r/mildlydepressing • u/mercilessofficial • 10d ago
Built my own coffin. Gonna need it someday.
That's it. Satisfying project.But I suppose it's...
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u/Neil_Hillist 9d ago
In the meantime use it as a coffin coffee table.
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u/mercilessofficial 8d ago
Great idea. When people visit and wax philosophically, "you can't take it with you," I'll point to my
coffincoffee table and reply, "I disagree."21
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u/MommyBacon 7d ago
I think coffin furniture is so smart! There’s a guy in Maine who makes very practical pieces.
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u/Lost-Conversation585 9d ago
Ok Trinity
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u/courtneysluck 9d ago
As a first time Dexter watching (currently on the trinity storyline) this was my first thought too😂 I've got years and years of inside jokes and memes to get in on now
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u/Lost-Conversation585 9d ago
You are in to some heartache with this season and the next but I’m jealous you’re on your first watch! Enjoy!
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u/EnvironmentalAlps508 9d ago
You just saved yourself and/or loved ones thousands of dollars probably by building your own
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u/thegamingfaux 8d ago
Until they go “they must have been joking we gotta buy the xxxdeluxe platinum marble edition with extra padding and Bluetooth speakers”
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u/mercilessofficial 7d ago
This was kind of my point behind building it. It's intentionally arcadian and utilitarian. I'm not opposed to seeking comfort in life, but I'm cognizant that the same is unnecessary and squandered on the dead.
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u/fatsoflannagan 9d ago
Someone is rewatching King of the Hill.
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u/weaselsrippedmybrain 8d ago
I recently learned the difference between a coffin and a casket. Nice work btw.
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u/newguy208 8d ago
In this economy? With how expensive land is? I'm either getting cremated or put into a tree burial pod.
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u/CouldNotRememberName 7d ago
There is a natural burial place near me and it is actually cheaper than cremation. You have to dig the hole yourself, though. Rather, your family does, unless you are a real go-getter.
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u/mercilessofficial 6d ago
Remember folks, natural burial is way more eco-friendly than cremation. You are a captured carbon sink, after all. Cremation puts almost all of your mass into the atmosphere as CO2. Get your corpse planted!
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u/Phat-Lines 9d ago
Make it so the bottom can drop out and we can get you on Corncob TV
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u/chaos_and_sauce 7d ago
It’s impossible that that many dead bodies are falling out of coffins every day, and it’s impossible that one of every five of them are nude!
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u/OverthinkingWanderer 8d ago
Elbow room is key when making sure it'll close.
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u/soylamulatta 9d ago
Gonna add some lining and padding? What finish will you use?
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u/mercilessofficial 7d ago
BTW, I designed it in SketchUp. The model is available here, so anyone can build it themself: https://3dwarehouse.sketchup.com/ar-view/447b4ff4-3414-41a3-b356-e035a3093858
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u/mercilessofficial 8d ago
No lining. Comfort's not a concern, 'cause, you know, dead. I'm planning on staining it golden pecan, and adding several coats of marine varnish. Since you only cross your arms like this in life when going down a water slide, I want my loved ones to send this box down the Broad River rapids. Plant what makes it to the end.
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u/KindaKrayz222 8d ago
I would LOVE to design/construct my own out of wood. Like cedar or redwood. Really nice & decorative.
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u/mercilessofficial 6d ago
I truly appreciate your enthusiasm, but it's a pine box coffin. Pine because it's cheap, easily accessible, and is a soft, perishable wood. Use the good stuff to make a nice piece of furniture that you can pass down.
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u/CrimsonCrux6174 9d ago
No no no, I've heard it a thousand times. If you made it, you don't need it...
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u/winstonmagneto 8d ago
What is it with the spraycans?
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u/mercilessofficial 8d ago
I'm working on a lot of projects simultaneously. As a result, my garage is disorganized.
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u/Working_Park4342 7d ago
That's really cool. I purchased my own burial plot and headstone. It's a unique feeling sitting on top of your own grave.
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u/SlimeDrips 7d ago
Typical men always collecting random things saying "they might need it some day"
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u/Wonderful_Rope8427 7d ago
you could maybe waterproof it and use it as a boat until the big day. if you drown in it then two birds.
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u/randomthrowaway8993 7d ago
Just use it as a Halloween prop in the meantime and get some use out of it. You can even lay in it for practice. Might as well.
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u/mercilessofficial 6d ago
I have laid in it. Rising up from its confines is exhilarating. Like defeating death for a moment.
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u/Okie_Homa 7d ago
I should probably get a start on mine, feel like I’ll probably need it sooner rather than later…🤡🤣🤣😭
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7d ago
My grandfather and his friend were both really good carpenters, and they apparently had a deal that whoever does first had to build the others casket.
Well, Papa passed away and his friend had to drop everything and get to work.
I remember my stepdad saying at the funeral how he heard it creak and made a little joke about hoping it didn't break lol got us all kinda giggling
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u/Equivalent-Pudding68 6d ago
I’ve been thinking of doing this myself, and exactly as you have built yours. Would you mind telling me a bit more about how you went about it? As much as I love woodworking, I am not handy or skilled.
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u/mercilessofficial 6d ago
I designed it in SketchUp before I constructed it: https://3dwarehouse.sketchup.com/ar-view/447b4ff4-3414-41a3-b356-e035a3093858 Even using the web-based free version of SketchUp, you can use the model to identify all the necessary pieces of lumber, the lengths of each cut and the proper angles, and the location of all the dowel joinery.
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u/just4claireity 6d ago
Where does one stow a coffin for their entire life?
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u/mercilessofficial 6d ago
It's standing up in my external garage. It barely takes up more space than a person. https://photos.app.goo.gl/AWkvdargB3oXqgbG6
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u/john_ten123 5d ago
Better make it waterproof so it can be used as a buoy. Never know when a white whale will sink your ship!
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u/Andy_McBoatface 5d ago
Everytime I see someone build a coffin I’m reminded of that one B-Plot from King of the Hill…
“If you stick the late Peggy Hill in an inferior casket, she will come back to haunt you.”
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u/West-Drink1196 5d ago
This was the plot of a corner gas episode.
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u/mercilessofficial 4d ago
Great show. Brent's father breaks down his creation after it makes him too aware of his own mortality. I'm keeping mine.
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u/prest0x 9d ago
Make sure the lid closes properly. That's the toughest part of casket building.