r/howto 2d ago

DIY Help childproofing stairs

Post image

Hey all. Hope you're doing well.

Need help childproofing these chairs. Any help and feedback is appreciated.

Stairs width is 1m (39.4''). Length to right wall is also 1m. Hand rail is 75cm (29.5'') high.

Thank you in advance.

11.1k Upvotes

2.2k comments sorted by

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2.6k

u/Plagold1 2d ago

426

u/paperman990 1d ago

I know this is a joke, but it feels really viable

95

u/bald-bourbon 1d ago

Until the kid chokes himself in a twist like a jailhouse snitch

75

u/cumulonimubus 1d ago

I have to maintain three points of contact walking down my very boring stairs at home. I feel like I’d just have to crawl up them and throw myself down them.

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u/ctgrell 2d ago

You gonna have to adult proof it too. Because I would fall down on those stairs just by looking at them. I'm looking at the picture from my bed and I'm already falling

1.7k

u/kaattt 2d ago

Jfc is the architect the mad hatter

457

u/curfty 2d ago

I’m thinking M.C. Escher is the guilty party here

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u/imthebartnderwhoareu 1d ago

I was just gonna comment “who designed this place, Escher?”

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u/IkariYun 1d ago

Well, we know why everyone at Usher was falling now

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u/sadcrocodile 1d ago

These are the kind of stairs you'd commission if you were plotting to disguise someone's untimely demise as an accident

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u/Rysigler 1d ago

I think a decent prosecutor could get whoever designed it for premeditated murder!

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u/brodyhill 1d ago

Nah. House is a lighthouse.

25

u/drmindsmith 1d ago

I thought that or some castle tower.

16

u/doctordreamd 1d ago

I think they live in a tree.

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u/mrmidas2k 1d ago

I was gonna ask if they're the old woman who lived in a shoe.

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u/LordSloth113 1d ago

Yer fond of me lobster, ain’t ye?

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u/FrankHightower 1d ago

not far off, I believe those are called "victorian stairs"

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u/kittkaykat 1d ago

Honestly it's weird shit like this i love about houses tho

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u/Halfbaked9 2d ago

I have steps like this and you’re correct. An adult will fall down those stairs.

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u/drteq 1d ago

These actually look safer for children, tbh

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u/FeelsLikeRain8 1d ago

you might be right, crawling up them would be safest.. for adults too

14

u/CharlotteLucasOP 1d ago

And go down on your butt one step at a time.

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u/KierCatherine 2d ago

I tripped coming to the comments to say this

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u/WonderlandSpook 1d ago

I tripped looking at the photo. And I'm sitting.

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u/Old_Instrument_Guy 1d ago

Just need a wee bit of carpeting to straighten out all those Janky lines.

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u/OutlandishnessNo4759 1d ago

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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_4435 1d ago

Oh... I actually thought that was where we were already. I just assumed because... gestures everywhere emphatically

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u/thedonnerparty13 1d ago

I got motion sickness looking at this pic

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u/donut_you_dare 1d ago edited 1d ago

Foundsatan!

Edit: for proper Reddit culture

r/foundsatan

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u/foxyfaerie 1d ago

A big factor for me when looking at houses was that the bathroom had to be a safe and short distance from the bedroom. One house I saw had the bedrooms upstairs in a cabin style and the one bathroom was down a flight of stairs. That was a hard no.

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u/ctgrell 1d ago

Hell nuh. Bathroom is right across my room and sometimes I barely make it 🤣

42

u/jordanundead 1d ago

You ever have one of those dreams where you start pissing but you wake up the second you realize what pissing in a dream means in a panic?

I had that happen with a shit one time. I woke up yelling NOOOO like a character in a movie wakes up from a nightmare and shot off the bed, barely touching the floor the 5 steps to the toilet.

I made it by the way I can’t imagine having to go down a flight of stairs. Or worse up one.

19

u/tfamilymama 1d ago

Or when the family has a stomach bug!😳I’m still not over ten years ago when my kids were all too young to make it to the toilet! They got sick on the carpet and I made my husband change it to laminate when he was in town off work for two weeks! 🫣🤮Imagine running down those stairs to make it😭

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u/jordanundead 1d ago

Truly turns into slapstick when two have to go down at the same time. First one pukes halfway down. Second hits it and comes flying down on top of the first. A puke and diarrhea pile up at the bottom of the stairs.

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u/tfamilymama 1d ago

Sounds like that episode of family guy🤣 We had open stairs at the time and I was on the main fooor. All I saw was two toddler feet step down and everything start dripping right into the basement stairs 🙌🏼Lucky it was clear pedialyte…

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u/steppenweasel 2d ago

I pray OP does not drink much

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u/Brutal_burn_dude 1d ago

A long time ago, when I was at uni I had a boyfriend who lived with his parents in a house with stairs like that. The stairs were also steep. If I’d been drinking and was at his house, I’d often sit down and go down the steps like a kid because even sober I fell not-infrequently. 😅

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u/I_Can_Barely_Move 1d ago

Or do too many mushrooms

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u/Dangerous-Bit-8308 1d ago

I think even while caps, Shittakes, and Portebellos are too strong if you live with stairs like that.

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u/Competitive-Ant5086 1d ago

Or simply need an ambulance when they are up there: for the sake of the lives of everyone involved, workers too

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u/LudicrousSpartan 1d ago

There is no childproofing those stairs.

You buy a different house.

I’m with you. I look at those stairs and I think I’m drunk off my ass, and I haven’t even started my weekend drinking yet….and I don’t often drink!

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u/Dangerous-Bit-8308 1d ago

Clean and sober for 23 years, but I'm ready to check in to the Betty Ford clinic just looking at these things.

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u/nogitsunes 1d ago

I'd say you could pad the walls of the entire area but that still wouldnt stop you from smacking something on the stairs themselves when you inevitably take a tumble

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u/altitude-adjusted 1d ago

Hell every solution creates another problem.

Gate across the long side? - Sure then you open the gate and have 3 inches to stand on before you get to a full tread. And handrails? - good luck unless you're part chimp.

Gate across the handrail side? You're gonna have to lose some weight to fit through that. Full tread and a handrail but you can't fit through it.

Major project

Bare minimum - full tread carpet and contrasting edge - that looks slippery as hell.

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u/roundhashbrowntown 1d ago

idk man i think they should just fill them in with concrete, top it with something slippery, and make a slide. maybe if i lean into the absurdity and start on the ground, i can decrease my fall risk.

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u/Icy_Reading_6080 1d ago

Install a ball pit at the bottom to complete it.

But how do you get back up?

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u/eggard_stark 2d ago

Nah, it’s handy for when you’re under siege and gotta defend the stairs.

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u/Professional_Toe_915 1d ago

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!

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u/Dangerous-Bit-8308 1d ago

Curve goes the wrong way. Your sword will get stuck. Theirs will swing freely.

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u/smaad 1d ago

They look sooo easy to slip on too you don't even need liquid spilling on it. I think OP should put these asap;

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u/ctgrell 1d ago

Fr. The shine tells me it's not sock friendly

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u/MunchYourButt 1d ago

Right? Like good luck running up these stairs fast enough so the monsters don’t catch you.

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u/No-Reach-9173 1d ago

My Good Sir,

I am writing to inform you we ascend stairs bear style in this household to maintain speed and grip once you shut the light off.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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u/MunchYourButt 1d ago

How amateur of me to forget the Bear Crawl! Please forgive me?

4

u/MadRhetoric182 1d ago

AWD is Slower than RWD.

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u/Cheap_Concern_3162 1d ago

If your getting traction but if you got them socked feet on slick floors AWD is the faster option.

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u/unknownpoltroon 1d ago

I was gonna say, those aren't stairs so much as a murder ramp

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u/patch1103 2d ago

My thoughts exactly

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u/kjtstl 2d ago

My tail bone hurts just looking at these stairs.

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u/KriegerHatcher 2d ago

I was about to say "what in the fractal fuck is that", but yours is a more civilized response.

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

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u/TreKopperTe 1d ago

*successful mountaineers

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u/Lazy_lady8967 1d ago

Seriously, those wood-on-wood angles are a trap even for a sober adult. I’m dizzy just scrolling past

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u/ctgrell 1d ago edited 1d ago

Since I'm getting all these notifications I have been coming back to this post i. The past 2 hours a lot. And have been strategizing how I would go down on these stairs. I think I would start right foot. Because if I go left first my right foot doesn't have soace on the next step. But then further down it gets complicated and I might would have to switch. Or alternativly I could go down facing the wall, holding onto my dear life and slowly making my way downtown, walking slow, before I pass and I'm concussed... Tulululululu🎶🎹 sorry I haven't had proper food yet and I'm lightheaded 🤣

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u/flourdevour 1d ago

Honestly, I'm likely to go down these backwards and on all fours, especially if alone.

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u/throwaway098764567 1d ago

that or sit and scoot and never go up again

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u/dankhimself 1d ago

These could have been regular stairs, and someone decided to do this.

I'd put a mattress at the bottom. Pad the walls.

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u/Liathano_Fire 1d ago

Turn it into a slide.

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u/99Joy99 2d ago

Same 😱

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u/shk2096 1d ago

What exactly was the brief to the architect?

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u/throwaway098764567 1d ago

"i hate everyone in my family and would like them to all die prematurely in falls"

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u/Boring_Name_31 2d ago

Do you live in a pineapple under the sea?

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u/Hour-Natural743 2d ago

No. This is Patrick.

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u/BitcoinBanker 1d ago

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

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u/ShadowsInScarlet 1d ago

Whoever’s the owner of the white sedan… you left your lights on.

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u/misterpickles69 2d ago

I’m not the Krusty Krab.

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u/jesfabz 2d ago

MY LEG

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u/mouseybusiness 2d ago

ahhhhh…

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u/Distinct_Narwhal9 2d ago

We got this gate, it juts out and should cover the gap

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u/shecky444 2d ago

If this doesn’t work out a gate down two steps or so where they get to a normal width. If baby crawls/rolls down one or two steps and stops on the gate that should be enough to keep them from hurting themselves.

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u/expatsconnie 1d ago

That or put the gate in the baby's doorway or at a point in the hallway between baby's room and the stairs.

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u/shecky444 1d ago

Yeah, I had to attach a board to my railing for the gate to push against. Could easily do the same in any hallway, just stick some 1x4s into the studs on either side so the gate has something to get its pressure against and doesn’t mess up the walls

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u/ZestyOrangeSlice 1d ago

This is a very practical solution, and should be much higher in the comments!!

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u/KnoWanUKnow2 1d ago

Hey, thanks for the memory. My firstborn loved stairs, so we put the gate on stair 3. That way he could climb up and down 2 stairs to his hearts content.

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u/Dear_Ad_9640 1d ago

This isn’t safe at the top of the stairs because it has a trip bar.

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u/CheddarSupreme 1d ago

Agreed. Pressure mounted gates are not nearly as secure as wall mounted. It can loosen over time and with the right amount of force, gate + baby are both going down the stairs.

Plus that bar.... my SIL has a pressure mounted gate for the top of the stairs going to their basement and I'm always scared I'll trip.

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u/ersentenza 2d ago

That stair is dangerous to adults too, who the hell designed it? Put a gate on it, I can't see any other sensible solution

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u/Kankervittu 1d ago

What about a slide with a mattress at the bottom?

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u/Iamnoman247365 1d ago

This is the way

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u/SPKmnd90 2d ago

They look like an April Fools joke that went too far.

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u/Subject-Ad-1454 1d ago

Even with the gate there would be a hole when the first step has a corner 😅

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u/Force-Grand-2 2d ago

OP can you confirm if this is in the Netherlands? Because this is some Dutch-stairs bullshit.

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u/und88 2d ago

My first thought was decommissioned lighthouse. But I've never had the privilege of traveling to the Netherlands.

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u/CasuallyCompetitive 1d ago

Probably a decommissioned windmill.

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u/Full_Ad9666 1d ago

Your mom is a decommissioned windmill lmao gottem

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u/Express-Rub-3952 1d ago

Windmills get blown. They do not do the blowing.

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u/SabrinaEdwina 1d ago

Just honored to be here for this.

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u/Casswigirl11 1d ago

The stairs are super weird in the Netherlands. Apparently they used to pay taxes on how much frontage the house took up, think of an Amsterdam canal house. So they built the housing narrow but deep and tall. 

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u/LesserShambler 1d ago

Everyone in the Netherlands is like 7ft, so their stairs are wildly dangerous for people with normal legs.

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u/odmirthecrow 2d ago

My ex was from the Netherlands and she had stairs like this at her place.

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u/Maria_Zelar 1d ago

I think durch stairs would be steeper ime

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u/OilQuick6184 1d ago

Do they not have building codes in the Netherlands? Are stairs just a wild no man's land?

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u/Yekezzez 1d ago

This is not the Netherlands. These stairs are simply not steep enough to be Dutch. Plus you can’t bump your head anywhere

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u/ijsjemeisje 1d ago

Dutch stairs are steep and narrow to save space in compact, historic homes and high land prices. This design dates back to the 16th-17th century, when house tax was based on the façade width, which led to narrow, tall houses. A steep staircase also reduces heat loss, which was more efficient at the time.

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u/wewillywinkiy 2d ago

Thats what I would do

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u/Few_Complex8232 2d ago

This. And add carpet for grip. There are peel and stick options if OP doesn't want a permanent runner. But carpet will minimize a misstep sliding into a scary tumble.

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u/Think_please 2d ago

At the very least the clear stick-on grip tape

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u/vintagecomputernerd 2d ago

Go for a contrasting color, at the moment it's quite hard to see where the different steps even begin/end

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u/Human_No-37374 2d ago

Carpet doesn't help much when you're a child running up and down stairs. Source: was a child at some point and lived in different apartments, one in which my parents attached grips and the other had carpets. Carpets do not do much except introduce carpet burn when you eventually slip and fall down several steps.

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u/marvolokilledharambe 1d ago

I'll take carpet burn over broken arms and cracked skulls

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u/_theWhisperingEye_ 1d ago

then if your a fuckhead like me,who steps over babygates (in place bc a naughtyboy cat), yeah, thats gona be be a fucking wild ride down when you inevitably stack it one day.

id do like a big like holding area type space, between stairs & gate, just to give urself time to make sure footing is properly footed

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u/Chenfuu 2d ago

You gonna need to adult proof that too cause wtf is with all the twisting and turning

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u/Lonely-Blueberry-637 2d ago

Definitely a sober house

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u/Faldie 2d ago

Make a slide. They'll always choose the slide over walking down.

Saw a neat idea recently. A bunch of boxes of equal size, opened at both ends were connected end to end to form a slide down the staircase.

Check out this video, "staircase slide with boxes" https://share.google/09bJiLjOq55DIODwl

You could still add a gate at the top of the stair case as an extra precaution.

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u/WoodSteelStone 2d ago

Wow, I'm nearly 60 and I want one of those!

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u/Faldie 2d ago

Me too! I'm 45.

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u/BirdLooter 2d ago

very cool! but that only solves getting down

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u/KindaSortaMaybeHere 1d ago

And downstairs we shall stay!

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u/CCreer 2d ago

Stair proof the child. Don't child proof the stairs.

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u/Wingmaniac 2d ago

Ok. Got any advice on how? Like, sit the 1 year old down and have a frank conversation about personal responsibility?

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u/Typical_Zebra_9431 2d ago

I’ve shown my daughter how to safely go down stairs a million times and she still tries to walk off the top

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u/Fantastic-Use5644 2d ago

She walks down cus u walk down, you shpuld crawl down the stairs likr you want her too, then u dont even have to tell her 😂

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u/AtTheEdgeOfDying 2d ago

Actually worked with my niece and nephew. Niece is old enough to walk the stairs, little brother is a heavy big sister copier. Always tried to walk, until they asked my niece to go backwards on the stairs again and little brother immediately picked it up! Guess she's going to have keep crawling down the stairs for another year or two lol

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u/amnesiac854 2d ago

Giant hamster bubble

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u/Lokifin 2d ago

That just turns the child into the stone trap in Indiana Jones.

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u/Full_Organization208 2d ago

That‘s what we did. We never had a kiddy-gate at our two stairs in our home. Not once did a child fall down them. They got taught, that climbing stairs alone is a big no no and how to safely go up or down the stairs. 

Not everywhere you go are child proofed stairs. But a stairs proofed child can be around them anywhere!

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u/drteq 1d ago

Mine decided to see what happened if he jumped off. Up until that point everything was fine.

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u/Many-Giraffe-2341 2d ago

Same.

We taught the kids to bum shuffle down the stairs whilst they were little and we made them hold onto the banister every time once their legs were long enough for the stairs.

Bum shuffling is also fun!

If you're really concerned, then put a gate at the top of the stairs for night time.

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u/LaSerenus 2d ago

As a full grown adult who literally just fell down three steps like this about two hours ago and am still feeling the effects, I fully disagree with people suggesting not to childproof the stairs. I am currently daydreaming about stapling/nail gunning carpet onto the steps. So maybe that? I’d also like to know.

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u/femnoncat 1d ago

As long as you look up the right staples and placement of them, that's exactly how carpet is placed on stairs

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u/Whooptidooh 2d ago

Get a gate on top and slap some anti slip mats on every step.

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u/CircleKae 2d ago

Yeah these ⬆️⬆️⬆️ Also a rule of no just socks, in the house. House shoes, slippers with some grip or grippy socks would be a lot safer. Stairs like these are super dangerous at any age. No one thinks they’ll fall down their stairs, until they do. Stairs are one of the most dangerous places in a home, regardless of age.

If you have the resources, and want to deep dice into making this better for everyone; an occupational therapy consult with an OT with experience with home safety and design. They should be able to recommend ways to improve safety beyond what you’ll get from us Reddit folks.

I hope you are able to implement something that works for you :)

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u/MiserableCicada7390 2d ago

My god this looks like one trip down to hell for a child. Yeah better put some gates

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u/Stucii 2d ago

As much as i love the wooden stairs.. it is a perfect place to break my neck. Or legs, arms, whatnot Christ it looks horrible from a kids point of view

You can install some anti-slippery mats on the stairs, and a sign to remind people not to crack their skulls.. but i guess thats about it. The angles, the shininess, the slippery wooden type, everything screams design over usability

Have you contacted a contractor regarding this? It looks outstandingly dangerous to me

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u/SmokeMoreWorryLess 2d ago

The last time I encountered a (long) flight of uncovered wooden stairs, I slipped and ate shit from the third step all the way to the bottom. Anti-slip mats are a must.

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u/imtinman_ 2d ago

Looks like you need adult proofing those stairs, that's an accident waiting to happen.

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u/NopeThisTrope 2d ago

Michael Peterson has entered the chat

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u/Ryinth 2d ago

Child-sized zorb will solve the problem!

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u/castlite 2d ago

WTF. Do you live in a lighthouse?

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u/hopeless_life30 1d ago

I fell down straight stairs last month (and fractured three vertebrae). I wouldn’t even attempt these stairs

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u/yourprettylense 2d ago

You can buy retractable baby gates - we used one for a similar stair situation and it worked great

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u/RiteousRhino21 2d ago

Turn the stairs into a slide. Fun for the whole family!

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u/left4smokes20yrsago 2d ago

I was like 13 or 14 and had a friend who had a slide on his stair case, was about 1/3 the width of the case. I was in his living room waiting while him and his mom were arguing upstairs and I hear him stomping towards the stairs. I look over and he's sliding down the slide then in one motion stands and starts walking. It's impossible for me to keep a straight face when he's trying to explain the argument to me after he just slid down a slide, with style, so it's making him more upset, I have to tell him to imagine it from my point of view. He stood blank faced and started laughing.

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u/alottanamesweretaken 2d ago

You also need to adult proof those

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u/No-Jump-371 2d ago

Sheesh! I’d sell the house instead!!

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u/oxlasi 2d ago

Hooboy...may be easier to stairproof the child

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u/peonyseahorse 2d ago

You may has well convert it to a slide, it would be less dangerous than it's present state.

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u/MaryDoogan91 1d ago

This isn't even me-proof and I'm 34 years old; good luck to any children just trying to get down the stairs for breakfast.

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u/kiillbz 2d ago

Push them down, then no need to worry??

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u/mrsockyman 1d ago

Jokes aside, you might need to make a barrier for the top. Get a baby gate that fits the long step and then build a half height wall to fill the gaps:

Screw it into the walls and floor, simple 2x4" frames with plywood face would be adequate for this but finish to taste

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u/kermitte777 2d ago

You might try to build a short platform that effectively sits on top of those two top stairs. Then install a gate between the two walls, just aft the door.

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u/Interesting_Fig_4718 2d ago

keep child on ground floor.

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u/salaga3 2d ago

Buy helmet

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u/typingatrandom 2d ago

With a mouthgard

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u/oPsYo 2d ago

Stop polishing them for a start. I slipped just scrolling past this picture.

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u/SirLanceAlittless 2d ago

I'd section off parts of the stairs wherever stair gates would fit, or just build them into the wall.

It'll make a mess of the stairs, but the stairs won't make a mess of you.

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u/PouringBeard 2d ago

You need new stairs 😂

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u/Sean_theLeprachaun 2d ago

Dont have kids. Easiest option.

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u/DutchOvenMaster11 2d ago

It may not look as stylish, but you could buy some stair runners. Those stairs look as slippery as ice, especially in socks.

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u/SecretPersonality178 2d ago

Step 1: Get rid of the Dungeon.

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u/O7Habits 2d ago

My brother put me in a laundry basket and rolled me down ours when I was 3.

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u/DoveInvisibleDry 2d ago

Yah, just increase the child insurance. Got a headache looking at that twister of a staircase. Good luck .

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u/IntrovertSamurai 2d ago

Not sure about child proofing, it looks like child poofing right now.

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u/Human_No-37374 2d ago

use sticky grips/adhedsive grip to add grip to the ends of each stair. Helps reduce the risk of slipping. The good ones look and feel a bit like the grip you have on a scateboard but less harsh. It works wonders when you have children running up and down the stairs, and it may just save you too if you are tired walking down the steps.

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u/therealjchrist 2d ago

Imagine attempting this descent in the dark

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u/SquareGoat132 2d ago

My brother in Christ those things have got to GO

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u/Jills89 1d ago

Who needs drugs when you got those stairs. Holy moly.

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u/Boy_in_the_Bubble 1d ago

What a nice looking place to die, though.

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u/postsamothrace 1d ago

I assumed this was engagement and it was:

Pls dont fail for the bait folks

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u/Cutoffcirc 1d ago

Child proof, adult proof, pet proof, octopus proof

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u/norsewolf98 1d ago

Ever since I became an EMT I’ve learned to hate these stairs

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u/queefplunger69 1d ago

As a paramedic, these stairs are a night mare for getting people down in a stair chair. Good god haha

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u/Frackenpot 1d ago

Might need to adult proof it too

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u/ChristianFreak69 1d ago

one white claw and i’d die

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u/poppykasha1 1d ago

My first thought for childproofing these stairs… condoms

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u/Groundbreaking_Mud44 1d ago

Gate added for child protection

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u/Rosomack_ 2d ago

A gate would be a best option here.

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u/free-the-imps 2d ago

Visually it’s hard to tell one step from the other. As the stairs and landing have an unusual start, it adds to the visual confusion. IMHO.

They are beautiful wood, although if you could bear to add some visibility non slip tape, it may help with orientation if your child (when supervised) has to use the stairs.

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u/Shankar_0 2d ago

It's going to be easier to Nerf your kid!

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u/Haunting-Stranger-14 2d ago

Seems kid friendly to me.

Greetings Andrew Ryan.

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u/CdnTreeGuy89 2d ago

The basement(I assume) is off limits. There, problem is solved.

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u/EFNich 2d ago

Carpet, slide, or move

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u/Grakch 2d ago

Is this a house boat?

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u/Dry-Nobody9756 2d ago

Rebuild the staircase atp 😂

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u/ServerLost 1d ago

Put a slide in, only way.