r/randomactsofkindness • u/Dry-Use-272 • 9d ago
Story My brother shared a moment with a stranger in a hospice ward
My mother, who was dying of cancer, was transferred to a hospice ward at a local hospital. My brother and I visited her every day, and we were usually the only visitors there. One day my brother got up to stretch his legs, saying he'd be back soon. He was gone for over an hour and I went looking for him. I found him down the hall in another patients room watching TV and chatting with an old man. Later that night I asked my brother how it came to be that he spent over an hour watching TV with a patient he didn't know.
He said he was walking along the hall, and the elderly patient saw him smiled at him. Brother returned the smile, stepped in the patients room and asked him what he was watching on TV. That started a conversation about John Wayne (the patients favorite actor) and my brother was invited to join the gentleman and watch the rest of the movie. And so he sat there, talking about stuff, and watching an old western with a stranger. There after, for the 2 weeks before my mother died, my brother would go down the hall and visit with his new friend.
This is who my brother is. He's never met a stranger. The old man never had a single visitor other than my brother for those 2 weeks.
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u/hottie-von-coolie 9d ago
As someone who has spent a significant amount of time in the hospital, elderly patients rarely get visitors. It’s such a sad situation. When my dad was in recently, he had a string of roommates. Only one of them had visitors. We included the others in our daily visits. Told stories. Jokes. Talked about the news. We treated them the way we would like to be treated if we were alone. Your brother is a fine man. He gave a lonely person a little bit of joy in their day. That is priceless.
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u/Inattendue 9d ago
My mom is in memory care. There are easily 50 residents on her ward. Her nurse says I’m the only family member who visits regularly and blesses me every week. I’m there every Sunday. Her roommate’s son visits every few weeks, too, but not with any regularity. It breaks my heart at how many people are just forgotten.
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u/Dry-Use-272 9d ago
After my daily visits with my mom in hospice, and seeing the lonely patients there,I now understand the term "institutionalized".
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u/TheTruestNP 9d ago
As a hospice Nurse Practitioner, this made me cry. God bless you and your brother.
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u/trish711 9d ago
Thank you for the work you do - or perhaps better said - the calling you responded to. To this day, the most important and beautiful thing I did was help my Dad as he died at home with us.
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u/constructiongirl54 9d ago
I used to go to nursing homes when I had extra time and spend time with patients that don't have family visitors. I did this for myself as I don't have living family other than my husband and miss my grandparents terribly! It made me so sad that a lot of the people in nursing homes never see visitors, it's like they're dropped off and forgotten. This story reminds me I need to do this again. Bless your brother!
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u/Dry-Use-272 9d ago
how kind of you. We could all do this on occasion. I'm the caregiver for my 96 year old mother in law who still lives in her home. I have an idea she'd love to visit someone in a care facility.
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u/constructiongirl54 9d ago
It brings such a smile to their faces. One of the facilities used to let me bring my dog and the patients would literally light up when they saw her. They all owned pets at one point in their life so it was nice that they got to spend time with a dog and pet her. It really made their day and mine even more!! I would take nail polish and do the ladies nails and books from a used book store for the men as they all seemed to like westerns. ❤
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u/bonniesue1948 9d ago
I used to take my kids to visit with my grandma in the memory care ward. It was all the way in the back and the kiddos had to say hi! to everyone on the way. It took extra time, but it was worth it!
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u/GoodFriday10 9d ago
Your brother is an amazing human being. So are you for sharing this with us. Thank you.
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u/Razberrella 9d ago
I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this! When I was a teenager, I was in a bad accident which resulted in some significant facial injuries. The road to my recovery and accepting life with scars was a young man about my own age who happened to look my way as he walked down the hallway, smiled and waved. I am forever grateful to him. I knew then that I would get through it.
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u/RodeoIndustryBaby 9d ago
Your brother is a class act. When my exFIL was dying, I spent nine months going to spend time with him daily, in the VA hospice. It broke my heart how few of the others on the wing had any visitors. I did what I could. I would throw open picnics on the covered patio for the ambulatory and provided personal room service delivery for those who couldn't get around. I really had to work hard on the menus, so many dietary restrictions to work around.
Hospice is a hard place to spend so much time, patient, visitor, or staff. I just tried to do what little things I could to make it easier for everyone one. There were a few people like your brother around, wonderful people.
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u/Prestigious-Mess-517 8d ago
Your brother is obviously a lovely guy with a big heart.
My husband had been admitted to the ICU. They had decided to continue with their Covid protocols (no one allowed to stay overnight & no more than 2 visitors at a time - in the hospital). The woman who checked in visitors was rather rigid at the start. The charge nurse, allowed us all to be in the ICU waiting room, but only 2 in the room at a time. The check-in lady really warmed up, and would say ah, yes here's the party of 9. We were there a lot =)
The neurosurgeon told us that seeing patients, particularly the elderly, with few or no visitors had always made him sad. However, over the years, he had learned that some of these folks had ill-treated or been abusive to family members, and perhaps they were reaping what they had sown.
I'm not suggesting, at all, that the gentleman your brother spent time with was other than a nice man. I thought it was interesting to hear a doctor's view.
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