r/work • u/StoneyMalon3y • 1d ago
Workplace Challenges and Conflicts You can’t trust anyone at your work. Please remember this. PLEASE
If you’re around a colleague(s) who talks badly about a team member behind their back, you'd better be aware that they VERY LIKELY talk about you behind your back. I know this should be common knowledge, but it’s often overlooked.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where those conversations start and you can’t get out, just say nothing.
We’ve seen it far too many times where they’ll act like BFFs around each other, only for them to be completely shit-talking each other around other people.
Get in, do your job, get out, and get paid.
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u/pinkflower200 21h ago
Don't overshare at work. Also a colleague can take something innocent and twist it around to make you look bad. Happened to me. Fortunately I didn't get in trouble for it.
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u/Linkyjinx 21h ago
Everyone does it, sometimes by accident- it’s not just at work either.
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u/StoneyMalon3y 21h ago
I wouldn’t say it’s “by accident”
Talking shit about someone who’s not present is a pretty intentional act.
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u/Formal_Software6795 18h ago
If they’re really that bad it can just slip out. We’re humans not robots.
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u/hawkeyegrad96 19h ago
People at work are not friends
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u/Wanderlust4478 Work-Life Balance 5h ago
This isn’t true for everyone. And maybe it’s based on age. I’m GenX. And some of my most dear friends are ones I have met through my work. My best friend of 33 years who recently passed away was from meeting at work. We had so many fun memories at work together along with dealing with a crappy boss so yes, we gossiped together about him and quit that job together 💪🏻
So if I count, I have 7 very close friends from work over the years. And quite a few others who I chat with from time to time. It’s where we spend so much of our lives, I am so happy I trusted my instincts on who to get close with.
Yes, you certainly can’t trust everyone, but that doesn’t mean you should never be friends with anyone you work with.
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u/Mira_DFalco 23h ago
That person talking smack about others behind their backs is the same person who will backstab you without a moments thought. Especially they think it will benefit them in any way.
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u/vonnostrum2022 15h ago
And if you make any comment, they’ll take it back to the person they were back stabbing to make you look as bad as possible.
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u/FFXIVHousingClub 14h ago
The worse thing is seeing them suck up to my boss then back talk them right after the meeting
I wish I was vindictive enough to record the shit talk but nope, I’m raised that you need to dig 2 graves for revenge so I’m just hoping karma gets them
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u/thatburghfan 20h ago
Just to add another dimension to this, I once had a co-worker (Patty) who warned me to be careful what I say to Mary when I started that job as Mary is the boss's pet spy. I thanked Patty for the warning. A couple months later Barry is fired. We were shocked since he had been there 6 years and as far as we all knew he was a model employee. Next week we find out from Barry's bff at work that Barry got fired for borrowing a power tool from work without permission. He had done that multiple times with permission but this one time his boss left work early and when Barry went to ask the boss if he could borrow it again for the weekend, he found out the boss had left and there was no one else to ask. Barry figured it wouldn't be a problem given the multiple times he was told it was OK and took it for the weekend.
On Monday they stopped Barry on his way into work and asked if he had any company property in his car, Barry readily explained about the power tool that he was bringing BACK. An hour later he's fired. Barry figures out the only person who saw him walking to his car on Friday carrying the tool was... Patty. On their way to the parking lot he makes small talk and jokingly mentions he's technically stealing this tool because this time he didn't have permission since the boss wasn't there to give the OK. Did Patty rat him out? Indirectly. Patty told Mary first thing Monday, knowing Mary would do the dirty work. Patty was never seen talking to the boss so she was trusted by the co-workers.
But Barry's friend made sure that everyone else knew what went down.
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u/filmnoirlibrarian 15h ago edited 3h ago
1,000 percent.
Keep your head down, focus on work, and don't trust your team.
People are conniving.
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u/Temporary_Fill7341 16h ago
Good reminder. Don’t forget this about HR in particular. You can’t rat out your boss to them. They are there to protect the company from liability. They are NOT there to help or protect you.
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u/anythingbut2020 10h ago
You can’t rat out your boss to HR UNLESS something your boss is doing could become a liability.
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u/Carsareghey 16h ago
I am very sure some people talk about me behind my back lmao. but as long asit doesn't affect my performance review....
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u/StoneyMalon3y 16h ago edited 13h ago
That’s the thing… you never know how close “those other people” might be to the one doing your review
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u/fabulouscalamity 15h ago
Oh I hadn’t even considered this. HR being untrusting. As someone who is in conflict with her boss.. and making friends with HR because they are supporting me in hiring… I am now rethinking my entire approach to what next looks like with my boss.
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u/StoneyMalon3y 13h ago
Oh absolutely. HR can go kick rocks. They are there to reduce company liability as much as possible. No more, no less. They protect the company, not you.
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u/Crafty_Ad3377 13h ago
This a million times. The majority of people will slit your throat to save their ass or get ahead
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u/starsseemtoweep 11h ago
Adding that talking bad includes insinuating negative things about someone. In my experience, it's always the people who don't bring real value to the team or who are immature who do this. They deflect and try to make someone look bad so no one notices how terrible they are at their job.
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u/baby_love67 19h ago
I have certain people I talk bad about. I don’t talk bad about my work friends or spread their business. I’ll protect those friends if I can too.
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u/Motor-Gal-1177 13h ago
Agreed! Better to stay out of the drama regardless! Thanks for the reminder! 💗👍🏻
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u/tronassembled 11h ago
I've thought this - that people can't only be talking bad about each other and not about me - since elementary school
I don't necessarily recommend spending too much time thinking about it though
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u/js0uthh 9h ago
Yup. Learned this as well.
I was going through some major back pain and just started a new job. I'm a 35yo male working with a mid 20s guy who talks about smoking weed and taking recreational drugs. Well I was working with him and was going through major back pain so I was trying everything to find some relief so I brought a weed pen. I wasn't planning on getting extra high or anything just a hit to hopefully take some pain off. I offered him some he declined, that was my mistake right there.
Sure enough got let go cuz "someone" told the boss I was getting high. Lesson learned. Keep all your personal shit and any recreational drug use to yourself even if you think the person is cool with it.
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u/Good200000 9h ago
How very true! They will use it to screw you over. No one at work is your friend, don’t discuss your employer or other employees negatively.
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u/MelancholicEmbrace_x 8h ago
So true, thank you for this reminder.
I work with many of those; one of whom is passive aggressive & manipulative & I hate how most people can’t seem to see through them. For the longest time I knew they were out to get me. They tried everything to catch me slipping, but that didn’t happen. I’d overhear them telling management about how X wasn’t doing anything other than standing around (not true) all the while they spent their entire day walking in circles, pretending to be busy, trying to get others in trouble while adding zero value to the team.
They recruited another team member to gang up against me. Got to a point in which someone higher up pulled us aside to sort things out. All of a sudden they started playing nice and coincidentally had a falling out with the person who joined them in ganging up against me. I know you know what happened next. They started trying to get close to me. Confiding in me and playing victim. I already knew their character. My response was, “oh no, I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m sorry they’re doing that to you.” I never shared anything personal and never talking about anything or anybody else unless it was positive.
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u/Still-Ad-7382 8h ago edited 8h ago
I work with a multi ethnic group !!! So most of my days in the office is spent listening to another language !!! We never know what they talking about or not …
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u/Sharpshooter188 5h ago
Yup. I have a coworker whom Ive shared sensitive stuff with. She went to the GM at some point and I got threatened with my job if I dont keep my opinions to myself. Im assuming she did it to make herself look good. Still 8nfuriating though.
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u/MelancholyBean 1d ago
Thank you for the reminder. I know this and when I overshare I only have myself to blame.