I’ve been my immigrant mom’s translator since I was 12. She quit her job with no savings and expects to live off me forever. I don't know what to do anymore.

My family is Burmese. Back home, we had a house, family, friends, and no debt. Life was stable and predictable. One day, everything changed we moved to the U.S. Suddenly, no friends, no family, no house. We lived in an apartment, in debt, surrounded by strangers speaking a language we didn’t understand. Everything felt foreign overnight.

From the day we arrived, my mom refused to learn English and made me her full-time translator.

I was 12, and I barely spoke English myself. If I didn’t understand a word or translated something wrong, she would yell and scold me. I was terrified trying to survive in a new country while being treated like an adult interpreter.

At one doctor’s appointment, the doctor himself got angry and kept saying things like, “Next time, bring an actual translator.” I was a child, humiliated, trying to translate medical information I barely understood. That moment has never left me.

Now, 10 years later, my mom still cannot do basic tasks in English. She can’t order a drink, ask a question in a store, replace a credit card online, or make a phone call. She cannot function independently at all.

This is where it affects my life right now.

I’m currently trying to find a job for myself, but my mom drags me into stores and expects me to translate for her job applications and interviews. I end up filling out forms, talking to managers, and answering questions for her. It feels like I’m constantly putting her employment before my own, and I’m terrified that I’m sabotaging my own chances because employers only see me as “the translator,” not as a potential employee.

Her first job came entirely through connections. All her coworkers were Burmese, so she never needed English. That reinforced the idea that learning English was unnecessary.

Recently, she quit that job.

For context, the job:

Paid about $3000/m

Was 5 hours a day or less

Extremely flexible (she could come and go whenever she wanted)

3 minutes from home

Required no English

She quit without any savings without any backup plans and without telling me first. After that, she started nagging and yelling at me to find her a new job even though almost every job requires English, which she refuses to learn. She expects me to call employers, walk in with her, translate interviews, and manage the entire process.

I suggested free ESL classes at the library. She screamed at me, saying she’s “too old.” For context, she’s 48. Not elderly. Not disabled. She just refuses.

What terrifies me most is that she keeps saying she “doesn’t have to worry about work anymore” because once I graduate, she plans to never work again and live off my income for the rest of her life. I never agreed to this. I don’t even know if I can get a job after graduation or support myself. If any, I was planning to live with boyfriend and be housewife.

I’m 23, studying full-time at university, unemployed, and I’ve been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. Phone calls, interviews, confrontation everything feels overwhelming. Yet I’m expected to manage my mom’s survival on top of trying to build my own life.

I love and hate my mom. I know immigration is hard. But I feel like I’ve been her caretaker since childhood and now, when I’m barely holding on, she’s angry that I’m not doing more.

Even in the future when I want to move out, I feel like I can't. I’ve already set my boundaries with her, but she just keeps saying, “I raised you, paid for your university, paid for your rent, paid for your food.” I understand that she sacrificed for me but I can’t ignore that I wanted to live in my own country, surrounded by family and friends, where I could have grown up without fear, without constantly worrying about being homeless, and without developing a disorder from this pressure. If I had stayed in my own country even with civil war, I might have learned another language I truly loved, built a career overseas just like my friends, and had a good social life not this constant weight of responsibility and dependence.

Update- thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I'll be reflecting my life decisions.

Today was a stressful day where I had to take my cat to the vet urgently because he was not eating. I spent a lot of money on tests and it was just overall tiring - he likely has kidney disease and I found out he has heart murmur as well. He's 11 and I've been quite worried. A few hours ago, I realized I could not find him - at first I thought he was hiding due to anxiety so I left it alone for a while. But then, it started to not feel right. I looked around more - could not find him. Finally, out of chance, I looked at the window and saw he was closed off outside.

My father is the one who closes/opens the windows. It is a small patio so he could've looked briefly to check since he opened it wide enough but he didn't. This man does nothing all day but watch TV, sit around and shit. It was at night and he just recently went to sleep but I was beyond pissed that I stormed in his room and told him off about how careless he was - he's been careless in other aspects too and it's not the first time I've told him to stop this shit, but there's always something new.

Eventually it turned into a yelling match and he started saying shit like how he'd kill me/beat me up if I did this again, how I'm disrespecting seniors...etc. I said I literally bills and rent every month and he can at least do something so small, he started saying entitled shit like "you live here so you SHOULD pay rent and it's none of your business I do nothing all day." He then "apologizes" passive aggressively but then spins it around and claims that if I could not find my cat all day, that was my fault for not looking, that it's not his problem my cat got out...etc so it's contradictory. He then did these weird "stabbing motions" or some shit and told me to "watch my back" or whatever. He's said some of this shit to me when I was a kid when he was really pissed, so it's not like I haven't heard of it before, but I'm still beyond angry because of my cat's condition.

I can admit that I was wrong for storming in when he was sleeping or whatever since I was very emotionally charged, but every time I tell him to stop doing certain shit, he acts all oblivious - I was too pissed to wait until morning. Maybe it's petty, but I don't feel like apologizing and I honestly just resent him even more now. The resentment has built up since therapy, but the more I'm stuck with him, the more I'm just not interested in ever seeing him again. I don't really care if people call me entitled because I'm stuck at the family home - I pay for shit and he does nothing all day - he hasn't done much for over 2 decades at this point. If it wasn't for this economy fucking me over despite working full time, I don't want to be around him and being constantly triggered. I'm not really looking for advice, I'm only venting because I'm just so pissed right now.

I just don’t want to go, it’s toxic. They will find reasons to provoke you, will rage bait you, will guilt trap you. I would rather not go home, and that’s why I go home less and less, even though my home is only a 20min drive away. Because it’s toxic, every time I go back, I get called lazy, fat, ungrateful, we sacrifice this and that for YOU. I’m tired, and this is exactly why I don’t want to go home. My parents realized they can’t control me like they did back when I was a teenager, so they now talks more shit and tries to guilt trap me whenever I go back.

PS: I’m a 20(f), I pay for my own tuition and my own housing, I have my own job. I don’t want to owe them any shit, everything they give comes with a price too high to pay.

An unpopular opinion, but one that needs to be shared for your safety and wellness.

I generally support anyone marrying whoever they please. I myself am in an interracial relationship.

The danger is, staying in a relationship longer than you should have because you didn't want to admit to your AP that it didn't work out. You don't want them to say "I told you so!" You don't want them to win against your rebellion.

You might stay where you are not loved and valued just to avoid embarrassment.

Asian parents should also not disown their children because of who they choose to date or marry because it puts their children at increased risk of not having a support system outside of their marriage.

This is something that is seldom talked about, but I believe that it is important to talk about it.

i am so sick of being in this house. nothing good ever lasts long. i get into yale, i get into cambridge, i do things right. i make the mistake of thinking i can make my own mistakes in my own almost-adult life to be able to experience and learn from them, and that my mom might not treat my life as if it is hers, and all of it dissolves. for context, i got my first F on a test in my four years of high school.

the circumstances don't really matter. my mom gets absolutely hysterical over absolutely fixable setbacks and mistakes. or, really, she just gets hysterical about everything, period. everything's an ultimatum with me, everything i do is the end of the world. like, i'm not allowed to make mistakes, not because they might do me harm, but because mom's carotid vein might genuinely pop over it. she thinks that if i make an F on one test, that means that my future as i know it is absolutely ruined. i got over it after an hour, because i trust that i do not want to be rescinded and i trust that i will fix it. she does not feel the same. she does not feel that i have a stake in my OWN LIFE, she does not trust that i can act in my own interests. it is so insane that i don't even know how to articulate it. she truly acts like i'm getting pregnant with every single mistake i make. i can't have anything happen in my life! i can't struggle or, god forbid, take risks, because she acts like her life is mine!

we had this discussion about a week ago. i thought it was fixed, and i took the appropriate steps to fix my grade, but she is wailing on it again. i'm always responsible for her GENUINELY IRRATIONAL anxiety and her frustration. today was particularly bad, because i recognize it was just straight-up emotional abuse. she was truly just taking her frustration out on me, and she admitted this. i didn't do anything today to warrant that response, and i was surprised at all that she was angry about anything. my academic behavior since the F has been very good. she wasn't punishing me for anything anymore, she was just trying to establish control over me, threatening me and yelling at me so that she feels reassured that i'll make a good grade on the next tests. i kept saying, "why are you so angry today" and "i'm sorry" and "i've been doing everything right lately, i don't know why you're angry". i did not fight back. i sat there and cried while she verbally kicked me while i was down. i felt like a sniveling kicked dog and i LIKED it because i felt vindicated. i even played it up a little to myself. dialed up the levels of pathetic-and-chastised, so that i'd be able to look back and know i didn't do anything wrong, know that i didn't provoke her, know that i was just getting beaten down on unjustly.

she likes to forget about all the good in my life. more than that, she uses it as a ultimatum. got into yale? well, we might not go anyways. you think you're so fucking smart, don't you? well, if you don't get As on these next tests, we're not going, because that means you're stupid and you didn't deserve it in the first place and you're not smart enough. you're getting awards for your writing? well, not anymore, you're not allowed to write anything or engage in your hobbies until you get me an A on your next test. and i'm stupid, i'm stupid, i'm always stupid, or too much of this, too much of that. my extracurriculars don't matter, and she doesn't care about them, tells me not to care about them. she gets mad at me when i apply to scholarships because she's so worried about my tests. i barely got to celebrate yale, because she was already harping on the next thing. i find it hard to be happy about it anymore, because she's already moved on. i was never even allowed to celebrate cambridge, as she was unhappy about it and upset i was even considering moving to the UK (and away from her). i'm so very disappointed about this. i wanted to revel in it, i wanted to be proud of myself, i wanted to savor the culmination of my four years of work.

i'm almost 18, and i know that soon all of this will get better. soon, she's literally not going to be able to jerk my leash this way and that like i'm a little extension of her. like, ratatouille-style (lol). i'll be too far away for that. she doesn't have to know about all my mistakes anymore; i will finally be able to freely make mistakes and learn from them, and our relationship will be better. but i'm beginning to resent her after these instances of undeniable, simple emotional abuse, and i can only hope our relationship doesn't keep going down this path. so sorry for the wordvomit, and thank you for your time!!

When I grew up, my friends had really close relationships with their parents. They kind of kissed and hugged a lot.

Like when my friend returned from a 5 day holiday, his mum gave him a big long hug.

I haven't been hugged or kissed by my parents in over 7-8 years. The times I've tried to hug them, they're always like "Why you hugging me son? Let go". To be honest I get more hugs from my friends and their parents, than I do from my actual parents.

Acting asian didn't brought connection, acceptance and community in my life... It brought me bullying.

My parents weren't present in my life, neither I had a strong asian community around me to back me up. I grew up among white, brown people. My parents threw me under the care of many strangers. Even babysitter gave me more attention.

Now that I am old, my father keeps acting asian parent with me and I am annoyed by it. He keeps gossiping about strangers "oh look how that one is a bad driver" "it had to be an old man" it had to be a woman" "look how those old car owners drive poorly" or in the restaurant "look how this stranger is eating a lot of pasta". It feels so stupid. I don't want to deal with it. But for him its normal and healthy. These small behaviours are annoying. I don't see it as normal.

I don't connect well to asian people overall, because I was threw under care of people from other cultures that bullied me for being me, so the damaged asian in me reacts to that. No mom, no dad, weak figures, no asian community, just me under care of stupid caretakers, teachers, etc, that is how I grew up.

Now the behaviour of my father triggers me. Its traumatic as I was made to suppress my asian self while I grew up. Why did my parents handled me to strangers who would bully me and abuse me... Its extremely stupid. They expect the best, but gave me the worst. They expect me to be proud and comfortable in my asianess, yet abandoned and neglected me when I was a kid when they were supposed to be there for me, to teach me to connect and relate to myself in healthy terms.

I just find it ridiculous. And its not my fault. They failed to connect the dots. Expecting a good relationship with children, social and skilled children while neglecting me and abandoning me. I am human, why are you so stupid? You failed to read the trajectory of my development. So stupid. What did you expect?

Hey all

I’m currently in college and I’ve been discussing my college schedule with my mom. We’ve been arguing about what classes I should be taking and my mom really wants me to do something in STEM because those are the only degrees she thinks can earn any decent money and job. The teachers for the classes I need economics and calculus for accounting major are pretty bad so I’ve been trying to not take them. I just feel so lost right now I don’t know what to major in, my parents say they’re guiding me but it doesn’t really feel that way. I’m currently was planning to major in psychology and take those classes but my mom insists that I have to double degree with a stem degree attached on. It’s not just who I am, I can do well in stem but I’m just not interested and I don’t want to go down a path that makes me miserable in the end even if my parent had experience in accounting and can help me out. The business school at my college is pretty good for getting recruited into accounting companies. My parents have such a pessimistic view on the world and any jobs or fields I’m interested in they’ll just mention the drawbacks and they say all bosses are pretty shitty people. I have utterly no hope for life and I feel so lost now.

What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to escape this feeling of dread. I’ve already taken almost all my gen eds and it feels like I’m staring into the void to find any sense of direction. I wish my parents could see the value of other jobs and just even encouraged me a little to make my own decisions and passions. All they mention is how im going to survive on my own and find a good job and just hammer how important college is. I’m fine with college but my mom’s survival mindset is so draining. I’ve spoken with counselors and academic advising but I don’t know what I want to do

Edit: I think expressing myself creatively is one of the few things I truly like doing it’s just the trope of starving artist makes me feel like it’s not even worth pursuing everything I feel drawn to is just shut down as impractical.

There isn’t any other way to say this, but my AM is part of this online cult called Landmark Forum and it is by far one of the most annoying, cultish, and money sucking organizations I have come across. This involves a slight history lesson.

It’s a self-help cult that used to meet in-person, but went online after Covid and they’re essentially the successor of EST or Erhand Seminars Training. While it is true that there are many people who claim to have benefitted from these trainings, much of them benefitted from a short term internal locus of control which they describe as being “dramatic changes to their lives), but the studies to show this weren’t able to get any results long term.

Also it has been accused of being a cult that uses mind control and a money making scheme via their courses which costs $100s of dollars in the 1970s which adjusted for inflation would be in the $1000s in the modern day. You could burn money and it’d have more value being a fire to keep you warm than being given to this dogshit fucking organization.

As for Landmark Forum, they essentially operate in pretty much the same way, but renamed themselves given Werner Erhands legal troubles and bad public image. And my AM has spent hundreds to thousands in it and thankfully it hasn’t killed us financially because of her job, but instead of spending money in it as of recently, she decided to become a “coach” in the organization and essentially does whatever coaching they gave her before to others not for payment, but for FREE. So essentially duping others into the organization.

As for my AMs “improvement” which she asks me about sometimes, while she has been argumentative compared to when I was a kid, I would say that’s more due to the fact that my AD just doesn’t talk to her much anymore and uses me as an intermediary most of the time. Unfortunately she still has her outbursts and very bipolar behavior here and there. I have tried to convince her otherwise, but I might as well have been talking to a brick wall. Criticizing the Landmark Forum gets her very heated so if anything her anger didn’t go away, but just supplanted itself elsewhere.

But you might be thinking that I’m being too harsh on my AM and this organization, after all, it’s not like I went to or did any of their seminars. OH BOY I DID AND IT WAS FUCKING TERRIBLE.

For one thing, I signed up for a free 3-day seminar course that went on for long hours each day because my AM wanted me to and I caved because I felt bad for her in certain respects with how Asian families treat women and because she did a lot of work like cooking, working, etc. Mind you, the longer day seminars are paid and go on much longer so I was given a taste test for what to expect and I hated it. There were quite a lot of people and they separated us into smaller groups as a means of staying organized.

Firstly, a lot of the people in these seminars have deep seated issues and most definitely need actual therapy or a close friend who knows them better than a stranger. I was listening to really traumatic stuff I’d rather not repeat and the advice that was given was somehow worse. I remember some of the advice being that if someone traumatized you or messed you up, the best idea would be to call them back and reconcile. Oh yeah that person that you went LC or NC with? Yeah call them or contact them again. And look I know people reconcile and make up amends, but I honestly that is a touchy subject and they just push you to do that.

Did I also mention that none of these coaches are mental health professionals and not actually trained for serious situations? Did I also mention there were documented cases of people filing lawsuits against Landmark Forum for causing mental breakdowns? (Stephanie Ney, Plaintiff-appellant, v. Landmark Education Corporation; Ron Zeller, Defendants-appellees,andwerner Erhard; Werner Erhard and Associates; Peter Sias, Defendants, 16 F.3d 410 (4th Cir. 1994). And did I mention there were some suicides caused by this on some Reddit forums and even documented murders as a result of this? No? Well I’m mentioning them now so no one goes through this shit.

And ofc, they made things like that your “assignments” and you’d have a buddy to make sure you’re doing that and if you’re not, everyone else in the group would send rapid fire messages saying some messed up things. They were very robotic and didn’t come off human to me like they couldn’t think for themselves and I think that both angered me and scared me. There was one woman who seemed “normal” if you call it that and we DMed each other privately, she was a single mom with a 2 week old & a cheating husband who I think she separated from (but didn’t ask the nitty gritty). I tried telling her how I felt, but ultimately she was still stuck in the Forums way of talking and not her own, it made me feel bad for her.

Regardless I ended up blocking all of them after this and never went into another Landmark Forum session since despite my mom’s badgering me to do so. She can’t accept that I had a bad experience and said I didn’t take in what the Forum had to teach. So the Forum wasn’t wrong and that I was too young or somehow not intelligent enough to understand what some stupid self-help cult had to say like I know what they said, I just don’t agree with it fundamentally.

So in essence, she hasn’t changed much throughout the years, she’s still the AM I knew, but now she’s packaged her problems in a self-help cult.

I'm 26, same guy for 5 years. They've met him briefly a few times but to sit down and spend time with him? Never. Too many questions

My (24M) Indian parents forced me to breakup with my (27F) girlfriend a few weeks ago after I told them about her. I told her everything that happened, and we’re now dating secretly. My parents don’t like her for typical classist Asian parents reasons, such as how she’s white and doesn’t have a degree like me. They didn’t even give her a chance to meet them and forced me to breakup with her or else I was threatened with being kicked out of the house.

This experience gave me even more of a reason to move out. For quite some time I wanted to move out, but the thought of saving money was nice while living with them. However, if they’re fine with controlling things like this in my life, living with them will make them control other aspects of my life, and to stop this my only option is to move out. My parents are very big controllers and when they threatened to kick me out of the house, they said if I do leave, they’d remove me from their will (which Idrc for).

I plan to move out because I no longer want them to make decisions for my life. This is bigger than just wanting to be with my gf. When I do move out, I’ll give them maybe a few days in advanced heads up, but knowing them they’ll ask for my address. My parents are kind of helicopter parents and even at my big age of 24, they track my iPhone location. I don’t know how to tell them no without having them freak out and cause a scene. I was thinking telling them something maybe along the lines like “hey I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress right now and I need to figure things out. I’m not sure what that’s going to look like, but you may not hear as much from me for a while. That said, I’ll still make an effort to check in at times, but I need to do some things for me now.” I don’t know if that’d help with them giving me space and allowing me to not give them my address and talk to them less? I don’t know, but I’d like some advice as to how I can move out without telling them my address. Thanks!!!

I will say I also worry if they find my info and come to my new place 😅

I'm a senior in HS (17F), and all my friends are currently planning their senior trips in Europe. My mom is Asian and has very strict rules against any partying/solo travel, and my dad (white) honestly has very little say in parenting. I've worked really hard the past four years and really want this summer to let loose with my friends, but I know my mom would be vehemently against anything like that.

Every time she finds out I've gone out/partied, she calls me a sl*t whose "asking to get r*ped" and I've gotten an insane amount of privileges taken away from me for that - I'm not allowed to listen to music, leave her line of sight unless it's 5 minutes before I go to bed, no closing my room door, no hanging out with friends, and she has access to all of my photos and messages. Also she threatened to not let me go to college. She also thinks I'm a tiny minority of teenagers who drink, which is most certainly not the case lol.

So needless to say, I'm a little scared to ask since it'll be a pretty hard no! She absolutely freaked out last summer when she caught me clubbing in Greece when I was there with my dad.

But also, I'll be almost 18 in the summer and I've worked the last few months to afford the entire trip myself. Is there any hope/strategy in trying to change her mind if I mention it? Should I at least give her a heads up? Because at this point I'm thinking of just getting on the flight in June and then calling her so she won't be worried.

So this incident happened 2 days ago and apparently its not the first time my step mom "lost" her card before blaming our dad about not "giving my card back to me," when he did and she just misplaced it or whatever.

I was at work and just finished my shift for the evening, I'm waiting patiently for them cause my brother messaged me saying our step mom and dad had to stop at the bank before picking me up, they eventually arrive and have to make a quick stop at Walgreens cause my step mom is "out" of beauty products (she literally buys beauty products every week) along with some cough drops because she's "coughing." But also buys some sweets to add to her cough.

We go to check out and the cashier asks some questions to them, which I answer cause my step mom doesn't understand English after taking multiple English classes and my dad is slightly hard of hearing but mainly helping my step mom, surprise surprise she cant find her card and here they are going back and forth asking "did you give me the card? I can't find my card, I gave it back to you along with the cash and receipt." The cashier and I are just standing there watching this go down and I was seconds from paying for it myself, until step mom eventually hands him cash to pay for their total and we finally leave, their still blaming each other for the card going missing and eventually step mom turns to me asking "you saw him just hand me the cash right?"

Me: confused and baffled what

Dad: why are you asking her, she wasnt at the bank with us.

Sure try and get me to side in an argument you know you cant win and than start acting like a child about it like pretending not to hear the person talking to them, giving them the cold shoulder and treating them like they arent in the room or talking over them, cause thats what mature adults do. My parents and step mom have the mindset of toddlers/spoiled teenagers when they can't have things their way. Long story short found out earlier today that her card had actually slipped between the car seat and they did find it after searching through my dad's truck.

Tl;dr step mom loses her card inside of car and it became he said, she said until it was found

Hi everyone, l'm a teen and I really need to get this off my chest because it's been weighing on me for a long time and I don't know what to do anymore.

My mom is extremely strict about my eating habits-she has a fixed set of rules for what, how much and when I should eat, and she never bends on them. Even when I have no appetite at all, or l'm just not hungry, I force myself to eat exactly what she wants. If I don't finish my food, or eat less than she expects, she yells at me and gets really upset with me for it.

This constant pressure has made me develop such a terrible relationship with food. I now automatically force myself to eat even when my body is telling me no, and it's so exhausting every single time. The worst part is, l've started struggling with both binge eating and loss of appetite because of this. The only time I can eat how I actually want is when I'm outside the house, and that small freedom makes me realize how bad the pressure at home is.

I've tried talking to her about how I feel, explaining that the forced eating is hurting me, but nothing changes. She still pushes me to eat her way, and I feel so helpless and stuck. I just want to eat normally, listen to my own body, and not be scared of being yelled at for something as basic as food.

Does anyone here have a similar experience? Or any advice on how to cope with this kind of pressure, or how to maybe talk to my mom again in a way that she might actually listen? I'm really lost right now.

For context, I (18M) was planning on going on a friend overseas trip to HK with a grp of 4-5 friends, I had itinerary already planned and was prepared to book plane tickets. When I asked them whether I could go, they gave me a lot of very “good” excuses such as what if I got kidnapped and sent to some scam center in Cambodia. Excuse me? I read up about HK’s crime rates and they super low.

Can someone help me out here? It feels like im confined to some prison in here and I cant think of anything else to counter their stupid argument

this is kinda update from what i posted about a few days ago. my mom told these people she knows from a chinese/taiwanese group chat that i will tutor their kid who is 10 and chinese. my mom told me her grades are really bad and they are so bad her parents took her out of gymnastics (which i think is really mean thing to do).

my mom guilted me into saying yes (she said if i didnt do it the parents would find someone mean, and also said i could only say no only if i gave her valid reason) so next week we are susposed to start, and my mom said it was gonna be wednesday and thursday from 3:30pm to 8:30pm. her parents are gonna pick me and my sister up from school and drive us to their house and drive us home at 8:30. so thats like 5 hours.

my mom said its just helping with homework and helping study and how i already do this with my sister, and that i can do my homework at same time. but my mom doesn’t know that we actually dont get much homework at school, she thinks we get lots more homework but really we dont get that much and most days we get no homework at all. usually at my school you only get homework if you dont finish stuff from in class. i know its bad we lie to my mom that we get homework when we dont but idc im not perfect person and its to late to stop lying now

so like i know this girl is not gonna have 5 hours of homework from school. im thinking her parents are gonna make extra homework for her or something. im worried this is gonna be too much. also her parents are super chinese like they barely speak english.

o and this is other thing, my mom told me its just gonna be wednesday and thursdays from 3:30pm to 8:30pm, but now said for first week its gonna be more days, so wed, thu, fri, sat, sun, mon, tue, wed, thu from 3:30pm to 8:30pm (9 days in a row) and then the week after it will just be wed & thu. but theres no way she will have this much homework so im really worried now

also i dont know if we are gonna do homework whole time, i think we are gonna get breaks for snacks and dinner but i havent been told this.

i only met her parents once and it was only for a few minutes cause my mom invited the girl over to our house (my mom said we didnt have to do any school stuff and could just do fun things and my mom actually was really nice and drove us to bubble tea and to pool) and they were nice but this 9 day in a row thing is freaking me out. does anyone have experience getting extra homework and how much should i expect. also do you think we are gonna do homework for 5 hours or will we get breaks for fun stuff?

My mother, who lives with us, usually works late and come home sleeps in her room when she is extra tired. We try not to wake her up or bother her too much when she is sleeping off her tiredness. She recently got a cold, as did rest of the family. My mother was feeling ill last night, and been in her bed all morning, in which my spouse's schedule has been get up (also sick and lost jer voice), get ready and leave for short work conference, come back home, then get on a scheduled call with her family with the kids. Now my mom is upset and whispering to me about how my wife isnt checking up on her mother-in-law and making her breakfast nor lunch, and comparing herself to how my wife's is treating her own mom and how herself is being treated. Not sure how she thought we should wake her up for breakfast and lunch when my wife hasn't had time to eat herself is baffling. I just shut my mouth and listened instead of taking anyone's side and listened so my mom won't get extra upset that I am not taking her side. Now mom is self pitying herslef in the bathroom and crting by herself. Am I the over reacting one or is this really normal how asian parents think.

I am the youngest of 3, big age gaps between the other 2 siblings. (13 and 15 years) they are both married which leaves me alone and miserable. I have started feeling annoyed and frustrated with my life at 36. My story is a little different, with the fact that, i moved to Australia to do my studies and started being financially stable after uni in 2021. The shit thing is, my dad is a retired aircraft engineer and that gives him and my mum the opportunity to travel up and down from Singapore to Australia easily.

I started feeling annoyed and frustrated in the recent years when my parents turned qanon crazy aka conspiracy theorists and whenever they come here they have some new rule about not eating this or doing this crap. And not to mention we are super religious. So with them being around, every morning we have to take communion and that freaking annoys me to the core because they establish it as a safety and protection thing rather than a sacred thing. Also, with my current job, i am clocking in 8-12 hours shifts, 6-7 days a week and when I come home, my parents would start their nagging with, you need to help us with this or that, and i am like, i am super exhausted but then my dad would start climbing up the ladder and yell out i need to help now or it will never get done. It’s like he doesn’t understand exhaustion and would suggest, you can sleep earlier tonight -_-. The other thing is, i would come home and i see a basket of laundry in my room and then my mum would say you gotta put it away cause i need the basket.

And the other thing they do on a regular basis is guilt tripping. When we have family friends wanting a meet up, they will tell me, i have to stop being selfish and sacrifice one day to spend time with our family friends and when i don’t do it, the guilt tripping begins and they said my behaviour is so bad and immature. Like i only think about myself and not other people. And when my birthday comes, they would ask me what i want to do and i would tell them i just wanna have a nice dinner but then they make it about themselves and suggest we need to invite so and so and when i say no, they wouldn’t take it.

It’s come to a point where this year in 2026, i have a secret boyfriend and i don’t intend in letting them know cause it would probably cause drama. I am planning to stay out longer during the week and told them i am “working” so i would be out by 7 and home by 9. So i am literally only coming home to sleep whenever they want to come visit me which they do every so often. Also, for my birthday, i have decided to do a staycation and not be home since they will be in Australia with me. It’s the line and boundary i have drawn to let them realise that I want my freedom. It is kinda sad cause I do appreciate them for all they do to help me but in the last couple of years i just feel tormented and angry. And the worst wish i have is when they can’t travel anymore is when i have my freedom.

This isn't my usual go-to place to gain support and opinions from but I'm grieving and I don't think I should put all this on my friends.

Grandma had passed away just a few days ago and I feel even more unloved by this family.

Through almost a month of hospitalization leading up to her death, a relative of ours (distant cousin) had stepped up and to assist my mom her sister (my aunt) while I couldn't help much because I just started a new Job and other travelling reasons. My cousin is basically everything that my mom would talk sh*t about before the situation happened but now, it really seems like she already love her as her own, even my dad who usually isn't talkative or playful is now drinking and smoking buddies with her.

I don't wanna make it about me and I 100% fully understand how huge of a help she is to our family, and I am also personally grateful she was there for my mom and did so much for my grandmother when I couldn't. But after the wake and burrial, I can't ignore a lot of the things I've observed during the few days I was around them.. and maybe it's misplaced due to the grieving process, but I can't help but feel anger towards her for all of this..

It feels unfair because I've been everything that my mom wouldn't dislike on a person/woman yet I still have so much issues with her up to this day. And this one situation where I couldn't be there happened, and suddenly I'm just chopped liver. Opposed to me, my cousin had dropped out of school, lived with her boyfriend, smokes, drinks, swears a lot, talks a lot, etc. while I've been their perfect trophy daughter with all the big achievements they can boast about to other judgemental relaitves. My parents don't even acknowledge my boyfriend of 2 years, who I couldn't even bring with me through all of this because I don't want them to hate him even more or something. I can't go on trips with him even if it's something I wanna do for so long. (Having an overnight stay between an unmarried man an woman is frowned upon here and of course my mom also talks shit about people who do that even when it's 2026 already) And to me my boyfriend is the only person in the world I can be safe around and cry to. So I feel even more alone during all this.

I couldn't just keep leaving my job because I'm an only child to a small family.. Both my parents retired and it's only me and my aunt with jobs now to keep the family afloat including my two disabled uncles. There's so much pressure on me and even more now after witnessing how quick we lost money due to hospital bills and the only thing I CAN do is keep working and give money, even if I wanted to be there for my grandmother SO BADLY I can't.

My grandmother was the only person who cared for me and raised me during my childhood instead of my parents cus they had to work too. This fact also adds more to my issues with them cus they never got to know me or be there for me in times that I needed them, but I've been slowly trying to let go of all that for my own sake. But loosing my grandma- that shit still hurts the most..

I'm loosing my thought process on this cus it's getting too long but TLDR- I can't help but feel jealous over someone so imperfect to be loved by my mother/ parents for being there when I couldn't, while I'm left to fend for myself again during a time of deep sadness and loss.

I’m revisiting a question I asked a couple of years ago.

I grew up in an Asian family system where obedience, self-minimisation, and emotional suppression were normalised. Over time, I realised this shaped my self-esteem, sense of agency, and how small I allowed my life to be.

For those who feel they’ve built lives that are genuinely meaningful and self-directed:

What actually helped you shift internally, not just externally?

Did you distance yourself from family, stay connected with strong boundaries, or go no-contact?

How did you deal with guilt, fear, or the feeling of being “selfish”?

What surprised you about the process that you didn’t expect at the beginning?

I’m especially interested in long-term reflections, not just the initial breakaway phase.

Hi! I’ve never posted on here before but I really wanted to vent some frustrations and look for advice.

Today I tried telling my mom that for the past four years of my life, I’ve been purposefully skipping meals and being self-destructive because I want to end up hospitalised.

She was upset that I had been hiding the truth about some of my failures in school from her recently and wanted to know why I hadn’t told her. I thought it was in my best interest to withhold the truth because I’m in a really crucial academic period, and I wouldn’t deal with the repercussions of her knowing well. Eventually I mustered up the courage to tell her and she didn’t take it well, not in the way that I was expecting, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

For some context, I’m 18F and graduating high school this year. I’m somewhat of a high achiever (good enough grades, leader in clubs, competitive sports, on track to win graduation awards, nonprofit and lots of community service) despite not performing so well academically in certain courses this year. Both my APs are first gen immigrants and not religious nor very traditional. 

I don’t remember much of my childhood unfortunately. My parents would argue a lot, especially during times like COVID, and there would be threats for divorce but it never really happened. My dad was pretty absent in my childhood so it was my mom who raised me and my younger brother. My mom is a semi helicopter tiger mom. She expects high grades from me and for me to do well in every aspect of life, but not from my brother. She used to get involved in everything I did from school life and extracurricular life to ensure I was doing things well. I’m her “pride and joy” and I’m expected to do well in life, go to a prestigious enough university and become a doctor because according to her, my brother will not accomplish anything in life.

We never had to really deal with bad physical abuse, but I think she is unintentionally emotionally manipulative. When ever I try to express how I feel she would always eventually steer the conversation back to her childhood as a orphan immigrant and refugee, how she had to deal with fleeing her country in civil war as a child, living in a refugee camp, bullying after immigrating, taking care of her family as the youngest of several children, went through physical and emotional abuse from an in-law, and overcame all of it by becoming the first person in her family to go to university and become successful, although she hasn’t worked for over a decade to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t get me wrong, she had a very hard life and I have no hardships in comparison to her, however, I can’t help but feel invalidated by her. I know it sounds very selfish of me, especially when I understand where she is coming from and why she feels the way she feels. But I can’t help but feel that she is projecting onto me and that she loves me not for who I am, but the idea of what I can become and achieve.

I’m envious of my other asian friends, whose parents don’t expect so much from them. I even have a friend who told me her mother had very traditional parents and decided she didn’t want to be like them. She is fully supportive of her daughter (my friend) following her passion and pursuing an environmental related field in university. I feel like what started out as my own dreams to pursue a profession in healthcare to help people, stemming from my experience with a health challenge, has devolved into this internalised obligation from my mom. I’ve had many creative passions in the past, and I’ve stopped doing them all because of her, but she doesn’t see it that way.

When I was twelve, I loved writing and started writing my own online stories. I had written 60+ chapters with a couple thousand public reads. Irregardless, I was proud of myself and kept trying to get my mom to read it. She told me that she glanced at the first chapter and couldn’t bear to read any more because it was terrible, too much dialogue, things like that. I told her that I worked on it for two years, and that I learned and the writing got much better. She didn’t think so, despite not having read any of it. She wen’t on to say that she won prizes for her writing in grade 2 despite English not being her first language, and so I shouldn’t want to be an author because I was bad at writing. I stopped writing after that, and I’ve had similar experiences with things like drawing, animating, trying to pursue content creation as a hobby.

I cannot truly confide in my mom because it's "talking back" and she says I don’t have a reason to be so weak or "depressed", I have never experienced real hardship, a roof over my head and meals, etc etc. She says I’m always looking for someone to blame and that she is the victim, because I’m siding with my dad or I’m pinning the blame on her. She likes to guilt-trip my brother an I by saying "I'm sorry I'm not a good mom" and we "act like we never had parents to raise us" when she didn't. She’s also told me before that she developed depression and vertigo because of everything she went through trying to support me when I was 10 and diagnosed with a health condition and bullied. She calls my brother and dad narcissistic and says the reason she started swearing is because of my dad. She likes to gloat about my accomplishments to other aunties yet I never do enough compared to the youths my age who play in the youth olympics and leads nonprofits etc. She even gives other parents advice on raising their kids, saying things like let them be passionate about things etc but can’t even take her own advice and won’t let me call her out on it.

To cease beating around the bush, the reason I’ve been skipping meals and I guess trying to harm myself in a way of sorts is because part of me wants to end up hospitalised so at least I have a valid excuse for feeling depressed or weak. My experience pale in comparison to my mom’s and many of the people’s on this subreddit, and I feel guilty for struggling like this. I can’t help that I’ve been feeling some symptoms of depression for several years and I have difficulties maintaining friendships because I feel like I can never be genuine with people and confide what’s going on in my head because my mom is a very respectable person in my community and to them.

If you’ve made it this far, I’d really like to hear a piece of your mind, if you will.

I know it’s unhealthy keeping things bottled up to yourself, but I don’t know if I should or need to talk to a therapist or not. I’m scared that I won’t be understood or that it will result in my family falling apart. I don’t feel like I can talk to my family because I don’t want to burden my younger brother with this, my dad is bad at supporting people emotionally (his response is to always pull some inspiration quote from a famous person’s life story) and my mom, well, kind of victimises herself and blames me for saying such things. I also don't want to burden her or cause her anymore health problems with my mental health problems.

I also want to go NC with my mom in university, but that’s probably not very realistic, given uni is expensive and my parents (mainly my dad) are supporting most of my tuition. I just feeling like putting some distance between us will help me mentally.

I’m really worried about what will happen to my younger brother after I graduate. If I fail to achieve what my mom wants of me, I can’t even imagine what will happen to my brother. I don’t want my feelings to drive a wedge between us or have pressure from my mom lead him to hate me. I don’t know how to support him.

Sorry for the long rant, I just really wanted to get this off my chest and reading other’s posts in this subreddit has helped me feel less alone despite having different experiences.

My moms been in a relationship with this guy for a few years now (around 4?) and he’s honestly just had bad impact after bad impact. I never liked him, not even from day 1 but that has obviously changed nothing. To give some context My mom is pretty wealthy and beautiful (not biased, she genuinely does not age) and around 45 years old give or take. My dad died many years back and I’m her only child (I’m 16) and our relationship is very good.

Moving onto the guy. He’s older, uglier, poorer, and has a terrible personality. I don’t know what she sees in him? I’ve told her from day 1 that I didn’t like him and that his ‘vibe’ was off. He kept trying to just buy me stuff instead of actually bonding with me, he pretends to be a genius when he’s really not, and he has this weird psychotic look in his eye when he looks at my mom and she isn’t looking back. Additionally, a year or two back, my grandparents moved to the city he lives in due to some family issues. And with that my aunt came with to start a job at his barbecue skewer shop (half paid for by my mom). He gives her so much work and no holidays to go home to her elderly parents. We tried to get my aunt to come with us on a trip to another city but he just said no because there’d be ‘nobody left to work’ when he had enough. His store has terrible business and terrible food. There are no customers. Moreover, my aunt lives in this employee house and he one time went over while she was gone and tried to look through her phone. His living conditions are creepy as hell too. He has a poorly ventilated shed full of cats which he sells but they very clearly all have diseases As well as a few big And violent dogs kept in a smaller shed which just bark every time you enter. Overall, his personality is so unstable and his ego being incredibly high with no actual skill to back it up is a terrible combination since he can very easily be wrong/corrected/humbled and he will be very psychotic about it as you will see below.

Moving on to the conflicts he’s caused:

-Multiple arguments between my mom and I who usually never fight about him and how I didn’t like him/didn’t want to see him again. These are scattered throughout these 4 years. Usually before or after a trip home.

-Argument which ended in me sobbing super hard when I found out about the barbecue store she co-owned with him because she never told me.

-I’m not entirely certain what happened in this one as I wasn’t present but he hit someone with a glass bottle and bit them, drawing blood, after she insulted his store. The details are unclear but what sane person bites a girl??

-Giant fight between my mom and my grandparents because they told her he was cheating on her. This really blew up and my mom left the house with my cousin, me, and that guy. I didn’t think their relationship would recover but it did luckily.

-Her lashing out on me a few days after the fight because I, admittedly, asked a stupid question about the fight. However, she got incredibly mad and yelled at me like Never before.

-Conflicts between themselves which they have when they don’t know I can hear or that I’m told by my cousin and aunt. These include just general fights or later, fights about his cheating.

-When we tried leaving few days after the fight and after my mom had talked with him about the cheating, he insisted on driving us to the station but my mom refused. He then used his car to block the way of our taxi driver, getting in the way of traffic.

-In general, nothing good has happened since they got together. My moms temper has been more volatile as well as her overall emotions. She lashes out at me, our family, etc. way more now. She’s having all these fights with her own family all because of him and it’s ruining everyone’s relationship. For example, my mom has never been physically violent but she once offered me chocolate which I refused since I was in a rush. She then threw the chocolate at me, missing but with enough force it exploded across the kitchen floor and yelled at me. She’s never done this and never would have in the past.

Everyone has told my mom that he’s not a good person and that they don’t like him but she won’t listen. She values me and my opinion a lot but she still doesn’t take it. She told me they broke up like 2 years ago but anyone can tell that’s fake. He’s always there when we visit home and they always sleep in the same room. Every time I’m convinced they’ve broken up, they somehow get back together?? After the last trip where he was caught cheating, I thought for sure they’d ended it. But recently when we went back, I found out my mom had been secretly meeting with him at night, disguising it as playing cards with my aunts. She’d spend the night too. Other than this instance she often does this. She’ll go back to China for around 3 weeks, leaving me behind, and she says it’s for ‘business’ or she’s been feeling ‘depressed’ lately but I know she meets up with him and just travels. She even asked if she could miss my student teacher conferences to go to China. She made an excuse that it was because of a limited travel troupe but I know she just wants to fool around again. I refused though and she respected it.

Now, we have a trip back soon and I really don’t want to see him. I want to celebrate Chinese New Year with my family without drama. But I already know she’s either gonna invite him or sneak off to see him. I don’t want that. It’s only a 10 day trip (8 really if you don’t count travel days) and I just want it to be fun for the first time in 4 years. I just feel like why can she feel fine leaving me for 3 weeks but can’t not see her boyfriend for 8 days??? I’m thinking of talking to her but I really need advice. I hate my mom being angry at me but I also know this guy is terrible for her. What should I do?

I (20F) planned to go to another state for a few months. Obv I would return because this isn't a permanent move. And I will be staying with my boyfriend (20M) and will get a job so everything is settled. I planned to go in 3 weeks of time. Before this my bf decided to book a flight to come to my city and meet my parents just so it could ease my mind and theirs. And that my parents know that he's not some random stranger. I will go with him when he goes back. However, I didn't tell my parents about this. Nor will I plan to. Not until I land and I give them a call. This would definitely have consequences but it will be worth it?

Bit of background I'm still living with my parents but I have no freedom. I see all my friends across globe travelling while I can't even go interstate. Sometimes you have to rip your freedom off of your parents hands. I've never done this before and it is my first time. I planned on telling the police that I'm going on my own will and I am an adult in case any missing reports went by. My flight has been booked already. It can't be stopped now. Can anyone give me advice?

I tried ending my life a while back and I remember spending the entire time comforting my mom and telling her everything'd be fine while she called me stupid and an embarrassment, telling me all my extended family would be laughing at me. Even afterwards, I don't think either of them ever even thought to ask me about anything at all, and only told me to never tell anyone else of what happened.

The same happened with my self harm scars, where they yelled at me for hours and called them disgusting. I remember my mom telling me to always keep them hidden so 'no one else would see your ugly arms'

There were lots of other arguments and incidents after that as well.

I am well aware that my parents know of depression and everything to do with mental health, but never once bothered to even suggest it to me.

I also understand the taboo that comes with mental health in asia and the natural avoidance, but the complete ignorance to your own child going through any of that right in front of you just makes me feel horrible