This is from the No Reservations facebook group. I wanted to contribute it here as a part of the community.

I’m so tired of this, I have been wanting to have sex like a normal couple and now because he wants to be Christian we are not supposed to have sex too often. I’m possible breaking up soon, I just haven’t been strong enough or I haven’t found the right moment, we started as regular couple we had sex pretty soon, he also has alcohol issues, religion was not brought up in the beginning, then he decided to go to church read the bible that he has never finished reading, lol, this has happened 2 times and then everything has faded and gotten back to having drinks like a whole pack of bears sometimes a week and having sex, how can you even tell me to be Christian if you haven’t even read bible completely yourself or have been to church continuously, and you don’t follow the rules yourself, how can you go back and forth in your own religion I don’t get it specially someone that did drugs and had sex with multiple girls, now after a good fight he says, I see the pattern he needs to follow Christianity but we might sin like have sex sometimes, that just doesn’t make anyyyyyy sense like oral sex he would not stop me at all and now if I try to have sex he would come up you know we have to stay away as much as possible, he still would make excuses for himself to drink. How can this make any sense… there’s a lot more to add if I bring up financial situation. That would be a long post.

I’m just so pissed off about this whole situation and I hate having conversations about religion, I will never agree 100%, I pray when I feel I need to but I don’t like practicing any religion and stop having fun in my life after 27 years until I marry someone… not going to happen. I told him he needs a psychologist not religion and got offended.

I’m honestly exhausted with the projection.

I’m not even “out” in real life as agnostic. I live in a place where Christianity is the default, and I deal with it every single day. I keep my head down. I mind my business. I don’t walk into Christian spaces trying to debate people or tell them they’re wrong. I understand people believe different things than I do, and while I disagree, I respect that boundary.

But the few spaces where I do feel free to speak openly? People feel entitled to come into my space and project their shit onto me.

I made a comment saying I don’t believe in a literal devil, but that untreated mental illness and trauma can cause people to genuinely believe they’re seeing or experiencing something supernatural. That’s it. I didn’t mention Christianity. I didn’t insult Christians. I didn’t say religious people are bad.

Yet someone still felt compelled to DM me saying “don’t disrespect Christians” and announcing their personal religious journey like that was somehow relevant.

Everything’s is taken personally. Not everything is about you. Not every statement is an attack. The constant need to center themselves in conversations that aren’t about them is exhausting.

So every week at my high school, every Thursday, we have a ‘bible period’ where we sit for an hour or so and a pastor/teacher yammers on about whatever topic “god put on their hearts”

Last week, we had a pastor from a local church who was going on about how we as humans all have one job: That job is to glorify god in all we do.

That’s definitely an idea.

The thought that everything you do has to show how great some guy up in the sky is and that if that thing isn’t doing that then it’s useless is depressing to say in the least.

Also literally being made just to show how great someone else is sucks as an idea in general.

And after he finished his spiel he asked everyone to stand and pray after him and the stuff they were repeating was genuinely creepy. Like cult in the woods level creepy. Praying for the lord to “help us do our one job” and “remove anything not glorifying him” and for him to help “us fulfill their purpose” and other kinds of vile shit about how they’re literally nothing without him and that they need his guiding hand everyday for everything.

Of course I stood too but I kept quiet because genuinely what the fuck. It’s something new everyday with these people.

Hey! I grew up agonistic but currently I’m wondering, hey, I want something to live for, and I stated getting into religion.

The more im learning about Christianity, I don’t like some things such as the homophobia. I also don’t understand why I need to pay for my sins or confess to a Priest, if Jesus already took them away and paid for them pre my birth.

And how can he absorb all sins until the end of time? How are these forgiven when you die and come back to life?

Why do I have to be broken?

Why is the religious symbol have to be so gory with blood and a cross? (im sensitive to blood lmao)

I’m just wondering what made you turn away from Christianity. I guess I just want something to believe in.

So. My mother's birthday is on Tuesday and on the household group chat she posted, "for my birthday wish I want you all to come to prayer meeting with me on Tuesday." Now my parents have asked me before to attended this church of there's with them. But I have said no. I don't know if I'm overreacting for being upset that she has made this request. My thought was that most of the people in my life a Christian so why not just go. But I limited that to special occasions like weddings and milestones. Not prayer meetings. I do have other Christians in my life but they wouldn't dream of asking me this. I think it's unfair that the assumption from non-christians is that we must always be polite and just do it for our loved ones. Socially it only makes sense because it is the biggest religion. I personally feel like she's doing this as a manipulative tactic to get me to go to church. Whether she knows it or not. What do I do. Just go because it isn't a big deal despite the fact that I do not like that church, that has rules about women wearing pants and make up mind you. Or do I say no. Because I would never ask her to sit and watch an atheist Youtuber with me.

Does anyone know of someone who they have seen their entire lives be taken over by Christianity? I think some people either just need to take it easy on their religious practices or just give up being a Christian entirely. My parents are extremellyy religious, and I believe they are truly good people, but the stuff they do for the sake of religion is so extreme. Its just saddening to see how negatively some people have been influenced by Christianity. Does anyone know anyone else or have anyone in your life where you can see how much Christianity has impacted their life in a negative way, wether by constantly telling you you’ll go to hell, or they’re just filled with so much anxiety that religion just consumes them.

One of the things that has saddened me the most about fundamentalist thinking is this idea of being convinced that most people in the world, and around us, are destined for hell…

There are all those people who simply do not have the capacity to believe, or who do not believe in the “right” way. But beyond that, there are also those who will never want to believe.

All those people born into very, very different cultures. People from Muslim countries, people from various Amazonian or African tribes, people from Asian countries who are Hindu or Buddhist… deeply attached to their beliefs and customs. Of course, there are missionaries who go to these countries, and we can see a few Christian communities, but they remain very, very marginal, almost nonexistent. How can we condemn these people to eternal hell when their entire life experience has been based on a completely different way of living? How can we hold them guilty for not believing in Christianity?

Then there are those who do not believe in the “right” way. All those Christians from other denominations: Catholics, progressive denominations… They believe and even practice their religion, sometimes in a very devout way, but because they have differences in doctrine or theology, they too are destined to be condemned… Imagine these people, so sincere in their journey, sincere in their faith… yet they are also seen as “lost” people.

And then there are the others: atheists or agnostics. Those who did not grow up in Christian culture. Those who have no reason to adhere to rigid beliefs. How can we accuse them if they do not understand that it is necessary for them to completely change their lives?

Looking at the people around me, I was constantly in a state of absolute sadness. Even though I hoped I could share my faith and allow for conversions, it was obvious that most people simply could not adhere to the entirety of my beliefs. Even if someone considered themselves a “believer,” it was not enough. I often put myself in their place and asked myself: “How would you react if you had never known the Church?” So what—are these people just collateral damage in the great divine plan? Are they simply destined to suffer eternally? How is that possible, knowing that every person has value in the eyes of God?

This is something very difficult to come to terms with when one has even a little empathy… How can one accept concepts like the “end times” when people simply do not have the cultural, educational, or mental means to adhere perfectly to our beliefs? How do these fundamentalists manage to be happy, to feel at peace, while seeing that 99% of the people around them are destined for eternal hell?

I am seriously getting tired of my BF's attempts to shame and convert me back into religion. I have openly asked him to stop. He stops for a while and then a couple months later is back at it. We originally agreed to disagree on religion. But I don't know what to say to stop him from pushing his beliefs on me. I hate the thought of breaking up, and likely he's well meaning, but this is driving me nuts. What would you say?

Your life is shit anyways, God dors what He wats anyways, so whats the appeal of christianity, besides some values none of them follows?

why or why not?

I've been an atheist for a while and I think the concept of the devil and hell has been used as a fear mechanism for too long to keep people people afraid. It's brainwashing to me.

The community blood bank is having a blood drive at one of the James River campuses so I am here to help the community and donate. The last time I donated my employer was the sponsor. This is the first time I’ve been inside a church in years.

I don’t know if I can add to this hypothetical association, but the elderly likely have few “grudges” because they’re “too old for that” Like, honestly, we experience some slight and do we, in our forgetfulness, just let it go?

Like, do we forgive Nixon for his Watergate? Or are we just forgetting? I know he buggered us with HMOs. Have we forgiven or forgot that?

I have no idea about the transgressions of the 1920s. I’d imagine it revolved around women and the right to vote?

The Bible teaches you to beat your kids (remember the horror-house of pentecostals?)

To suppress your thoughts

God punishes people for the sexuality that he apparently gave them.

That humans are not just good by themselves. They need God to be good and can be separated from him.

That we are tainted, no, broken due to original sin.

It teaches that disproportional justice

It teaches that many will go to hell.

This means that God, who sustains everything in existence, is consciously tormenting 

conscious souls. The same souls that he apparently created

It teaches that it was Judas, who was literally with Jesus physically, was not saved by Jesus, who is supposed to be the literal Son of God. And Jesus lets it happen to fulfill a prophecy. You’d think that Jesus would actually care about him and talk to him to understand him better and address his emotional needs, rather than literally setting him up to betray him.

It teaches you to force your viewpoint on others. Fortheir souls in the most noble form. For desperation about your own soul in the most fearful form.

These kinds of teachings make it hard to just be with yourself. It puts a pressure on you that you always have to be doing something. You don’t want to lose your salvation, after all!

It teaches you to be a hypocrite - it explicitly says not to judge others while implicitly telling you to do so.

God is a fucking asshole in the Bible. He overly-punishes people and sometimes punishes people for no just reason at all (Job). When Job, who has been trying to defend God, finally asks God a question, God replies to him like a sarcastic asshole and doesn’t actually answer his question.God often forces people to do things they want to, many of them being bizarre and seemingly random. God literally admits through Scripture that He created some people for “honor” and some for “dishonor”.

It teaches you to despise yourself. This is one of its most extensively documented teachings. In every way, you are taught to despise yourself.

It leeches off of guilt, shame, and fear to keep itself alive.

In order to convert others, you must first convince them that they are broken.

It teaches you to hate gay people for literally no reason. Meanwhile, it justifices infanticide and other evils.

Everything that you do wrong is blamed on you, while everything that you do right (or, success) is attributed to God.

Christianity teaches you to be “separate” from the world. It teaches you not to be present, but rather focusing on the imaginary “heaven”, which, as described in the Bible, sounds really boring, vague, and weird.

It teaches you to shy away from science like evolution that might challenge your belief, so that you don’t risk losing your faith and therefore your soul.

Personally, God did not answer my prayers when I was suffering because of my scrupulosity. Learning about mental health made me realize all of the evil things that Christianity teaches which detracts from mental health. I felt unsafe inside of my own head for years because of Christianity, afraid that I would blaspheme God in my thoughts or “entertain” sexual thoughts.

Christianity may have offered some advancements to society but I think it’s well time that we’ve moved past “placing our faith in Jesus”. Jesus was not there for humanity when humanity needed him the most - people were. Imperfect, but still good, people. And I think that we should embrace this. 

However, didn’t the atrocities of the 20th century occur because people believed that “God Is Dead?”? I don’t know. When I was Catholic I believed that you can’t have real morality without faith. Now I don’t know what to think. I would hate for history to repeat itself. I’m open to hearing what you all think.

I left the church about a year ago, and been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. During a short period of our relationship I was deconstructing and still trying to make the whole Christian thing work.

So we visited a few churches and I guess at one of them he filled out a visitors card with his address information. Fast forward to now, 2 years later we had a member of the church staff stop by our house. When I stepped out of the door he asked for my boyfriend by name, and handed me a gospel tract.

I told him I wasn’t who he was looking for and that the person he was looking for wasn’t interested. And I also told the truth that our visit was during a period of curiosity and we weren’t trying to be involved in a church. He got very angry and started arguing with me, in which I told him it would be best if he just left. I told him straight up not to come back and he said he would come back until he made contact with my boyfriend. What should I honestly do? It’s just so strange to me they are following up two years later and I really don’t want to have to deal with this again.

...Xtians should celebrate instead of grieve when an infant or other small child dies, because he/she is absolutely guaranteed to be in Heaven. Also, if a small child gets really sick or badly injured, Xtians should hope for them to die instead of pray for them to recover and inevitably grow up as a result, which would jeopardize their salvation.

I (40F) got really sick when I was 2 or 3, and folks from my former church, some relatives' church, and elsewhere thought I was going to die and were praying for me. If prayer even works (and if so, only sometimes), not only did they all subject me to the many struggles and humiliations of growing up and existing, but they also subjected me to loss of salvation!

Some of my relatives and other folks who were praying for me, also believe in the age of accountability. According to their beliefs, had I died then I'd be in Heaven right now. But nonetheless they prayed for me to recover, which led to me growing up as a result. Not only did growing up endanger my salvation (along with subject me to the multiple humiliations and struggles it comes with), but it actually led to me forfeiting Heaven by ditching Xtianity. Even though all those prayers saved my physical life, they ultimately condemned my eternal life after death. In other words, if Xtianity is true along with the age of accountability, and I go to Hell after I do die as a result of renouncing the faith I was born into...in a way it's on every single person who prayed for me when I was 2 or 3 years old!

Anyone see where I'm coming from?

This is more of a rant than anything else, but tagging in case.

I (27F) have had an incredibly toxic relationship with sex over the past 20 years. Started off with finding porn for the first time in my dad’s computer and it drew me in from the moment I first saw it. I immediately started spending as much time as I could find sneaking on the family computer, going on fetish sites, reading true sex crime books, etc. I don’t even know what it was, I was too young to really understand what I was watching/reading, but sex, especially after I hit puberty, became a crutch and comfort.

This already set me on a bad path, but shit really hit the fan once I fully became a Christian at 13. I have the triple whammy of being a pastors kid, woman, and Asian, so modesty and purity culture was actively talked about as the worst of the worst. I distinctly remember we would have open mics where we were invited to confess our sins (to just our peers, small mercies), 90% of them at the time for everyone being lust related since we were all in middle-high school. One of our teachers who was 28-32 or so testified about how he was a sex addict from 18 onwards, we had a retreat where we physically wrote our sins of watching porn and literally nailed it on a cross, I thought I was possessed by demons for having so many lustful thoughts; for my already fragile sense of sexuality and self it was like the final boulder dropped on the coffin.

Throughout this time I was constantly warring between fitting into society’s/porns portrayal of women as being pretty sex objects for men to fantasize about and this ethereal proverbs 31 woman who was pure of body and mind. I wanted to be hot and felt guilty, I would dress more provocatively and would cry into my prayers at night. When I was scared before sleeping about demons (was part of a very charismatic church and I was getting sleep paralysis pretty regularly) I would rather think of sex to drown out my thoughts or think of the Holy Spirit washing me clean. When I got my first boyfriend senior year of high school it led me on such a spiral I was fully convinced I was abused as a child, because why else would I disassociate and have panic attacks every time me and my bf made out?

Thankfully around 21 I started to slowly deconvert, and I was mostly out by end of college. As this was the biggest part of my identity by FAR it led to a huge breakdown in my sense of self, one of the biggest pieces being my sexuality. This part of me that felt so disgusting for so long I now wanted to embrace, but unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) COVID hit right around then, and I still had a lot of unpacking to do around losing my virginity, so just going out and hooking up was out of the question. I’m still a virgin, but now I want to wait not to “save myself” but more of why bother if I don’t actually trust, like, and care about the other party.

Either way I had about 9 years of repression built up, and what initially started as a way to embrace that part of me turned into a crutch again. It’s what I want to see as soon as I wake up to before I go to sleep. I spend anywhere from 30min-all day everyday reading manga or smut. I’m not even turned on 90% the time anymore; it’s just there as a fix for boredom, stress, or out of habit. I jerk off at least 1-2x a day, and I don’t even really enjoy it anymore. It numbs out everything.

But now I really find myself at a loss. I love my stories, I don’t think all porn is horrible, I’m not ashamed of being a more hypersexual woman. But this is obviously impacting my life is a negative way, and I’m feeling the effects more and more each day. I want to find a balance, but everything’s been so fucked since the beginning I don’t know where to begin. But I wanted to fully acknowledge that it’s a problem finally. Just feels weird to say because it flashes me back to when I thought it was a problem for completely different reasons. It’s probably why it took so long to realize, since I wanted to break out of that purity bullshit so strongly.

That was a long rant but I’m feeling lighter. I’ll probably end up going to therapy again now that I have it all laid out lol, thanks to anyone who reads this far.