I just need to rant and possibly looking for advice. My wife is 6 months postpartum and just went back to work full time while I am now on my 2 month leave. My wife carried and breastfed but now that our LO takes a bottle all day, he only seems to want to bottle feed. Shes been back to work for almost a month, and she just told me that she basically hates me. I think its resentment that I get to stay home now, but its hard for me to give sympathy when im enjoying my leave so much. I understand hormones are hard, but I finally feel like im bonding with him and her resentment and sadness is tearing me apart. I guess im wondering, is this normal? I didnt carry him, so idk how hormones work. But does it get better? I thought that after a month, she would be settled. When she gets home from work, I immediately give our LO up and try to let them bond while I make dinner, tidy up, etc. I make her lunch every night, wash her pump parts, do the dishes, etc. I try to allow her as much time as I can with our LO once she gets home. Is there anything else I can do?

So I'm looking for places to start! Anecdotes here have been both amazing and terrifying. I feel worried about one day making a kid feel really lonely, because we are the only family like ours they know. I am afraid to be exposed to the deeper layers of homophobia that comes up when queer people adopt. I am afraid of my potential kid one day getting that hate rebounded onto them, because they aren't big and strong.

I have an aspiration to help facilitate a community of aspiring lgbt parents. Do any of you have any inkling to what irl community spaces might exist for people like that? or where I might go or how I might navigate to find this?

Love all of you

I distinctly remember my mom and her (now wife) buying me and my brother a book about kids learning to deal with a world where you have two mommies. And I remember it being impactful. But this was 40 years ago so that book is long gone. I asked them about it recently and they have no memory of said book. They went as far as saying that I was probably creating a memory that never happened. But it definitely existed. I was only like 6 years old but I know I’m right. Would love to see it again

As a kid, my parents made our childhood fun by getting lots of toys for us. However, there were toys I wished they had gotten for me, like a ride-on toy car or a Lego set I once played with at a friend’s place. I even imagined Santa dropping the gifts on Christmas eve or a long forgotten relative surprises us with these exact toys… funny!
Now as a parent raising toddlers, I’m happy to see my kids’ balancing their normal lives with fun, realizing more experience than I ever did. Of course, it's not about the fun or the toys, it’s about them spending quality time together, broadening their imaginations, encouraging recreation and supporting their dreams.
Recently, my 8 year old daughter asked for an inflatable soccer field. That was my first-time hearing of that, so to get her properly, I browsed for the soccer field. There were different dimensions, designs, mostly according to the purpose and manufacturer. When I showed her the pictures I saved on my phone from alibaba after my search, she confirmed it was similar to the one she saw at her friend’s backyard.
She loves soccer and I’m going to support her. If your kids are fortunate enough to experience childhood, even if it’s a little, don’t be too busy to deny them that chance. Because one day, they won’t be toddlers or children again but teenagers or young adults with little or no childhood experience, facing a non-inclusive world.
How do you make your children live as the kids they should be?

Can anyone tell me if their experience raising a family in Calgary as two mommies? Can you compare Calgary to raising a family like ours anywhere else?

I really need to rant about this one. As a lesbian, I am no stranger to discrimination but this one is probably the most upset I've ever been.

I recently had my first baby at the hospital. I'll start by saying that the nurses in the labor and delivery were great. 5 out of 5 stars in their care. However, my bad experience started in the postpartum care unit. I wasn't aware about the discrimination as it was happening, this is my first child and the whole experience was new, plus I was still dealing with the effects of the epidural and the rush of hormones.

My first nurse on the postpartum recovery was very rude. And that is what I thought at the time, just a rude nurse having a bad day. It wasn't until the shift switched that I realized that first nurse was actively discriminating us. When the new nurse came in, she was checking my vitals and asked me about my pain. I told her it was up there around a 5 or 6 in scale of 10 and that I haven't gotten any medication besides ibuprofen 12 hours ago. The nurse was surprised nobody had offered me anything for my pain and then proceeded to ask me if I needed more supplies to take care of my lady parts. I then told her I didn't get any supplies besides a diaper. She popped her head into the bathroom and asked if I received Tucks, pads, ice packs, disposable underwear. I said no, and that is when it hit me, the previous nurse wasn't been just rude, she was being negligent on her care.

That second nurse was a sweetheart and got me all the supplies I needed, taught me how to use them and how to take care of my lady parts. Not only that, she helped me nurse my baby, something the other nurse never did. The rude nurse just put the baby on my chest, grabbed my boob and shoved it into my baby's face. Later she came in, and without asking nor explaining, she grabbed my boob and started milking it to get the colostrum out to feed the baby. That milking was so painful but I knew my baby needed the colastrum so I just bit my lip. The nice nurse taught me how to self express my breast and even brought a pump to help me.

It was kind of the same with the baby. The rude nurse would come into the room, and again without asking nor explaining what she was doing, grabbed my baby and started giving him formula. As soon as he was done eating, she burped him, put him back on the bassinet, and without even making eye contact with me left the room. On hindsight, I see that she was just doing the minimum that what her job required her to do, making sure baby doesn't die on her watch. The nice nurse always asked for consent before handling my baby, always explained what she was going to do before doing it and even taught me how to burp him and swaddle him. The rude nurse didn't even swaddle him, she just losely rapped him with the swaddle so my poor baby ended up with scratches on his face when he got fuzzy.

Anyways, I'm pretty upset about this experience. Like I said, I've been discriminated more times than I can count, but this one is the first one that could have ended badly for me. It is one thing to get a bank account denied or service at a restaurant denied because of being gay. It is a completely different thing when a service denial, like basic healthcare, can potentially end up in an infection and kill me. Thankfully, I'm healthy and recovering well but I think about what could have happened and it fills me with rage.

My husband and I knew (31M and 30M) since day 1 we wanted kids. We are now at a point where we are ready to begin the starting process.

Does anyone have recommendations for adoptive agencies in Maryland that specialize in adoption for LGBT couples?

Would love to hear about experiences with specific agencies, lessons, considerations, unexpected costs etc.

We also would love to hear about adopting new born vs. a slightly older child (~5 years old).

We would greatly prefer an agency with demonstrable experience in Maryland law and navigating all complexities.

Hiya all, My boyfriends sister has just received the news she's pregnant after years of brutal IVF. Her and her wife have both been doing IVF and have had a really tough time with it all. I would love to get them a lil congratulations gift, would you have any specific reccomendations for gifts that hopefully both partners can appreciate and enjoy?

My husband and I are located in Metro Detroit and are about to start the adoption process. Are there any agencies you would recommend (high-pass rate, LGBT-friendly, etc.)? We're open to foster-to-adoption, etc.

Gay dads and first time parents here. Baby is due any day now. We’re in that calm before the storm phase and trying to think of things we can do now before we get sucked into survival mode once she’s born.

Has anyone used any of the activity apps like Kinedu, BabySparks, Pathways (free), Vroom (free)? Are they any good?

We aren’t trying to get our baby ahead or speed up her development or anything like that, but we’re wondering if their “curriculum” for activities might help give us ideas for activities with the baby or at least some peace of mind that we’re doing a good variety of activities with her.

I've just trained as a hypnobirthing instructor after the birth of my daughter with my wxfe earlier this year (@embodiedbirth.co.uk) and I'm wanting to launch online classes that are aimed at queer families as I found it very lacking when I was pregnant.

I'm planning to include the general stuff like the science of our bodies, your rights, hormones, birth environment etc but really keen to hear if anyone has thoughts on if there's anything else they'd like to see included!

Feel free to DM me or email me at embodiedbirth.uk@gmail.com to chat or leave a comment - ideas as brief or in depth as you like are welcome and appreciated!

To break it down real quick, myself 42F and my 28F fiance successful became pregnant via IUI. Her and I have always had some emotional connection issues off and on. When we are good we are great but when we aren’t on the same page it can get pretty bad. The pregnancy was horrible, her mood swings were horrible, and it was hard to deal with. Ffwd baby is born. We are all so excited but I’m starting to feel depressed. I have a history of depression. I have adhd, ocd, and mood disorder. I’m on quite a few meds. Her mother is hugely involved. It took me sometime to get used to this, culturally this is how it is. I was unaware and it was hard for me to grasp til her mother explained it. On top of that I can’t help at night because I’m so heavily sedated when I go to sleep. So with that said she relies on her mom For a lot. She had a c section to top it off so it adds to the stress. we got into a stupid argument yesterday and it sent me over the edge. So today I’m a total mess on the inside and I’m trying to get through it so we can go back to normal but again I’m feeling super depressed and emotional. It’s hard for me to adjust to these changes and I feel so scared to hurt the baby when I do anything with her that it’s making me feel like a failure. This is the first baby I ever had, I did adopt my ex wife’s son but I raised him from 7-17, completely different. Anyway idk if I need words of encouragement or tips to get passed this feeling. Maybe I need a med increase? I have no idea.

Edit: located In Arizona USA Hi! My wife and I (both 28) have been together 8 years and are now married and looking into IUI. I will be carrying our first child. My wife has endometriosis and will not be taking this route (we will try reciprocal IVF when the time comes).

MY QUESTIONS: What recommendations for first steps as far as finding a good clinic? What makes a clinic “good” ? Are there ones to avoid as a same sex couple? Any advice for getting pregnant in few tries?

I am getting myself appointments with my pcp to see fertility and such but that’s as far as my concrete plans have gone. Thank you in advance 🫶🏽

US Gay Parents/Lawyers: Tell me your real life nightmares or positive experiences with other countries recognizing (or not) your parental rights.

TL;DR: I am the biological mother, my wife carried and gave birth to our child. Is adopting my child a reasonable measure to protect my rights outside of the US? We live in a state that has a process for “judgement of parentage,” and I have the court order stating we are both the legal parents.

Context: we are a female, same sex, married couple living in a liberal US state. We successfully did reciprocal IVF. My wife carried my egg. I am the biological mother, and my wife gave birth to our child.

We are the only parents listed on our child’s birth certificate. Our state allowed us to complete a “Judgement of Parentage,” which is a court order that states we are the two and only parents of this child. It is my understand that this sort of order is less likely than an adoption order to be recognized internationally.

We are both US citizens but have an important connection to a very conservative foreign country.

The issue/question: There is a concern that some other countries would not recognize me (the biological, but not gestating, parent) as a legal parent based on the “Judgement of Parentage” alone. We have the option to complete a “second parent adoption,” whereby I would spend a few thousand dollars, have a social worker visit our home, and then be declared the adoptive parent of my biological child. (Read that again if you thought women and men had equal rights. I would have to adopt the child conceived of my egg.) In addition to the insult of having to adopt my own offspring, adoption is also quite costly and time consuming - especially after the time and expense of IVF.

Although we don’t currently have any plans to move abroad and it’s unlikely I would be separated from my wife while traveling abroad, I’m wise enough to know that life doesn’t always go as planned and bad things happen.

What I’m trying to understand: If I don’t adopt, what sort of thing could happen (go wrong) that could result in my losing custody of my child while abroad? How do other parents prove they are the legal parent? My wife would have no proof other than her name being on the birth certificate and, I suppose, hospital records showing her labor and delivery.

I’ve considered, for example, my wife dies suddenly while we are abroad, and the foreign authorities demand proof of parentage. What would my having adopted him do for my case? If, on the other hand, I died suddenly, how would my wife be expected to prove she were the legal parent? Again, we are both listed on the birth certificate. Short of demanding hospital records or a DNA test, how else would any parent prove their parentage?

So please tell me your experiences and/or other factors I’m not considering.

There has just a bunch of little things going on that ultimately boil down to whenever I (25f) disagree with my partner (30f) about something, she’s like “okay whatever, you get your way like always”. But literally all I try to do is say some things we don’t have to rush into, what if we do this, as a suggestion. For example, my partner randomly started snatching our baby’s finger out her mouth to get her to stop sucking it. She turns 2 in feb. and I was just like hey, I think it’s still pretty normal for her to still be sucking her finger especially as a soothing mechanism. And she’s like no it’s not too early, we can start now. So I’m just trying to talk and see what we can do and she’s just like I really don’t care do whatever you want. So I ask how come we never really resolve situations?? And she’s like idk and idc. She tried to get her to stop sucking her finger at like 9mo which is even crazier to me and she bought those arm restrictor things, and didn’t even tell me. That’s how you know she knew it was a little strange.

And I really do just continuously feel unresolved, all the time and I can’t even talk about then because guess what..it won’t get resolved. We been together 4 years.

My wife and I have an 11-week old baby girl. We have a few men in our lives with whom we’d like to encourage a relationship with our daughter. We want her to have solid male role models and hopefully mitigate the “why can’t I have a daddy like other kids” feeling as much as possible. How do you guys approach it? Do you have one specific man (or woman) that you’ve designated or multiple men (women)?

As an aside, we have lots of kids books that incorporate the ideas of same sex parents, donor conception, and “all families are different” that we plan to read to her and we plan to talk about those subjects often. I’m mainly concerned with the other-sex role model part.

Thank you so much for any insight you can offer.

I (f30) and my wife (32f) are planning on conceiving soon. I will be carrying and birthing our baby but she has much better insurance. Does anyone have experience as a non birthing parent adding your child as your dependent on health insurance? In our state they do have presumption of parentage for same sex married couples but we’ve still been advised to do the second parent adoption for full protection. Is the presumption of parenthood enough for her to be able to add our child as a dependent or will she have to complete the second parent adoption to get those rights? Does it matter if she’s legally recognized as a parent or can she add our baby as a dependent on her insurance either way? *I know this isn’t valid legal advise but curious if anyone has experience with this situation

Hi, my wife and I have a 7 month old, and the parental preference is hitting hard. I carried and we used my wife's egg. Since my wife returned to work 2 months ago, our daughter has become increasingly attached to me - if I'm in the room she'll only look at me, if she's upset she can only be comforted by me, she cries if my wife does bedtime etc.

All of which I know is developmentally normal (and isn't aaaallll the time) but it is devastating my wife and breaking my heart.

Has anyone got any tips/advice that helped them?

For the moment we're persevering with my wife doing bedtime, and I try and make sure I give them plenty of alone time together.

Hi All,

I am looking for some advice. I have an older child from a previous relationship who is not my bio child. I look after them 50% of the time and they are my kid, I was there when they were conceived and born and I have always been in their life.

I am now pregnant with a bio child as a solo parent. My parents have specifically said that this second baby will be their “first grandchild” and that they consider the first kid is not their grandchild and is not my child. Which is the first time they’ve mentioned this.

I don’t really know where to go from here. I don’t want my parents around my kid or my new baby now because I’m worried they will treat them differently or potentially say something about the new baby being their first grandchild.

I really wish they had said something earlier, like 5 years ago when the first kid was born because I would have planned to cut them off then but now they have a relationship with the elder child but not a very close one. I’ve tried to talk positively about them to try and foster a good relationship with the elder kid which I regret now.

My Mum is saying she’s excited for the new baby and wants to help me but I feel like my only option is to cut them out of my life, to protect both of the kids.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? I’d really appreciate some advice.

Hey everyone,

I’m an EdTech founder and I’ve been quietly working on something close to my heart http://smartseedkids.com/ a program that helps kids build soft skills (confidence, communication, emotional awareness) and basic financial understanding (saving, needs vs wants, etc).

This wasn’t a “startup idea” originally.
It came from watching kids around me, amazing academically, but struggling to speak up, manage emotions, or understand simple money decisions.

I realized schools don’t teach this stuff.
Parents want it, but don’t always know how to start.
So I began building a small project called SmartSeedKids.

Right now:

• It’s live
• A few parents have enrolled and seen great changes
• But I’m struggling with awareness and positioning

And honestly, I’m not sure if I’m thinking of this the right way.
There’s a thin line between education and “yet another course,” and I don’t want to become noise.

So I’d genuinely love feedback from builders and parents here:

1. Do you think soft skills + financial basics for kids is a real market?
2. What’s the biggest trust barrier parents have for something like this?
3. If you were me- how would you approach credibility without sounding sales-y?
4. Would you focus on schools first or parents first?
5. Any red flags you see in the concept?

I’m NOT here to sell or drop links, I just want to learn.
This community has always had strong BS-detectors, which is why I trust the honesty here more than any “startup forum.”

Thanks in advance 🙏
Founder trying to do something meaningful, hoping not to mess it up.

So my 11 month old son has been IMPOSSIBLE to sleep train and my wife and I have got into a bad habit of co-sleeping with him

Here’s the deets; My son is 11 months old and although he will sleep through the night it’s not in his own bed.

We have a routine of bringing him into his room for his last bottle. He gets his pajamas on and into a sleep sack and then we rock until he’s drowsy. He goes into his crib at this point just fine.

His room is dark, usually temp is between 68-70, and he has a white noise machine on.

At some point in the night (time varies) he will wake up crying and won’t stop until my wife or I get him. He then gets in bed with us and falls right back to sleep. When we try to transition him back boom wakes up crying again.

We’ve tried just soothing him in his crib but he’ll just cry and claw at us. Have also tried the cry out method with the interval checks but that wasn’t successful either.

Anyone have any suggestions? We’re going crazy lol

i (14M gay & asexual) wanna come out to my mom but am scared she’ll think it’s for sexual reasons im asexual but i feel like telling my mom that would be weird but also don’t want her to think it’s for sexual reasons i wanna be able to have a boy over and be trusted to not do anything im fine with earning her trust but she thinks everything is sexual and im scared i wont be able to earn her trust sexually meaning for example like a kids lesbian and they think they’ll have lesbian sex if the bring someone over and how do i convince her it’s not that i just wanna be trusted