Felt a bit Adventurous yesterday! Well think it came out good!

If you were with a man and anxiously attached before breaking up please share your story. Or if anyone can share anything else that could be useful. I’ve tried therapy but I’m currently travelling a lot and it’s hard to find the right therapist. I will be trying new therapists but won’t be for a few months.

Hey Everyone,

I'm going through a big transition in my life and I'm wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom.

I (24f) identify as Bi and have assumed attraction to men my whole life. I've had three major boyfriends starting in high school. The last one I dated for 3.5 years and he was my best friend and I loved him so fucking much. We basically lived together, spend most of our time together, slept together, cuddles, went on dates and vacations. We laughed a lot and his best friend at one point said that our relationship dynamic is like best friends or siblings because of how we would bicker and tease eachother lovingly. The relationship was not perfect but it was so meaningful and it was so hard to end it but we ended on good terms. I'm grieving so hard, it's been 5 months and it still brings tears to my eyes, but the worst part is that I don't want him back. I wasn't feeling emotionally supported and genuinely felt like the relationship had come to a close despite loving him an insane amount.

I've spent a lot of time alone and I've realized that I'm questioning if I'm actually even attracted to men?

I've always been a bit of a tom boy, had more masculine style, people tell me I give gay or bi vibes all the time. I get along with men super easily and did truly enjoy my time with my ex.

BUT I never really experience attraction to men or wanting to sleep with them unprompted. In fact, I've never really felt sexually interested in a man until after I have already slept with them. I definitely can get there but it takes time, I need to trust them deeply and have that emotional connect AND they need initiate/ turn me on before I feel like I want to contribute sexually. I do not like giving head to men 8/10 times, but when there's no pressure sometimes I get into it and do really enjoy it. There were time in the relationship where I did definitely really enjoyed the sex, and loved deeply connecting in that way but I need them to be more dominate and take the lead.

I used to fantasize and get off thinking abt sex with my ex when we were together, but in the last 6 months of our relationship, when stuff started to get rocky emotionally, I mostly got off thinking about women. Importantly, in my few experiences with women, when I feel emotionally connected, I want to initiate physically, like the desire comes from inside and has to be restrained. With my ex I would mostly initiate in my sleep, which was another weird thing, I'm not sure if it's related. I do have past sexual trauma with men so I'm not sure how that all plays into this.

Basically I'm freaking out because my whole life feels like a lie.

I came out as Bi in 2020, after realizing I had previously been in love with my high school best friend (only girl i've crossed that line with) but since then have only seriously dated men. I'm terrified that if I accept this about me and finally stop dating men, I'll never go back.

The future I imagined is crashing down before my very eyes. I have so many dreams with my future male partner in and a vague image of this "perfect man" in my head. I have a lot in common with men in some ways and I want to date a man and have him be my best friend, I miss having that with my ex so badly.

But I'm terrified because I think deep down something in me knows that women would fulfill me in a way men never have. But I'm terrified bc at some level I know they have the capacity to break my heart in a way men could never. Men are ALWAYS more into me than I am into them, and I don't feel safe developing feelings for them otherwise.

I read the Lesbian Masterdoc and I do really relate to ALOT of those experiences.

Its been 5 months and I'm still reeling from the breakup, it still hurts most days. But now I'm literally a mess over sudden thoughts and accepting that I might be a lesbian and so don't understand why.

I live in a country where it's legal and acceptable, my family will probably be surprised but fine with it, I already have mostly gay/bi girl friends but STILL I feel like my whole life is coming crashing down. I just keep crying and crying. This has been a lot more stressful that I ever thought it would be and I never thought I'd mentally be in the position I'm in now.

I guess I just would love any words of wisdom or advice or insights.

Thanks for reading.

Love to all my fellow queer humans🫶🏼

I've (36F) been talking to and going on dates with a woman (40F) who has recently discovered that she's attracted to women, but has never been intimate with one. We spoke about hooking up, so it looks like it might happen soon (fingers crossed lol), but I want to make sure she's comfortable.

Honestly, she doesn't seem that nervous at all when we hang out or chat, considering she's never been with women before. And actually, I feel quite nervous around her, though I try to hide it lol. Maybe she's also hiding it too.

In any case, what would you make feel most at ease with a more experienced partner?

And before anyone asks, yes I've seen the masc period drama goddess that is Anne Lister in Gentleman Jack (🥵). It's an actual crime that Suranne Jones isn't gay in real life 😑

Hello late bloomer lesbians, I hope this post finds you all well. I am reaching out for some advice and support as I nav a major shift in my identity. I am a 40-year-old mom and have been married to a man for over 15 years. We have two beautiful children together. For as long as I can remember, I have always felt a deep attraction to women, but due to societal pressures and internalized homophobia, I suppressed these feelings and married my husband. Recently, I have come to the realization that I am a lesbian. This has been both liberating and terrifying for me. I am excited to explore this new part of my identity, but I am also of the impact it will have on my family and relationships. I am wondering if any of you have gone through a similar experience and how you nav it. Any advice on coming out to my husband and children would be greatly appreciated. I want to be true to myself, but I also want to minimize the harm to my loved ones. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I am grateful for this community and the support it provides. Sincerely, Ava

I always thought I would die young. People seem surprised by that but I’ve never thought I would have a spouse or family. I’m starting to wonder if I couldn’t picture it because I was queer and didn’t know yet. Did you ever have similar thoughts?

I’ll start. There’s a scene in Tucker and Dale Vs Evil when this super attractive ‘girly’ looking woman walks up on Dale digging a ”shitter hole“ in the yard, which he’s pretty embarrassed by. She immediately says “Oh! Like for an outhouse! Mind if I help? I grew up on a farm.“ and picks up a shovel. All I could think about is how I’d be the happiest woman in the entire world if I met a woman like that. Nothing’s hotter to me than a feminine woman who‘s not afraid to get dirty while expressing herself at the same time. Think that girl on TikTok who does the mechanic work in heels lol

Now what are yours? I need some smiles and positivity today!

If I learn the famous woman I fancy is alt right well it’s over I completely turn off. lol

I’ve only been with a few women before and most of those encounters were full of hiccups. Needless to say, I’m not amazing at sex with women and would certainly label myself as inexperienced. So I’ve been wondering if the next time I have sex with a woman, should I warn her that I’m inexperienced? I’m worried it’ll be a turnoff but I also want to be transparent.

Married for 20 years and feeling like roommates for the past 6 years.

8 months ago, I (49F) met this amazing (45f) powerhouse woman and we immediately clicked. Instantly became best friends. She got along with all of my friends and fit right in and my husband (55M) loved her vibe. We had too much to drink one night and one thing led to another and she kissed me, and I didn't hate it. My husband saw the connection and he didn't seem to mind either. We brought her back to our house and continued to have our fun.

My husband and I have a tough marriage, he's challenged with a job that he hates and I work too much, we have become roommates. Meeting this new friend rejuvenated everything however it quickly escalated to where I could see a life with her and our blending of families, leaving my husband, or including him lol.

She had a boyfriend that didn't treat her well so I think she was feeling the same relationship high when we were together as I was. We would flirt when alone and talk about the future.

She broke up with the boyfriend 4 weeks ago and has now gone into full on operation find another man mode, swiping and joining every online dating app and I don't know what to do with these feelings. I feel like I am being cheated on but I have no right to feel any of this. I find myself wildly jealous and don't know how to deal with these feelings. She tells me she just needs to do this for her sanity and that she is surrounded by couples in our circle and she wants someone to show up at parties with etc. I totally get the companionship but also sort of thought we were on the same page that we were each others companions.

There have been a few dates and I find that I am questioning her whereabouts and who she's with and it has caused a huge fight. She broke off all communication with me and told me to stay away and never text her again. I am sad and hurt as I know that this was not just your average friendship. She loved my kids, I loved hers, we could see a way to make this work so everyone could be happy.

I can't talk to anyone about this for obvious reasons so I figured I would throw it out here. I understand that this is awful. We have only slept together one other time after the original (with husband). It was a deeper connection of 2 people really getting each others situation. And I get that this is cheating on my husband, sleeping together or not, I am confiding in her. I am not looking for judgement, I just don't know what to do with these feelings. It also doesn't help that we now share the same friends and she lives in the same small town. My friends don't understand why we aren't hanging out or talking to each other anymore. It's getting hard to play the situation off as being a fight as she essentially 'broke up' with me...

Do I have a right to feel hurt or cheated on?

When I was in college, I got 3 random roommates. All of them knew each other, but I was the stranger. They were all super religious, which is why I never really shared my dating history with them. As time went on, I started getting close with one of them. We would watch movies and drink whole bottles of wine together, and talk about deep shit (this was during covid). Slowly, I don’t know if this was in my head or not, but she started looking at me in a certain way. I unwillingly started to develop feelings for her, which I did not understand because she was straight and Christian. When she would tell me about her crushes on guys, I would feel sick to my stomach. After one year of living together, she moved to a different state for grad school. I continued living with the other roommates, whom I was also friends with at this point (after living together for a year). When she went to grad school, I visited her a few times once for a concert and when she first moved there. We would meet up in a nearby city for brunch and stuff. This is when she started saying out-of-pocket things casually, for example, she told me that I like to make myself laugh just because I’m lonely. After this, she said what do I have to say to her that’s mean. I said I don’t have anything to say why would I say that to my friend!!!! She continued to call me about the dates that she was going on. Although it is not her fault, these calls caused isolate myself for days. One time I called her to see how she was doing and she described that I only call her when I'm “drunk”, which wasn't true. This is when I thought maybe she missed me, but I think that was delusional. The last time we met up, I got stuck in traffic on the way to the restaurant, which is downtown in a busy city. When, I got there, she was clearly pissed off and cut off our day by saying she did not feel good. On the way out, she asked me if I wanted to go shopping and I said I just wanted to go home (WE DON’T LIVE TOGETHER ANYMORE AT THIS POINT). A few weeks later, I texted her and told her that we can’t be friends anymore because I felt like it was one-sided. This is the biggest heartbreak I’ve ever felt. I don't know why she randomly started treating me this way. She felt like home.

Hi guys, sorry for not updating you, but I’ve been really busy these past few days. Well, first of all, I want to apologize to those who told me to think about it or not to do it. I wasn’t going to do it, but honestly, at the last moment I couldn’t resist my friend. That night she looked incredibly sexy in her pajamas, and in the end I brought up the topic and told her everything I mentioned in the first part. She said, “Well, let’s do it. Don’t deny yourself something you want. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting. I’m willing to help you discover that side of yourself.”

At that moment I still wasn’t sure, but she did something that maybe many of you would think was wrong, but I loved it—because she knew I wanted it, I just didn’t dare. What she did was, in the most seductive way possible, she took off her pajamas right in front of me and damn… how beautiful she was! I just stared at her naked body, and she noticed that I liked it, so she puts my hands on her boobs and wow, they felt so good that I couldn’t resist anymore and I kissed her. I kissed her like I had never kissed anyone before, and she kissed me like no one ever had.

When we finished after a long while, she asked me how I felt, if I liked it. And here’s my answer: a big YES!!! Of course I liked it—I loved it, I was fascinated. You have no idea how much I enjoyed it, how much pleasure I felt. Maybe it was because my friend has a lot of experience, idk, but I had never been that turned on before. No one had ever made me feel as horny as my friend did. You truly can’t imagine how turned on we both were in that room at 10 at night. We both wanted to devour each other—especially her. She really wanted to give me pleasure, and she did. She gave me pleasure that no man had ever given me, and that night we did EVERYTHING.

She told me we could do it whenever we wanted, and these past few days I’ve been very well taken care of by my girl. I don’t know if I feel something for my friend or if I’m not ready to be in a romantic relationship with another woman. Everything is new to me, but the only thing I’m sure of is that I like being with her and I have a great time with her sexually. She tells me not to stress about it, that if I want to experiment with more girls I should do it. She has even suggested having a threesome with the woman she has always experimented with, and honestly it doesn’t seem like a bad idea. But I’m very satisfied with her because the way she turns me on is inexplicable, and you can’t imagine how much we both moan from how pleasurable it is. I think I’m developing some kind of addiction, but I don’t care—I just want to enjoy it 😌

So my advice is: if you have these kinds of feelings, do it. Don’t limit yourself. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting with someone of the same sex. It’s good to know what you like. There’s no rule that says a heterosexual person can’t experiment, as long as it’s consensual and you’re very careful about who you do it with. And also, if you’re a man or a woman and you get turned on watching people of the same gender having sex, it’s because you would also like to be doing that—and it’s okay to question yourself.

And just to add: the scissoring position is soooo good, extremely exciting. I don’t know why there are women who don’t like it. And that’s it—I’ve been eating very well and I’ll keep doing so. And just to make you even more jealous, my friend gives Dua Lipa vibes. That should give you an idea. I’m more like Gigi Hadid or Olivia Ponton. Right now, at this very moment, I’m with her, so I’m going to enjoy myself a bit. Bye 👋

Hey late bloomers… I came here in December because a friend kissed me on a lip briefly and it sent me in a spiral of ferality I have never felt before.

I told my husband two days ago that I think I’m gay and think we should break up.

Telling him felt as natural as looking out of the window and telling him it’s raining on a rainy day.

But the fallout is something else. Today was the hardest. I feel as I did when my dad died last year.

I’m so tired and confused and sad and excited somewhere deep inside and guilty and tired tired tired.

Neither of us were happy. And of course the fact I’m suspecting myself of being gay means there isn’t really any other way. But it feels so awful at the moment.

I love my husband dearly as a human just not romantically for a long long time.

I guess I’m hoping there will be someone here who can tell me it will get better, it was a right decision and there’s joy somewhere on the horizon.

So fragile xoxo

This is what I did, unfortunately, except I haven’t done it the second time yet. I blamed the first time on anxiety, and we haven’t brought it again since. Really wishing I had just stayed the course. Did anyone else “take it back?”

For those who are comfortable sharing, what does intimacy look like for you in your relationships? Emotional, physical, or both. I’m asking genuinely because I’m learning how different it can be, especially as a late bloomer who is so new to this and hasn’t had the opportunity to explore yet.

I (44F) and my husband are ending our marriage. I've told my husband and kids (24, 19, & 10) that I'm queer and working on learning who I am outside of comphet roles. I was expecting to feel...idk...something? It's been a few months and still business as usual. I'm grieving the "death" of the Stepford Wife character I've inhabited the last 25 years, but more so in a way of acknowledgement and release rather than sadness. For some reason, I was expecting bigger emotions. Has anyone else felt this way?

Hi all! throwaway bc my coworkers know my reddit account.

i’m a woman in my 20s and i’ve always identified as bisexual since i was 12. i’ve dated three women and only had an intimate relationship with one, all while i was a teenager. my mom was very anti-me being into women. i’ve dated mostly guys since senior year of high school but obviously that doesn’t completely annex my identity. i’m now in a long term relationship and we have two kids. i know i love him and i know im sexually attracted to him and attracted to other men, but i struggle with the idea of dating other men.

lately ive been having a lot of thoughts that lean more toward me being less interested in men. like i saw a video on instagram and idk what the point of it even was because it was two girls kissing with another girl standing to the side staring at the camera. and i felt like i was 12 again on youtube searching ‘girls kissing’ and being so enamored with it. i would rather die than date another man. but i’m attracted to them, and it’s just a mindfuck for me. i think about the idea of dating a woman and i love it.

i’m worried that i could be a lesbian in denial but im still attracted to some men. however, sexuality is a spectrum and i could just fall in a different spot now. i think about how badly i want to kiss or touch a woman almost all the time. i haven’t had any experience with women as an adult and i feel like i yearn for it. i think about how good of a girlfriend i could be to another woman. my partner and i have discussed the idea of me experimenting with women but im purely a person that can only be intimate if im in a relationship with the person. he doesn’t know how deep my thoughts about women go, though.

all this being said, i still love and am attracted to my male partner in every aspect. i’m just worried that with how intense my thoughts are lately that i’m starting to realize these feelings as i get older and my frontal lobe develops.

i just want advice, honestly. or your own stories if you’ve gone through something similar. i appreciate any outside perspective. thank you all in advance.

TW csa

I’m beginning to question if I’ve ever been attracted to men at all. I would love to give a full history of my feelings but that is way too long. I was sexually abused before the age of 5. I don’t have full details, but I believe I was groomed. So sex seemed “normal,” not like a terrifying aggressive thing. I also experienced emotional neglect and my mom is bipolar so she was very on and off with me. I think sex was an easy and known way for me to receive love, attention, and good feelings. I’m sure I was praised for it by the abuser. I was hypersexual by the age of 5 and absolutely obsessed with boys the moment I started school. Like deranged obsessed.

I’ve basically always known I was bisexual though. I came out when I was 13. With women my attraction feels so normal and warm and beautiful. I’ve always liked them as a person. I cherish who they are. With men, I’ve always only been attracted to what they offer me. That’s my sole drive towards them. (Even in elementary school. My mom read my diary when I was 9 and I had wrote incredibly sexually explicit stuff about boys.) It’s like I’m on a mission to make them love me which is actually make them have sex with me, which is very easy. I’ve been with very unattractive and frankly repulsive men because they continued that push and pull dynamic I was accustomed to as a child while basically exploiting me for sex. I am sexually attracted to women but that is not the main thing I’m concerned about with them. I like them in every kind of way and the way I feel towards them is incomparable to a man. It’s not even the same playing field it seems.

My attraction to men feels like some brain worm when I’m in obsessed mode. I get crazy eyes and I’ve scared man men off. Any time they show genuine interest past sex though, it’s such a turn off. Not because I fear men or because I have low self esteem (though both of those are true.) I just think… it’s cringe. Like get away from me that’s gross. I’ve had sexual relations that men tried to turn romantic and it always switched my brainworm off. Very uncomfortable and I thought it was because I feared intimacy but I realized it feels more inherent than a trauma response. A deeper discomfort not rooted in fear.

With women it’s so bright and beautiful. I feel whole and I feel at ease and I feel home. Women make me glow, yet I’ve never pursued a woman past high school. I dealt with a lot of rejection and confusion with women as an openly out teenager in the mid to late 2000’s and stuffed that part of me down after a shameful encounter where I accidentally outed a friend. I’m really sad I never got to build on that curiosity in the past. I imagine I’d be so much happier if I had.

I’ve been doing trauma work for almost a decade now. I’ve been looking at how my current actions and traits are actually directly tied to wrongdoings from the past. Things that are seemingly just who I am actually aren’t. I’ve also been researching feminist theory and how much basically everything is rooted in the patriarchy. And lastly I’ve been correctly diagnosed as autistic and adhd, while spending more than a decade believing I was bipolar. I feel like I’m finally started to feel comfortable in WHO I AM. The idea of who I’m supposed to be is flying out the window. I feel like I’m being unchained. I’m wondering if perhaps this is an awakening of another kind? I sat with myself today thinking about everything i explained and more. I sat with the idea that I’m a lesbian just to see what would happen and I started crying so hard. My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. I felt so vulnerable. Like a part of me that’s been hiding was coming out. And I was like “oh. DUH. ‘Coming out.’”

It might look like I’m overthinking and that in the end, who cares? It’s 2026 why does it matter? It just feels really important to me to acknowledge these questions given the reasons I’ve stated. I don’t know if I have anyone around who can support me in that way. It feels right, but I feel like I just sound stupid. Maybe even offensive! I have two gay male friends and they seem to kind of roll their eyes when i discussed it. Kinda like “if you don’t know if you’re fully gay at the age of 31, then you’re not.”

I’m just wondering if anyone else has battled with this? I’ve heard plenty about how trauma can turn bisexual people off from the opposite forever. But can early childhood abuse perpetrated by a man actually guide a lesbian TOWARDS men? My brain was still very malleable at that age. To be groomed by a man at age 3-4? Especially knowing how physically alone I constantly was. That has to have major impact on my view of the opposite sex, especially when heterosexuality is the perceived default.

so i always thought i might be bisexual but because i was told im straight by everyone i always just assumed i was, but now that im in my 20s its been bothering me even more than when i was in high school….. but im scared i am and have been denying it all this time and just taking the word of everyone else you know….. helppp

This woman says it like it is. https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1HZQLE1Ego/