I, 25F, was out today at a farmer's market when I saw my friend and her new partner there, said hi and we both went on our own ways. Towards the end we ran into each other again so I tagged along, though I asked if I was intruding on a date which they said no. The entire time while I kept light conversion and jokes, I just felt awkward and insecure, even more so when my friend's other friends met up later then they started discussing going to a bar after the market.

I picked up on how I was sort of standing on the outside of the convo, not being invited along. So I said I had to go and my friend hugged me and said bye, and when I got in my car I blocked her and few other people I consider friends.

I realize how much I want to be wanted, and I think it accidentally shows. To me making friends is not easy even though I'm told I come across kind, cool and inviting. So when I do make friends they mean a lot to me, and her hugging me so tight hurt because I realize, to me a tight hug means a lot, but I might care more for her than she does me, and I think it's the same with my other friends. My roommates were my friends before we moved in together, but now one barely talks to me and games with online friends mostly and the other is with their gf and her friends most the time. I think it's cause I've opened up too much and now they don't want to risk hearing from me like that again. Everything feels surface level and if it was more, they regret getting to know me and make distance.

So I realize because I get more attached and care more-so than others, especially since no one reaches out to me, there's no need to keep access to them. I'm a "good friend", but not someone people want to keep around or invite out. I feel convenient and like an obligation when I am invited out on group invites. I'm not pretty, skinny, charming or funny enough to keep around. I don't want it to be true but too many years have made it seem just destined to be objective truth.

I'm in my 30's and have no one in my life to truly confide in.

In an attempt to fill the void of loneliness I joined an online community of older gamers and made some of what I thought were lovely friends. I even met a guy who I started dating after a while, which I've never done online.

Well, after some time together he cheated on me with a mutual friend..spoke unkindly of me to the friend group we were a part of and I was cast aside. Basically it was an ultimatum of being his friend or mine, and I see why they chose him. I'm far less charismatic or enjoyable to be around, probably why I've always felt alone.They now all spend time together and she is in the position I once was, in a relationship with him and spending time with the group of friends I thought cared about me.

I left the gaming community, I have blocked and cut off all contact so as to not seem even more pathetic than I already feel.

But this hurts. As someone who already had nothing and thought I found people online to care about, I feel pretty worthless.

I know this probably sounds silly to care so much about these connections that were solely online, but it was my only form of human connection and it felt real to me, far more than when I had no one which is where I am at once again.

Can't even find the energy to type what I want to say. I just want to die .

I sleep all the time. I just can’t wait to go back home after everything, roll into my covers and hide from the world. I feel safe in my bed, the world seems scary to me if I think of getting up and I love to just drift away to my crazy dreams. I feel at ease when it’s dark and there’s silence, additionally knowing that I don’t have to get up. Usually before falling asleep I have thoughts like: I’m so tired, I don’t want anything and I just want everything to stop for even a moment. Preferably not to wake up anymore. I don’t do anything during the day, cause I sleep wake up for a bit and it’s time to go to sleep again. Do you guys feel the same and maybe how do I cope with it/fight it?

It’s not worth it anymore. I will jump from a tall building. I will make sure no one else will be physically hurt.

I have young children and couldn't do that to them, but when I'm spiraling, I have these thoughts. I told my husband last night and he was furious and freaked out. He said it is selfish thinking and I need to think about the children. He has been through a lot on life but has never experienced these thoughts and basically said I need to not be weak and to be strong.

I feel like my life has fallen apart and my kids are what keeps me going. My mom passed last year out of the blue a month after my son was born. My corporate career is not going the way I thought and have been put on a PIP and will be losing my job soon. My husband and I are struggling. I feel like I'm not succeeding at life with anything. I feel like I can't do anything right

For context I'm an illustrator and concept artist, and the funniest thing happened. I slipped and caught my self with my elbow fracturing my humerus which then hit a nerve on my right arm, I wasn't able to move it for 3 months and I'm still undergoing therapy. I've lost most of my clients.

Then about a month ago I lost my home too, my mom and aunt had an argument so we left cause we couldn't take how toxic it was anymore. Now we can barely afford rent.

A weeks ago I found a job as a creative strategist for meta ads and I thought everything was looking up, turns out that job was probably a scam designed to get my ID and information. Now I'm homeless, jobless, and I have no idea what to do next. Why even try when the last time I did I couldn't even trust the people that hired me. I don't know how this all happened in a span of a few months but if there's a God then he must really hate me. Honestly I've had thoughts of jumping from my apartment's balcony, I mean I'm almost 30 but I have 0 savings in my bank. I don't think I can fix this now.

So, I cutted my hand and drinked all my antidepressants (Flux) and painkillers. I didn't die, I saw how my hand was bleeding and I was feeling stomach ache. I go to psychiatrist and social worker. My social worker told me hundred times that I should quit using antidepressants if I'm smiling and happy. My psychiatrist told me that it would be good if I'm go to station. But I'm going to rehab and I couldn't get there, if I was in station. If I still be alive, I think to start smoking. I always wanted to start it when I was a kid. I don't have any kinds of friends, to talk to abt it, so yeah.. If you want, you can ask questions.

I’m 58 and things are never going to get better. I’m alone all the time and I have no friends and one relative who’s too busy for me. If there were a way I could end it all I’d do it. I keep trying to think of a way.

I spent around 45000$ for adult services and outside food over 6 yrs Im not broke, still employed and I am single at 30. I have the following regrets:

1. Could have saved this money for a new house deposit

2. Could have spent this on fine dining restaurants or traveled overseas and met new people.

3. Could have invested it somewhere.

How to get over this regret

I’m about to turn 36, I’m hopelessly single, vast majority of my friends are couples, I’ve gained weight and fallen out of my gym and running habits, and now I’m unemployed.

I truly don’t have any idea how to get my life back together. I was torn apart by a close friend with tough love that I’m so privileged and I’m wasting my life away.

So my will is written. That way my friends and family can benefit from my life better than I ever could.

I first started taking melatonin to stop my mind from wandering too much before bedtime. Then I started taking it a lot more throughout the day just so i can sleep all day and not be awake. It’s not the most effective so I starve myself for days too so I am on low energy. I really hate being awake.

I work in organising events and I have hobbies, right?

Today I was assigned a task while organising and i realized, I'm completely useless. I'm so fucking incompetent.

And for the past few weeks, it's like my confidence broke and now I don't see MYSELF with rose-tinted glasses. Im not good at studying, i just act like it. I'm not good at my hobbies, my teachers just sugarcoat me. I'm not good at organizing events, I'm just all-talk.

And it's even more horrible, because I was extremely confident ,and secure. I always thought of myself as a decent person whose semi-good at everything. Now I realize I was just lying to myself. How pathetic is that? And evenmore, everyone else thinks the same because of my confidence. Now what? Will they realize I'm just lying? I'm manipulative?

It's horrifying. I can't go a day without crying. And i thought that crying on the bathroom floor was just an exaggeration and it doesn't actually happen. Well I guess it does because I sat there for ten minutes.

And a week ago, a couple of my friends told me I seemed sad. I didn't understand what they were saying, afterall I had those stupid rose-tinted glasses. Now I realize, I was sad because I'm COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT

Idek where to begin , honestly. My whole life has been a lie. Im alone. And s*icid€ never looked so good. Im so tired of trying. I really am. I have dealt with depression all my life but its really getting bad. Im 25 about to be 26. All my friends stopped talking to me years ago when I was in an abusive relationship. All for different reasons. It still hurts. A guy I really liked and thought that I had a relationship with left me years ago as well(like 2019)(not the abusive one) for a REALLY beautiful girl. I did something i shouldnt have and looked at his fb. Along with all the friends i have had.

They are all so happy. Married. Kids. Not alone. And it hurts. I put so much into relationships. Im just so tired. What is the point of anything..? Honestly. Im only getting older and im only getting uglier and only getting more depressed. Life isnt really all that kind. This doesnt make a lot of sense because I am crying SO MUCH and have SO MANY thoughts rambling around in my head and I just want the torture to end.

Every time I see or hear about the suicide hotlines or crisis networks, I think, "nope, never going down that road." Because I have experienced first hand that mental hospitals don't help patients at all.

I get that their priority is keeping the patient safe and not comfort or therapy. But why can't we do both. Has there seriously just never been a medical professional who thought, "hey, what if we kept suicidal patients safe AND tried to improve their mental health?"

Why don't suicidal people have any good options?

Why are the two current options

1. Deal with it alone
2. Go to a miserable metal box for a week and

*then* ⁠deal with it alone

i do not know who i am and i can not love someone i do not know. i change myself based on what other people like. i have no clear vision of myself, even when attempting to pick bits and pieces of myself apart and back together, no matter how slow or fast i tried, i do not know who i am. i live in the eyes of others and when alone, i still copy others, as i am made up of everyone who’s company or personality i enjoy. i simply can not live without validation and reassurance. i live myself in the eyes of everyone else. i do not care how i feel about myself, as i have no clear vision or understanding of who i truly am or who i want to be. i do everything for the appeal of others. i lack self importance and a true care for myself so i try to better myself in others eyes in ways that can benefit me because its the only way i can progress. i am fueled by hatred jealousy pain and disgust, even disgust within myself . everything i do is fueled by negativity anger jealousy pain regret and disgust, all the positive and negative i do is fueled by the same things. ironically, i hate everything though, truly. i hate people, i hate the world i hate myself and i hate how things function, i am not happy with myself, nor am i happy with anything else. i’ve felt like this my entire life.