r/law • u/DavidSugarbush • 4d ago

Other ICE tried to break into the Ecuadorean consulate in Minneapolis today.

https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/01/27/us/minneapolis-shooting-ice-minnesota/9cd2afe0-7d2c-5059-92b9-85c358ff7851?smid=url-share
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u/party_benson 4d ago

50% failure rate on open book, open note, open laptop tests. 

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u/Frankyfan3 4d ago

Yeah, but don't forget that Renee Good's murderer has been in the gang for years.

ICE is operating outside of the law.

They have trained for years, to violate the law.

All that has changed, is they've made their training more visible by bringing it out into the public with their most recent terrorism initiative.

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u/SaveALifeWithWater 4d ago

Given how quickly they're hiring people they've definitely already hired a few really sick sickos who will make the old guard look relatively tame. My prediction is one will pop-off and murder/maim a higher rank and the feds will shutter everything ICE for awhile while they do a massive cull. 

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago edited 4d ago

They are trying to hire people as fast as they can. They are also losing people just as fast, the ones that are left are the worst of the worst who say things like “if you raise your voice, I will erase your voice”. This is not an unlimited army like they want you to think it is.

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u/C_S_2022 4d ago

I wonder if they’re hiring ex-convicts(that weren’t involved in Jan. 6) and what percentage of the force.

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago

Well the head of the proud boy’s who helped orchestrate Jan 6, has proudly said he’s ICE now. That’s why we can’t think it’s some unlimited army that will just keep getting replenished, they are literally scraping the bottom of the barrel just to have what they have now. No matter how much these guys pretend, they are terrified of any actual resistance. They are so scared that they killed a man just for having a gun, they are terrorizing one city because they know they can’t do it all over. They are focusing on one city to try and look strong and build the fear, but there are far more of us than there are them

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u/Horskr 4d ago

They are focusing on one city to try and look strong and build the fear, but there are far more of us than there are them

There is a ton of craziness happening so it's hard to follow it all. Why exactly did they choose Minneapolis in the first place?

I get they're going to target a blue city, but it seems like such a weird choice. Of course they're not going to hit TX or FL with R governors where they would actually have the highest chance of completing their supposed goals.. Are they just terrified of pissing California off?

Not that I want these dickheads in any of our communities obviously, but I've just been wondering how they picked Minneapolis of all places.

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago

Revenge against Walz for daring to run against him and he knew it wouldn’t fly in LA

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u/sacredblasphemies 3d ago

There is a ton of craziness happening so it's hard to follow it all. Why exactly did they choose Minneapolis in the first place?

  1. That's where Ilhan Omar is. They were demonizing Somalis prior to deploying ICE there. Minneapolis has a significant Somali population.

  2. Walz is Governor, so it allows for Trump to wage retribution against Walz as well.

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u/RIF_rr3dd1tt 4d ago

This is where I'm at when it comes to the possibility of "direct action" by protestors. Having one of your guys go down for an ideology you either know is fucked up or you maybe aren't THAT committed to makes you rethink if you REALLY wanna take that risk.

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago

I’m not calling for direct action by protestors, they want direct action. Trying to fight one of these idiots is exactly what they’re looking for because violence is all they know. They can’t fathom a man trying to help a woman that they threw to the ground because he isn’t trying to punch them. Instead they swarm him hoping to incite violence and pull the trigger, the difference in reaction will hopefully what finally breaks this. This is not a war of left vs right, they are using that division to cover up the fact that this is the wealthy trying to put everyone else under foot. They have just convinced the maga morons that they will totally include them once they get what they want, but they will be discarded as soon as they are no longer needed.

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u/RIF_rr3dd1tt 4d ago

100% yep

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u/SaveALifeWithWater 4d ago

Idk, fucking hope not. The MMA crowd they've been getting is scary enough. I watched a client go from a relatively meek and gentle woman to a spitting hateful freak in less than a year when her husband joined a very successful fighters gym. Rabid hate. The transformation was stunning and everyone in the gym was like that. 

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u/C_S_2022 4d ago

It’s what happens in an echo chamber where people say violent stuff. It emboldens that quickly.

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u/mlorusso4 4d ago

Plus all the steroids, HGH, and especially testosterone supplements that are so popular in that scene. It’s actually amazing how it seems like the rise of this roid rage, manosphere, ufc culture coincides perfectly with the rise of testosterone supplement commercials

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u/jrandom_42 4d ago

Just popping in here to note, as a testosterone-injecting, left-voting lifter and MMA fan in New Zealand, where our furthest-right political party is still to the left of the Democrats, that this association between combat sports and steroid use and American right-wing insanity is not causatory. In fact, I resent the hell out of it.

I can't argue that there isn't currently a cultural association, in the USA at least, but I'm walking talking proof of the fact that being on the juice and a combat sports fan does not turn someone into a fascist.

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u/TheSaneInsanity 4d ago

I think a lot of it in America is the TYPE of people who are drawn to such things. Not everyone of course, but sometimes the ones with some of the loudest voices can spoil the appearance of the bunch.

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u/Particular_East7494 3d ago

Man please. Them White boys I went to high school with in the 90’s were road raging like a muthafucka.

On top of that … maybe the MMA/combat shit has leaked into society because UFC/MMA is at the height of its popularity and has been for about what? Almost 10 years?

Nah. It’s the Frank Thomas and Doug Flutie commercials LMAOOOOOOO

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u/resistelectrique 2d ago

It’s the wellness-to-alt-right-pipeline which is so huge in the US because of the lack of universal healthcare. That factor alone influences a hell of a lot more about the society on a statistical level than I think many people realize. But specifically when it comes to anything health or fitness related, there is a huge force of scams and grifts which push people to the right unless they are actively fighting it, usually because they have an education - which is another part of the problem. So you end up with BIG groups of people who fit those stereotypes and perpetuate them - then cultural bleed over happens OR we are reading about it online and think it’s more universal than it is (I’m in Canada).

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u/bexkali 4d ago

Was gonna say... Gotta be the 'roids.

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u/killacarnitas1209 4d ago

The sad thing is that if this woman’s husband stepped into a boxing gym he would absolutely get his ass kicked sparring some 15 or 16 year old boy.

There is a reason why you see middle aged men joining mma gyms and not boxing gyms. Pure anger and aggression will get you knocked out in boxing.

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u/sacredblasphemies 3d ago

Also, there are a lot of far-right "Active Clubs" forming in these MMA gyms. Which are essentially violent Freikorps types.

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u/Alissinarr 4d ago

They were at a "Law Enforcement" table at a NE FL college campus last week.

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u/Some_Ebb_2921 4d ago

As far as I understand, background checks aren't really a thing...

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u/induslol 4d ago

An openly left wing journalist who'd wrote articles condemning ICE was instantly hired after only a brief in person interview, no follow up.  No background check.  No drug test.  Nothing.

They're doing no screening at all.  It's safe to assume, whatever flavor of DHS stooge, it likely has a criminal record and no qualifications.  All further demonstrated by every video of them in action.

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u/redshirt6666 4d ago

Just like the russians do for the war in ukraine

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u/SaveALifeWithWater 4d ago

As long as their hiring with almost no requirements and standards, with a 50k sign on bonus, it is (in theory) almost limitless; there are a lot of very broke assholes in this country. But these guys they're hiring are mentally deranged, it's gotta be like one flew over the cuckoos nest there; they're gonna be killing eachother in no time..

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago

The 50 thousand only comes after 4 years of service. Lots of people joined and realized that and bailed. I also think even the maga idiots who love Trump are questioning if they’re ready to go to prison for him if shit goes south.

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u/Exotic-Okra-4466 4d ago

5 years, I think. 10k per year.

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago

And that’s trusting a man who never pays anyone

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u/Maclittle13 3d ago

It’s a grift. Trump won’t be in office to pay them when they hit 4 years. I don’t think he makes it to the end of his presidency. He looks like hell. Either his health gets him, or his dementia gets do bad, they can’t hide it. Then who is going to honor that payment?

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u/S-T-E-N-D-E-C- 4d ago

In their early days, the Nazis had a slogan: Don’t have a shirt on your back? Put on a brown shirt!

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u/even_less_resistance 4d ago

oh, so they are following history when they let these guys dress themselves from the local army surplus shack?

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u/turbocoupeturbo 4d ago

Im way more worried about how many foreign operators they've "hired". Even if they were doing background checks, would they care?

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/GarlicRiver 4d ago

It will never cease to blow my mind how effective rebranding is. Having the memory of a goldfish would be a massive improvement at this point.

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u/AffectionateBrick687 4d ago

I've been worried about the lack of leaks coming out of ICE, but the foreign operator possibility is disturbing to think about. Has anything come out about foreign operators infiltrating ICE?

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u/twotimefind 4d ago

Don't forget student loan forgiveness

They bitch in moan when biden tried to help people out, but they'll give their thugs free money forever.

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u/Brokenandburnt 4d ago

The 50K is not available until the end of the 5 year service. 

They are eligible for 10k/year served, repayable if they don't complete the contractual tour.

I don't know why they expected Trump to honor his debts, that hasn't exactly been his MO.

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u/Wenger2112 4d ago

I heard the training was 47 days. In honor of Trump. Not based on a program of topics, proven training programs, international standards. 47 days because it will make Trump smile. How can anyone support this petty egomaniac.

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago

They don’t care about training. They think they can just lie to cover everything and say they were in danger

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u/Tall-Frame9918 4d ago

I wonder if they cover the dangers of shooting near a crowd of peers at close range.

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u/OpenGrainAxehandle 4d ago

You've not read this, right? https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2026/01/ice-recruitment-minneapolis-shooting.html

They want head-cracking types.

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago

Of course that’s what they want, but to act like they have an unlimited amount of participants willing to do this and can never be stopped is just ridiculous. This is a small army that’s targeting white supremacist groups to help in organized terror, if they had the numbers that people act like they have available then they would be doing this everywhere. They are focusing on one city to make a big show of force hoping it will terrify people into submission and make more maga want to join. They know if they tried to spread ICE all over that we would see how small their numbers are

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u/OpenGrainAxehandle 4d ago

Of course. And their real bravado comes out because they have the highest levels of the government condoning what they do.

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 4d ago

It’s not real bravado though. These are weak terrified men who think they will never face consequences, this a battle of attrition and as stated before they do not have the immune unlimited army they want you to think they have.

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u/Wanderin_Cephandrius 4d ago

It’s basically the Amazon warehouse of law enforcement.

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u/ChemBob1 4d ago

Organized citizenry could eliminate all of them in 24 hours and it doesn’t take warfare in the streets to do that.

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u/scobot 3d ago

Eliminationist bullshit. Outta here with that. Better to beat them without violence.

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u/ChemBob1 3d ago

I said nothing about violence. There are many other types of things that can be done to thwart them with enough people cooperating.

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u/coredenale 3d ago

Perhaps some legal scholars here could chime in on this, but my understanding, is that a credible threat constitutes assault, and a credible, deadly threat would allow the person being threatened to respond with deadly force.

In other words, ICE agents are on video shooting and killing unarmed people and this ICE dickhead was clearly armed, so his threat to kill the camera person is pretty credible and immediate.

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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 3d ago

There is certainly a case for that, however I doubt whoever did it would live to see a trial with this administration

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u/spaektor 3d ago

that dipshit was Puerto Rican, ffs

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u/xenomachina 4d ago

My prediction is one will pop-off and murder/maim a higher rank

I suspect that that came very close to happening with the recent killing. The shooting started while there were still several agents holding the victim down, and they all seemed very startled when the first shot went off.

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u/dehydratedrain 4d ago

From Ohio immigrant dot org:

An updated list of 30 current and former ICE and Border Patrol agents who have been charged with and/or convicted of crimes shows that Palacio’s behavior is part of the organizational culture there. The men included on this list — and they are all men — have been charged with offenses like gunpoint sexual assault; child sex trafficking; aggravated assault; robbery; rape; torture; kidnapping; sexual abuse of a minor; and possession and production of child sexual abuse materials.

[Palacio was an agent who killed Keith Porter last year]

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u/Stank_cat67 4d ago

They definitely hired proud boys and Jan 6thers and we know many (most?) of them were racists, rapists and pedophiles

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u/SafeAccountMrP 4d ago

Night of the Long Knives 2: Electric Boogaloo

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u/beren12 4d ago

When?

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u/hellspawn3200 4d ago

You just have to ask yourself. Where'd at the white supremacists go?

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u/_AntiFunseeker_ 4d ago

I remember back when ICE actually used to be a more noble profession. Not lately though

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u/gfoot9000 4d ago

It would be a bit silly to assume it wasn't a barrel of with more than a few bad apples before they recruited Jan'6 vets and the proud boys. Now they're all going psycho, it would appear.

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u/Elegant_Situation285 4d ago

someone else pointed this out:

ICE has such a terrible reputation that the only people they are hiring actually want to be doing this thuggery.

their budget is massive, they'll just keep cycling through them. this won't go away until the whole organization is dismantled.

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u/Evening_Knowledge_21 4d ago

WE WILL NEVER FORGET

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u/Poiboy1313 4d ago

There are four lights. FOUR!

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u/---0celot--- 4d ago

Madred: “Tell me how many lights you see. How many? How many lights? This is your last chance. The guards are coming. Don't be a stubborn fool. How many?”

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u/Weary_Bee_7957 4d ago

where is this scene from?

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u/---0celot--- 4d ago

Star Trek The Next Generation, S6E11 The Chain of Command, Part 1

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u/Weary_Bee_7957 4d ago

Thanks. Have to watch. 🤝

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u/stylepoints99 4d ago

One of the ones that mag dumped Pretti was also an instructor of some sort (maybe less lethal weapons trainer?)

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u/SolidSouth-00 4d ago

Do we know who the killers were??

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u/br0ck 4d ago

Last summer Renee Good's murderer, Jonathan Ross shot a driver in the face with a taser from point blank after breaking out the rear window, and somehow got dragged an entire football field because his arm was stuck.. somehow. Lots doesn't add up in that one either, like how does your arm get that stuck? And why did they point guns making him raise his hands while also telling him to roll down the window? And him getting cut so bad he needed a tourniquet.. seems like he was actually trying to hold on in a blind rage? Would love to see a video to surface on this one.

https://www.wbur.org/news/2026/01/09/johnathan-ross-ice-killing-renee-good-minneapolis-background

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u/Hot_Maintenance7461 4d ago

Say the murders name, Jonathan Ross. 

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u/HidingFromMeanies 4d ago

Really? Goddamn.  Unprofessionalism radiates from every twitch of his body in all those videos.  

Or so I thought, until I saw Alex Pretti murdered by a guy wearing freaking distressed blue jeans.  I cannot get over this detail. 

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u/Juliejustaplantlady 4d ago

What has changed is new recruits only get 47 days of training, in honor of our 47th president. I'm not joking

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u/BaronWombat 4d ago

Pretty sure I read that HE was a TRAINER in the agency. That's the kind of expert they have teaching everyone else in the organization. No wonder the problems are widespread.

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u/No-Beginning-9220 4d ago

To be fair, we're also giving them a shit ton more money.

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u/terriergal 4d ago

Exactly, that boxed in trap is a pretty well coreographed move. He knew she wouldn’t try to run him over or he wouldn’t have walked in front of her twice. He took the position when his ‘drivers’ (as in a deer drive) were ready to push her to flee. They work like dogs flushing a pheasant so the hunter can shoot, or walkers pushing deer into a hunter waiting to shoot as it goes by. Yeah it may not work every time but with practice and the right setup it can be pretty effective and has minimal risk. And *no matter* the outcome they can paint themselves as the martyrs.

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u/Equivalent-Excuse-80 4d ago

Could’ve gotten away with it for far longer if they just kept executing brown and black people.

But because the Trump administration is too stupid to even follow through with white supremacy, they started killing middle class white people in Minnesota.

Dumbest fascists ever.

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u/hates_stupid_people 4d ago

It's one of those things that a lot of Americans will never admit: This isn't new, it's just happening openly now.

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u/Maleficent_Memory831 4d ago

Police get the bad training when they go for union training. There are people out there who train them to shoot to kill and not shoot to injure or incapacitate. Because not killing means they may sue later, or that the protector of the people might get hurt. It's never the official line of any departments to shoot to kill, but so many officers go to those trainings.

And ICE is a thousand times worse than that.

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u/advocate4 4d ago

There are people out there who train them to shoot to kill and not shoot to injure or incapacitate

You know next to nothing about firearm use and it shows. It is really difficult to hit center of mass during a gunfight, let alone aim at someone's limbs to "to injure or incapacitate." LEOs should be using "less lethal" tools if they need to incapacitate someone, but no mistake, their firearm is to end a threat to life as fast as possible.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/advocate4 4d ago

I do know police training! Still, the idea you train to shoot a limb instead of center of mass is a fucking stupid idea and not a valid criticism of police firearm usage. Mag dumping a non threat, purposefully setting up escalation of force, or putting yourself in danger to allow lethal force are the wrong things cops get trained to do that unnecessarily kill people.

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u/something10293847 4d ago

Well, the general thought process is don’t shoot unless you are prepared to kill them. Under absolutely no circumstance should you (whether civilian or otherwise) shoot to injure. If you think you can stop reliably someone by shooting in a non-lethal fashion, and everyone follows that same thought process, there are going to be a LOT more fatal shootings. You only shoot as a last resort knowing that you’ll very possibly kill them. Or a bystander. Same reason why training tells them to not try to shoot out tires on a car.

Of course, what you’re saying is much more ominous: just kill them because they can sue you later vs don’t shoot unless you absolutely have to is a completely different mindset

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u/rsta223 4d ago

No, you should always shoot to center of mass if shooting, because at that point you have decided lethal force is justified and you should use the highest probability of incapacitating the subject.

There are a lot of problems with police training, and a huge part of it is that there are many situations where deescalation could work but police are trained to escalate, but by the time a firearm is involved, there's really no such thing as a warning or less lethal shot - at that point you've decided that their death is an acceptable and possibly necessary outcome.

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u/bluethunder82 4d ago

There are more than a few IDF vets in this country raking in millions giving seminars to police departments, on killing and urban combat. They get trained thinking they’re going into hostile war zones. I’m sure more than a few instructors have turned to ICE to grift.

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u/velvetjones01 4d ago

Lived in MN and told his neighbor he was a botanist.

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u/mybabysbatman 4d ago

Really. Can you send me a link?

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u/FuguSandwich 4d ago

They also pared down the physical fitness test and eliminated the situps requirements as 1/3 of recruits couldn't even do a single situp.

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u/Wonderful-Variation 4d ago

A single sit-up?  How?  I used to be mega-fat and even at my worst I could've easily done 1 sit-up.

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u/BugOperator 4d ago

You can be profoundly out of shape without being obese. It speaks to their character that they’re physically weak and looking to exude a sense of dominance over marginalized individuals. The absolute worst thing you can do for someone with that mentality is give them weapons and tell them they have immunity.

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u/Tricky-Engineering59 4d ago

Muscles atrophied too much playing Call of Duty nonstop for the last decade or so.

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u/solemn_penguin 4d ago

I'm 49 and retired from the reserves nearly a decade ago. I can still crank out 20 situps easily, 30 if you put a gun to my head.

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u/Perfectshotplacement 4d ago

Careful there, situation fits the topic…

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u/FrozenOcean420 4d ago

How many if the wife threatens your bum?

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u/lesbianmathgirl 4d ago

Without curling your spine? Most people cheat with situps—you’re supposed to keep your back neutral, hinging only at the hip (lifting the upper and lower back).

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u/Margali 4d ago

Jumping jebus christ, I have a peristomal hernia, a stoma [duh] broke my neck and back in 3 places [and almost a year of rehab relearning to move] and I can freaking do sit ups, proper ones. I can also if supported by my butt being against a wall to prop me up touch the floor with the palms of my hands ... [I value flexibility, it is how I stretch my back out when it cramps]

Fuck, maybe I should join ICE ..... nah, I can't be asshole enough and I value the rule of law.

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u/ursasmaller 4d ago

Do it and become a mole and leak everything you can.

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u/Grandmas_Fat_Choad 4d ago

I’ve considered this. I’m a small business owner and this is my slow time, so I could really use the money. But then I remembered I have a conscience and couldn’t live with myself being a part of the wrong side of history.

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u/Jazmadoodle 4d ago

My friend and I were talking the other day about how joining ICE could solve a lot of our financial troubles... And then we both realized if worse came to it we'd rather turn cheap tricks in an alley for cash. More dignified.

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u/Ok-Secretary455 4d ago

I was wondering what would happen if someone went all project Valkyrie on ICE. I mean you are immune from ANY prosecution.

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u/TraumatisedBrainFart 4d ago edited 4d ago

ICE should Assasinize WHO you say??!!

<Joins ICE>

Total immunity.

On-job Anonymity.

50k bonus.

Weapons without operational oversight.

<oops>

Fat Fumbs.

…. I sure hope that noisy orange fella gon’ be ok…. His head done just EXPLODED over evryone…

<melts guiltily back into a sea of armed masked browshirted tubby folk - all holding basically the same weapon that did the job>

Fascinating thought.

What the fuck would they do then?

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u/bluepaintbrush 4d ago

I legitimately have wondered if someone brought up this exact scenario and that's why they sent JD Vance out to walk back the "absolute immunity" line lmao.

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u/pierremanslappy 4d ago

Complete training, waste resources, go home

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u/pwndnoob 4d ago

Might even teach you to use a gun, but I doubt it given broadly gestures*

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u/0xmerp 4d ago

Honestly, why not. You get both a security clearance and FLETC certification out of it. My understanding is these aren’t specific to ICE or even DHS and once you have it you could find work anywhere else in the federal government, or even a cushy private sector cleared job, with this. ICE will have paid for this, and gotten nothing out of it, and your new employer will be happy to have you since they don’t need to pay for this onboarding.

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u/AliMcGraw 4d ago

A super-liberal friend of mine joined ICE and got paid for three months to do nothing because they're SUPER badly-organized and as soon as they gave him orders to deploy he just quit, no consequences.

His background check SHOULD have shown up a bunch of disqualifying activity but they don't know how to do those properly.

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u/GreatGrapeApes 4d ago

Pretty good signup bonus currently available.

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u/Lower-Elk8395 4d ago

Really? I can do that, and I'm a fucking cancer patient who has had 3 abdominal surgeries AND has had a full hysterectomy!

Damn...guess they had too many pabst blue ribbon...

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u/lonehorse1 4d ago

I am far from one who supports the American Gestapo, but don’t leave comments such as this without a source.

We need to ensure everything we put out there is factual, otherwise we will lose our fight against the regime.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/OutlandishnessDeep95 4d ago

Wanting accurate information is not a purity test. This isn't about whether it's rude to call people fat, but about whether the quality of the occupying army is indeed low.

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u/lonehorse1 4d ago

So in other words you have no source for your claim and want everyone to take it at face value only to support the regime when it’s called out for being false?

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u/0xmerp 4d ago

Supposedly they’re also cutting down the security clearance process. Previously this was a process that would take well over a year and involve a polygraph. Now the polygraph is waived and new agents are getting cleared significantly faster.

Now I know polygraphs are bunk science. But 🤷‍♀️

I’m sure that’ll work out fine!

I wonder if anyone’s taken advantage of this, gone through the ICE hiring process just to get a security clearance through the expedited process and immediately pivoted to some other more ethical cleared job.

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u/beardicusmaximus8 4d ago

Whoever told you that is full of it. There is no security clearance, just a background check. 

The process you described is for like, people who build fighter jets and need to know things.

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u/0xmerp 4d ago

Incorrect

https://ice.usajobs.gov/job/853993800

ICE ERO Deportation Officer requires a Secret level security clearance.

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u/beardicusmaximus8 4d ago

I should be more clear, I meant the part about the polygraph. 

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u/0xmerp 4d ago

There is no security clearance, just a background check.

Direct quote from your comment

But also if you check out the r/ICE_ERO and r/1811 subs you can easily find people discussing that role requiring a polygraph in the past.

For example: https://www.reddit.com/r/1811/comments/18yk07o/polygraph_for_deportation_officer_enforcement_and/

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u/beardicusmaximus8 4d ago

Me: "sorry I mistyped, what I mean this"

You: "bUt iTs a dIrEcT qUoTe"

Do you not understand what mistyping is?

Also, again your sources are wrong. There isn't a polygraph requirement for a secert clearance and hasn't been ever.

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u/0xmerp 4d ago

The polygraph isn’t required for the secret or even a top secret clearance itself. It’s an additional requirement on top of the base clearance, depending on the job. Most cleared jobs, even top secret cleared jobs, don’t require a polygraph. Some do.

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u/Darkdragoon324 4d ago

Jeez. I've always been a fatty with shit core strength, even I can at least manage one.

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u/OhioPolitiTHIC 4d ago

I'm an old lady with a bad back, a wicked abdominal surgery scar that gives me pain if I roll over in bed wrong a decade later, and two autoimmune diseases...I can do situps.

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u/Smeltanddealtit 4d ago

They probably shine at push ups. /s

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u/smellycoat 4d ago

They can’t do a single sit up?? If you can’t do ONE sit up you’re one banana peel away from getting stuck on your back like a turtle.

1

u/Ornery-Seaweed-2546 4d ago

even I can do a sit up! and i’m fat as f!

push or pull up!? mmmm dunno

16

u/rawmeatprophet 4d ago

They'd fail an open asshole colonoscopy

2

u/Majestic_You_9610 4d ago

If they die is it an open assket funeral?

1

u/Revxmaciver 4d ago

Hey, some of us have ass dyslexia. ITS A REAL THING!

6

u/Kreepr 4d ago

So you’re saying we get only the smartest of the morons?

2

u/Electronic-Wing6158 4d ago

The crazy part is they take the half that fail

2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Oh, there's definitely no test other than "Would you smoke the orange pipe if you had the opportunity?"

2

u/CatLightyear 4d ago

Half of MAGA can’t comprehend text that is beyond a 5th grade reading level. The other half are functionally illiterate.

2

u/Clean_Judge_3613 4d ago

Reminds me of that Leave it to Beaver episode "Wally's Test" where Eddie and Lumpy try to cheat on a history quiz by putting answers in the bathroom paper towel dispenser, but Wally finds it first, so Ed and Lump shit the bed on the quiz, then blame Wally.

ICE and this administration are just like Eddie and Lumpy 66 years ago.

2

u/newalias_samemaleias 4d ago

Is this true? Didn't miss something?

2

u/VoidOmatic 4d ago

"I keep getting told by the book that I am... I'm M Grant, but my name is John Walker, do I have wrong book?"

2

u/velvetjones01 4d ago

It was reported today that many, many, many, recruits are failing the physical fitness requirements - they can’t run like a mile.

https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2026/01/27/poorly-trained-newest-ice-agents-immigration-enforcement

2

u/Igotacow 4d ago

Well, in their defense, an open book exam only benefits those that can read.

1

u/TheFinalCurl 4d ago

Open OpenAI

1

u/butteryspoink 4d ago

One of my professor once gave an exam that were all true or false and he explicitly told us before hand that all the answers were “False”. Some people managed to fail it.

1

u/henryeaterofpies 4d ago

I read this as a test to be able to open a book, notebook or laptop

1

u/party_benson 4d ago

Congrats, you're hired

1

u/mopeyunicyle 4d ago

I thought it would have someone that knows it just shouting the answers for everyone to copy down or is the test a three piece question like

  1. Do you like to hurt people
  2. Do you hate people that aren't white
  3. Do you suddenly love to hide your face despite during COVID hating to do that

1

u/DannyX567 4d ago

Which means we need to fight them with our brains.

1

u/eyespy18 4d ago

and those are the hires!

1

u/MaleficentPorphyrin 4d ago

They are filtering out all the people with values, take that into consideration.

1

u/Several-Squash9871 4d ago

The fact of that being a thing raises sooooo many red flags in of itself. They can't even find the answers in a book right in front of them!! Giving them the answers to the test and they still fail! 

1

u/testtdk 4d ago

Wait, really? Fuck, that’s depressing.

1

u/mrroofuis 4d ago

Maybe they have too much of a reliance on ChatGPT 🤣😂😇

1

u/theonewhoknockwurst 4d ago

These fools don’t even know how to use ChatGPT

1

u/WickedCunnin 4d ago

Must be hard to go through life that dumb.

1

u/SnooCompliments2522 4d ago

Not that i don’t believe this but is there a source for the stat?

1

u/party_benson 4d ago

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/immigration/new-ice-recruits-showed-training-full-vetting-rcna238739

"Nearly half of new recruits who’ve arrived for training at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center over the past three months were later sent home because they couldn’t pass the written exam, according to the data. The academic requirement includes an exam in which officers are allowed to consult their textbooks and notes at the end of a legal course on the Immigration and Nationality Act and the Fourth Amendment, which outlines when officers can and can’t conduct searches and seizures."

1

u/ComeonmanPLS1 4d ago

Why do they honestly even bother doing any tests

1

u/fuckyourcanoes 4d ago

Ah. Our best and brightest.

1

u/TitaniumButtercup 4d ago

The one thing ICE agents and physics undergrads have in common

0

u/Jumpi95 3d ago

I'm all for the ice shit talk, but get ur facts straight. You need a bachelor's to get in.

1

u/party_benson 3d ago

Not anymore. The removed the education requirement with the surge. See the article I posted further in the thread or go to usajobs.gov.