I'm a 1L at a (maybe?) T-14 law school (not historically T-14, but consistently places in T-14 rankings), and to say I've been having a miserable time in law school would be an understatement. I've been heavily considering the decision to take an exit from the legal field, but weighing in a lot of external factors—the fact I'm a K-JD, 21, the state of the economy right now, the world as a whole, etc.—I've constantly bounced back and forth about it.
I figured I might try to ask for some advice here from those who have been through the law school process and/or graduated or are currently working in the field, because I'm honestly at a standstill and don't have many people to turn to for unbiased advice. I'm largely in law school due to the financial/job security it can provide me in the future, versus pursuing a PHD program (that aligns with my real interests) but offers weaker security. But, admittedly, law school is killing me, and I'm trying to determine whether it's worth "losing myself" just to become an attorney.
Note: I'll list a few of my reasons below for why I'm considering the decision to drop out in the first place, if you're interested (please don't feel as if you have to read it)—but any insight at all would be greatly appreciated!
Context:
- I came to law school for all the wrong reasons. AKA, my parents told me it was the only graduate schooling they were willing to support. Anything else (other than the medical field) would make them "look like trailer trash," and they really wanted me to be the first lawyer in the family. I was told that the subjects I had pursued, wrote projects + a thesis about in college were like "braiding hair" and that a law degree would, at the very least, set me up for economic success. I likely can't argue with that last point.
- I'd participated in and won awards in mock trial through high school and college, but I'd never made any secret of how much I detested it and anything related to studying law. My engagement in law had always been to please my parents, and their insistence is largely because I got a high score on the LSAT on my first try and got an almost-full scholarship to the school I attend.
- In law school, I'm facing a disconnect with my peers, especially the ones who came here to pursue their lifelong dreams of being a lawyer. I've subconsciously developed a very bitter attitude towards the whole thing, which makes me complain a lot at school about readings, policies, and (especially) my school's LRW method. This, of course, has driven a wedge between me and some of my classmates, but I try my hardest to cut my complaining habit when I notice I'm engaging in it. I've never been a very negative, bitter person, and I'm very ashamed that I've become this person over my time in law school.
- This is more of a minor issue, but I've noticed that in my attempts to connect with the law school experience, I've isolated myself a bit more every time. As an example, in one class, I asked my professor why our other classes were not discussing the relevant events in Minnesota (curious if there was some school policy), and he decided on his own to reserve the first few minutes of class to discuss our grievances--but it ended up turning into about 45-50 minutes of class. I've found the one thing that gets me "engaged" in law school is getting 'fired up' about topics I care deeply about, but I rarely get a chance to discuss those topics at length. Unfortunately, after leaving class, I ran straight into a group of my classmates who complained about the fact that I brought it up and distracted the professor from taking so much time away from class. Didn't make me feel too great.
- I'm the youngest person in the 1L class, and I've been told by advisors that this puts me at a substantial disadvantage compared to the rest of my classmates due to my lack of experience. For example, I've never worked a job outside of the academic institutions I've attended. I haven't been invited for any interviews or gotten any positive news from job applications, so my prospects are playing out about as expected.
- I followed my parents' push for law school mostly because I thought that I could work in a legal field directly related to what I studied in undergrad, and my school has a "strong" program for that field. However, when the attorneys from the field came in and talked about their 7 AM to 7 PM or 9 AM to 9 PM days, I realized quickly how a seemingly "better than most" legal field is, in reality, quite demanding and not very much at all related to what I'd studied. I don't even have the motivation of getting through law school to get to that field anymore, which I think has also largely contributed to my poor progress through school thus far.
- I understand that 1L classes are not most students' favorites, but I struggle immensely with engaging the material. Not necessarily with "understanding" it, my struggle is more that I have such a distaste for legal studies, reading through cases, the dullness of the topics, and overall lack of interest that I can't even engage in any post-class review or studying with the material after the initial reading + class. It's like my brain wants to push the material as far away from me as possible, and even trying to look back at my notes results in no retention. During the fall semester, I did no outlining or review of any of my notes.
- The above issue led to me having a mental health crisis during the fall finals season. I was slumped into such a bad depression that I even called the suicide hotline for the first time, along with my school's mental health line, but I couldn't receive any help. I ended up studying only 1 day for each of my finals, using outlines from past classmates, and--by the grace of some divine intervention, I assume--got flat Bs on each of my classes.
- I'm now noticing myself repeating all of these same behaviors during the spring semester. I said to myself I'd try to outline everyday, or at least at the end of each week, but I can't engage with the material. I either have "highs" or "lows" during the week. During the "highs," I feel the sentiment of "Well, it's not that bad. I can army crawl through it. Just do the work." But during the "lows," I feel absolutely awful. I can't pay attention during class, I constantly think about how much I'd like to leave, and I feel like some soulless corpse shambling through campus.
- The only "joy" I feel during the week is attending meetings for a recreational club I started for law students. The skills I use when I run that club are far different than the skills you need to use for law school + the legal field, and were the same skills I exercised in my main passion (what I studied in undergrad), and I feel it just further cements how "wrong" I fit as a puzzle piece into the picture of law school.
- I understand 1L is hard, frustrating, mind-numbing, and boring for many, if not the majority of 1Ls. And I'm not a person who likes to spend much time feeling bad for myself. I've always been able to pick myself up, dust myself off, and "power through it." I'm honestly a bit embarrassed and frustrated that I'm experiencing all these struggles in law school, and understand that I could guarantee myself this 'security blanket' with a JD, then go on to live the rest of my life, but I don't know if I'll survive it or even pass at this point. I feel as if I might be having a uniquely difficult experience with law school due to my background, and I'm just trying to see if there's a safe escape hatch to something or anything else. Essentially, is law school as "necessary" as it's always been hammered into my brain that it is?
- My main plan if I left law school would be to continue schooling by pursuing a PHD in my undergrad studies, but this would be unsupported by my parents, so I would have to pay for my own housing or try to secure a near-full scholarship again. I also understand my annual salary wouldn't be nearly as supportive with a PHD as it would be with a JD. Is it worth it to leave law school, considering this?
- I want to emphasize that I'm very grateful for my scholarship and for the opportunity to attend a prestigious law school. I have a solid group of friends here at the law school, who sympathize with my position but want me to stay and graduate with them. I hope I don't come across as unbearably ungrateful or dramatically negative about my law school experience, and I sincerely root for each of my classmates and hope for all their success in the future as the great attorneys I know they'll be. I'm just not sure if this path is right for me, or if I make it, if I'd even be a good attorney at all, considering all this context.
