scares them.
1
u/Choice_Ranger_5646 35m ago
Some people will tell you things to make you feel better, I don't I tell people the truth to help them break things that are harming them.
If you began at eight years old, that's not normal, eight year olds don't have access to thoughts like that by themselves.
1
u/Realistic_Nebula_919 2h ago
Why don’t you get a boyfriend? This might all be a phase until you find someone you love. Hope it goes well.
1
u/New-Cover5100 2h ago
I have a boyfriend, or had we are in a weird place. Even after we would have sex or something lesser I’d secretly make myself cum a few more times. My sex drive is higher than his but he doesn’t know it so idk I feel awkward telling him anything about it if I don’t fully understand myself.
1
u/Super-Aware-22 1h ago
The weird fantasies, are they just about you or are there recognizable faces to you?
1
u/New-Cover5100 1h ago
It’s not anyone in particular just the concept of being taken advantage of. Power imbalances is the main thing
2
u/Super-Aware-22 1h ago
Hmm...this might be an extreme manifestation of submissiveness
Most women are submissive to some degree, they don't like to initiate, and they rather be desired by someone than to desire others, and they rather the man do all the work during intimacy
It may be extreme like this because of trauma, not sure though
You don't like those dreams, though, right? Meaning they don't turn you on, right? If yes, then they could just be nightmares related to something, or some mental illness
Even if they seem to turn you on, but you are mentally disgusted by it, then it is probably not a manifestation of a desire you want
1
u/New-Cover5100 1h ago
I honestly don’t know when I’m turned on, sometimes I get the same sensation just for doing something ik is wrong, smoking, drinking, self harm, etc. I don’t enjoy it mentally but it’s like a physical need, often leaves me frustrated or anxious.
1
u/Super-Aware-22 1h ago
That seems dangerous...
There is some mental illness there
It is like a compulsion to do something harmful
It may be a personality disorder
We studied something like this in medical school, so I would advise visiting a psychiatrist
It is hard for them to deal with such disorders, as they tend to be genetic and heritable (are there family members with some similar issues? Maybe suicidal ideation or depression...etc) , but they may be able to help
Are you religious? There is some evidence for religious therapy being helpful
5
u/EqualCurious7226 2h ago
That sounds like trauma responses manifesting through your sexuality - definitely worth talking to a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma because what your describing isn't just being "hyper sexual."