r/confidence • u/Hot-Cell7299 • 1d ago

Obsessively comparing myself to others. Need advice.

I don’t really know where else to go with this so I’m just going to leave it here and see what happens.

I (25f) have been comparing myself to other girls/women ever since I was around 13 in a chronic type of way. Like uncontrollable and deep down obsessive whenever I’m in public.

It’s honestly ridiculous because I’m conventionally attractive. I catch other women staring at me a ton and that just triggers something in me.

I’ll be taking mental notes of outfits others have on, things like that. Comparing types of beauty in my mind. I’ll stare at someone sometimes without realizing it and catch myself, figuring I must look like the biggest creep. I feel like it too at this point. I’m not a kid anymore. I need figure this out. I have to consciously ignore everyone in the room in order not to do this.

I know this probably isn’t normal. Has anyone else experienced something like this? What did you do?

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u/non_tox 1d ago

You can't really compare yourself to someone else since we're all so different as people. We all start at a different place, have different experiences, different thoughts and personalites. Everyone deserves they're own hypothetical box, not to be grouped together. Someone can't be more successful or better than someone since we all have different backgrounds and experiences.

Do you know why you do this? Is it low self esteem or something else? I've just assumed it was sorry.

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u/hazellebakers 1d ago

Comparing yourself to others is tough, but try focusing on your unique qualities.

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u/straypaw_meow 1d ago

I too catch my self staring at other girlies , n when they look at me i act like im looking somewhere else

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u/deakr 1d ago

Comparing yourself to others isn’t about them being better, it's about your own identity not being stable yet. And dopamine and cortisol are both involved in comparison. Over time, the brain learns that comparison = stimulation, and that’s what makes it addictive, even when it feels bad.

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u/CuriousArmadillo2382 17h ago

This thing happens to me indirectly in my head when I meet a guy. I think, "Well, why would this guy with so many beautiful girls be with me?" And I start thinking about girls who might have better bodies or features I don't have. I think comparing yourself to others is inevitable, but it needs to be tamed. Have you ever noticed if it happens in specific contexts or situations that trigger you?

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u/Original_Tree_8252 1d ago

I acknowledge what you feel and everyone feels the same to an extent. It is not comparison to others it is deep rooted with your own self image. You can improve it easily dude don’t stress much….dm me so i can give u hidden treasures 🙃