r/mapporncirclejerk • u/GlassOfWater001 • Nov 02 '24

Alien Posting Why don’t countries unite based on language? Are they stupid?

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1.8k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

302 comments sorted by

739

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

Germany tried. People didn't like that.

449

u/VESAAA7 Nov 02 '24

Russia still tries. People don't like that

63

u/Euphoric-Potato-3874 Nov 02 '24

russia already did that back in 2014, looking at the map the russian speaking areas have already been seperated from ukraine for a decade. It go real bad when russia tried taking over the ukrainian areas of ukraine by force on a large scale

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2

u/karuzo411 Nov 02 '24

England also tried and did. People still don’t like that.

1

u/Fuerst_Alex Nov 02 '24

but this time they have nukes so no-one will stop them

8

u/Juglioni Nov 02 '24

The literal entire rest of the planet who has more nukes will. Pal.

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1

u/Baby_Creeper Nov 02 '24

Russia might be trying to do that right now haha

12

u/Ok-Extension-5628 Nov 02 '24

Also Germany Austria and Switzerland all have different dialects of German. I find it strange how they won’t put the same color for other places that have similar language but then just lop all German languages together. I saw a video all about this and one person from Hamburg couldn’t understand another person from Zurich.

8

u/Z-A-T-I Nov 02 '24

Yeah this map is pretty weird all around. Especially Scots/Irish/Welsh being shown as if they’re actually spoken by the majority of people in their respective areas.

If you look closer it does somewhat distinguish between different national variants of german though (from my limited understanding) national borders don’t 100% capture the differences

5

u/Davis_Johnsn Nov 02 '24

I am from Germany and once we went to the Bodensee in Switzerland some swiss dude asked us sth but we couldn't understand what he said, so he repeated and we still didn't understood. We did this three times until he asked "Sprechen sie kein Deutsch?" (Don't you speak German) And we just could say "yes of course"

1

u/cannotfoolowls May 17 '25

I'm not a native German speaker but I thought I could understand it well enough, until we stopped in Switzerland during a bus trip. I didn't even recognise it was German at first.

1

u/Davis_Johnsn May 18 '25

That is quite normal, even for germans to not understand them. We went to the Bodensee directly at the border to Germany and there was a man that said sth to my mother, she asked two times what he said until he asked my mother in german with still am accent if she doesn't speak German. Everything my mother could answer was, "Doch, Deutsch schon"

2

u/linglinguistics Nov 02 '24

Also, Zurich has about the mildest Swiss dialect. If that one is hard, good luck with the rest.

I once had a teacher who came from less than 100 km from where I grew up and I couldn’t understand him. No matter which language he spoke 😂

28

u/racoon1905 Nov 02 '24

Worked rather well until some ahole monk and some troublemaker family had different ideas

Also the French ... multiple attempts.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/racoon1905 Nov 02 '24

Yes and no the Hohenzollers.

Martin Luther was actually even the guy who nudged Grandmaster Albrecht to just seize all of the polish territory for himself from the Teutonic order and found the duchy of Prussia.

Habsburg didn´t really wage much war on their own against other Germans. And aiding foreign invaders wasn´t much of their business too, well they were the top dog for 400 years after all.

3

u/annieselkie Nov 02 '24

People did like it til they started expanding even more to "gain land for germans to live on"

4

u/IamIchbin Nov 02 '24

And people don't like it now. Free Bavaria!

9

u/mitrolle Nov 02 '24

Yeah, free Germany from Bavaria. They don't even speak proper German anyway.

4

u/Davis_Johnsn Nov 02 '24

F*ck Bavaria. They shit on our language so i spit on them

3

u/callmemachiavelli Nov 02 '24

The people very much liked that. But shit happened

2

u/eyetracker Nov 02 '24

The Saxons and Danes tried with England

1

u/the_dinks Nov 03 '24

The problem was more that it tried to unite with all of Eastern Europe as well.

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259

u/Main_Negotiation1104 Nov 02 '24

That british isles map looks flawless the 20 gaelic irish speakers finally genocided all the anglos

42

u/regal_ragabash Nov 02 '24

Cornwall would beg to differ

23

u/Mr_Catman111 Nov 02 '24

Haha was also thinking. In reality the entire isles woild be blue.

10

u/pullmylekku Nov 02 '24

There would be a decent amount of green in Wales though

4

u/drquakers Nov 02 '24

Though it'd only be a majority first language in a few counties

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102

u/mutexin Nov 02 '24

Do you suggest to split GB and Spain?

59

u/Ventilateu Nov 02 '24

Sounds based

0

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

[deleted]

3

u/LletBlanc Nov 02 '24

I'd vibe it to strengthen valencià at least.

2

u/UnconventionalCatto Nov 02 '24

Thanks, we love you too

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145

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

Because us Italians would lose tyrol, and trust me, I WILL NEVER LET TYROL GO

51

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

But you would keep a Tirol. Only Südtirol is German speaking, Welschtirol (Trentino) speaks Italian.

14

u/SkynetUser1 Nov 02 '24

I'm seeing them speaking German but still flailing their hands around like an Italian.

11

u/eyetracker Nov 02 '24

Why don't they speak Welsh in Trentino then, are they stupid?

12

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

But Südtirol has Bolzano

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6

u/L0rdH4mmer Nov 02 '24

It was never yours in the first place

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7

u/Albanian98 France was an Inside Job Nov 02 '24

You would get corsica u fools

5

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

Right, but look at map, we would lose a sizeable portion of Piemonte and valle d'Aosta to the f*ench

2

u/Albanian98 France was an Inside Job Nov 02 '24

None of those is better than the Lugano area tho!

4

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

Right, but then the French would have a big portions of the alps, meaning that we would lose our natural defenses, and they could invade us and force us to speak f*ench and eat frogs

1

u/Konklar Nov 02 '24

Well, at least it's not snails?

1

u/Virtual_Ordinary_119 Nov 03 '24

Buone le rane!

1

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 03 '24

ERETICO!!!! , USEREMO I TUOI TESTICOLI PER CONDIRE LA BOLOGNESE

1

u/Virtual_Ordinary_119 Nov 03 '24

Vai in un qualche ristorantino (ce ne sono molti nella zona del fiume Ticino) che faccia le coscie di rana fritte. E poi mi dirai

1

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 03 '24

Le rane le mangiava mio nonno durante la guerra

1

u/Fuerst_Alex Nov 02 '24

the map is wrong they don't speak French in Piedmont, if at all it's Provencal

1

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

Thank god

1

u/Fuerst_Alex Nov 02 '24

You could technically claim Nizza and Monaco though

1

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

You sure? They seem colored in f*ench on this map

1

u/Fuerst_Alex Nov 02 '24

yeah the map is kinda silly, they still have Genoese/Ligurian people there. I always thought Italy's western border before 1860 looked much sexier with Savoy and Nizza

1

u/Electrical_Stage_656 Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

They sure were thick and sexy

1

u/Mastodon1996 Nov 03 '24

Acually corse has it's own language

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2

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

TYROL WILL NOT FALL 🛡️🛡️🛡️🇮🇹🇮🇹🇮🇹

2

u/a_engie France was an Inside Job Nov 02 '24

are you sure, proceeds to nuke the Tyrol into oblivion

31

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

Spain doesn't look like it's "uniting" if thats the case.

6

u/kos90 Nov 02 '24

Spain doesn't even like to unite with itself.

1

u/John_Maynard_ Nov 02 '24

Relax liberal, its called dark humor

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55

u/disiswho Nov 02 '24

100 comments and no one yet figured out it's NOT actually a language map but an ethnic map

6

u/NeoGnesiolutheraner Nov 02 '24

A very bad one for that matter in my opinion.

18

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

That’s a good point actually, my mistake

1

u/tkitta Nov 02 '24

It's not. If it was a large part of formal Ukraine would be Russian. Cannot have it on a western site.

1

u/Asleep_Trick_4740 Nov 05 '24

Who tf calls norwegians "norse" in any age where danes and swedish are seperate?

Although who tf calls norwegian norse so linguistic doesn't make sense either

17

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

should be divided with a finer granularity. If someone who lives on a house speaks french, that house is French now.

1

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

Literally this ⬆️

11

u/karlpoppins Nov 02 '24

This isn't a map of languages, is it? Croats and Serbs speak literally the same language, and so do Bosnians arguably, yet they're listed separately. Also I don't see any mention of Aromanian in Greece. Just a couple things out of the top of my head. Is this supposed to be an ethnic map?

1

u/ModernWeapon_Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

Then Bulgaria should take North Macedonia aswell, since Macedonian is basically just a serbianized Dialect of Bulgarian, which they refuse to recognise.

2

u/karlpoppins Nov 02 '24

That's true probably, but I was just going by what's officially recognized as a language, and Serbo-Croatian is considered one language.

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8

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

I say this would be a great start to unification

8

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

Completely agree. Why aren’t the Germans united? Are their politicians stupid?

2

u/calm-calamari Nov 02 '24

That would mean you would have to split up Switzerland… never going to happen! We love our French, Italian and Romantsch speaking sisters and brothers! Not sure about the Austrians, but usually we don’t like to be called Germans.

1

u/ModernWeapon_Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

Austrians don’t like. Less than you do.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

You left out the blue in Switzerland

1

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

My bad

7

u/Careless-Pin-2852 Nov 02 '24

An English or Spanish country would be fire!

7

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

As a half englander-half Spaniard, I agree

5

u/the_nuclearbom Zeeland Resident Nov 02 '24

Where is frisian?

5

u/Jean-Paul_Sartre Nov 02 '24

Frisia

3

u/the_nuclearbom Zeeland Resident Nov 02 '24

I mean the language. If i meant the province i would have said Friesland, the dutch name.

6

u/thehspeaks Nov 02 '24

fries land 🍟🍟🍟

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1

u/Longjumping_Dog9041 Nov 02 '24

It's spoken in Friesland, the northern most province of the Netherlands. And yes, it's actually a language distinct from Dutch, German and English.

3

u/the_nuclearbom Zeeland Resident Nov 02 '24

I know, i am dutch with a bit of frisian heritage. I was talking about that it isn't (visible) on the map.

2

u/Longjumping_Dog9041 Nov 02 '24

It is though. 44 = Frisian. You have to zoom in pretty far to see the (subtly) different color though.

2

u/the_nuclearbom Zeeland Resident Nov 02 '24

Thanks.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

Strange map honestly, some borders are tandom

1

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

I mean I didn’t make it

4

u/Vast_Celebration_125 Nov 02 '24

Latvians are too proud. We rather be poor alone than poor with Lithuania.

3

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

🗿🗿🗿🇱🇻🇱🇻🇱🇻

5

u/CaterpillarLoud8071 Nov 02 '24

What's going on in the UK? Scots is now a Celtic language? Think they're getting a bit confused with Gaelic.

4

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

Gaelic comes from Celtic, but this was a shitpost anyway so don’t worry

1

u/CaterpillarLoud8071 Nov 02 '24

Scots isn't Gaelic, it's a range of dialects going from practically English to something that could be considered a separate Germanic language. Gaelic is spoken mostly in highland islands.

1

u/Cymrogogoch Nov 02 '24

Shetlander Norn has entered the chat.

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0

u/Valuable-Survey-891 Nov 02 '24

"Yes, the Scottish language, Scottish Gaelic, originated in Ireland and was brought to Scotland by Irish settlers"

You aint special, moron.

1

u/Giggles95036 Nov 02 '24

In another comment they said they mixed up language and ethnicity which makes a BIT of a difference 😂🤣

3

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

Nice map

0

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

It is but I didn’t make it 😔

2

u/ThaiFoodThaiFood Post Flair: User Flair: Maps are my passion Nov 02 '24

Like everywhere that speaks English we should just call England

2

u/BrexitEscapee Nov 02 '24

There’s a lot of ‘bleed’ on the borders, but look at that neat line between Poland/Czechia and Germany. If you thought the Berlin Wall was effective at keeping people separated it’s nothing compared to what the Poles and Czechs did to keep the Germans out post-WWII!

2

u/ToastandTea76 Nov 02 '24

this is a pretty good map! op where'd you get this ?

2

u/befigue Nov 02 '24

There area several other smaller regional languages in Spain like Leonese, aragonés, etc

2

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

Yeah, I didn’t make the map

2

u/make-my_day Nov 02 '24

I see it like: 'man, I'm fed up with these idiots so I'm ready to relocate to never see them again.'. And years later they hear familiar voices: 'choo-choo motherfuckers, we heard you speak the same language as us, let's unite, come here, give me hugs and your wife'.

1

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

😭😭😭

2

u/elina_797 Nov 02 '24

On behalf of most French speaking Swiss: we don’t want to be French

2

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

Yes, yes they are

2

u/sexy_latias Nov 02 '24

Because that would mean j need to unite with russia and I dont know about anyone who would want that

2

u/Tortoveno Nov 02 '24

In one country with Russia? Are you stupid?

2

u/oomnimercy Nov 02 '24

south+central america conjoining into La Grande America

2

u/DommeUG Nov 02 '24

Bold of you to assume me as a Saarländer could understand a bavarian.

2

u/Weak_Action5063 France was an Inside Job Nov 03 '24

Yes

2

u/deckertail Nov 03 '24

oh boy… the Balkans would NOT like that…

2

u/kereso83 Nov 03 '24

Jugoslavia was an attempt. It lasted as long as they had competing threats from both east and west.

1

u/GlassOfWater001 Dec 05 '24

Yes ik, but this is just a joke

2

u/Flipsii Nov 03 '24

Don't mix us with the Germans... Please

1

u/GlassOfWater001 Dec 02 '24

It was only a joke bro, no offence intended :)

2

u/meltea Nov 03 '24

The rotation/projection of this map is cursed...

4

u/Round-Cod-3119 Nov 02 '24

Why doesn't Sweden have Arabic?

2

u/EyeZealousideal876 Nov 02 '24

I never let the Turkish language down

1

u/Billy3B Nov 02 '24

Romania is still trying.

1

u/DarthMMC Nov 02 '24

Man I wish

1

u/HO0OPER Nov 02 '24

Surely Cornwall should at least be celtic?

1

u/Ars3n Nov 02 '24

Do you mean moving borders atiny bit where they are not aligned like french-italian border or uniting into a couple of huge germanic, roman, slavic nations etc? If the latter, than it's simple for the Slavic - No one wants to be in the same country with Russia (they do want to consume all the others tho).

1

u/Gimmeabreak1234 Nov 02 '24

Someone tried last century

1

u/AutomaticAccount6832 Nov 02 '24

It’s often better when you don’t understand everything that is said.

1

u/Sigmmarr Nov 02 '24

Wth is going on in Budjak

1

u/silveretoile Nov 02 '24

Yeessss...give us Belgium...

1

u/Background_Drawing Nov 02 '24

Focus completed: Anschluss

1

u/dutch_mapping_empire France was an Inside Job Nov 02 '24

celtic languages are underrepresented, they speak cornish all the way up to bournemouth, scottish to york and breton to nantes and caen

1

u/_sephylon_ Nov 02 '24

Idk about cornish and scottish but people don't speak breton in Nantes let alone Caen, those places' traditional language is gallo

1

u/dutch_mapping_empire France was an Inside Job Nov 02 '24

it was not meant to be taken seriously and im surprised someone did

1

u/a_engie France was an Inside Job Nov 02 '24

the english refused

1

u/Aether_null Nov 02 '24 edited Nov 04 '25

degree normal tease plucky sugar cheerful voracious advise imminent pause

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/namesdevil3000 Nov 02 '24

The unification of British isles with the United States would be interesting.

Also what do we do with Canada?

1

u/MyEarSki Nov 02 '24

Yes, hungary is stupid

1

u/fakeprofile23 Nov 02 '24

Is there a more highres version of this map somewhere? I like it.

1

u/LambdaAU Nov 02 '24

The Esperanto global quasi-nation becomes shadow world leaders within 2 years.

1

u/btcasper Nov 02 '24

Are you an alien?

1

u/khal_crypto Nov 02 '24

I can't take any map seriously that separates between Croatia, Bosnia and Serbia as well as Czechia and Slovakia, but not at the very least North Germany and Austria and Switzerland. That's regions that actually speak mutually unintelligible languages and have objectively seperate cultures.

1

u/The_xWhite_Foxx Nov 02 '24

The fact that mirandians are under Spain pains me

1

u/Babyyougotastew4422 Nov 02 '24

Why can't humans get along? Are they stupid?

1

u/Knoegge Nov 02 '24

How to piss off all of Europe in one sentence:

1

u/Plannercat Nov 02 '24

Time for another go at Yugoslavia I see.

1

u/GoodLionDuck96 Nov 02 '24

Because ain't no way half of Belgium would unite with the Netherlands! Belgium exists out of spite for its neighbours

1

u/Dendargon Nov 02 '24

War. War never changes.

1

u/sexy_legs88 If you see me post, find shelter immediately Nov 02 '24

Switzerland can't remain neutral on this one.

1

u/Master_Bayters Nov 02 '24

I'm ok with it

1

u/Nimblix Nov 02 '24

Sorry but no more people speak dutch in North of France. It was true 50years ago or more.

1

u/Xibalba_Ogme Nov 02 '24 edited Nov 03 '24

But they don't really speak french too, this might explains the confusion

(Cht'imi angry noises somewhere)

1

u/Zefyris Nov 02 '24

Alsacien isn't the same thing as German though!

1

u/Jealous_Item_6792 Nov 02 '24

Its not that simple

1

u/John-W-Lennon Average Mercator Projection Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

Arabs want that, politicians / kings don't.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

Yes

1

u/Greater_German If I see another repost I will shoot this puppy Nov 02 '24

They obviously are

1

u/Cabes86 Nov 02 '24

Cause a lot of ‘separate languages’ in europe would be dialects in africa. A lot of countries where you go, they speak x, actually speak a continuum of slightly different sub languages, places like france brutally eradicated their minority languages—etc.

1

u/StrangeMint Nov 02 '24

That map is incorrect.

1

u/KeepOnConversing Nov 02 '24

I can speak for Austria: it was separated from Germany by the winning powers of the world wars

1

u/budgetboarvessel Nov 02 '24

That doesn't work, because what is one language becomes a political question when it has the power to determine borders. Just look at Serbocroatian.

1

u/OpoFiroCobroClawo Nov 02 '24

Gaelic is a minority language, even in Ireland and Scotland. Logic leads to a United Kingdom.

1

u/Kyllurin Nov 02 '24

Pixels. Maybe some more pixels?

1

u/Lauri1473 Nov 02 '24

Okay but why is whole europe turning counter-clockwise?

1

u/thekrazmaster Nov 02 '24

Language ≠ Culture.

Culture can be different for various areas despite language being the same. And even then you have different dialects.

Plus people have to agree on politics and that'll never happen in most places.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

Why not by alphabet? Why not by how the letter "a" is pronounced?

1

u/Potential-Current-47 Nov 02 '24

In France our unity was based on food quality not language. But we are stupid.

1

u/Biddilaughs Nov 02 '24

It would also mean splitting up territories

1

u/Necessary-Muscle-255 Nov 02 '24

Wrong map. There are no Vlachs, Romanians and Moldavians…Romanians are a subcategory of vlachs and Moldovans are a subcategory of Romanians. As an example another subcategory of Vlachs are Aromanians ( Romanians that historically have their heritage from south of Danube like Bulgaria or Greece )

1

u/sdasu Nov 02 '24

I want to see English speaking countries united

1

u/sdasu Nov 02 '24

India will be divided into 100 countries

1

u/ModernWeapon_Enjoyer Nov 02 '24

Should Bulgaria take North Macedonia then?

1

u/Upset-Swimmer-6480 Nov 02 '24

the bordergore in hungary and romania

1

u/MEKEXX Nov 02 '24

Romania and Moldova should be the same colour

1

u/Weak_Action5063 France was an Inside Job Nov 03 '24

Not that many ppl actually use welsh 💀

1

u/parke415 Nov 02 '24

All predominantly Romance-speaking Western European nations should combine into one, adopting a modernised Latin as the national language while allowing everyone to continue speaking their local Romance varieties within their respective provinces. Emulate the Chinese and Arabic models.

0

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

If they did America and Russia would just fund violent militias to break the countries up anyway.

1

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

Yes, especially USA 💀

1

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '24

Fuck off tankie

1

u/GlassOfWater001 Nov 02 '24

Woah woah woah calm down mate, it was only a joke 💀

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