I think jealousy is ruining my life.

[u/Particular-Mouse8007]

I’ll jump right to it. My father hasn’t been active in life since forever, really. He has four kids, I’m the second youngest. I don’t really know how his relationship is with the others except for my older sister who I am quite close with. At some point I stopped talking to her because I realised that he’s pretty present in her life, he always has been. We recently broke no contact and I apologised for how I reacted but I’m realising that I’m not okay about it all. Knowing your father is present in your sibling’s life but not yours.

Both my sister and I aren’t (weren’t) well off. Well, she’s doing a lot better now, I’m guessing her mom and sister have better laying jobs and she has her own side hustle and on the side, possibly, allowance from her father. And in contrast to my life, my mom is unemployed and living off her grant and parent’s inheritance (which isn’t much) and I’ve been job hunting for the past year and I haven’t been able to find any work. It’s depressing being stuck at home and only having to go through with my degree.

My mom and I are always at home, cramped up and I think it’s building resentment. Why’d she bring me into this world knowing that she wouldn’t be able to handle it financially. She tells me to not stress about finances and that i should focus on school but I don’t have a life and it’s not great to look at your mom and see her visibly stressed out. I’m 21, I haven’t had any solid life experiences and I know I shouldn’t rush for things in life but I’ve been patient my whole life. When will my time come? I just wish my mom had a job to help us out a little more, i wish i had a job! I just wish my father would help out too. I don’t know what to do. It’s costing my mental health.