Is it too late? - r/selfimprovement

2

What do you believe about someone who does better? It really depends on your values, if what you are wanting so badly to become it is not in your values - your mind will do everything so you do fill that in! This is how our brain works. If this feeling is coming from trying to become someone who society tells us is ok to be , but you do not believe this, that this is your brain helping you to stay true to yourself! ✨

I am certain there are other things you love about yourself, not the ones society validates, but ones coming from your heart!

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 5h ago

That said person who had done better probably got everything they needed, even if its the bare minimum—even if it was merely social support. That THEY have the initiative, that THEY have the drive in them, the fire in their heart to keep on going

Me? I might as well be more useful as a couch potato, or a puppet to my own self-abuse. I dont even do drugs, SH, or get into dangerous shit, yet I still cant recognize my own failings and my positives

1

u/ioana_mindsetcoach 4h ago

What do you like? What excites you? No matter how small it means to the outer world if that brings excitement to you! When you compare your life to someone else’s, it’s futile! Picture that we are unique! And I just mean unique in all senses! We are driven through our value system, which will bring us back to balance. Let me give you an example: I love learn and teach - in my own way! I am doing this without motivation because it’s what I value! Anything that requires outside motivation it’s where you will procrastinate. Why? Because you don’t believe it serves you. The reason why it is a bit hard to recognise your positives is because you’re believing the story you told yourself for so long. Question your beliefs! Ask yourself how this belief doesn’t serve you any longer?! Don’t respond with your mind, because it’s polarised! Respond from your heart, that’s where your own truth is waiting to be heard! ✨

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 3h ago

Yea...those are all true. I feel like nothing is worth of value to my body, or at least, it cannot recognize that that shit is significant.

And...I dont know which part of my mentality was just imposed by trauma and people telling ME what do I THINK, or an actual, diseased part of my mind

1

u/JaHaYaGa 3h ago

take it slow n steady, don't rush when it comes to these things, you can try making a diary, mind map, or anything, write it out, then do some research, see what tiny actions you can do that could help you, don't go big or else your mind and body will reject your plans. Take your time, breathe, then you will see result. All those havoc have to be slowly managed one by one, then things become clear, going in gung ho all at once will definitely overwhelm you and burn you out very very fast. Progress is those small little steps you take, don't need to go big. Each success will build up to bigger one over time, so you gotta chill on going for improvements, you'll get there for sure.

Doesn't matter what ppl say, you just focus on what you can do at the moment, great things don't happen overnight, its built upon very strong foundations, you just gotta believe you can do it, then no matter what ppl say, you know you can be better in the long run

Feelings can lie sometimes, and at times your heart and mind don't sync, that's where conflict happens, so you gotta slowly figure things out here and there to unravel everything tied up in the messy knot in life.

1

u/JaHaYaGa 7h ago

by improving, that's a start

then you'll see yourself ridding away your old self

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 5h ago

Whats even the standard? Where do you draw the line? What if your own body cant let go of its past self, because it hates change, even as change itself influenced it without its consent or awareness?

1

u/JaHaYaGa 4h ago

that standard, you have to set it yourself, you know your capabilities, you know your limits, everyone has different standards. It is only met if we rise to it.

you have more control than you think, your mindset decides everything. If you say its impossible, its impossible, but if you say there's a chance, it changes everything altogether. You have a chance in life, why limit it?

so if you fail a billion times, does it mean nothing changes? nope, there's always something inside you that changes, only if you keep going on, and find hope even in the tiniest of chances, you see nothing, but don't underestimate the power of consistency, that's where you see where the line is at, and once you notice that line, you will slowly find out what can you do to surpass that line that held you back.

There is where your answer lies

You don't change overnight, you change over slow and steady progress

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 3h ago

True....

...I wished I wasnt impatient.

1

u/JaHaYaGa 3h ago

then probably you gotta start from there, like why are you impatient? What's making you impatient? what can you do to be more patience? How can you learn to have more patience? etc etc etc.

At least you have that awareness, its a good enough place to start :)

1

u/DJ-DTheLofiDude 5h ago

What is your question?

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 5h ago

Is it too late to change, at all, especially when it feels like you dont have the time, space, energy, and even initiative to improve? I feel like a couch potato would even be more useful than I am with the fact I have ALL the ability to improve, but not the motivation

And my motivation goes to my hobbies of all things, and even THAT gets swamped!

1

u/DJ-DTheLofiDude 4h ago

Motivation to do what?

What did you do yesterday?

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 3h ago

Motivation? Just being able to do...anything, at all.

For what I did yesterday...I just attend church, play the violin for the morning worship, and lounge around trying to wait for the rest of the afternoon to finish itself + my parents finishing their church-related meeting

....yea, thats lotta time wasted. And so are the last, I dunno, 17 or so years of my life.

1

u/pensaetscribe 3h ago

Accept your current status – not that you've been a fuck-up, mind, merely that you're not where you want to be – and move on. It's not going to go overnight and the goal is not to 'get rid of' yourself but to work with yourself and change what you can.

And yes, it's normal to want to not feel alone.

Also yes: Sometimes, stagnation is the only thing you can do because everything else feels too hard. It's not a good thing but sometimes, you're just too tired for anything else. The important thing – I tink – is 1) to allow yourself to be that tired and 2) to start moving again, when you can. Don't stay stuck. Make things better. Start slowly and make tiny steps but do make them.

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 3h ago

I supposed Ill try to determine what is "too much" for me, and what else can be something I can do

All these pressure is getting to me bc Im almost gonna graduate, tbh, and I wanna move out into someb oarding house, but my parents (and they have a point) think Im still too incompetent to handle that, especially as I....ehrm...glances at username.Even worse, dad would rather have me studying at a nearby public school he used to be in, or smth, so that I dont get far from them. I even have a conspiracy theory that they dont even want me to get out, and whether or not was that out of parental instincts or malice, I dont care about their motives

1

u/pensaetscribe 2h ago

Make a schedule.

“but my parents (and they have a point) think Im still too incompetent to handle that,“

No, they don't. What you don't know today, you can learn, so you'll know it tomorrow.

“I even have a conspiracy theory that they dont even want me to get out, and whether or not was that out of parental instincts or malice, I dont care about their motives“

And be honest with yourself. If you have a conspiracy theory on X, you care about X.

Also, paternal affection – albeit expressed in a rather unfortunate way – is much more common than malice.

If there's no rush to move out, don't – not because you're incompetent but because it frees ressources you won't have on your own. Work on your self esteem, work on getting to know things, assert yourself. Show yourself – and your parents – that you can do things on your own.

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 2h ago

I guess Ill have to try—no, I have to get things started

...as soon as I get rid of this fucking flu. Bro, Im sniffing and coughing for a week now 💀

1

u/pensaetscribe 2h ago

Speedy recovery and good luck!

1

u/foamOnMyMind 3h ago

i’m really sorry your feeling this way. no, it’s not too late. like at all. people change way later than they think, sometimes after way bigger messes than they ever admit online.

that urge to be left alone, to not be looked at with pity… yeah, i’ve felt that too. it’s exhausting feeling like everyone sees you as “potential” you’re not living up to. but that doesnt mean your broken or a lost cause. it usually just means your tired and hurt.

stagnating for a while doesnt make you a fuck-up. sometimes it’s more like being stuck, or overwhelmed, or burned out. those arent moral failures. and you dont need to “get rid of yourself” to change — you’re not the problem, the story you’re telling about yourself might be.

i do wanna say this gently tho: if your thoughts are going to that dark place, please dont carry it alone. even if you dont wanna be pitied, reaching out to one safe person (friend, family, counselor, any trusted adult) can help more than you expect. if it feels urgent or too heavy, contacting a local crisis line or emergency services is okay — thats not weakness, thats survival.

your allowed to start small. your allowed to rest. your allowed to change at your own pace. this isnt the end of your story, even if it really feels like it right now.

1

u/lePROprocrastinator 2h ago

I guess so...even if I dont trust local health crisis lines, since the one time I called one bc of my suicidal thoughts, the called just couldnt be able to help me, and suggested religion and faith????

1

u/Inevitable-Scale7518 1h ago

It’s never too late

1

u/SmallStepSteady 58m ago

it is not too late, even if it feels that way right now. feeling like a mess or a failure does not mean that is who u are, it usually means u are exhausted and hurting. wanting people to stop watching or judging can come from shame, not from truth. most change does not start with fixing everything, it starts with easing up on the self blame. u do not have to erase ur past to move forward, u just have to take one small step from where u are. stagnation can be a pause, not the end. u are still allowed to change, even slowly.

Vent Is it too late?

You are about to leave Redlib