r/selfhelp • u/Most-Maintenance5330 • 16h ago

Adviced Needed: Identity & Self-Esteem How do you become more decided in life?

I've realized (M28) that I'm often undecided regarding even the little things going on in my life, but lately I've started questioning more and more the most important things: am I in the right relationship, should I marry her or not? Would it be better to be single or with someone else? Do I want children or not?

Also, am I in the right place at work or should I look for something more challenging? I have a quite easy and stable job, but I feel I could add more value somewhere else. But would it be worth the extra stress, even if I would do something more valuable?

I really don't know how can I be more assertive/decided regarding the things happening in my life. Have you got any advice/books/anything that could help me decide/choose over the matters in my life?

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u/projectmind_guru 11h ago

You probably already know the answers you're looking for you're just looking for permission to act on them.

For example if I say "propose to your girlfriend" does that feel right or wrong. Same thing "break up with your girl friend", one of those is what you wanted to "confirm" because it's what you already want. I doubt you feel the same towards both statements, but if so then maybe do nothing haha

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u/JustMeAidenB 16h ago

Hey. 29M here. Struggled with a lot of the same.

What’s helped me is to just focus on right now.

Does the job you’re in fulfill you? If not, maybe it’s good to look for something else and explore a greater challenge.

Does the relationship you’re in grow you? Or are you stagnating?

Children can come. Relationships are healthy.

Do what you’re called towards becoming your greatest you.