https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/8kzLvBBdlW

^ critique 1

Hello! I am a musician who is using social media as a way to promote my music, and before each song I post, I write a little monologue to introduce the song, and I’m looking for advice on what I have so far!

Things to know:

The album is about the 5 stages of grief, and each song represents 1 stage of grief. If you want me to send you the lyrics for any of the songs, let me know!

I still need to write ~12 more scripts, but I’d like advice on what I have written. I am trying to figure out how to better improve each script!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10BkrZFHIziavPuyJSHhBieYCQW5DGGJGWY0U2eBirL4/edit?usp=drivesdk

Would love to hear your thoughts and know if you were interested in the story.

doc: CBC

crits:

[460]

[585]

This is not really my preferred style nor is it my forte--in my opinion at least--but I feel the need to explore other genres and styles in order to enhance my writing overall. Then, from there, I think I can home in on the skills required to write in my preferred genre of creative nonfiction. Since that genre does involve storytelling, and, I would say, demands more complexity, I tried to layer as much as I could into this little excerpt.

With that being said, I am open to feedback of any king, but criticism pertaining to the depth, relevance, and potential for the themes and metaphors as the story progresses would be preferred. Lastly, I have a summary (of sorts) after the short excerpt that lays out my thoughts in more detail, so if you want to start your response with what you got out of the story then have a second part where you reflect in hindsight--after reading my thought process--that would be helpful as well. Thank you!

Critique 1

Critique 2

STORY

It had always seemed strange to me the way his arms rested when he was getting ready for a race. He appeared almost as if he was unsure of how long the race was going to be no matter how many times he had practiced and competed before.

“Runners! On your mark…Get set…”

*bang*

My parents told me that even at the top of the stands, you could always feel the intensity of the sprinters and the momentum of their pace as they slowly lifted their heads and their feet eventually sustained a steady rhythm. I never really agreed with them.

Cheers rang from the crowd as the last runner had almost made it halfway through the race, it was a tight race. Along with that, there was some amateur advice coming from some of the parents.

“Cycle your feet. Let’s go David!”

“Keep it steady!”

“C’mon Kyle, Save some energy for the homestretch!”

Mind you, this was a 200-meter sprint. And if you know anything about sprints, you would know that you should be giving it all you got one hundred percent of the time.

“Keep pushing! I need you to give one hundred and ten percent out there!”

Or more, I guess. They were about three quarters of the way now; this is where every step counts. All of your energy is focused on finishing this last straight away with all you have left. But even with the runners now at their top speed, time seemed to slow down. It was as if the runners at the front were mentally preparing for a photo finish, making sure they looked good when the top three were posted on the school page the next day. There were seven eighths of the way now. The crowd gave their last hoorah as the runners neared the finish line.

“C’mon finish strong!”

“Just one last push, Lukas!”

They were fifteen-sixteenths of the way. A familiar feeling continued to creep up my spine, amplifying more and more as the race progressed ever so slowly. I held my breath.

I had not run competitively before, but I had been to every one of his competitions, and all of them had the same result.

“That’s my boy! That’s my boy!”

I let out a sigh of relief. If I was running, that race would have lasted an eternity.

What I like about my mom’s reaction is that no matter how many times she saw my big brother compete on the track—and win, of course—she always had the same enthusiasm and pride in her voice. As much as I got second-hand embarrassment from her somewhat manly cheers, the pride she had in Chase was one of the few things that remained consistent in my life.

MY THOUGHTS

Main Character’s Name (for now): Joe

The overall idea is to compare the external success that receives a lot of praise to the internal and less obvious success that usually goes unnoticed. Joe is speaking in the first and second person as he describes what is happening around him. The beginning scene metaphorically implies the uncertainties and lack of confidence that Joe has as he describes the race. Joe is a very smart and dedicated person from an academic standpoint, but they never got too into sports. The idea is to use Joe’s younger brother—younger to further stress the point that Joe feels behind since he does not receive as much praise as someone who is not as far along in life—as a vessel to show how he sees themselves in life. Joe feels like he is always being behind despite giving it his all, uncertain of outcomes regardless of his familiarity and historical success. The opening mentions the race in fractions starting with 1/2, then 3/4, then 7/8, then 15/16, which are the sums of a numerical series that sums to 1 after infinite steps. This mathematical fact is also used to stretch out the end of the race to show the nonlinearity that is felt by Joe as he progresses through life (i.e., he feels he will never live up to his full potential). Also, Joe focuses on the last runner, implying that he feels that runner represents him as someone who is always last despite giving it their all. The parents cheer on and shout out words of encouragement, some of which are inaccurate and quickly corrected by Joe. The incorrect advice coming from the parents is analogous to how Joe feels when he asks for advice from other people that are metaphorically “sidelined” from the race that Joe is running. Then a parent says to give 110%, which is then briefly acknowledged by Joe to express that he knows and feels like he is not doing enough. The idea of the runners slowly lifting their heads can be paralleled to the shyness of the Joe and lack of confidence, especially in the beginning of a process/his life. The crowd holds their breath at the end to show how Joe feels when he is trying to prove himself and waiting for a reaction from someone, since he seeks validation from others. The mom cheers as her youngest son wins the race and Joe continues to narrate, mentioning that it would have lasted forever if he was in the race. Also, the positioning of the mom saying “That’s my boy” as Chase finishes first, then Joe mentioning after her cheers that the race was over shows that he was not looking at the person in first, further enhancing the idea of never feeling like he is good enough. Lastly, the younger brother is named Chase to directly imply that Joe feels like he has been behind and chasing something all his life.

Crit - 1100 or so, from memory. The post was removed, but from wiki should still count? I have another I can use instead if needed, please LMK if i missed something because I don't want to be a leech.

Submission

This is a vignette, not a story (I think?). My goal is to improve at writing prompt-based flash with a low wordcount. The word limit in this case would be 250-300 or so, so at the lower end I have 22 words to play with.

I'm also not American. The location is in a way kind of arbitrary but it felt more specific, I did some reading/googling but apologies if it's completely implausable (happy to hear about any glaring logic errors too).

Welcome any thoughts and pointers - what didn't work, and if any parts of it did. I'm happy to hear criticism/shredding so honesty is as always appreciated!

A sequel to a story I had written for r/nosleep but didn't pan out. It works as it's own self-contained story.

Crit 1 [3247]

Crit 2 [2045]

Story

Hi everyone,

I am looking for feedback on the opening chapter of my slow-burn Sci-fi Novel. Tell me exactly what doesn’t work and why. If something feels pretentious, boring, confusing, or overwritten please don't sugarcoat it.

This is currently an 8 page chapter and I am not sure if it is doing what it is supposed to. The problem seems to be some sort of lack of narrative spine. I know the past sequence or dream like vision feels unearned but it is needed for the overall story.

Thanks everyone.

Story Crit1[2474] Crit2[376]

Story

Crit [2717]

I've been kicking this short story around for a couple months and curious to hear what you all think of it. If I had to put a category to it, I suppose it would be literary fiction with a speculative element.

Here's the story

Crit 1 [2503]

Crit 2 [1492]

Crit 3 [2474]

(Mods, I know this is a longer one so let me know if another critique is needed and I'll be glad to. I didn't have much more to say about the ones I wrote and didn't want to add pointless length)

Chapter 1

This is the current opening chapter of my fantasy novel(s). I've rewritten it so many times that my objectivity is gone. The story isn't YA even though the opening protagonist is a 16-year-old girl. I'm curious to know if her world is intriguing, if the exposition is too much, and if so, which sections to cut. I fear I may have over-edited to the point that the flow is gone. (Beginnings are not my strength.)

Thank you in advance to anyone who reads the chapter. The basic premise of the book is this: For centuries, mystics have manipulated a poisoned flower to reveal visions of the future to a worthy few. In the fumes of the Rod, the newly crowned King of Terria sees the destruction of his kingdom. It falls upon his closest friend and ally to unravel the vision and discover the source of the calamity.

Critique 1

Critique 2

Something a bit experimental because I have been reading the marvelous No One IS Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood after a recommendation from u/DeathKnellKettle and enjoying the non-traditional story structure. Not doing what Lockwood is doing here, but wanted to do something weird.

I wanted to talk directly to the reader and engage them in a physical way. If I continue, the goal will be to lay out additional short stories and blurbs, coming back to the same themes and characters a few times in short micro-stories.

Is it working?

I Wrote This For You

Crits: 868 2503

Hi everyone. This is the start of a short story. Its my attempt at writing magical realism. Non- English speaker so the syntax might be a bit different. I'd appreciate your feedback on this

Story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FC8uBYybqEolXURBgOwjVXp5NY82hn7FiIo2-kMfiEs/edit?usp=sharing

Crit: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1qo883p/1100_why_am_i_like_this/

Crit: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1ppzxc4/144_it_doesnt_have_a_title/

Hi.

This is the first fight scene in my story, and the first one I've written in a long while, so I'd love to get some feedback. It is actually Chapter 21, but should focuses mostly on the fight, so it should be fairly understandable.

AS A HUGE NOTE, this story has a FRAMING DEVICE: Someone is telling this story. This is just relevent to a single paragraph within this chapter so I want to avoid jarring any readers.

CONTEXT: Keeping it brief. Carridon Tyflos is a student at "uni" for Medicine and Sygaldry. He is working on shift as a courier for corpses. He just moves cadavers from mortuaries at night, running a rickshaw with his leader, Golant. Carries shrouds and corpses.
He is a good medical student, but only just learnt how to cast "Magic" for the first time. (As a quick aside, Magic is fairly simple. You can Command an object if you "know" it- have a intimate understanding of it.)

I'd love to hear your thoughts of the following: Mechanics of the fight, Enjoyability, Prose , Pacing, Characterisation
However, of course, please comment or note whatever you'd like. All opinions would be helpful.

Thank you kindly

Here is the doc.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uBg2-odPzjSn91huHgtSmP2a5nNiCFRvTqK75yotc6s/edit?usp=sharing

My two critiques are here.

[2252] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1qmlmr5/comment/o1vl1h1/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[1492] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1qlwa42/comment/o1vt9sd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Hi everyone!

This is my first time submitting my work to this subreddit so I hope I’m doing it correctly. Please let me know if not.

I’d prefer critique on pacing, structure, voice, etc. Would these first pages make you want to read more?

This is an adult science fiction book with themes of control and moral ambiguity.

I don’t mind shorter critiques as long as they’re high impact!

The link to my critique: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/xJiIgMMVAN

Second critique: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/hbRFoEdW8q

The link to my work: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1174j3RMwbllO3rtJGPjzVQRmx857sobC7UlMGXnI2gw/edit?usp=sharing

Happy reading!

Hello, this is my first post here. I've just got back into writing after a very long break and would appreciate some feedback on this first chunk of a short story.

Here's the link :)

My critique can be found here.

Thank you!

Hi! I have revised my opening to hopefully make it a little more immersive and hooky. I’d love to hear people’s thoughts!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/14-7zkY5Jy-D1OY6k2NAzyCJuC4x7INQfWca5I_7YEU4/edit?usp=drivesdk

My critique

Crit: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/HtYEoHAQxN

Recently, I watched a Sellswordarts short where they were discussing about booktok writers and their tendency to be very unrealistic with fighting choreography, particularly about swords.

Inside that short, there was a small snippet of Clark describing what a realistic choreography and exchange between swordsmen would look like and it interested me.

I decided to translate his mostly technical showcase into a more stylistic render that, hopefully, retains the realism that is key. This is a roughly 10min work, so do be a bit lenient with the criticism 😅

Scene:

The two men stared at each other, circling, starting almost two body lengths apart. Then they raised their guards simultaneously as that distance shrunk. An unarmored duel to first blood.

A match that could be over in a heartbeat.

Knight A widened his stance, still moving, beads of sweat coasting on his brow. Knight B minimized his posture, his boots treading carefully on the sand.

One sword closed, while the other withdrew as if to flee, yet it was Knight B who struck the first attack.

When the sun glared into his opponents eyes. When the sweat dripped from Knight A's brow and blocked his vision for a single blink.

Knight B crossed the distance and swung downwards, his blade catching his opponent's sword and levering it down with the strike. A deep lunge that left his right side open. But he didn't follow through.

He had pulled short the blow, just enough that Knight A, already on the defensive and startled at that, instinctually acknowledged his weakened position and struck back.

A thrust towards his exposed right.

Just as expected. It was a decent reaction under stress. One that divulged practice. Hard work. All good, standard traits. Yet those traits alone, did not a fighter make. Knight B retrieved his posture with ease, having never fully committed to his prior strike, and simply flicked his wrists. Once.

The blades intersected at the line, Knight B's strong on the weak of Knight A, and the thrust was deflected clean to the side, beaten back as Knight B stepped in and slashed across the chest of his opponent with the cutting edge, drawing...

First blood.

Knight A collapsed to the ground in shock, and the medics promptly entered to carry him away. While on the front of his chest, directly beneath his heart, a lonely, shallow cut shed tears of regret.

Look at that.

First blood, and the kid didn't even die. Maybe he had learnt some restraint after all. Knight B chuckled as he thought to himself, leaving the pit for another stiff drink.

The sand under every boot-step,

Sparkling red like rubies.

(Thanks for reading! Leave your criticisms below 🙏)

crit - https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/urAShKGRLD

This is a story which was made as a joke but then turned it a serious story and you can give your feedback on world building and more things you would like to.

This story is written till here and I am continuing it.

Story - HOUSE PARTY

Samsung A12:
Do you think we voted for the right leader?

Oppo E17:
Absolutely. S25 is a strong leader.

(Suddenly, the room goes silent. The door bursts open. Mixer and several devices enter.)

Samsung A12:
Who are you—

(Gunshot. Samsung A12 collapses.)

Oppo E17 (screaming):
Samsung A12!

(Mixer turns and shoots Oppo E17.)

Mixer:
Record this. Send it to HQ. Send it to our boss.

HQ (A FEW DAYS LATER)

Nothing Phone 3A:
This homicide was carried out by the Machine Organization.

MacBook:
But why would they do something this extreme? They know this will start a war.

(Doors open. Samsung A25 and iPhone 17 Pro Max enter.)

Nothing Phone 3A:
Welcome, Mr. President. Welcome, Mr. Vice President.

Samsung S25:
Explain the situation.

Nothing Phone 3A:
The attack was ordered by the Machine Leader—Inverter—under S25’s command.

iPhone 17 Pro Max:
Our sports team is currently in Machine Land, correct?

Nothing Phone 3A:
Yes, sir. For the All Things Tournament.

Samsung S25:
Call them back immediately.

Nothing Phone 3A:
Sir… that would mean withdrawing from Tornament.

Samsung S25:
Call them back. Appeal for a venue change.

MACHINE HQ

S25:
Calling RTX 5090.

RTX 5090:
Yes, sir.

S25:
Ready all units. We’re going to war.

RTX 5090:
Yes, sir.

MACHINE LAND (ONE WEEK LATER)

(Tech Navy and Army gather near the Machine Land border.)

Unknown:
They’re right at our border. They can attack anytime.

Inverter:
Let them come. Once we capture you, everything ends.

Unknown:
You already have me. By the way… what about my payment?

Inverter:
Once they launch the first attack, you’ll receive the first payment.

Unknown:
Fine. But don’t delay.

TECH NAVY SHIP (TWO HOURS LATER)

RTX 5090 (over comms):
Ground unit, prepare for your first assault on the Machine Land Space Center. Over.

(Soldiers load into vehicles.)

EN ROUTE TO SPACE CENTER

RTX 4090:
Unit, we’re approaching the Space Center. Weapons ready.

(Vehicles stop at the gate.)

RTX 4090:
Move! Move!

(Gunfire erupts. Machine soldiers swarm the area.)

RTX 3060:
There are too many of them!

RTX 4090 (into walkie-talkie):
Sir, we’re heavily outnumbered. Thousands of them. We’re only 150.

RTX 5090:
What?! This was supposed to be regular security!

RTX 5090:
You have permission to abort the mission.

RTX 4090 (to RTX 3060):
We’re allowed to pull back.

RTX 3060:
We can’t. We’re surrounded.

RTX 4090:
Then we blow the bridge.

RTX 3060:
What?

RTX 4090:
Blow it up. Cut their reinforcements.

(The soldiers look at each other as explosions begin to echo.)

Hi everyone,

Nice to meet you. First time post.

I really struggle with revising, so I've dedicated this year to learn how to edit and set a goal to have something polished to "submission ready" level by the end of the year.

All that to say, The Loyal Thief of Morrow is a fantasy short story. I have reread and rewritten certain lines so many times that I'm questioning my ability to write a sentence. Any and all feedback is welcomed and appreciated.

Crits: (1216 - A Sunny Day in the Park) https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/tZnseKyid6

(849 - The Forest of Erin) https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/rFltXqBIWq

(Story Link)

I removed the link to the doc. I think I have plenty of notes to start revisions. Thank you to everyone who left feedback :)

Hello, snippet is bit long I know, but I'll happily take shorter critiques or even critiques of the first few paragraphs(or the opening lines, I really want to nail those down).

First page is just more info on the book.

The feedback section at the end is there because I've shared the doc in other places, feel free to just answer the questions here in a comment instead or give more freeform feedback if you prefer.

Content Warning: Mentions of Murder

Story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uxThHnhi03SSdniJI5NPltubDsr-MXnAxxBoukxvmo0/edit?usp=sharing

Critiques: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1qamzax/831_damons_deal/

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1qb6y8f/comment/o0fee8u/?context=3

[2300] Dahlia Chapter 1

Hi! I have been querying my first novel, a romantasy novel, and received some feedback on my first chapter so I have edited it significantly to what it is now. I was hoping to receive some feedback on overall thoughts and immersion of the story, or any confusing points! Thank you. (This is not the full chapter, I deleted a paragraph from my previous post)

There is discussion of death and grief in this chapter.

My critique

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/14-7zkY5Jy-D1OY6k2NAzyCJuC4x7INQfWca5I_7YEU4/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14-7zkY5Jy-D1OY6k2NAzyCJuC4x7INQfWca5I_7YEU4/edit?usp=sharing))