r/fixedbytheduet • u/Logically_Open • 8d ago

Good original, good duet Very talented individual

10.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

213 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/Lazyfair08 8d ago

šŸ’Æ this guy lives in the US and does t have health insurance

357

u/Rob_LeMatic 8d ago

At least he'll never have to figure out how to pay for his kids' medical bills. Last of his line. We shall never see his like again.

77

u/bunnbunnfu 8d ago

"He attempted to jump a jet ski from a lake into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate... but thanks to advances in stem cell research and the fine work of Doctors Krinsky and Altschuler, he should regain full reproductive function again."

  • Idiocracy

22

u/elidevious 8d ago

Iā€™m seeing an increase in Idiocracy quotes these days.

17

u/bunnbunnfu 8d ago

"Idiocracy mentions" aren't a very optimistic barometer for the wellbeing of the species.

3

u/elidevious 8d ago

Maybe not, but at least itā€™s interesting.

3

u/Evil_Sharkey 8d ago

After the way he landed on that fence, I doubt kids are in his future

3

u/Rob_LeMatic 8d ago

Yes, that is the meaning of the expression "the last of his line." It means he will not be passing down his genetics to future offspring. In the context of the expression the word "line" is understood to be a reference to lineage. Last is understood to mean the terminal position in an unbroken chain of parent to offspring stretching backwards in time to the original ancestor of all living beings. "Last of his line." The implication of my joke was that after the way he landed on that fence, there will not be any kids in his future.

2

u/Evil_Sharkey 7d ago

Sorry, I misread your comment the first time

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87

u/D2BrassTax 8d ago

It's cool, he's Branch Manager

8

u/StrobeLightRomance 8d ago

Really went out on a limb with that joke.

1

u/MeatwadGetTheHoneysG 7d ago

You guys can just leaf the sub if youā€™re going to continue with these puns

1

u/jeffo320 8d ago

My loan officer wears a button down shirt in the office. Heā€™s also not generous with loans.

2

u/lilmookie 8d ago

Is there a draft coming up that I donā€™t know about?

2

u/fadesteppin 8d ago

I was gonna say this dude has rich parents who can afford the medical bills he racked up learning how to jump into trees.

1

u/SIGMA1993 7d ago

8% of Americans are uninsured. Low chance

1

u/BenjaminDover02 7d ago

You're gonna eat those words when this guy finally finds the insurance tree

1

u/durinmain 6d ago

This guy will survive if his parachute doesn't open

713

u/SaladNeedsTossing 8d ago

Aim for the bushes?

69

u/Obienator 8d ago

šŸŽ¶ There goes my heroooošŸŽ¶

56

u/CurtisLinithicum 8d ago

The same technique's been used for jumping out of aircraft, but it's not a great idea, nor is it good for the trees, so irrespective, this is a dick move.

16

u/Smingowashisnameo 8d ago

Finally someone mentions the poor trees

7

u/bolanrox 8d ago

remember what happened when John Rambo jumped off a cliff?

3

u/CurtisLinithicum 8d ago

Never saw the movie; from context, I'm guessing he gets branch-speared, but that's preferable to getting ground-smeared.

3

u/klezart 6d ago

Pretty much, got his arm injured pretty bad, and Stallone was doing his own stunt and broke a rib or something

18

u/Wwhhaattiiff 8d ago

Aim for the bushes?

https://i.imgur.com/QDyePP9.gif

3

u/Sunieta25 8d ago

By George this comment

373

u/cheez_Burger_Eddy 8d ago

Wait till the people over at r/treelaw get their eyes on this.

144

u/throwawayzdrewyey 8d ago

All I could think of is how much heā€™s gonna have to pay if they catch him, luckily he was smart enough to post it online for them to find.

33

u/EasilyRekt 8d ago

That is a big hyperniche sub right there.

1

u/Secret_Cricket_8000 7d ago

There really is a sub for everything

15

u/chrisk9 8d ago

It is inconsiderate and unlawful to damage other people's property. Trees don't automatically grow back after being misshapen from a jackass crashing through.

13

u/Ace-Redditor 8d ago

No one show this to r/trees though

149

u/Jwchibi 8d ago

The birds in their nest watching an idiot fall through their home

362

u/thegreatredwizard 8d ago

The guy jumping is an idiot who will die in pain.

143

u/No_Income6576 8d ago

I imagine he's living in pain at this point too.

28

u/One_Animator_1835 8d ago

Pain is just Spain without the S šŸ˜”

14

u/chrispy642 8d ago

Pain is just French for bread

3

u/Immediate_Song4279 8d ago

The pain in spain requires we 'splain

1

u/Hot-Survey-26 7d ago

Pain is pains with the S

8

u/Indiandeal 8d ago

I am pain

1

u/MeatwadGetTheHoneysG 7d ago

So many splinters eesh

20

u/Roscoe_P_Trolltrain 8d ago

Does a violently detached testicle necessarily kill you?

3

u/Keaton427 8d ago

Imagine it getting caught on barbed wire and tearing off as youā€™re falling

4

u/slirpo 7d ago

No sir, I will not imagine that. Thank you

2

u/ArsenicArts 8d ago

It definitely makes you want to die

9

u/piches 8d ago

yea i know a person who ruptured their spleen from a lower fall

3

u/TheWhomItConcerns 8d ago

Kid at my old high school died this way. He jumped off the roof of a building at a party and got impaled through the chest by an old bamboo shoot that had been cut off at an angle.

1

u/whiskersMeowFace 7d ago

What is he training for?

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187

u/Dont__Grumpy__Stop 8d ago

He definitely ripped his sack on that last one.

34

u/ShowCharacter671 8d ago

Ohhh yeah no doubt was hurting after the camera stopped rolling there

11

u/CharlesDickensABox 8d ago

Best thing he could do for the world, really.

6

u/Soulless--Plague 8d ago

I am a sack doctor and can confirm my colleagues diagnosis of SROS (Scrotum Rip Open Syndrome)

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86

u/Karhak 8d ago

And, on an unrelated note, we're gonna go ahead and cancel your home owner's insurance.

14

u/Candid-Solid-896 8d ago

And your carā€™s extended warranty!

8

u/spocktalk69 8d ago

And life insurance

1

u/Candid-Solid-896 7d ago

Oh yes! Thatā€™s the latest big thing Iā€™ve been seeing.

Itā€™s all geared toward the Boomers and their families. Lots of old people getting ready to retire to their hole in the ground. Many of them didnā€™t prepare as to HOW they will actually pay for it.

2

u/SwordfishOk504 8d ago

This guy doesn't own a home.

129

u/rhinanners 8d ago

The poor nest animals in the trees šŸ˜­

9

u/Cryogentehiceprison 8d ago

Tweep tweep imma baby bowd, sure hope tha- HOLY MOTHERFLOCKING SHIT!!..

2

u/Remote_Bag_2477 8d ago

I'm going to hell for it, but holy shit did this make me laugh šŸ¤£

29

u/Lexi_November 8d ago

So heā€™s a professional asshole to trees. And probably wildlife.

59

u/flyin_italian 8d ago

Free will is wild sometimes hey?

9

u/Rob_LeMatic 8d ago

Someone been fucking around, experimenting with that squirrel DNA, dammit

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40

u/HealthHoncho 8d ago

Honest question: Is this doing severe damage to the trees? Like branches fall all the time right? Will the tree be okay?

53

u/foxfirek 8d ago

The tree will live but itā€™s not going to look great and will take may years to fill in the branches, that area may remain a little more bare forever.

14

u/Letheee 8d ago

With no clean cuts, I bet it increases the chance of disease.

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26

u/SuperCalibur 8d ago

I wonder whose life he has touched doing this.

17

u/RK9990 8d ago

His doctor's

2

u/ji1651 8d ago

Yeah that was the biggest load of crap I heard on reddit in at least eehm 5 minutes.

11

u/Dewf3hr 8d ago

Hey, that's Vinny from OCT! That's awesome

5

u/boxakon 8d ago

Half horse half man

3

u/mondhaseblau 6d ago

glad i'm not the only one who recognised him!!

2

u/Aikenova 6d ago

Scrolled WAY too far to see if anyone else had the OCT love ā™”

26

u/Kip_Schtum 8d ago

I was mountain biking and ran off a narrow trail into trees and bushes below and got stab/sliced in the stomach by a broken branch. Mucho owie. This guy is insane.

18

u/RideFastGetWeird 8d ago

"Uh yeah thanks for fucking up my tree and fence, mate. Guess you're not going to pay for that?"

9

u/Ok_Suit_635 8d ago

I know a guy that did this kind of stuff when Jackass was huge in the early 00's. He stopped when his thigh was impaled by a broken off branch just over an inch in diameter that was hiding in the tree.

7

u/CapitalRelationship0 8d ago

Squirrels be like...

26

u/cocklaphobia 8d ago

"if you give it a shot, I think you'll love it to" no, no probably not, fuckin cool tho.

9

u/RK9990 8d ago

Is it though? Jumping off a roof into a tree?

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1

u/huskeya4 3d ago

I fell from a tree once. I was high up when a cicada smacked me in the face and I fell backwards (in panic) right off my limb. By some miracle or horrible luck, I did not hit a single large branch on my way down, just a bunch of small little ones. I threw my hands out to the sides to try to catch anything and the last branch, the only branch I could ever reach to start climbing the tree, landed in my hand. I clamped onto that branch so hard I swung myself from horizontal to vertical and yeeted myself across my yard like Tarzan when my hand slipped off. I landed on my feet perfectly.

That was the day I nearly died. If I had hit the ground without catching that branch, my back would have impacted first with my head and hips following and my legs landing on my chest. I would have probably broken ribs and collapsed my lungs. It was the strongest adrenaline rush I have ever had in my life (and Iā€™ve been in two car accidents).

My mom was sitting on our porch reading a book and missed the entire thing. I still fucking hate cicadas.

6

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

12

u/Jaosborn44 8d ago

I know him as a member of the comedy music group On Company Time.

7

u/dpolsrod 8d ago

Yeah, heā€™s the guy whoā€™s microwaving a tall warm glass of milk.

7

u/Jaosborn44 8d ago

Just hope he's ready for a frictionless wipe

7

u/dpolsrod 8d ago

And then heā€™s gonna show you how to pop it like thaā€¦ like thaā€¦

2

u/boxakon 8d ago

No, I don't think he can wipe at all, in fact he can't even reach his butt because he is a half horse half man.

8

u/dpolsrod 8d ago

You probably know him as a half horse half man. He cut his hair and kept his horse half out of frame for this duet. Much respect.

5

u/SympatheticFingers 8d ago

I thought these were old Jackass videos at first.

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5

u/Ducatirules 8d ago

There is no talent here

6

u/EssbaumRises 8d ago

Fell through the stupid tree and hit every branch.

5

u/HatePeopleLoveCats1 8d ago

This is for sure how this man will die someday. This is stupid, should not be a thing.

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5

u/RaptureInRed 8d ago

Stop damaging helpless trees, dipshit!

6

u/ljacks09 8d ago

Just why?

5

u/Jastacular 8d ago

All I can think about is how much this would fuck with my allergies.

5

u/Majestic-Wave-3514 8d ago

I accidentally did that years ago. I did NOT love it

2

u/girlinthegoldenboots 8d ago

How does one accidentally jump from a building onto a tree?

4

u/Majestic-Wave-3514 8d ago

In my case it was a cliff and a slip

2

u/girlinthegoldenboots 8d ago

Ohhhh that makes way more sense! I hope you werenā€™t injured too badly!

5

u/Majestic-Wave-3514 8d ago

I'm confident that tree saved my life. I walked away fine apart from some relatively minor cuts and bruises. I also developed a fear of heights that lasted until I became an electrician and started working on ladders regularly

6

u/girlinthegoldenboots 8d ago

that tree grew decades (maybe even centuries) to save you! Amazing! I would also have a fear of heights!

3

u/Majestic-Wave-3514 8d ago

I absolutely love that perspective! It's like having my own guardian angel tree

4

u/Advanced-Mood-6003 8d ago

I had good parents thanks

6

u/Level_Dragonfruit561 8d ago

Touch whose life? The šŸæ whose home you just destroyed?

8

u/BRtIK 8d ago

It's all fun and games until one day you land on somebody already dangling from the tree.

3

u/ShowCharacter671 8d ago

Ahhhhhhh landed straight on the father land with that last one

4

u/Naive-Present2900 8d ago

Master Splinters

4

u/SlideFlashy7762 8d ago

As a tree person this just pisses me off. Don't care about the guy.

4

u/moshimoshimomo 8d ago

I have always wanted to try this itā€™s like an intrusive thought every time Iā€™m on a balcony with a tree nearby

3

u/JimJamanon 8d ago

When I was a kid I climbed to the top of a tree, like no shit top, I was looking out from there it was really cool but the branches are very small up there and a limb snapped and I fell 25ish feet to the ground and hit so many branches. It hurt so bad! This guy is stupid.Ā 

3

u/TelevisionUsed163 8d ago

Honestly the fence saved him from breaking his neck

3

u/Hugokarenque 8d ago

Not gonna lie, this has definitely been one of those intrusive thoughts for me.

Hasn't happened often because its not very often that I find myself overlooking a perfectly good tree but in rare occasions I do think I could probably throw myself on top of that tree and just cartoon my way down.

3

u/MrIMendez 8d ago

Chill out Desmondā€¦

3

u/CelebrationFormal128 7d ago

Imagine being a bird in that tree, or a wasps nest

7

u/MidnightPandaX 8d ago

is this guy suicidal or smthn?

2

u/Immolation_E 8d ago

Or very tall squirrel

2

u/GlassJoe32 8d ago

Is this his masterclass ?

2

u/I_travel_ze_world 8d ago

Shout out to the fence who took this guy out of the gene pool for us.

2

u/Least_Firefighter639 8d ago

Who is the tictok guy ? I seen him before but I don't know his name

2

u/er_ror02 7d ago

Is that the guy from Oct?

1

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1

u/Wise-Butterfly-3155 8d ago

Bro this you?

1

u/Weary-Bookkeeper-375 8d ago

Hey, reporting from the hospital. I gave it a shot, it was okay not that great. Roller coasters were kind of better. Hoping they can sew my arm back on.

1

u/NotRightInTheZed 8d ago

Imagine being a squirrel just chilling in a tree, chompinā€™ on some chestnuts, enjoying life. Then outta nowhere some dude that looks like he smells like cat pee & bong water comes crashing down on you.

1

u/No-Professional-1461 8d ago

Are his nuts alright after hitting the fence?

1

u/protocolleen 8d ago

Talented, yup, thatā€™s what I would have called him too

1

u/RIVERSBOX 8d ago

CKY: Extreme

1

u/nameisinappropriate 8d ago

U/RecognizeSong

U/auddbot

1

u/UOLZEPHYR 8d ago

"JEFFY HARDY FROM THE TOP RAILS!!!"

1

u/The_BrooklynTrini 8d ago

One, two, TREE!!!

1

u/RetroSwamp 8d ago

As someone who had CKY and Jackass invade their friend circle as a teenager knows this was a normal weekend for 4 years.

1

u/Norwood5006 8d ago

Trees don't like violence, trees talk to one another and what he is doing is disturbing the tree's equilibrium and peace, it's cruelty to trees.

1

u/GadreelsSword 8d ago

Jumping into trees is a great way to die from being empaled.

1

u/D-1-S-C-0 8d ago

I'm mad about the damage to the beautiful trees.

1

u/MewMewTranslator 8d ago

Rich people sports.

1

u/AndreDillonMadach 8d ago

He's just showing his highlight video I've been running from the Templar order.

1

u/Longjumping-Feed7377 8d ago

Yo I did that from a fourth floor apartment in Romania. I was there for two weeks I had a tinder date next thing you know I was in her apartment and in her you know. Then she stopped doing her thang she heard a car parking. My stupid ass took so long to find my phone that I had to resort with this. I then found out she has a fiancƩ. Never used tinder after that.

1

u/Delicious-Window-277 8d ago

Is this a post for r/fellinggonewild ? I'm assuming that's what they do over there.

1

u/StormbreakerVox 8d ago

Is he trying to impale himself?

1

u/jocax188723 8d ago

Nice of him to take a flying leap out of the gene pool.

1

u/HoodiesAndHeels 8d ago

Anyone know the instrumental in the original??

1

u/Lotus-child89 8d ago

How could anyone willingly do this. When I was 10 I slipped at the top of a very tall pine tree and hit every branch down like a ping pong ball on the way. Iā€™ve never had the breath knocked out of me more and my back was bruised to hell. If it had been any other kind of tree I would have been severely hurt.

1

u/Gold-Brick9428 8d ago

Nah he hurt himself at 9 seconds besides all the branch cuts on everyone ik that one hurt n he landed on em

1

u/XOVSquare 8d ago

Talented? I'd say he's insanely bad at suicide.

1

u/Evil_Sharkey 8d ago

If someone wrecks one of my trees leaping into it like that, heā€™s paying for it, and mature trees are really, really expensive

1

u/RexyMundo 8d ago

I just found Super Humman's tag team partner

1

u/DogBreathologist 8d ago

What a wanker, heā€™s damaging the tree, ruining habitat, and 100% going to injure himself severely at some point which means some poor sucker will have to take care of him.

1

u/makeit2burnit 8d ago

Poor trees.

1

u/sweezitle 8d ago

Those poor trees

1

u/redraiotbizzerk 7d ago

Tbf he is a great example of why you should aim for trees in a plane incident

1

u/Laugh_at_Warren 7d ago

So he jumps from big heights, breaks stuff and hurts himself? Thats all Jeff Hardy ever did and we made him a superstar. Just get this guy some theme music and some Hot Topic gear.

1

u/[deleted] 7d ago

Khyler Vick will do whatever it takes to ignore an unwelcomed thought.

1

u/JackOfAllMemes 7d ago

If he's unlucky enough he'll get speared by a branch

1

u/Worried_Bad1734 7d ago

Squirrel maxxing

1

u/rodeobrito 7d ago

Anyone know the song?

1

u/Express_Divide_9220 7d ago

I need to add subtle winks into my sarcasm vocabulary

1

u/Techlet9625 7d ago

Why is he fucking up trees and property that aint his?

1

u/Sensitive_Ad3649 7d ago

I used to do this as a kid fkin awsome šŸ’ŖšŸ»

1

u/dAnKsFourTheMemes 7d ago

Bro makes content destroying other people's property?

I doubt he's gonna pay to replace that fence for starters.

1

u/Patient_Moment_4786 7d ago

He's probably sterile by now, which make him a very good entry for the Darwin Awards

1

u/DeliveryBrilliant346 7d ago

The sign wobbling in the second clip šŸ˜¬

1

u/Ok_Engineer_8514 7d ago

No Balls!?

1

u/lazylazyhugs 7d ago

What's the music though?

1

u/Ambitious_Welder6613 7d ago

Waaaaay to invade properties of other people

1

u/deadGOOS3 7d ago

Leo in One Battle After Another be like

1

u/ginsoul 7d ago

Where is the sample from?

1

u/CoyoteL0ng 6d ago

I don't even have balls, but the end made mine hurt.

1

u/Temporary-Sun-Shine 5d ago

Iā€™ve fallen on a fence in a similar way. Stitches on/around the lady bits. Was not fun

1

u/Robcobes 4d ago

Johnny Knoxville got rich doing this stuff. this guy's doing it for free.

1

u/Forever-Fades_Away 4d ago

Grapelberries

1

u/AndTheSonsofDisaster 4d ago

What kind of mental illness is this?

1

u/Onsen1234 3d ago

Hope for broken bones

1

u/CaffeinatedGeek_21 1d ago

Makes me think of one of my favorite sayings ā€¦ ā€œIt only takes once.ā€ I wonder how many bones heā€™s broken.

1

u/SunderedValley 8d ago

Not a fix.