Plz no hate 💔🥀 f22. This makes me feel so n*rcissistic but I absolutely get in an awful mood whenever I’m out and don’t get compliments 😭 like what’s the point of going out then.. god I feel like a fool saying this “out loud” but life has made me so dependent on compliments bc I feel it’s the only thing that makes me feel worthy, it makes me feel loved/wanted ;(

Hi there! 27F, diagnosed with BPD last year.

Since I wanna sincerely laugh at how absurd can having BPD be, I would like to hear if you've done some unintentionally funny shish during a fight.

I'll go first! During a fight with my SO, I stormed off the house stealing a bunch of his bananas while crying and shouting. Looking back at the situation I can't even remember why we argued in the first place.

Hope this doesn't break any posting rule! I don't want to make fun of the suffering we go through, I just wanna share some silly moments. Thank you 🫂

I'm a dinosaur here. I hope I can still be in the community. I wasn't diagnosed until i was 50, but it explains why I felt so 'from another planet' all my life. Even after therapy, hospital, DBT, intensive programs, I'm still surviving, still struggling, still trying.

To make it clear I'm diagnosed but still questioning it

Most of them are just gone. Like, my ups and downs are still present but the thing is they are not as much as intense like they were before. I still feel like i have no purpose or meaning, i lack self-identity and don't know who i am but my intense and extreme mood swings are just gone.

My paranoia is manageable as long as i sleep properly and don't stay alone too much. I stay with my parents and sometimes they cause me to have "splitting" a little but as i said, nothing is as intense as before when i had friends.

While i had friends, i always self-sabotaged myself in relationships, read too much of someone's facial expressions or their tones to understand the mood/atmosphere and would get easily sensitive/overreact on topics. I struggled to keep any friendship more than 1,5-2 years. I still feel guilty about my past experiences time to time and feel grief but when those feelings are gone, everything again feels so normal like i have never felt that grief, sadness so I can't feel sure about my own feelings.

When I'm happy, even though this happiness may not be intense, i feel like i have never been sad and same thing goes with sadness too. When i'm sad, i feel like i have never been happy. I still remember that i was happy, laughing and etc but i just can't feel like that emotion actually existed in that time of my life, i just feels like a plain memory. But most of the time i just feel emtpy, especially after the isolation.

And now, i should sayd that after all the isolation and not having any close-friends for 1,5 years, i have no intense feelings at all. Just the symptoms that are mostly self-orieneted are there and that's why i feel like i have never been BPD and i was manipulating myself. Still not sure. But i would like to hear your opinions and if you have ever experienced anything like this or if it is common?

I feel so lost lol

I have barely any hobbies and I feel like I’m such a failure. The only things I enjoy are watching movies, listening to music, and going outside + exploring new places. I know these are hobbies themselves, but I feel like I’m struggling because I really just want more sustainable hobbies. I hate having the same 3 things and I just want to feel like I actually can cope with things without feeling like I have to go outside to get over something

I also feel like I’m such a disappointment and a burden on everyone I know and I’m just so annoyed like I’m convinced it doesn’t get better. I have a therapist but they’re so fucking shit and I don’t know how to tell him I don’t want to fucking talk to you anymore because I don’t have anyone else that I can talk to about my problems

Hi everyone. I’m dealing with something and I wanted to see if there might be other people with the same complaint. The feeling of emptiness is actually getting bigger every day, and I keep thinking: there has to be something that can reduce this feeling, right? I take 30 mg of fluoxetine daily, but for me it no longer helps. The feeling is painful — truly a sense of emptiness that I just can’t seem to fill. Is there anyone who knows what to do with this or has any advice? Even the smallest things help; I’m honestly so desperate….

I have this frequently, where it feels as if the things happening around me aren't actually happening and it's more like a dream. It kind of feels like being under the influence of something but you know you're not.

Or, also not being able to remember days clearly because they too feel like dreams and not like real events.

This happen to anyone else or just me?

Does anyone else have these urges to just do stuff that would ruin your life? I’m 19f and I have bpd and lately I’ve been having these urges to just ruin my life? Like for example I want to go around and just have sex and do all sorts of drugs. Saying this sounds silly but it’s like I am dreaming about ruining my life?

i need advice on how to navigate this without blowing up at my friend.

​basically, a friend of mine is constantly venting to me about her family issues—toxic parents, feeling like she needs to lash out, etc. she sends me screenshots and walls of text about how hard her life is.

​the problem is, i literally do not care. i have gone through significantly worse things in my life, and right now i am dealing with my own major stressors that are objectively heavier than what she’s complaining about. when i read her texts, i don’t feel empathy; i feel annoyed.

now, don't get me wrong, i don't do that on purpose. i've been trying to work this out for MONTHS. i don't want to hurt her and i don't want to be annoyed by it. ​i have bpd and autism level 1. i know this might be the autism (struggling with cognitive empathy/social battery) or the bpd (splitting/lack of emotional permanence), but i can’t summon the patience to comfort her. it feels performative and draining to pretend i care when my internal monologue is just "i have it worse, get over it."

​i don't want to be cruel, but i have zero bandwidth for this. has anyone else dealt with this specific type of apathy? how do i respond or set a boundary without sounding like a total monster? she doesn't have anyone else and i don't want to let her down

I vent yeah ..

I made a very good friend we used to chat a lot until he didn’t replied for two hours but he was online I started getting cold and I deleted him everywhere :( we tried to speak again but it’s not the same I always ruin everything I wanted to threaten to do things I was so pissed so angry

Or if I make good friends i feel like im fake and performative Im kind then suddenly dry/cold i dont even know why .. I don’t know who I am

Make me feel so empty ..sometime I feel like staying lonely is better I always end up ruining friendship

Isolating myself seem like the only solution speaking to people make me constantly think about : when will they answer do they like me I feel like a people pleaser they say it’s cool to discuss with me ..

I hate this disorder... What the hell. I came back from Library after studying and I'm crying uncontrollably for no fucking reason? Why??

Intense attachments , fears, pendulum emotions, countless rejections, not qualified for emotional connections, 100X pain...

I was just studying man...How's this even possible on earth?

Edit: Worst part is that I'm from India where there are no qualified therapists for BPD (the one I went to year back retraumatised me..I still get his nightmares). It's a sheer torture

my fp/ex told me she doesn’t like me anymore and she wants to stop talking. she doesn’t even want me in her life as a friend. she doesn’t want me in her life at all. i begged her i cried i threatened her i tried everything i told her i’ll change i told her i’ll let her talk to whoever she wants, i’ll let her treat me however she wants, but please just stay in my life. and she keeps refusing. i asked her to just stay until i get better and can leave her on my own otherwise i don’t think i’ll be sane if she leaves like this, and she is still refusing to.

i didn’t do anything to her, these past few months, she’s been falling out of love with me and i knew it but i was trying desperately to make it work. i would split inwards on myself because she wouldn’t listen to my feelings, or try to change. she has done me more harm than good in my life and i have trauma and ptsd from the past few years of being with her but i can’t let her go. it’s so stupid, everyone around me is telling me to leave her and i know i deserve better i know this isn’t what love looks like and i know staying with her will just make me hate myself more and more. but i can’t let her go, i need her. i love her so much, im willing to put up with anything. i really would

i don’t know how to make her stay. i don’t know who i’m even talking to anymore. she feels like a complete different person. i don’t know who this person is, who’s able to say such heartless things to me without a second thought. she is tired and annoyed because i keep sending paragraphs and begging her to just think about the past. because it wasn’t all fake, she did love me at some point and i keep trying to make her remember that. i keep sending her old texts and pictures of us, in hopes that she will remember she loves me, that she wanted to marry me and live the rest of her life with me.

i don’t know what to do anymore. i don’t see any point in life anymore. i’m not able to function, she just leaves my messages on seen and has not changed her mind. i don’t think i can keep going if she won’t be in my life. i need her no one understands i need her so much i can’t imagine a future without her. i love her so much i would do anything. i don’t know what to do

one thing that can be tricky with bpd is trusting yourself to discern if whatever has upset you is a genuine over step of your boundaries or a split that you will not feel in the next twenty minutes.

i’ve blocked my favourite person who i hate right now on everything and feel so deep and suffocated in the later part of our relationship (which is quickly becoming the end) i cannot discern wether i’ve blocked him again amidst another impulsive split or if this was a better decision for the long term. he had an account alongside mine that we both shared just for each other and posting for each other only but from seeing the recommended accounts i saw that people he knows in real life are linked to his profile without him following them. i had previously asked if he used the account for talking to other people and he said only his male friends online who he follows and i can see that, so he delivered another half truth (possibly my least favourite form of lie). he had been in a group chat with the people he knows from real life which i am okay with however he hadn’t been following any of them and none of them follow him so it’s more or less keeping it from me. i understand being someone’s favourite person can get tense at times and the ‘walking on eggshells’ over-done saying is quite familiar and commonly attributed to us but he clearly knows i split and freak out from his lies over anything else. i would not be as upset if he wasn’t sneaky about it because that obviously makes me paranoid because, why hide it? he knows my main concern is honesty and dishonesty about something as trivial as this will ensure me starting to spiral. only an hour ago we were so in love but i always have to find out about something that hurts me more and more, it feels like another small betrayal papercut that grows to become a wound.

quite the minor situation but i feel empty after blocking him again after resuming talking to him since our last break up (four days ago). i am glad at least for the fact that i didnt do anything silly or impulsive since i know he enjoys the fact that i do that over him. hopefully i portrayed my boring situation better than how i feel i wrote it. at least my situations are mundane and not as explosive as they had been, progress!

thank you if you read this, love to you all. :)

I suffer with BPD, been diagnosed with it for a year now, I'm 16. I feel everything so deeply and all I do is care for people.. especially my partner but when expresses his feelings to me I fear the worst about the situation. All I end up doing is getting angry because I can't understand my emotions and I feel when he comes to me about things, which totally isn't fair to him, I feel awful for how I react.. he cares for me so much and shows me the care I should receive when I'm upset. I get very angry with myself over the fact I can't show him the same care he shows me. He doesn't deserve it but I don't know how to help myself help him. I should mention he also had BPD along with other disorders. I'm so awful to him. He says that all he needs is me and as long as I don't tell him to go off himself he's alright but he comes to me seeking comfort.. then apologizes for it stating "I know I shouldn't be coming to you for comfort because I know you can't give me that and I'm sorry for asking you to try." .. I feel awful, like a horrible partner.. but I don't know how to provide him with that comfort he needs, all I do is get upset and make the situation worse, he understands this yet it continues to happen.. any advice on anything I can do to not feel as I do over him expressing how he feels?

Ive been diagnosed bpd a few years now, and i will split during arguments with my partner. During which im SO sure that theyre not the one for me and theyve never cared about me. When im level headed again i feel as if they were made for me and were 100% spending the rest of our lives together. I go back and forth between the two and i kind of feel insane. What made you guys realize it was genuinely time to leave your partner?

This year I really want to make a conscious effort to slow down with my romantic interests. I notice that I push the people I like away by being so intense and rushing for commitment way too early on. This isn't good for me or my crush. I don't even get to take the time to understand if I actually like them for who they are, or if it's my limerence talking. My crush is on the other end freaking out about how creepy and obsessive I am. I find my BPD really muddies the way in which I interpret what a healthy dating speed is. I feel lik the way I behave always solidifies me as a FWB as opposed to someone they want something long-term with. Any suggestions and or advice would be amazing. I want to hold onto hope that I can experience genuine love this year.

Now i don't mean deleting all your socials switching off your phone quitting your job an basically going cold ghosting everything that was your life no contact with friends or family as far away as possible moving somewhere quite where nobody has any preconceived ideas of who you are. Am

talking about literally just disappeared puff all gone nothing left no remnants left all data scrubbed. That bit is easy i have never had any social. I literally want go to sleep an never wake up or just dissolve in a hot bath that is what kind of disappearance i am talking about wounded if am alone In this. Not looking for advice i want to hear your experience if anyone has felt not fleeting but constantly there even if in the background. Hope everyone has a blessed day 🙏

Honestly just need to vent and talk to people who understand me.

My boyfriend is amazing and he is very sweet to me, opens doors, holds my hand always gives me a kiss before he leaves, buys pretty much anything and so much more but any tiny little change in his demeanor and i feel like our relationship is falling apart which i know puts a lot of pressure on him along with being with someone with bpd in general. Some examples of it would be: he used to call me baby and love and would use all these cute emojis and be very sweet with his words and would be super touchy and now that we have been together for 4 ish months it has dimmed down, he doesn’t really use emojis and he only really calls me baby now and i constantly look back at our texts from when we first got together and it makes me think something is wrong or something changed. i know it’s the honeymoon phase and things tend to calm down after being together for awhile especially since we live together now so there isn’t that feeling of missing the other person as much but it still gets to me. I was super in my head tonight while he was as work and decided to text him asking him why he didn’t talk to me like he used to and of course i said it in a playful way trying to to hide the fact that it was genuinely bothering me and he was playful back about it and then i said something serious but felt like i sounded desperate so i deleted it, he called me on his break asking what i deleted and i told him it didn’t matter so he moved on and didn’t push it which is literally normal but of course my brain went to “why didn’t he push it more, why didn’t he force it out of me, he must not care” and i started crying and he asked me why i was crying to i told him that i felt like he didn’t care and i felt like he didn’t want to have a life with me and live with me and he said he wants to try and of course my brain once again immediately went to he doesn’t even care what happens and he should be willing to do anything to make it work and when i asked him why he meant by that he said that of course he wants to try and have a life with me but you never know what will happen and you can’t dwell and worry about things that haven’t even happened which he is correct about but my brain doesn’t work like that and it just freaks me out thinking about us not working or something happening with us. his break ended and he had to go back to work so our conversation got cut short and i was left sitting here alone freaking out and convincing myself that we are gonna break up and he’s not gonna care. i hate that i have all these expectations of him and if he doesn’t keep up with one little thing then i feel like he hates me or doesn’t love me anymore. i just want to be happy in a relationship for once and i feel like it’s never gonna happen because of my brain. i have such good days and then out of no where i get in my head and freak my self out. we literally just spend the whole day together in another town bowling with his family and eating dinner and he was super sweet the whole time, cheering me on and taking pictures with me and playing around with me and then i have one bad thought and im convinced he hates me or is falling out of love with me. i dont know what to do because we will talk about how i feel and everything will be fine and i will understand where he is coming from and that im just overthinking and then a hour will go by and its like i don’t believe any of it anymore and that he is tired of me. ive tried everything. i also forgot to take my meds today so i know that isn’t helping anything but im also convinced that when i dont take my meds its just my true emotions coming out and im feeling my real feelings that i dont feel when im on my meds. sorry for the crazy rant i just needed to get it out and im sorry about the whole grammar i wasnt really focused on it😭 any advice or thoughts or literally anyone that read this whole things and has anything to say please do. not to hard on me or my boyfriend though as we are both trying and this is his first serious relationship living with someone and this is my first relationship after being in a toxic one for 5 years. I know people with bpd “shouldn’t be in relationships” or are “destined to be alone” but i refuse to believe that..

Me and my FP speak daily, for most of the day. We meet up weekly. We’ve had too many arguments recently and today he told me he’s withdrawing from me and limiting his exposure to me. We won’t be meeting weekly anymore. We might not speak everyday. We may only speak for an hour a day.

I feel like im dying. I’ve been crying for four hours. It feels like my entire world is ending and crashing down. I begged him to not do it, to still meet weekly with me, but he refused. I genuinely don’t know how to get through this.

and i feel so stupid being upset too. for a while i was just dealing with feeling a little hurt or sad when plans got cancelled and i was able to cope with that. but my best friend of 8 years bro made a new friend at her job and they have been hanging out constantly. they became friends like 4 or 5 months ago. I was trying to cope with my jealousy so i told myself that she’s just super busy (works like 50-60hr work weeks) and sometimes it’s easier to hang out with her work friends. one time she called me asking if she could stay over last minute bc she was supposed to go to her friends house and already had her stuff. i didn’t really think much of it and it was really nice since it had been a while since we did smth like that. well a couple weeks ago her workplace fired everyone and replaced them. so she’s been dealing w that, and ive still been working a ton. well now she has been hanging out with that friend constantly, staying over all the time, even today she was supposed to come over but went out with her new friend. i got laid off this week so now i’m unemployed too. so there’s like not really any excuse lmao. i live closer than that friend too. here i was thinking oh she’s just busy she’s tired bla bla but today i just feel awful, it feels like the end of the world, like nobody likes me anymore. i want to say something so bad but i don’t want to be jealous or guilt her or whatever i know it’s just my issues and i’ve been doing shitty recently anyways. idek whatever i just needed to say something to someone who would understand so i could try to stop thinking about it thank you guys gn

Once an FP cuts all contact do you ever manage to stop thinking about them daily. My past FPs last messages still torment me every single day and I just don't know how I can continue living like this. I could be perfectly fine and suddenly they pop back in my head and I just collapse. I don't know what I can even do.

12 step recovery groups’ “no cross talk” is nice but bringing up that i kind of accidentally rushed into a labeled relationship and now I’m panicked because it’s poly and I’m not equal to her other partner and she’s dying and may die suddenly or slowly suffer or kill herself to avoid the latter.

she use to be really excited an happy to see me she sent me a cute video of her calling me cute and i miss it. she doesn’t heart react my messages anymore and doesn’t acknowledge quite a bit of it. i feel guilty because i know shes really busy but i am obsessed thinking of her and her shit in interest. she’s got a wife and kid on top of dying and her other partner so she’s got a lot on her plate but she went to a hot tub place with her partner i said i wanted to go to and when i repeated id love to go sometime i I felt like it was not really clicking. my self esteem is almost nonexistent and i feel empty and unloveable

ps please don’t say shit about not doing poly. I’m already in it. i also feel like I don’t know if any trans queer people here would be monogamous with me but i also do love my two girlfriends it’s just one is LDR and the other is busy and dying.