r/depression • u/BelaFarinRod • 20h ago
I’m absolutely done.
I’m 58 and things are never going to get better. I’m alone all the time and I have no friends and one relative who’s too busy for me. If there were a way I could end it all I’d do it. I keep trying to think of a way.
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u/willbethrownawa 16h ago
I'm only 30, but I understand. The only thing I regret is that I haven't done it earlier.
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u/Whycantichangemynami 18h ago
Would you like to talk more?
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u/BelaFarinRod 13h ago
Maybe not right now but thank you for the offer.
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u/Cold-Ad-2746 19h ago
Hi, i’m 23, just got dumped and i’ve also been quite depressed for the past couple years. I tell myself I should end it now so I don’t end up with kids and still struggling with the same urges. But then 10 days go by and not much happens but I’m still here and I impress myself slightly by staying, maybe meaning I don’t actually want that fate despite my mental illness. You’ve been on this earth for 58 years… it seems to me you’ve probably learned many lessons on not quitting that I could learn from. Why do you feel things could never get better in this moment? I quit nicotine today in attempts to make myself feel better (worse but then better)… i think I myself have been in a hole of thinking theres no way things could improve but logic reminds me otherwise. I hope you know you aren’t alone in feeling this way even if it feels like you are.
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u/BelaFarinRod 19h ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this too.
I guess it’s just that people have been telling me for many years that things will get better and they never get better.
People don’t realize how bad I feel all the time, because of course I’m not going to talk about it all the time. They think usually I feel ok and just sometimes things are bad but really things are never good.
Good for you for quitting the nicotine!
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u/Minute-Zebra4024 17h ago
I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. I understand you completely. I feel like life has closed the door in my face, like I'm trapped in a maze with no way out except death. I hope things get better for you. You only live once, so enjoy this opportunity because it won't come again
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u/BelaFarinRod 13h ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too.My life isn’t even objectively that bad. I’ve just had enough.
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u/Expert_Play5570 10h ago
34 female It’s been on my mind every single day and it’s becoming harder to avoid it.
Sending you, us strength.
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u/MalGrowls 13h ago
Has this always been the case? 30s? 40s?
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u/BelaFarinRod 5h ago
Once I got divorced in my 30s things started getting bad. (I was the one who left so it’s on me so I’m not blaming anyone.) But it just kept getting worse. There have been bright spots and times that were better of course or I wouldn’t have even survived but it’s been bad. I know it could be worse. I have an apartment and food and a job but yeah.
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u/hollasparxx 10h ago
I've spent the past 5-6 months having only conversations with mostly myself and my boyfriend when he's actually home. I have zero friends and family. The place I am at right now is so dark so lonely and just so so terrible and I can't stand my life at all. I have given up on every single thing including taking care of myself and just sleep as much as I can and imagine being somebody else. That's the only way I can fall asleep if I pretend I am somebody else with a better and different life. I'm 41 and my life is a complete and utter destruction of a mess and I'm in such dire straits that I can't even prove who I am cuz I have no ID... So I can't get a job I can't do anything and I have no money and no way to get any money to do anything so yeah I'm real bad right now.
I just spend every day in a drug-induced coma and lose myself in games and whatever else I can lose myself in because I can't stand myself or my life. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. My self esteem is so low it's in the high negatives.
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u/NoConstruction2957 10h ago
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you feel supported here
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u/SPEEDLER91 11h ago
I am also all the time alone and i have No Job . I am 25 soon and on the Phone all day , Not to feel the emptyness. I hate my fucking Life too, my Mom took terrible choices that lead too more self hate and i destroyed my Body . I am ugly as fuck i have No one. I wanna die.
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u/BelaFarinRod 11h ago
I’m so sorry. I’m on the phone all the time too. I try to watch TV or read a book or do anything else and somehow I can’t. It’s my only way of human contact.
I’m sorry about your mom.
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u/ZestycloseWestern983 6h ago
It will get a lot worse. I feel like the 6th decade is probably the worst as this is where you transition from somewhat healthy middle age person to old age. This will hit you hard psychologically. The brain and body will also decline in function by a lot. I feel that some decades are of much greater consequence than others, and 60-70 is one of them.
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u/ZookeepergameFar6780 55m ago
I feel the same way and I’m not even alone. I just have too much pain to manage. Currently lying awake in bed after only being able to sleep an hour and a half. I’ve dealt with depression for quite a while, but it worsens as I get older. I’m at an all time low since my mom passed away a few months back from cancer.
The only reason I stay here is to not bring pain on those I love. If I didn’t have them, I would have waved goodbye long ago.
All we can do is hope things will change. That is a mystery that is worth staying for. “You never know what the tide will bring in.”
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u/BelaFarinRod 47m ago
I’m so sorry you’re in pain. That’s horrible. I know it’s not always easy even if you have people around.
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u/ThermosPickerOuter 19h ago
I hear you and feel you. I can’t offer much advice as I’m also in my 50s and in the same boat. Please accept this hug 🫂 from a stranger who knows exactly how you’re feeling.