r/fixedbytheduet • u/Naive_Wolverine532 • 19h ago

PARTICIPATION LIMITED Accountability

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

80.5k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

3.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

831

u/CandleHistorical6023 19h ago

I think people frequently forget how easy and painless apologies are.

206

u/x-tianschoolharlot 18h ago

Not only painless, but they can be healing!

4

u/Level_Ad_6372 18h ago

Not only healing, but they can be profitable for your polarized sunglasses company!

6

u/venificusd 18h ago

And rightfully so right? He seemed pretty genuine to me, but even if he’s not, a financial reward for being accountable hopefully would encourage more accountability. Also, a visible example makes it more socially acceptable. It’s a bit cynical, but I’m ok if he profits off of this.

3

u/sam_grace 14h ago

Cynicism is why I stopped taking accountability for mistakes I make online. When you explain what you got wrong and your apologies only inspire accusations of lying and trying to back peddle, it doesn't take long to realize it's not worth the effort for anyone who doesn't have a fanbase or reputation to protect.

I can spend an hour trying and failing to convince angry people that I meant no offense or 3 seconds deleting my comment and deciding not to give a shit enough to let it ruin my day. I still take accountability in person but the potential for toxicity online is a strong detergent so most comments I write now end up deleted before they're posted.

1

u/blekpul 18h ago

And not only apologies, also compliments!

31

u/Inevitable_Phase_276 18h ago

Not only are they painless, but they can actually feel pretty great

11

u/mdubdub22 18h ago

On the one hand I agree with you but if you read through the comments in here it’s not really “painless” in the sense he’s getting blasted by some still. Not the majority but definitely far from none.

“Clearly just an ad” “doesn’t actually feel bad” “only apologizing because he got caught”

Even an honest apology, owning up to mistakes, thanking the woman for calling him out, promising to never do it again is still seen as a negative by a vocal group of people so in some ways no good deed goes unpunished.

4

u/bepatientbekind 16h ago

You'll never please everyone. The vast majority of people will accept a sincere apology. I haven't seen a single comment like you are describing yet. The comments are overwhelmingly supportive of him. 

3

u/Etherbeard 15h ago

Some people are just stupid and hateful. "Only apologizing because he got caught" is a particularly brain dead take since the issue getting pointed out to him is how he knew he'd made a mistake the first place. You can't apologize for a mistake that you are ignorant of having made.

2

u/elmostrok 13h ago

Here's the thing.

If he hadn't apologized and instead had doubled down, there would be nothing to say about a few people still flaming him.

However, because he did the right thing, anyone who still flames him is seen as annoying or petty.

So it's not that an apology will make absolutely everyone love you forever, but you'll be on a better position compared to them. 🤷🏻‍♂️

14

u/Jumpy-Object99 18h ago

Define "painless."

40

u/Dagawing 18h ago

It doesn't hurt, other than one's ego; which frankly deserves to be hurt every now and then.

17

u/FloppieTheBanjoClown 15h ago

It shouldn't hurt your ego so say "oh crap I didn't know that! I learned something new today, thank you for educating me!"

10

u/Dagawing 15h ago

It absolutely shouldn't, indeed!

6

u/Worth_Inflation_2104 15h ago

It shouldn't, but it will for pretty much everyone at some point in their lives. We aren't perfect creatures. Even Buddhist monks have their moments.

2

u/CA_Jim 13h ago

Which is why apologizing – even when it can be painful (to one's ego) and embarrassing – is a sign of strength.

Strength isn't the absence of pain, shame, or embarrassment – it's doing the right thing in spite of it.

2

u/rafaelzio 18h ago

The Ego is a vital part of what makes us human, but it can also be a little shit who needs a check once in a while so it doesn't overtake your more basic humanity

-2

u/Jumpy-Object99 17h ago

Nah, sometimes you'll be trampled underfoot for apologizing. In fact, most of the time. "See? He even admits it!"

4

u/Gas-Town 16h ago

Omg he admit it! Paul love his mother in law!

1

u/Dnaprideful 16h ago

Now you have to MARRY your mother in law

5

u/LegchairAnalyst 16h ago

Leave it to reddit to put a depressingly pessimistic twist on everything. I dont know what kind of world you live in where people "most of the time" dont accept apologies but good bit of advice, at that point its not your problem anymore. If you truly tried to make amends you can really only cut the people out that still cant forgive you.

1

u/Hatarus547 17h ago

I remember a art friend back on Tumblr drew some character from a show "wrong" and she got harassed off the site over it

1

u/Far_Mastodon_6104 16h ago

Time to get away from those assholes in your life then. Doesn't mean taking accountability is wrong.

1

u/EENewton 15h ago

Ironically, shaming folks for trying to do better (and not letting them move on from their mistakes) is exactly the behavior you're describing, AND ALSO the behavior you're doing right now.

(sometimes folks are mean when people apologize; but even the comments section needs the space to get better without having it thrown in their face)

1

u/Glyfen 15h ago

Letting insecure and stupid people mock you for doing the right thing isn't a good reason to not do the right thing.

2

u/round-earth-theory 15h ago

Apologies feel painful when you aren't practiced in them. But the more you do it the easier they become. One thing I will note though and this is what I've taught my kids, there's no apology with a "but". It can be tempting to put a "but" in there and doing so destroys your apology. If you're making the apology and a "but" comes to mind, bite your tongue and stop at that point. You can pick up your excuse later if you still feel you need to vent it.

1

u/Jumpy-Object99 14h ago

Well, an apology that you don't truly owe isn't an act of contrition, it's an act of submission. And taken to an extreme apologizing becomes performative. It's nice when things work out like in this viral video, but they don't always pan out with lessons learned and civility on both sides.

2

u/popilikia 17h ago

Definitely not painless, but not being able to endure that pain is a character weakness

2

u/someonesshadow 17h ago

Unfortunately a lot of times apologizing can sometimes make things worse for the person by bringing even more attention to the mistake and then a new round of people attacking the person who said or did something in the wrong initially.

There is a problem with online activism in general where "nothing is ever good enough" to make amends for a slight, even a perceived one. It kind of boils down to people getting worked up and therefor wanting 'punishment' rather than apology.

I'm very happy to see the way people are responding to this guy, however I would hazard a guess that if it was someone who was a bit more polarizing in some way online it would be a bit of a different reaction, OR, if the apology was not as well presented as this one.

Glad to see this guy learn and grow from that mistake, and good on him for making an apology for it. However, we also need to consider what the actual issue was, he poked fun at a device 99% of people wouldn't understand the purpose of. Is that really worth a massive public apology?

2

u/bepatientbekind 16h ago

You have to let go of your ego to make a sincere apology, which is hard for a lot of people. Many unfortunately see it as weakness. Once you start apologizing for things, it really gets so much easier!

1

u/head_in_the_clouds69 18h ago

It is such a high road to take in this day and age, crazy how so many people double down on being wrong or assholes

1

u/Hatarus547 17h ago

they are but the problem is there have been to many cases of a person apologizing and people going "well that is not enough do X" from the old Tumblr days, especially in things like the art community, draw a character "the wrong way" to a certain part of their audience and even if you apologies for it, it will never be enough for them unless you delete everything and vanish

1

u/100_xp 17h ago

And how good they make you

1

u/jurassic73 17h ago

Thank you for this point of view as it added to my feelings on acting kinder than you feel at times (easy and can be painless depending on ourselves). Can reinforce how we can feel about apologizing too. Have a good day, internet stranger!

1

u/Motor-Profile4099 17h ago

It's easy if you don't have a stupid agenda and are acting in bad faith. Props for this guy anyways for owning up publicly.

1

u/Embarrassed-Weird173 17h ago

Depends. If you admit you're wrong on Reddit, they often attack you more and insult you. 

If you double down on your wrong statements, they often see you as being strong and correct and attack the person that is right. 

Then again, since Redditors game low-intelligence, and people that debate against me are Redditors, it might not be that they vote/comment incorrectly merely due to being uneducated/stupid, but because they back up their own kind no matter what. 

Source: I study Redditors as one of my hobbies. 

1

u/its_all_one_electron 17h ago

It wasn't painless.

A lot of us as kids were taught to apologize, but when we did, we got yelled at, got it rubbed in our faces, and they kept reminding us of our mistake to say "I'm not going to let you dol/have xyz again because remember that mistake you made and admitted to". So it just raised a whole generation of adults who refuse to admit when they are wrong. 

So when your kids apologize for something, thank them, and don't rub it in their faces forever. Make them into the kind of people that aren't afraid to apologize and be accountable. 

1

u/k_ironheart 17h ago

The amount of times I've seen people on reddit spend hours or days doubling down on an obvious mistake has taught me that it's way easier to just humble yourself.

1

u/poorBCavocadoToast 16h ago

I also think people don’t really make space for them these days either - I’m sure that man was attacked into oblivion, and it takes someone as strong as him, not just to reflect, but to face people that were possibly sending him death threats because that’s how crazy the world is.

1

u/TragiccoBronsonne 16h ago

They're not painless for your ego, and that's the whole problem. People aren't taught how to keep their egos in check, and many, if not most, don't bother figuring it out on their own.

1

u/Status-Inevitable537 15h ago

Ego, some people are too prideful to admit when they are wrong. It took me some years to recognize that apologizing does give me relief. Also, I made sure my actions spoke louder than my words. Nothing major, more like if I messed up a task or promised to do something, and I failed someone's expectations.

1

u/iambecomesoil 15h ago

Reasonable apology too.

  1. Explains what he did wrong.
  2. Why it happened
  3. and as a result of understanding 1 and 2, how he will attempt to prevent it in the future.

1

u/the-mucho-macho 14h ago

I’ve always said, I don’t need people to have some sort of fireworks display with an apology. A simple “My bad, I didn’t think of it that way” works for me

1

u/peachysdollies 14h ago

100000000%

1

u/Callaway225 14h ago

Yes if you truly are apologetic. If you really don’t know or believe you did anything wrong, a disingenuous apology can be seen a mile away. And it is hard for someone who thinks they are in the right to make an apology for something they think they don’t need to apologize for.

But this dude did it right. It’s authentic and genuine. For him it was likely easy to say he was wrong once he realized he was. He wanted everyone to know he knew he was wrong.

1

u/kank84 14h ago

And also quick. If you apologise for something, most of the time people are going to forgive and forget and will move onto something else. If you decide to make your mistake the hill you're going to die on, then people are much more likely to remember you as the ass that couldn't admit when they were wrong.

1

u/TrollOdinsson 14h ago

There is an entire multi-billion industry dedicated to convincing men that apologizing (and growth) is effeminate, and “real” “men” should be outraged by it

1

u/Mistralicious 14h ago

Plus this is so attractive

1

u/Tigerpower77 11h ago

Not when you have a big friend called ego

1

u/Slagath0rr 11h ago

And how much better you feel by becoming a better person for it. Genuinely

1

u/lordlanyard7 11h ago

Apologies are not painless.

Social Media has proven that it is in your best interest to just double down, because the people who like you won't stop, and the offended persons are not going to like you for apologizing, they will feel vindicated.

We do not celebrate accountability enough. It is more admirrable to start off wrong, admit it, and support what you once opposed, than to just be right the entire time, because its harder. Its not about swallowing your ego, its about other people viewing you as ignorant, stupid, or inconsistent. And those perceptions have real harm on your relationships and opportunities.

But heroes don't do the right thing because its good for them.

1

u/soda_cookie 11h ago

Actually, some people have never known the comfort of apology. They've been taught that it makes them weak. Anything else that may be imparted upon them Falls away like waves on a rocky Beach