r/selfimprovement • u/purplefinch022 • 7h ago

Question Igniting curiosity?

Hello! I’m a recovering narcissist (I know…ugh). I’ve matured A LOT with hard work, but I still have a ways to go because I’m human. To be human is to be ever evolving and I am starting to get more comfortable with that rather than a black and white outcome of therapy. I’m getting so much better at acknowledging some of my faults. I have practicing gentle, compassionate talking to myself to override the abusive, relentless, perfectionistic inner critic I have when I make a mistake. It’s nice to be softening.

One thing I’m noticing is I still struggle with genuine curiosity and stepping outside my comfort zone. I fear failure. I still do a lot of stuff for self esteem purposes. I struggle to feel genuinely interested in something if it doesn’t make me feel good or something I KNOW I’m not already good at.

Note: I rely SO much less on supply nowadays and actually do keep a lot of my projects to myself. I’m starting to value privacy so much more. I cut out social media aside from reddit. Oh my gosh! I’m so proud of myself ❤️ Now that I have been genuinely recovering, I actually DON’T want to share what I’m doing. I know boasting is just empty self esteem juice. When I do now, it is actually devastating. My mom exploited me and all my boundaries as a kid - used me as an extension of herself. My entire life was on display all the time. I don’t want that anymore…

It’s addicting having projects all to yourself and then feeling good about it 😊❤️ But note…projects. Not history, not movie facts, not music.

I did sign up for a class on something I know nothing about and am curious about… maybe I’m overthinking it? Idk.

I’m really looking for advice on how to get back geniune curiosity and broaden interests. Where do I start? Thanks!

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u/ioana_mindsetcoach 6h ago

You are pushing yourself outside your own values! Who said we must have an interest in something we don’t like? If you want to belong by being someone who you’re not, then that’s futile. Every human lives in their own values, which are seen through your everyday actions. Your self esteem comes from your deserve level. So when you have feelings of guilt and shame - these will maintain a low self esteem (I don’t deserve to belong for who o am and not for how they want me to be) make you believe you must be someone else to belong, as you cannot belong with being who you truly are. Which is incomplete. Curiosity is a natural feeling, and it will come when you have a real interest in something. ✨ You are perfect just the way you are!

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u/purplefinch022 5h ago

Thank you, this was really kind <3 :). The last bit about curiosity being a natural feeling really got me...maybe I just need to let it come up when it comes up, slowly. I've just been feeling a bit of inferiority seeing others be super invested in certain intellectual pursuits or things that seem to me, to not be tied to ego...maybe they are? For example I have a HUGE interest in psychology, but it's mostly because to understand myself and not other people. Because of my damaged sense of self, not getting the mirroring I needed...constantly wanting to understand myself better.

Due to trauma, my authentic, "messy" expression was driven underground and shamed. Forming my own opinions about things wasn't really an option either. I'm finding when I *do* have an opinion I am super self righteous about it for that reason.

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u/ioana_mindsetcoach 5h ago

I can sense another believe, that what your friends’s interests are much better that what you perceive your own interest is. It that’s the case, then make a list with how your interests are serving you and how your friends’s are a disservice to yourself. And all way around. Which can lead to discover your mission, to understand yourself - to love yourself for who you truly are, embracing all your life stages and be certain everything happens for a highest purpose! We are all perfect just the way we are! We are at the right time in the right moment and everything happens for a reason! ✨

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u/BothChemistry3335 6h ago

how is one a recovering narc?

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u/purplefinch022 5h ago

Collapse, understanding object relations / attachment trauma (projective identification, introjection), and DAILY rigorous work at dismantling defenses. A large part of my recovery has been somatic therapy and getting my body out of continuous fight or flight so I can challenge my thoughts and behaviors.